Getting to the stage where me and the missus would need to have kids reasonably soon if we’re going to do it, but we just don’t feel any great burning desire to. Mrs grum feels similar btw.

I guess it sounds selfish but having spent much of my teens-20s being a bit of a waster, there are so many things I’d like to do I just feel will never happen if we have kids, and I’m quite happy with my life as it is generally. We don’t earn huge amounts either and mates who earn more but have kids seem to struggle at times. I also have CFS, though I’m a lot better now than I was, everyone says how knackering it is being a parent.

The only time I ever really have pangs of broodiness is seeing little kids on skis – so cute! 🙂

I just wonder if I/we might regret it later in life if we don’t do it. Any thoughts?

Just get a nephew. You can take him skiing and buy him a bmx. Then you can go away on your adult holiday.

Just get a nephew. You can take him skiing and buy him a bmx. Then you can go away on your adult holiday.

This.

Get to do the fun stuff, then hand them back when they get ill or annoying 8)

Just get a nephew. You can take him skiing and buy him a bmx. Then you can go away on your adult holiday.

Yup got a nephew who is getting towards that age and I think that will probably do for me. 🙂

I bumped in to an ex-colleague about 18 months ago. His wife was terminally ill and he didn’t look well. I asked how his retirement was going and he said he missed work dearly. He asked how I was and if I was happy, his final words to me were ‘be sure you have children, not doing so is my biggest regret’. His Wife died not long after and he passed away late last year.

Same situation but at present trying like bears to fill the void. (not sure that sounds as it was meant to). Slightly woried that if we succeed then there will be no more trying :-(.

it passes every time I have to listen so someone describe in agonising detail how Jnr (they don’t have names these days) crapped by himself without getting it on his legs…..

on the serious side the missus also has some residual gladular fever/cfs type stuff and now admits she’s gad we don’t (being the one that was keen) we wouldn’t have done some of the stuff we have done/going to do with kids and tbh I probably too harsh on them.

for a happier life never regret.

I just wonder if I/we might regret it later in life if we don’t do it. Any thoughts?

Possibly, but if you don’t want them now, then there is no point worrying about that.
We’ve got 2 – they are hard work and financial leeches but great fun and I certainly have no regrets. Not sure I want any more though 😐

“It’s better to regret something you have done, than something you haven’t done”

Except when it comes to having kids! If you regret having them then that’s several lives messed up.

i’ve got 2 nephews, they’re great fun.

do i see any need to ‘make my own’? – not really.

my OH made it very clear that she’s appalled by the idea of having kids.

plus, we really can’t afford them.

Except when it comes to having kids! If you regret having them then that’s several lives messed up.

This is the other thing – one of my parents is pretty mental and has certainly passed on a fair bit of ‘baggage’ – I’d hate to think I was doing similar.

TallPaul – sad story. Were they bored/lonely without kids?

Thanks for the responses so far.

No regrets for me, +1 to nephews/nieces you can spoil then hand back :p

Im so glad I dont have any. Everytime I see parents and their kids Im glad. No regrets.

Not all kids are cute, not all kids are nice, not all kids grow up to be nice. Its a lottery.

Oh, and the planet is full, dont make it worse 🙂

I have recurring Glandular fever too comes back probable once every 18 months. But we have 2 children 11 and 3 and another on the way. Don’t regret any minute of it at all. It’s hard work when I get the Glandular fever again but the smile on my 3 year old daughters face is worth it.

Don’t forget, it’s having kids that is selfish, not not having them.
Each one of the little buggers is a planet killer.

Nephews and kidnappings should see you right if you ever get broody.

Mid forties and no kids here. No regrets.

Conscious decision not to and the right one for us but obviously not for everyone. I know I’ll miss not having the relationship with them I had with my parents when they were older but on balance still right for us. We invested in a nephew and niece and I’m a teacher so that’s about enough nurturing of youngsters for me!

Be prepared for copious amounts of moral hand ringing from parent friends (especially new members of the club) at your decision. It seems to offend them, even when you don’t make a fuss or try to justify it. For some reason they (a bit generalised) can’t get their heads around the decision that they think was right for them might not be right for you and also your decision is some sort of moral comment on theirs. Very weird but they’ll get over it.

Don’t forget, it’s having kids that is selfish

Yet strangely one of the most selfless things you can ever do.

we just don’t feel any great burning desire to.

Don’t do it then. You need to be sure. Kids are **** hard work and you have to give up so much to raise them properly. It is heartbreaking when a parent resents their child because of how parenthood changes their life.

*some* parent friends will be bothered by it.
I have a kid and I totally understand why people don’t want kids of their own. Little money stealing, hair receeding, sleep depraving sods they are.

Lucky buggers.

Be prepared for copious amounts of moral hand ringing from parent friends (especially new members of the club) at your decision. It seems to offend them, even when you don’t make a fuss or try to justify it. For some reason they (a bit generalised) can’t get their heads around the decision that they think was right for them might not be right for you and also your decision is some sort of moral comment on theirs. Very weird but they’ll get over it.

Nah, nothing as complicated as that! It is simply the result of lack of sleep, realisation of the responsibility involved and jealousy of the spare cash and time that non-breeders have! At least it was for me anyway… …hopefully I’ve learnt my lesson!

Torminalis – Member
Don’t forget, it’s having kids that is selfish
Yet strangely one of the most selfless things you can ever do.

Yep but bringing them into the world for the wrong reasons is selfish too…

bit circular there…

Just about to hit 50, no kids and never a moments regret.

Its not just a huge commitment- there is the cost. Nursery from 6months to 3yrs is a wage you are paying – £40+ a day out of your pocket alone.

If the kid is ill (often)- you have to drop work and come and get them.

If you have a support network* (i.e. healthy grandparents/relatives nearby) – then go for it. If you don’t. Don’t. Society still seems to think you need to follow everyone else and procreate.

*If you don’t have this – you lose two decades of your life. A miserable existence. YES – the kids ARE FUN however your own life wont be.

When “Society” pokes it’s nose in I tend to make some kind of inappropriate remark as to why we have not got kids, it’s like not liking nuts some days it’s easier to say it’s a life threatening allergy.

Difficult to describe, but having a nephew/niece for a few hours does not even start to come close to the enjoyment you get from having your own. Less puke and poo, mind. Oh and more sleep. Cheaper too. Come to think of it more time for biking I suppose also. 😀

A moment on her hips
A lifetime in the poor house

No regrets

My kids are part of what makes me who I am .
I like the me I am,but I do not like green eggs and ham 🙂

It’s great having kids seeing them grow from helpless little bundles into little people and then onto proppa adults with their own characteristics (and some of yours as well). If you have someone else you care for in your life imagine how it would be to have someone else to care for just as much, to nuture and cherish and love.

It’s a miserable, selfish, egocentric existence without them I know I’ve been there.

If you don’t have kids you will regret it for the rest of your life

HTH

So, from what I am reading here, the ease with which you can cope with a family is largely down to how well you can afford it?

*genuine question btw, *might* be having to face up to these realities very soon…

Rocketman- how could you possibly know that

We kinda decided not to have kids, got a dog instead.

but have LOTS more toys instead….

#happywithlife

Not really, it just looks such hard work. No nephews or nieces but have a cousin who is 14 years younger than me. Used to take him mtbing and later on toured europe on the motorbike. Only possible regret is that cos I’m an only child my Mum will never be a grandma, though she’s never mentioned it.

Thanks again folks. Pretty much confirming my thinking.

Case in point: I absolutely love snowboarding – in fresh powder it’s probably my favourite thing in the world to do, I have a cheesily almost spiritual love for being in the high mountains. I get to do it pretty damn rarely as it is – the chances of affording regular ski holidays for the whole family (if we had kids) are very minimal.

Does caring about that make me selfish? I dunno, it sounds bad when I write it down. 🙂

i’ll be 45 this year, partner not that far behind.
neither of us have ever wanted kids, and that’s fine. for various reasons. for me, the worst thing about not having kids is all those people with kids telling me what a massive mistake i’m making, and that i’ll really regret my decision later etc etc. bore off, it’s MY decision and i don’t see it as a mistake at all.
creating life for the sake of creating life? nah. not for me, i’m happy just being happy and alive thanks.

Grum – how old are you?

I had my girls at 42 – by which time I had nieces of 11 & 12. I loved my nieces (and still do) and we (my wife and I) often took them out, had them stay over for weekends etc but never did my love come close to what I feel for my two. It really is not the same.

And don’t worry about money – we earn half what we did before the girls came along but still we do alright.

It’s a miserable, selfish, egocentric existence without them I know I’ve been there.

If you don’t have kids you will regret it for the rest of your life
Personal Choice
If your happy without why f’ it up. It’s what makes the world so special the fact that everyone is different.
Pressure to “Complete” your life with children leads to people enduring huge amounts of pain & expense on IVF etc just to be accepted and feel right.

there are so many things I’d like to do I just feel will never happen if we have kids

Conversely, there would be many equally fulfilling things you’ll do instead, and you may still get to do the things you’d like to do at some point …

I’m quite happy with my life as it is generally

So was I. But I met hrh, got maried, we’ve 2 kids … I’m still just as happy.

We don’t earn huge amounts either and mates who earn more but have kids seem to struggle at times

Have kids, will struggle at times. That’s just the way it is for most people I think. You make adjustments, re-prioritise and somehow it all works out.

(Although it goes without saying that it’d be irresponsible to have kids knowing full well you really couldn’t afford to support.)

just turned 40, have two daughters, aged 2 & 5.
We were very close to not having them, but i’m so glad we did – only silly little regret is we didn’t do it a few years earlier.

The birth of our last one was a bit of a nightmare, and Mrs Freeagent can’t have anymore..

i’ll be 45 this year, partner not that far behind.
neither of us have ever wanted kids, and that’s fine. for various reasons. for me, the worst thing about not having kids is all those people with kids telling me what a massive mistake i’m making, and that i’ll really regret my decision later etc etc. bore off, it’s MY decision and i don’t see it as a mistake at all.
creating life for the sake of creating life? nah. not for me, i’m happy just being happy and alive thanks.

That’s fine, but the OP is questioning this feeling isn’t he?