I think I'm about to be diagnosed with cancer, and I'm fairly scared.

Great news, thanks for taking the time to update.

Best wishes from all at Green Towers. 🙂

Fantastic news.

Now to concentrate on the recovery.

Good luck to you both 😀

So far, so good, Mark and Meg. So glad to hear things went well on Friday.

Keep up the good work!

C

How are you keeping?

We are thinking of you Pete.

Heal Quick

Fab news mrspetesgaff.
Speedingly recoverings from me.

Hello all.

Just thought I'd update you on the state of play. Before I do though, I need to say thanks. Sometimes it's difficult to comprehend the scale of support that people are giving you. It can be taken for granted, and that is surely a crime against those that put that effort to support you. I have, on numerous occasions in the last few days, been so enveloped with my own fears and grief that I've ignored those that have offered said support, and for this I'm apologise. I will do my best not to let it happen again…

A few points worth considering for hospitals.

1) I'm not good with hospitals. If I break something, I usually let it heal wonky or wait till I pass out before going to hospitals.

2) I'm not good with doctors either. This manifests itself in a number of ways. I don't like the slack 'fashion' vibe going on, where its cool to turn up in jeans and a t-shirt, looking 'young/dynamic/cool/insert-your-own-tag-here etc'. I dont want to call my doctor
'Alexa', 'Chad', 'Amee' 'Mickey' (!) or any other first name term, and likewise I'd like to be called Mr Fradgley or Sir. I feel it establishes the right formal-but-polite relationship.

3) I don't want the junior doctors following my consultant around to answer their mobile when they recieve a text. Especially not when you're telling me that the operation was a success although you didn't manage to get all of the tumour. I feel it undermines the importantance of the information your giving me. And it makes me want to take of your Warehouse kitten-esq pumps and hit you around the face with them until you meekly given your phone up to me and I crush it with the steaming pile of 'what-the-holy-christ-type-of-meat-was-that' based dinner I've been served. Repeatedly, day after day.

4)Because you've put Jerk Chicken on your menu (sic), you should try to conform to your discription. If something has a spleen, seven ventricles, an eye and lips, I'd hazard a guess and say it probably wasn't a chicken.

5) Windows. There to see in and out of. Help pass the day. Especially with Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament directly outside. Washing them in and out will play a major role in my rehabilitation, I reckon, and will also help get the worry of MRSA or Novovirus out of my mind. The 4ft blood spatter that arcs up the window will not.

Funny bits over.

I've been scared, inspired, had night terrors like you simply wouldn't believe, tired, irritable, grouchy, belligerent, difficult, happy, teary, weepy, desperate, in agony, etc. You name it, I reckon I've felt it in the last week. My surgeon was a mastersmith, the critical care nurses unbelieveable, my other half more worthy than any half-arsed description I can put on here.

My chest, my beautiful strong chest that I loved is no more. It is now a ploughed field of trauma and hurt, and I don't even have the strength to lift the bag I took in to St Thomas'. I wept like a baby last night when I couldn't cross the road at Tunbridge Wells Station quickly enough and got beeped; Meg had gone to collect the car, and I'd told her I'd be fine. The truth of the matter is, I'm not. I'm broken. I'm not sure how I'll get it back, or whether I have the strength to. I look at how magnificent my wonderful fiance has been and continues to be, and I worry about the effect on her mental health too…

They managed to remove 90% of the tumour from my heart, which is good. The next step after the biopsy is to decide on the quickest most appropriate course of action; chemo, radio, both probably. The surgeon said he'd only seen it twice in 25 years of heart ops, so I don't know how it'll play out; sometimes I'm ready to take it by the horns, and other times I'm so daunted I cannot function.

I'm pretty tired at the moment. I'll post later.

Mark,although you feel down at the minute,things will improve,the docs will now get a tissue diagnosis of what type of tumour it is,which will let them tailor the treatment more accurately.If it takes anger to get you through this,then stay angry.I think I speak for everybody on here when I say good luck and get well soon,you are an inspiration to those of us with lesser ills.You have the best support in the world with Meg.
Ian

Wow.! What can one say other than "Keep ya pecker up son.!"

Hope the docs can mend you and get you back on a bike. Good luck.

Thanks for the update Mark and continued good vibes to you and Meg as you ride this crazy rollercoaster. On the plus side you saw the dawn today and you will continue to do so as long as you keep fighting the fight. And chicks dig scars 😀

Mark,

Get some rest, you need it. Dont worry about us here, just look after yourself and the lovely Meg.

Use our inner strength like you never have before – its now you need it.

I've been watching this thread since the beginning. I don't think I've said much, bcause I'm useless with stuf like this, but that last post of yours Mark, it brought a tear to my eye and I don't mind admitting it. Amazing courage, really.

Ffffing give 'em hell mate!! That's the spirit!!

Keep your head up mate, we are all with you*.

*As much as we can on an internet forum!

Sat in work reading this and if they want to sack me then f*ck them. Mark I dont know what to say that post has floored me, so humbling have a huge hug and know that all who read what you and Meg have posted have the utmost love and respect for you.

You are not broken just a little battered but on the mend. Keep fighting dude

My father, old Luddite, says he doesn't like the internet, that he thinks it is "depersonalizing". This thread has to be Exhibit A for the prosecution. I have never met Mark, and don't expect to, but I am drawn close to him and his amazing fight.

Mate,

The operation sounds like it’s been very successful. I’m pleased.

What’s important now is (with Megs support) for you both to take full advantage of the rest period and attack the next phase with the same vigour, momentum and balls that you have thus far.

Good.

All the best

Hey Mark

Sounds like you've got 90% less of it's @rse to kick now. That just means you need to aim carefully, but can kick it 10 x harder.

Go get it

For every post on this thread there's probably 10 people like me who've been reading it but not felt they had anything much to contribute and thinking;

"bloody hell, what bad luck, I hope he pulls through'

but don't really know how to write soemthign expressign support that doesn't sound like a cliche.

Anyway;

Good luck Pete, you've proven that a) the love of a good woman is the most important thing for any man and b) good humour and a determined spirit will get you through things that you never thought you could endure.

Pete, your chest may be ploughed, but you have the heart of a lion and the eloquence of a poet – keep fighting, and just as importantly, keep writing.

your posts are great mark, you'll find it helps so much downloading the rubbish that's in your head to be shared by the stw massive. my blogs did this for me and have been a great support mechanism for my mental welfare.

you will get through, you've got this far and you have a way to go but you will get on with it. don't think about your wonderful chest as was, think about how cool the scars look. i have a great deal of scar tissue sat under my lung which i'm waiting to see if it need radio therapy. it's just the new me, to me it's not scar tissue it's just a challenge to make my lung work as well as it did before. all these challenges are the new climbs, the new 'first downs' and the new singletrack at warp speed. the new bits of life that you're unsure of.

it sounds like with the support of meg you will share the experience. not sure if you're allowed baths with your scar but try a couple of tea tree oil drops in a bath (check with you doc) it'll help with the healing.

Incredible! Your motivation and courage is an inspiration.

Sometimes it will falter- and thats ok. Like falling off your bike, you dont mean to and it hurts a bit. But after you dust your self down you always decide to get back on and keep riding because the next trail is always more awesome!

never mind the apologies fella – no body has offered you good vibes and support and expected anything back, they did it because they genuinely want you to kick this things arse. Read your first points again (the funnys)as they seem to epitomise your spirit in tackling this.

It is perfectly fine to have a couple of 'off' days every now and again just as long as they are in the moinority – if it starts swinging the other way GET HELP and put any vestiges of male pride to one side.

You sound like you still have the fighting spirit and as nickhart said, once the initial recovey is out of the way you can then challenge yourself to come back stronger than you were before (think the bionic man!)

Keep positive and put your energies into fighting!!

Pete

Like others here I feel privileged to be reading your posts. I just hope that somehow all that inspiration you have generated helps you and Meg in the coming months and years.
All the best(but that sounds so inadequate).

You will look back at this one day having just got up the hill that is on all our trails. The one we love to hate because it needs to be ridden and smile I made it through the other side. It will change how you look at day to day life not hum drum but a part of life that needs to be there just so we a can enjoy the good bits more. You are strong just at the moment you are in pain you will get there again sooner than you think. keep a positive it's hard but you will get there. see you on the trails soon enjoying life with a knowing smile. get well soon our prayers are with you. Rest and dont try to run before you can walk.

Mark, You would not believe how many folk are willing you on. Keep going, keep fighting, get angry, give Meg a cuddle and post when you feel like it.

Thanks for the update Mark, it's good to hear from you. Meg's been doing a great job of keeping us up to speed while you've been locked up.
Glad you escaped from the hospital so quickly – I am sure that's because you were so fit before all this kicked off and is a sign that you'll be back on form pretty quickly.
Your hospital observations seem to be in the same vein as everyone I know who has spent any amount of time in one.
However, I am more concerned that you know what 'kitten-esque pumps' are…
T

Great to hear you're up and about Mark! Things will only get better!

So then Mark, how's about that ride we're all going on?

😀

3) it makes me want to take of your Warehouse kitten-esq pumps and hit you around the face with them until you meekly given your phone up to me and I crush it with the steaming pile of 'what-the-holy-christ-type-of-meat-was-that' based dinner I've been served. Repeatedly, day after day.

Good to see that you still have a sense of humour, i don't think i would have given what you have gone through recently.

Yes you feel broken at the moment but that will heel over time so just concentrate on beating the remaining 10% of the tumour and as said above at least the doc's can tell what type of treatment is needed to best get rid of whats left of it.

Look after yourself and get lots of rest.

All the best to you and Meg

BigSi

Fantastic to hear they've already got 90% of it out, and gone.

As ThePurist says, only 10% left, and that's gonna struggle to put up a fight against the wall of strength you and Meg are showing.

If you have the strength to read, try thumbing through these, as you should find them a great help:

It's not about the Bike

Live Strong: Inspirational Stories from Cancer Survivors

Manly "you're doing well" bear-hug to you, and a gentle "you're doing a great job" to Meg.

Mark,

Like alot of people on here, i keep popping back to see how your doing fighting this disease and all i can say is you are amazing. I have no idea how you are feeling at this time but through it all you have shown a great sense of humour and a will to fight this thing.

Get some rest now and post back when your not so sore!! We'll all still be here willing you on and giving you as much support and help as we can (or as much as can be offered through a PC!!)

I think i can speak for all of us when i say Meg, we think your amazing too. How you put up with him…….

Best of luck and best wishes to you and Meg

The Skips

Mark,

Don't worry about your chest being ruined. A couple of months and you'll be able to start working on a brand new set of pecs that will be even better than before! You'll also have a cool scar for Meg to play with. Remember, chicks dig scars! (Sorry Meg)

Really glad the op went well and good luck on the recovery. _DO NOT_ beat yourself up about things. You are beating this and you WILL get over it.

Chin up and well done.

Just read the update. I feel small… Very.

❗

Mark

You'll heal, it just takes time and you need to take it, don't be to proud to tell those who are helping you that it hurts. You need to get yourself well as quick as possible and you sound like me in that you want to up and at it straigh away, you can't, so dont try. Chemo is nasty stuff, but its not going to be as bad as you think it will be (honest). But the better you get yourself the easier it will be, so rest (properly)

Thanks for you updates, not sure when I was in a similiar place I could have writen it down, hat off to you (again), but I wish I had looking at all the support your getting.

Now stop surfing the net and get some rest. 🙂

Not that this is hugely comparable but my father-in-law had a quad bypass, so pretty similar chest opening and rib splitting and he's recovered really well from it, he was out playing golf within 6 weeks of the op, it didn't make him a better player mind, but he used it as a goal to aid his recovery. So the pain will receed as we all hope the tumor will too.

Good luck dude!

I forgot to add, imagine how sweet that first piece of singletrack is going to feel post recovery 🙂

Mark & Meg,

Your posts and your strength are incredible, keep on writing and fighting and we'll keep on reading and channeling healing thoughts and vibes your way.

Wow. I've seen this thread on the forum summary before but avoided it as I thought it would be 'bit of a downer'…I was wrong. I've been transfixed and moved in a 'big gulps/holding back the tears' way by your honest yet wry postings, Mark. Respect to you and the missus to be (not long now to the big day!).

Get well soon.

Mark, your honesty and willingness to share is an inspiration.

You will get through this. And you and Meg have a lot more living to do yet!

Keep going:)

SM