as an “Intermediate” boarder, I once booked an “intermediate” board from Intersport, Morzine for the week.
First day out, Mrs Stoner, my board, and I got up to the top of Chamossiere on a particularly cold and icy day. I could hear skis and boards scratching down the early ice but I’ve boarded worse in St Anton, so set off.
Stood up and….whoomf…straight on to my arse.
Maybe I’m a bit rusty, let’s try that again.
Whoomf!
and again
Whoomf!
And then I start sliding down the piste on the ice.
I just about manage to dig an edge in and sit there at the top of a steep, straight, icy dragstrip, holding my breath and hoping I can sort something out – because if I start to slip, I’m not stopping for a loooooong way. Panicy.
I manage to scoosh to the side, carefully get out of my bindings, and using the pisted edge piles, walk down to a service road. My mojo, having completely left me. I took a gentle blue down to Intersport and as calmly as I could muster yelled something about their ******** board nearly tried to kill me and there’s no ******** edge on it at all!
“Yes, sir. We detune all our boards for beginners so they are less likely to catch an edge.”
Gah! But it was supposed to be an intermediate board.
“They’re all the same really”
Would you be so good as to put an edge back on this one for me please? It’s mighty icy out there. And might I use your toilets.
😯