I’ll tell you a story about lycra…
Many moons ago a young dwarf decided to take a quick afternoon spin out on the bike, so threw on his Smelly Hansen longsleeved base layer and a pair of old lycra shorts. Noticing a very small hole (size of a pea) in the front of the shorts he thought “they’ll be fine…”
He arrived a a very steep, narrow and cobbled bridleway approx 7 miles from his home and attempted to ride up it. He soon noticed that three ‘ladies of a certain age’ were coming the other way on horseback and, being a nice young dwarf decided to get out of the way by climbing onto the drystone wall and pulling the bike up after him (did i mention it was very steep and narrow?)
Soon the first lady rider passed the young dwarf who was very polite and said “hello, lovely day isn’t it?”
He wondered why the lady looked disgusted with him…
He said something similar to the next rider and again she looked at him with disgust and even horror…
The third lady rider looked like she was about to hit him with her riding crop!
When they had passed, the young dwarf shrugged and made some comment to himself about bloody rude horseriders.
He then started to climb down the wall and noticed to his horror and acute embarrassment tha the small ‘pea-sized hole’ in his lycra had opened out into a bloody great gaping hole and that he’d been stood on the wall with his genitals happily swinging in the breeze whilst greeting the three lady riders…
That, good people is why a certain older and wiser dwarf will never wear lycra on his mountain bikes ever again! 😳