so there's this girl…

I had to destroy all ‘those’ pictures after the court case

I don’t think this is helping 😕

Just saying.

phil – I know you’re not!!

Has no one suggested that bryce try out his best flatland tricks outside her office window (or in the corridor outside said office) yet?

If she likes bikes, and assuming he can do that, he’s going to be in quicker than leftover turkey vindaloo through an intestinal tract.

That’s a good point.
Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on my bike and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx.

everyone knows gurls love skidz.

if all else fails you can point at her boobs and shout ‘GOOD WORK SOLDIER!’

thats how i got mrsconsequence

Erm had you just unloaded something allover them before you said that comment to her? 8)

Best thing to do is mask your shyness with arrogant dismissal and a big dose of hostile unapproachability.

🙁

excellent advice from Ian (aged 11) and Phil (aged 13) LOL.

ouch, lifer 😯

😉

And at the other end of the age spectrum, Hora falls nicely in to the lecherous old perv category. You can picture him now, can’t you

13 and a half i’ll have you know!

i’m in a proper buzzy good mood today.. new cushions, photoframe for a delicious photo of mrsconsequence and i that we’ve been meaning to frame for over a year, our 5yr anniversary, and my boss has just gone to africa for a couple of weeks.

Binners the next time your having abit of ‘hows your father’ I want you to think of me, my smiling face and handsome eyes.

You’ve tried this before. Repeatedly. It won’t work. I’ve told you before, when i reach that moment I always think of your mum

Think of my Mum and me, tag-teaming you.

Um, I think the OP is long gone.

Congratulations, Phil!

The OP’s probably cling-filmed her and is currently talking to her body

What is ‘ruber’ exactly? And how does one burn it? More importantly, can I feed it to the cats?

Ok so update,I went into work today with a little spring in my step thinking”I can do this,if i see her i’ll try this”rapport” thing,even if it’s only a few sentences”…I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!! typical eh. The more i think about it i don’t want someone else snapping her up,goddamit!

Conclusion?
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She reads STW. 😆

Fabulous thread

Snapping her up? OP she’s not a house purchase. She does have conscious thought and free choice 😀

I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!! typical eh.

Good god man, have you never heard of strategic positioning 🙄

She does have conscious thought and free choice

Not once the chloroform kicks in.

Pay her a compliment – I understand the ladies like that sort of thing – ‘that’s a lovely blouse madam’ or perhaps ‘them’s nice shoes, I bet they were dear’, which might lead on to more racy conversation, you never know. You could thrill her with tales of dangerous swans, and comfort her with a strong manly arm when she trembles like a startled fawn. Offer her some lunch, a pie perhaps, or a quarter pound of corned beef. And it’s important to dress nicely – NO star wars t-shirts. Perhaps I might suggest a lovely cable knitted dating suit?

Combined with the dating suite, mentioning that you can take her to heaven and back works wonders!

This works for rednecks, it may help you…especially the tips at the bottom

Scenario…..you just met Suzyette at your cousin’s wedding. She is hot and you ask her out. You have some great ideas for the first date. But, wait…..if these places are on your go-to date list, mark them off.

1. To watch you play basketball/baseball/hockey/football with fat Chuck from the sales department, hairy Larry from the service department, and your unemployed best friend. Girls do not enjoy this. They might act like it because they think you are potential husband material.

2.Hiking….although lil’ Suzyette might enjoy a good walk on occasion, chances are she will be dressed in her best. Which will include sit-down shoes. Sit-down shoes are not walking shoes. They are only for making the leg and foot look sexy. Take lil’ Suzyette hiking and you will be carrying lil’ Suzyette all the way back to your car. If you choose to ignore this advice, at least do not point our deer turds and squirrels mating to her. This is uncouth.

3. To your parents house (because you are an unemployed, broke loser). This is the first date. No one really knows anyone else. It will be awkward. And, even more awkward if your dad decides to show off his farting skills.

4. To the local beer joint to watch you play pool. Chances are that lil’ Suzyette can beat your ass in pool. Redneck girls learn pool when still in diapers.

5. To the local Jaycee’s hot dog sale. Nuff said.

6. To shoot guns. Here again, you stand a chance of getting shown up. Baby redneck girls have loaded 45?s under their crib mattresses. She will leave you feeling like a Nancy-boy.

7. Mud-bogging. Yes, we redneck girls love riding big ol’ trucks thru the mud. So, at least forewarn her ahead of time so she can dress in her best camo instead of her newest mall purchase.

8. To catch nightworms for your next day fishing trip with your brother. Redneck girls are good at catching night worms and good at fishing. But, this is not romantic.

9.To visit your Ma in jail. Nuff said.

10. To Wal-Mart’s hunting section. She will be bored and wander off to cosmetics. When you catch up with her, she will drill you for an hour on which lipstick color is prettiest. But, you asked for it.

And…..

Do not make fun of Elvis

Lard is not a sex-aid

Being hog-tied or roped is not foreplay

Do not kiss your hunting dogs right before kissing her

Before kissing, take the snuff out of your mouth

Do not enter her in the wet T-shirt contest without her permission. No matter how big you think her boobs are.

Deer scent can not be substituted for deoderant

So, now….go git ‘er done!

Seriously mate you’ve got to stop obsessing about this one girl. You’ve not even talked to her FFS. You’re setting yourself up for a fall.

It’s threads like this I keep coming back to STW for. Brilliant effort everybody, excellent work. 😆

he’s going to be in quicker than leftover turkey vindaloo through an intestinal tract.

Doesn’t leftover turkey come out through an intestinal tract?

Stuey01 I have talked to her,a couple of times, however it’s been in a group and its been very briefly. It’s gettin her own her own im finding difficult. I didn’t expect this too grow to this size,I thought a couple of replies advice at most,some of it has given me a laugh anyway

“…I NEVER SAW HER,ALL DAY!!!!

She’s probably gone away for a long weekend of rampant sex with the bloke that asked her out yesterday…

😉

I didn’t expect this too grow to this size

DO NOT use that line by the water cooler. 😯

If you do use that line at the cooler, hopefully her reply won’t be on the lines of

some of it has given me a laugh anyway

.
😛

you could always start a conversation with “I think I’m allergic to you, have you seen the size of this swelling!” and see how it goes.

Will he won’t he today? And don’t you lot tell him ‘I told you so’ when he realises he may have left it too late!

Update?

She’s probably not looking too good, 5 days in cling film… 😕

you sound like Jeff from coupling (that hit uk series).