[Closed] grown up kids ..... What age should they be out the family home ?

Does she have a job?

davidtaylforth - Member
Does she have a job?

Yep !

If I have kids I shall be evicting them at 18.

I've told my daughter that she'll be out at the age of 18. She'll likely come home one day and find the locks have changed and there are some strangers living in the house.... 😀

I'm seeing lots of older "children" still living at home until they are in their 30's. Generally, the marriage age is rising, mortgage deposits are getting bigger and there seems to be some sort of assumption that one can only move out into bought accommodation. When I were a lad, it was all about flat-sharing.

Start pissing in her shoes once a day, she may get the hint.

My mate has just just bought his first house and is moving out of his folks home for the first time... In 32years

I know people that have given adult children deadlines to be out of the family home by.

getting harder and harder these days for young people - however if youre offering financial help and she has a job then she should be snapping your arm off!

IMHO if you dont make them some will stay.
think how much easier and cheaper it is to stay with you than do all the hard work for herself- someone i know just charged commercial rates to his kids at 23 -
the first one said "but I could get rent my own place for that"
Dad " what a good idea why not run with it"
Good luck i suspect there is no subtle way to do this

When I were a lad, it was all about flat-sharing.

Yeah...don't kids share anymore? I know they share at Uni/college an' all that, but I couldn't bloody wait to get out and slum it for a bit (I did suffer a bit of cabin-fever having had to live at home while at uni though).

shuttup you dont have kids 😉

Yeah...don't kids share anymore?

I share a house. Its dead good.

My cousin has only just moved out of his parents house - he's approaching 50

I walked out when i was 23, after a family row, on christmas day, never went back, and never slept the night there again.

2 people i know, 1 bought a house opposite his mums, and still goes there for his mum to wash his clothes, and watch the tv, the other one, still at home at 29.

12. 👿

😉 @ JY

when can you work a proper job?

16.

Right. Get yer own ****in hoose then. Bye.

And I expect to be invited round for dinner on a regular basis too.

Thanks.

kids are for life just not for 18 years, in most country's familys live together... what a silly idea

Edit: i dont live at home but my family pays the rent..

I walked out when i was 23, after a family row, on christmas day, never went back, and never slept the night there again.

2 people i know, 1 bought a house opposite his mums, and still goes there for his mum to wash his clothes, and watch the tv, the other one, still at home at 29.

I know a guy still at home with his mum at 43!

That's just wrong!

Zedsdead - Member
I walked out when i was 23, after a family row, on christmas day, never went back, and never slept the night there again.
2 people i know, 1 bought a house opposite his mums, and still goes there for his mum to wash his clothes, and watch the tv, the other one, still at home at 29.

I know a guy still at home with his mum at 43!

That's just wrong!

This is how most of the world lives, have you ever been to India??

I moved out at 18 to go to uni, spent most holidays away so didnt dealt live at home during the holidays.

I moved home when i went to work with the company sponsoring my doctorate. I lasted 18 months before i hd to move out. My choice.

I love my parents, but i couldn't move back in, no money saving is worth losing my sanity over!

depends on circumstances i think

in governments eyes your still a dependant through uni when it comes to grants etc - all parental means tested

i stayed at home till i finished uni at 22.

soon as i finished and got a job i moved out .....

i moved back in for a short period between flats as i had no where else to go - i stayed for about 4 days and moved into my van !!!!

parents are fine we get on well - they are for life - but not to live with !

This is how most of the world lives,

They'll be moving out to go to uni at 18 and will not be allowed back.

it depends what your'e parents are like really, miss living at home coz my mum dont buy me weed for cutting the lawn 🙁

there seems to be some sort of assumption that one can only move out into bought accommodation. When I were a lad, it was all about flat-sharing

Yeah, even if they don't expect to move into "bought", they expect not to have to share a rented flat or house. They're spoilt tw*ts.*

*and they expect central heating, washing machines, fridge freezers - we had none of that! Ice on the inside of the windows, I tell thee...

I got booted out by my mum at 17 as she didn't think I'd get on with the bloke she was about to marry! Luckily my dad had a mate on the council and I managed to get a flat. when i turned 18 I got a credit card and royaly screwed my finances up.

Mum came to the rescue and bailed me out and I moved back home on the understanding that I would pay my way , I paid a quarter of everything but the mortgage which at the time (1988) was anywhere between £140 and £210 a month.

I got a 2nd job in a pub and worked all the hours I could and paid mum everything back in 6 months(just short of £5000) 1 month later I'd saved the deposit for a mortgage and moved out.

FWIW I think Junkyards mate has the right idea.

Junkyard - Member
This is how most of the world lives,

and yet your parents pay for you to not live with them.....

I moved out to go to Uni. I was 17. I've never slept in their house since.

Don't get me wrong, I do get on with them very well, but I couldn't [i]live[/i] there.

our boy moved out 3 weeks ago, 23. must say things are very quiet now and there seems to much more room about the house but we would have no issues about him moving back, he's good company and no bother.

Bet some of you would make or are great parents........ 🙄

Yeah, even if they don't expect to move into "bought", they expect not to have to share a rented flat or house. They're spoilt tw*ts.*

would you want youre daughter in the same house as some random male that she dont know, i ****ing well wouldn't... same goes for a cheap flat, as there normally in crappy areas...

Start charging her market rates for everything (inc washing machine, dishwasher etc.) and bolt the doors at 10pm. She'll soon piss off. If that doesn't work, tell her to mtfu and sort herself out - hints have passed (but she'll always be your baby girl won't she).

wow there are some ****ing awful parents on this forum

and some kids still sponging from mummy and daddy

Junkyard - Member
and some kids still sponging from mummy and daddy

and one day all that land will be mine:)

We were charged "lodgings" as soon as we left uni and had jobs. Mum put the money aside (unbeknown to us) and gave it back to us when we both got our own places, for furniture etc. Good way of doing it , IMO.

Hmmm difficult one.

Why can't you have 'quality time on your own' then? Who/what is stopping you?

Are you subsidising your daughter? If you are then don't!

C_G
[s]Mum of adult children who misses them but wouldn't have them living with me, oh no[/s] 😉

then again its a two way street, there is no way in hell id let my parents live in a old peoples home, people that are to busy with there own lives to look after the people that gave you life ant worth pissing on in my opinion..

ilovemygears - Member

then again its a two way street, there is no way in hell id let my parents live in a old peoples home, people that are to busy with there own lives to look after the people that gave you life ant worth pissing on in my opinion..

It's not as simple as that.

 

Mate of mine earns at least double my salary. He texted me today to tell me he was looking at a house.

If he gets it [i]really [/i]quickly, he might have managed to move out of his parents whilst he's still in his 30s. But I doubt it.

Hmm.

I was a 'late leaver' at 24. Been twenty yrs now and i'd never go back even though i love my parents. In that 20yrs i've had £100 of my dad towards the water bill when i was unemployed but thats it, i paid my own rent and later raised my own deposit for a mortgage etc.
Thats the way it should be.

My sister on the other hand (only 3 yrs younger than me) has had handouts all the way, and is now such a spoilt brat my own father has disowned her.

Who would want to share a house with a bunch of selfish, squabbling, smelly, untidy twenty somethings when you can share an all mod cons full fridge one with mature understanding 'housemates'.

Always got on with my parents but left at 16 because they treated me like I was 12. Went back at 20 but could only stand it for long enough to save a deposit.

I know a 53-year-old who's still not moved out.

I left of my own accord when I was 21. I couldn't stand it and needed my freedom. I was on my arse for about a year or so until I got a decent job sorted. My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm. I still know people through friends living at home in their 40's and they don't have much about them.

Having said all that, the housing and jobs markets are different to when I left home, but if they had a job at 23 mine would certainly be sent packing.

djglover - Member
My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm.

i hope her parents were prosecuted for child abandonment!!

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people's situations quite frankly.

I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to lo

personally i think people that cant be arsed to look after their kids should be sent to prison until their children are 18,

i think a lot depends on you parents income as well,

Pends though dunnit? I lived with my dad until I was 33. Worked out ok really, most of the time. Had me own space, did what I wanted, dad din't really bother me about owt. Just two blokes sharing a flat really. Council place in his name so very cheap rent. Suited me fine on a low wage. Allowed me plenty of disposable to travel, buy stuff like bikes etc.

Plus as already said, there's cultural considerations. Middle Englanders tend to like plenty of space, but many other cultural groups don't mind being in close proximity to each other. Maybe it's cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Having said that, I now live on my own, and dunno if I want to give that up, certainly not just yet. Probbly cos I'm insecure and selfish really.

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people's situations quite frankly.

I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

I do know people almost my age that live with their folks, rent free, dinner on the table every evening, washing done for them etc. which I don't understand. It doesn't help prepare them for life on their own at all! But then my mum died when I was 14 and my dad was almost useless domestically, so I was well prepared for life at uni, on my own etc. Moving back in with the folks was mainly to save a bit of money!

My brother moved out of what he told other people was his house at the tender age of 35. He wouldn't pay rent, so my father used to take it out of his pay packet before he got it.

To the OP I would suggest a hint of confusion on his part - work out if your daughter is a kid or a grown up and treat them accordingly.

[img] [/img]

I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Abraham Lincoln.

Take note, ilovemygears...

my dad earns more in a month than i did in a year working a ok full time job, i think him charging me would be taking the piss,
No,it wouldn't.

Part of being a grown up is paying your own way. Another part is realising just because someone else earns more than you they don't owe you anything.

yes but it means that you can get a career that benefits society that would not be feasible other wise due to its crappy pay, like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free...

like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free...

aaah.. an apt description of the parent with 'unfledged' offspring haunting the nest..

So you expect someone else to finance your charity ?

working for free != a career

no they think its really good...

get a career that benefits society

If only society had a choice as to whether or not you get to inflict yourself and your barely formed semiliterate opinions upon it. Oh well, maybe you'll grow up in the job...

i feel the hate chris i feel the hate.....

my brothers got kicked out at 16.
mum let me stay until i was older though. think it's because i was the only girl.

my sons can stay as long as they like. 🙂

no hate, just sympathy for people who you choose to 'help'.

maybe I was a bit harsh, I'm sure you're a lovely person, sorry.

Maybe it's cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? 😉 Just a cultural thing like?

All depends on circumstances. Left home when went to uni and then my parents split up anyway. Would find it easier to live with my dad if I have to as mum still mothers me when I go home to visit.

1 of my new step brothers lived at home till late 20's and his mum would ring him each morning to make sure he got up for work after she had got to work herself.

Sharing flats with other folk helps you to grow up, understand and learn to tolerate other people.

If your parents accept that you are grown up and treat you as an adult and you do the same by paying your way and being considerate of your parents then it can be a useful way of saving some cash or living somewhere you wouldn't otherwise be able to afford.

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling whilst actually still being dependent on their parents. 😉

Stoatsbrother - Member

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling

Nothing light about it.

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?

My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a s****y new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he's Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you've much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve? 😉

Nothing light about it.

19, living at home during the holidays due to accommodation rules at uni. Got as far away as I could via uni, and plan to stay away the next time I go.

Not quite sure how it works when you finish uni though. Skint, no job (to begin with), massive debt.. Can't see anyway I'd be able to afford a deposit on anything, unless I get a nicely timed windfall somehow.

Elfinsafety - Member
Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?
My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a s****y new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he's Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you've much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve?

lol i think you did, good for you!!! 🙂

Thing is - the OP obviously doesn't like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises 😉 But nice to see care in the community working... And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

Just put her rent up so that it's more than she'd pay if she moved out. That's what the parents of one of my staff did when he was 24. He moved out pretty quickly. If you feel bad charging her loads, put it in a savings account for her towards a deposit or something.

Stoatsbrother - Member
Thing is - the OP obviously doesn't like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises But nice to see care in the community working... And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

i see

Trouble is, when kids back even for a temporary period, it's hard for all concerned. Both mine have bounced back and forth but the interesting thing was that they became a child again. In other words, they expected meals cooked, washing done etc. 😯

I think that for RealMan the situation is quite difficult. Living back at home after Uni means major adjustments, on the part of the returnee obviously. 🙂

And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

+1

My Nan died yesterday afternoon.. she was 96

After 15 years of severe Dementia she is now having a well deserved rest..