Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

People in their 50s and 60s who have in recent years developed annoying intonation.

They didn’t learn to speak like that…..WTF?  You’re not, erm, like, 16, or summfink

Anyone familiar with Husker Du’s post 1983 recordings will be familiar with their snare drum sound. It makes you blink, like being poked in both eyes simultaneously.

To anyone ‘scotch’, the mispronunciation of the word ‘loch’ into ‘lock’ ranks even higher on sheer irritability.

Youve got to wonder how the people who enquire as to “way t, lock lomond” would have fared in their grandparents shoes, trying to make good their escape from Colditz or parachuting behind Nazi lines with an “Acktoong” or a “Hand Hock”.

Not bloody far, I’ll wager.

Can it be too difficult to make a guttural aaachhh sound, like someone’s spat in your pint of ale?

Almost as worse…dropping the bin bag into the wheelie bin and receiving the aroma of three years worth of ashtrays in return 😩😩😩

“Well, impossible if they’re glued to their phone, it seems.”

Bet there is a walking in a straight line app.  Ask the Fieldhouses or Geowizard.

Probably bin dun, but wanabe ‘mericans who say stuff like:

From the get go.

Have at it.

My bad.

If you’re from Sacramento or Sausalito, fill your boots.  If you’re from Slough or Stirling, have a word with yourself.

Language Polis.

Yep, and you’re nicked!

Can it be too difficult to make a guttural aaachhh sound, like someone’s spat in your pint of ale?

Hahaha…I’d love to hear you pronounce hummus correctly

Anyone familiar with Husker Du’s post 1983 recordings will be familiar with their snare drum sound. It makes you blink, like being poked in both eyes simultaneously.

There’s a certain musical… let’s be kind and say “technique” which has the ADSR curve of any normal instrument arse-backwards. So, like you’d recorded a bass drum and reversed it so it kinda goes “whoom.” There was a dance track from maybe the mid 90s where the for want of a better word “chorus” did this and whilst it’s my cup of tea generally anyway I found it genuinely unlistenable to, it sent my ears funny.

(If anyone knows what I’m talking about, feel free to link it. Are we describing the same thing?)

The SQA, seem to devised ways to make simple things difficult.

Too long, summary they are the bane of my existence this week.

Pupils assignments need to be sent in for marking. OK
In packs of 10. OK
In alphabetical order. OK
With signed coverslips. Fine
In flimsy packs. Fine
With correct sign off sheet. Yip
You have three different dates to get them ready by for uplift. Mmmm
We’ll only send you the return stuff with two weeks notice. Oh come on.
One of those two weeks will be across a holiday. Piss off.
There’s no way to rectify mistakes, omissions or make additions even if a kid has broken a femur and undergone surgery in that timeframe. Just **** the **** off.

Moany teachers….🙃

Youve got to wonder how the people who enquire as to “way t, lock lomond” would have fared in their grandparents shoes, trying to make good their escape from Colditz or parachuting behind Nazi lines with an “Acktoong” or a “Hand Hock”.

But the German “ch” is not the same as the Scottish/Welsh “ch”… much softer.

It’s not a normal sound in English so I have some sympathy with those who can’t say it. At least at first – it’s not hard to learn.

What about those who try and say the Welsh “ll” but use the “ch” sound? I’m going to cchhhlandudno today…

Probably bin dun, but wanabe ‘mericans who say stuff like:

Have at it.

Shakespearean innit? or Summfink

People using the stairs at work with an open laptop, a mug of tea and talking on their headphones. Yes, I know you’re very busy and important but I don’t see why you I need to squash myself against the wall for you to get past.

Using the word “Polis”.

I’m going to cchhhlandudno today…

I thought it was more like thlan-did-no ?

I thought it was more like thlan-did-no ?

Exactly my point! People trying to say it properly and actually mangling it more than the usual English pronunciation “lan-dud-no” doesn’t exactly make me cross but is mildy annoying. And I’m not even Welsh 😋

This may be a new thing, or just observational bias, but recently I’ve noticed an increase in people driving ever….so….slowly….across…road…junctions forfuckssakegetamoveon…oh no, don’t bother we’ve missed the lights.

forfuckssakegetamoveon – I love a bit of German style concatenation

Alpacas, with their long necks, overly dramatic chewing and bobbly heads.

Dicks 😡

You know when you put a bag down… a shopping bag, rucksack, any bag… you put it down against a wall… why the **** do they always topple away from the wall? Bags wind me up proper. Little bastards.

One of the advantages of a long neck I guess.

Sportspersons inserting the word ‘yeah’ (other spellings available) almost every other word into every answer they give to questions posed. Other sportspersons, whether competitors or pundits answering with ‘yeah no…’

Might have been done but..

Over-designed websites…

I just want clear information, I don’t want a gaudy display of carousels and pop ups, and no, I do not want to sign up to your news letter.

“Living his/her best life”

Are things really that bad.

Americans (usually) talking about “picking up” some item from a shop. Often it’s a very expensive item like a Rolex or some such but they suggest it’s just casual acquisition. Don’t know why exactly it’s so annoying. But it is.

Alpacas, with their long necks, overly dramatic chewing and bobbly heads.

Dicks 😡

It’s because they’re basically just goats crossed with camels. They do it deliberately to annoy you.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lines from a poem:

The Llama is a woolly sort of fleecy hairy goat,
With an indolent expression and an undulating throat

Llama/Alpaca, same thing.

Can anything be done about the muppets who walk up to a pelican crossing (or lights with a ped button) – then, without looking at the traffic, press the button.
Now they look and if it’s clear – walk across. Maybe they are just idiots who don’t realise they created a delayed traffic stop situation.
I’ve wasted too much time car ticking over at red crossing lights when the folk have obviously crossed and walked on. This must waste hundreds of hours a year. Productivity, pollution. Does anyone care?

Llama/Alpaca, same thing.

Alpacas are lovely. Llamas are evil bastards.

Can anything be done about the muppets who walk up to a pelican crossing (or lights with a ped button) – then, without looking at the traffic, press the button.

I was out and about last week with a guy I’ve never met before, he did this at every crossing. I felt like shoving him into traffic.

Mind you, he was from the land that made jaywalking a felony. But you’d think he’d have worked it out in the ten years he’s lived here since.

I’m generally pretty level headed but people with zero awareness of their surroundings make me want to go on a murder spree, supermarkets are particularly bad.

Dealing with people who leave their trolley blocking 3/4 of the aisle while they block the rest trying to decide which brand of coffee to buy, chatting to their friend while completely blocking the isle, meticulously packing their shopping and then having a chat with the cashier while there’s a massive line waiting.

I could go on for hours. If there’s ever a news story about a madman going on a rampage with a can beans it was probably me.

Once bought a train ticket for Ludlow, got one for Llandudno.  Pronounciation lesson ensued.

Was a while ago, could not afford to get to either now.

Anyway for making me want to go postal (other than the phrase go postal) today:  car bloat and the practice of parking slab sided wide vehicles right on junctions making it impossible to progress without inching out and getting a blast if something is coming.  TL:DR. Car bloat!

People in that Netflix recommendations thread who keep recommending things on Apple TV, or Disney or Sky or some shit.

G Tae F will ya! Clue is in the title 😐

@kayak23 – got any Disney+ recommendations?

The end of Eurosport programs that show a road bike from behind. With the disc on the right and block and derailleur on the left.

People in that Netflix recommendations thread who keep recommending things on Apple TV, or Disney or Sky or some shit.

Perhaps it’s time to take a break from the internet, maybe do some simple household chores, like hoovering for example 😉

Vacuuming

When I select Cash only on the cash machine, not show balance and not cash with a recipt and then the machine asks me if i want to see my balance and then asks me if i want a recipt!

There’s a certain musical… let’s be kind and say “technique” which has the ADSR curve of any normal instrument arse-backwards. So, like you’d recorded a bass drum and reversed it so it kinda goes “whoom.” There was a dance track from maybe the mid 90s where the for want of a better word “chorus” did this and whilst it’s my cup of tea generally anyway I found it genuinely unlistenable to, it sent my ears funny.

I really want to know what it is to see how funny it sends my ears. Unfortunately, your ‘technique’ isn’t exactly esoteric but somewhat common for electronic music. I’m sure I can’t recollect a single track with an example however!

How do you know it was an ‘arse-backwards’ amplitude envelope creating the effect and not a section of music just played backwards?

People who list things on FB marketplace as free, then in the description say £x or message for price. It’s not free then is it why couldn’t you put a price on and save everyone the bother of looking at your advert

When I select Cash only on the cash machine, not show balance and not cash with a recipt and then the machine asks me if i want to see my balance and then asks me if i want a recipt!

Some cash machines charge for balance enquiries. There’s even a little scam where the machine offers you 2 options: “cash and balance” or “other services”. Cash only is under other services but they really want you to ask for that balance.