People with no kids – any regrets?

s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren’t. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it’s difficult to describe.
Know anything about adoption?

Ignoring the tone, clearly I include adoption. The point is that it’s difficult to explain what having kids means to those who don’t have them, adopted, or otherwise.

Been out watching Les Miserables – almost made me wish I had a bawling child at home to look after instead!

I just don’t get the affordability aspect that some people put up as an excuse/reason.

Why should you need an excuse?

I can’t help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it’s just me?

Ah shit just realised what you are talking about. Mods please delete/change thread title if you think it’s insensitive.

Love them to bits and love our life to bits – they both have bikes, love camping, the outdoors in general etc.

What if they didn’t love all that stuff and were a bit dull, would you still love them as much? 🙂

Grum having read all this, what are you thinking?

Has anyone answered your question? (I guess that requires a childless older person, in particular a woman, who is well past the threshold of being able to have children, so maybe not. Younger people who “have decided not to” don’t count because they still may).

Bregante : If any of you (and I do mean any of you) are unsure whether you want kids, it’s your lucky day!

My children (5 and 8 ) have the next 20 or so weekends available on a first come first served “try before you buy” basis.

Don’t worry about references or CRB checks, you all seem very nice.

I can even deliver free of charge within 5 or 6 hundred miles.

Email in profile.
Ta

Genuine LOL 😆

mattjg – I’m not sure that it provides the OP with ‘the answer’, but I’m a woman past the age of having children. I don’t have children, never wanted to, and don’t have any regrets.

Having just read the “save the planet” stuff.

We’ve a friend who at 21 convinced her doctor to give her the snip. She was that way inclined back in the day apparently.

When she’s had a few sherries now, and is with our kids she always cries and rues the day she made that decision.

–

As for not being able to do stuff. I’ve been a slacker this month with the weather and have still cycled 200K this month and run 60K.

consume you little bastards.. consume, CONSUME!!!

yunki most Jr hugging my Xmas fat 😀

Fair dos Sue.

Grum in 7 pages you have at least one person in a position to answer your question succinctly and doing so.

I think the rest of us, either because we have kids or we’re young enough that we still might, aren’t qualified to answer.

Would love to have more looks like adoption is our only way!
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Just thinking back to the mugshots thread actually…

I think many here won’t really get a choice.

My lad is 12, he’s now out with me on his bike whenever he can be. Strong enough to keep up and all. I’m tremendously proud of him, both in his abilities and his personality. I could not imagine life without him and getting him to this point has been so easy, it really has.

My daughter is 11, she’s just finished a run in the local panto, which was excellent. She’s sparky and witty and fun to be with. I’m tremendously proud of her, both in her abilities and personality. I could not imagine life without her and getting her to this point has been even easier.

They’ll both probably ruin this pride as they hit teenager stage, but it’s the biggest and best adventure ever.

But it’s not for everyone.

If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want kids then you’re probably not the kind of person who would regret not having them.

If you’re right, no-one should have kids and the human race would be extinct. Would the Earth be a better place without humans? It would simply be full of other species who would take over the world and mould it for themselves if only they knew how.

Life is selfish, and without life the Earth is a floating rock. So really, who cares if we live on it or not? Given our biological makeup it makes more sense to care about those close to you. And having kids is an excellent way to have people close to you.

Yes the Earth would be a far healthier place for ALL other species. How can you argue that our influence is anything other than parasitic destruction. See Attenborough.

How is it a floating rock? We haven’t found anything remotely as interesting in the rest of the Universe. I’d say before the freak genetic mutation called homo sapiens came along this planet was natural perfection.

The problem here is a question of how much you can trust the opinion of those who haven’t had kids and say they don’t regret it. Imagine you’re 60 years old and the window for kids has passed. In arguably the most important decision of your life you chose not to have kids. If you regret that decision you have made a ginormous cock up in your life, far more important than anything materialistic. People don’t like to admit that they’ve made a bad decision, especially when it’s a big one. Again, I’m not saying people are deliberately lying; I sure people genuinely believe they don’t regret having kids, but subconsciously I wonder if this really is the case. Unfortunately, this means I tend not to trust the opinion of those people who haven’t had kids unless they say they did regret it, which makes it totally unfair on my part. I would would only trust them if I could be assured that their testament is guaranteed to be true, and that is not possible.

You could of course apply exactly the same argument to those that do have kids

Absolutely. So I can’t trust anyone! Ha!

Unless you can think of moralistic reasons like overpopulation etc to not have them. People who have them only have desire as an excuse.

Are we now allowed to put up gratuitous cute kid pics?

(JCL can’t be for real)

cobbdu, that does sound a bit like total rubbish to me.

The fact is we all (childless and prolific procreaters) have only the one life and we can’t rewind, change a variable and try it again and see if it’s better the other way around. Those with or without kids will never know how their lives might have gone if they had taken different choices. The good news is the as humans we are pretty amazingly adaptable and most of us are very good at making the best of it whatever comes along. Even better news is I think blokes are the masters of this – most of the blokes I know really didn’t care a huge amount about becoming dads. The ones attached to very keen potential mothers had them and are happy and those of us attached to not so keen baby machines didn’t and are happy too. When it comes down to it I don’t think us menfolk have an awful lot to do with the decision but are pretty good at going along with what we are told to do!

One last thing – the title of this thread was “People with no kids – any regrets?”. There were a good few folk in that situation that actually answered the question one way or another. There were however the usual predictable number of parents that rolled out the usual “having kids was the best thing in the world ever – here are some photos of my wonderful darlings” bollox. That wasn’t the question being asked and to be honest not especially helpful. I’m forever being told by parent friends “well you are not a father so you won’t know” (about all sort of random stuff that seems to have very little to do with parenting!) – well in this case parents, you might have been childless once but you never made the decision not to have kids so butt out as you don’t know what you are talking about on this specific issue 😉

PostieRich, great pics.

Two couples I know have divorced over unwanted children, unwanted by half the couple that is. In one case the woman was pressured into having a third and giving up work by an overbearing husband, and in the other case the wife announced she was pregnant again.

If you can’t agree on the number of kids you want early in a relationaship, best split IMO. I went out with a girl who wanted three, but I couldn’t see beyond one so we split. We remained in contact (very close contact even) while she went through various other men looking for Mr Cottage-in-the-country-and-three-kids even if they were dull and bored her in bed.

Around 8% of French women have children by men other than their husbands, the theory being they marry the social position and shag another guy because they (sub)consciously want his children. In my own experience I’ve only been with two/three women I could envisage getting pregnant; strong, healthy, intelligent ladies that (sub)consciously I thought would make good mothers. One is my wife and mother of my son.

Nope.

How is it a floating rock? We haven’t found anything remotely as interesting in the rest of the Universe. I’d say before the freak genetic mutation called homo sapiens came along this planet was natural perfection.

Here’s the thing (and this is as religious as I get) – humans are the only creatures to actually try to understand the world, the only ones who actually appreciate the beauty and wonder of what is around us. It’s like flying is wasted on birds – they don’t appreciate it.

In addition, since we’re here and causing all this mess, I think we have a purpose – to ensure the survival of life. It’d only take one large asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth – it’s almost happened several times already. Humans are the only species with the capability to help life spread to other planets, to help prevent that tragedy happening.

Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?

Bit of a mess these days init?

Having children is not something I ever have really considered, even as a child it wasn’t part of my plans. My partner feels the same way and as we’re both in our 40s we don’t have to think about it any more.
The thing that really winds me up about not having children is the constant patronising comments from people I know with children asking why I haven’t got children. For some reason they become very upset when I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice. As was said where I grew up ‘if yow cor tek it, doh dish it’

For some reason they become very upset when I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice.

I can understand the reactions you get – you probably come across as a bit well, you know, knobish.

Perhaps if you say ‘we don’t want children’ or ‘I had my testicles chewed off by a rabid hedgehog on a camping trip to Rhyl as a 13 yr old’ the reaction might not be the same? Just a thought.

Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?

But imagine if those aliens are not friendly – would the mammoths defend the Earth? I don’t think so. I’ve seen Independence Day.

Good points but imagine being a visiting alien race. Would you want to see the planet now or ten thousand years ago?

Bit of a mess these days init?

I always assumed Aliens would turn up, quickly identify the human race as a virus and destroy us all to ensure the planet survives.

I for one welcome our extraterrestrial, genocidal overlords.

I reply to them that having children is a lifestyle choice

As is not having them.

Although, I agree with the ‘patronising comments’ point.

Well it’s fairly futile trying to spread life to the other infertile planets in our solar systems and other possibly habitable planets are a few too many light years away. Without wishing to provoke a Rousseau/Voltaire debate, we lead fairly futile existences and the most important thing is being able to live with your own choices rather than worrying too much about the impact they have on the planet.

If you can live with owning/driving a car I don’t think you should wory too much about the impact of having kids.

Nah. A single child will consume vast resources, own and drive its own car and then spawn more children. Nip it in the bud guys (as it were). And anyway, if you haven’t got any kids you don’t need a big car, or need to move about the place as much.

You’re not special or unique. Spreading your own flawed genetic material around the place will not further the human race or benefit the universe in any way.

So basically, most of us who have kids don’t regret it most of the time and the guys out there who don’t want kids are quite happy with their decision.

Horses for courses.

I think either decision you make will only be right for some of the time, everyone is going to have moments of thinking they made the wrong decision, it just comes down to what percentage of the time you feel it was wrong, if that percentage is low then you made the right decision

If you want kids but are hung up on the ” we are killing the planet” why not adopt ? We have one birth child and one adopted , I love / hate them both equally as much depending on what they have done.

Personally for me kids was right, but I knew that, only you can answer the question and probably not until you are on your deathbed.

So make a decision and enjoy life

As is not having them.

I’d go along with both having and not having being lifestyle choices. I honestly believe (most) people choose to have have kids not because of some sort of sacrifice for the greater good of the society and the planet but because of a desire to have the experience of being a parent. Once the littlun comes along the protective gene kicks in but before you have them it really is all about you and what you want in life. Nothing wrong with any of that as far as I’m concerned but it would be be misguided to believe that this is any less of a lifestyle choice than not having them. So for johndoh to thinks it’s knobish for someone to articulate that as a reaction to the “why are you not like me and why are you not procreating?” confrontation is well, a bit knobish! Of course how you say it is what makes the difference and could end you up in the knobber camp – but you can’t really tell that in an internet forum discussion.

The problem comes when folks on either side of the fence start to question the choices made by others just because they are different to ones they made personally. Live and let live I say.

You’re not special or unique. Spreading your own flawed genetic material around the place will not further the human race or benefit the universe in any way.

You miss the point. They’re good fun.

Well I’m sure darth vader had a good chuckle when he was lasering Alderaan to death BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT RIGHT!

Get a dog. Job done. Now MTFU.

If kids are so time-consuming, why is it always my childless friends’ who always put stuff off? Whereas those with kids, are just more reliable. If they agree to something, bearing last-minute disasters, they’ll do it?

And those single and childless, just seem to be letting their lives slip away…, doing bu99er all except getting fatter.

Generalisation I agree.

Late 40’s now, with 3 teenagers.

You’re not special or unique. Spreading your own flawed genetic material around the place will not further the human race or benefit the universe in any way.

although, one trend I’ve noticed is that folk who dress up their unwillingness to procreate with fancy pseudo morality, are, by and large, quite self important.. 😉

Generalisation I agree.

Indeed.

The childless gang will certainly have it’s fair share of feckless wasters – it’s a cross section of society. But my experience is entirely different to yours. I know a few chubby lazy childless people but they are also mainly single or can’t hold a relationship together long enough to procreate. The childless people I know who are also in long term relationships are some of the most adventurous creative and active (and thinnest!) people I know. Personally I can’t see the correlation you allude to.

Just a thought, but for those of you without children and have no desire to have them because the ‘consume vast resources’ etc just top yourselves now? After all, we are only here in order to create more life so if you have no desire to do that, just jump in front of a train now and stop consuming the world’s valuable resources right now.

It’s for the best.