grown up kids ….. What age should they be out the family home ?

[/quote]ilovemygears – Member

then again its a two way street, there is no way in hell id let my parents live in a old peoples home, people that are to busy with there own lives to look after the people that gave you life ant worth pissing on in my opinion..

It’s not as simple as that.

Mate of mine earns at least double my salary. He texted me today to tell me he was looking at a house.

If he gets it really quickly, he might have managed to move out of his parents whilst he’s still in his 30s. But I doubt it.

Hmm.

I was a ‘late leaver’ at 24. Been twenty yrs now and i’d never go back even though i love my parents. In that 20yrs i’ve had £100 of my dad towards the water bill when i was unemployed but thats it, i paid my own rent and later raised my own deposit for a mortgage etc.
Thats the way it should be.

My sister on the other hand (only 3 yrs younger than me) has had handouts all the way, and is now such a spoilt brat my own father has disowned her.

Who would want to share a house with a bunch of selfish, squabbling, smelly, untidy twenty somethings when you can share an all mod cons full fridge one with mature understanding ‘housemates’.

Always got on with my parents but left at 16 because they treated me like I was 12. Went back at 20 but could only stand it for long enough to save a deposit.

I know a 53-year-old who’s still not moved out.

I left of my own accord when I was 21. I couldn’t stand it and needed my freedom. I was on my arse for about a year or so until I got a decent job sorted. My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm. I still know people through friends living at home in their 40’s and they don’t have much about them.

Having said all that, the housing and jobs markets are different to when I left home, but if they had a job at 23 mine would certainly be sent packing.

djglover – Member
My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm.

Me too but it certainly didn’t do me no harm

i hope her parents were prosecuted for child abandonment!!

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people’s situations quite frankly.

I’ve moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20’s, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to lo

personally i think people that cant be arsed to look after their kids should be sent to prison until their children are 18,

i think a lot depends on you parents income as well,

Pends though dunnit? I lived with my dad until I was 33. Worked out ok really, most of the time. Had me own space, did what I wanted, dad din’t really bother me about owt. Just two blokes sharing a flat really. Council place in his name so very cheap rent. Suited me fine on a low wage. Allowed me plenty of disposable to travel, buy stuff like bikes etc.

Plus as already said, there’s cultural considerations. Middle Englanders tend to like plenty of space, but many other cultural groups don’t mind being in close proximity to each other. Maybe it’s cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Having said that, I now live on my own, and dunno if I want to give that up, certainly not just yet. Probbly cos I’m insecure and selfish really.

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people’s situations quite frankly.

I’ve moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20’s, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

I do know people almost my age that live with their folks, rent free, dinner on the table every evening, washing done for them etc. which I don’t understand. It doesn’t help prepare them for life on their own at all! But then my mum died when I was 14 and my dad was almost useless domestically, so I was well prepared for life at uni, on my own etc. Moving back in with the folks was mainly to save a bit of money!

My brother moved out of what he told other people was his house at the tender age of 35. He wouldn’t pay rent, so my father used to take it out of his pay packet before he got it.

To the OP I would suggest a hint of confusion on his part – work out if your daughter is a kid or a grown up and treat them accordingly.

I’ve moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20’s, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

my dad earns more in a month than i did in a year working a ok full time job, i think him charging me would be taking the piss,

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Abraham Lincoln.

Take note, ilovemygears…

my dad earns more in a month than i did in a year working a ok full time job, i think him charging me would be taking the piss,
No,it wouldn’t.

Part of being a grown up is paying your own way. Another part is realising just because someone else earns more than you they don’t owe you anything.

yes but it means that you can get a career that benefits society that would not be feasible other wise due to its crappy pay, like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free…

like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free…

aaah.. an apt description of the parent with ‘unfledged’ offspring haunting the nest..

So you expect someone else to finance your charity ?

working for free != a career

no they think its really good…

get a career that benefits society

If only society had a choice as to whether or not you get to inflict yourself and your barely formed semiliterate opinions upon it. Oh well, maybe you’ll grow up in the job…

i feel the hate chris i feel the hate…..

my brothers got kicked out at 16.
mum let me stay until i was older though. think it’s because i was the only girl.

my sons can stay as long as they like. 🙂

no hate, just sympathy for people who you choose to ‘help’.

maybe I was a bit harsh, I’m sure you’re a lovely person, sorry.

Maybe it’s cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? 😉 Just a cultural thing like?

All depends on circumstances. Left home when went to uni and then my parents split up anyway. Would find it easier to live with my dad if I have to as mum still mothers me when I go home to visit.

1 of my new step brothers lived at home till late 20’s and his mum would ring him each morning to make sure he got up for work after she had got to work herself.

Sharing flats with other folk helps you to grow up, understand and learn to tolerate other people.

If your parents accept that you are grown up and treat you as an adult and you do the same by paying your way and being considerate of your parents then it can be a useful way of saving some cash or living somewhere you wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford.

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling whilst actually still being dependent on their parents. 😉

Stoatsbrother – Member

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling

Nothing light about it.

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?

My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a swanky new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he’s Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you’ve much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve? 😉

Nothing light about it.

and yet people still bite

19, living at home during the holidays due to accommodation rules at uni. Got as far away as I could via uni, and plan to stay away the next time I go.

Not quite sure how it works when you finish uni though. Skint, no job (to begin with), massive debt.. Can’t see anyway I’d be able to afford a deposit on anything, unless I get a nicely timed windfall somehow.

Elfinsafety – Member
Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?
My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a swanky new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he’s Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you’ve much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve?

lol i think you did, good for you!!! 🙂

Thing is – the OP obviously doesn’t like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises 😉 But nice to see care in the community working… And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn’t met many people with severe dementia.

Just put her rent up so that it’s more than she’d pay if she moved out. That’s what the parents of one of my staff did when he was 24. He moved out pretty quickly. If you feel bad charging her loads, put it in a savings account for her towards a deposit or something.

Stoatsbrother – Member
Thing is – the OP obviously doesn’t like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises But nice to see care in the community working… And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn’t met many people with severe dementia.

i see

Trouble is, when kids back even for a temporary period, it’s hard for all concerned. Both mine have bounced back and forth but the interesting thing was that they became a child again. In other words, they expected meals cooked, washing done etc. 😯

I think that for RealMan the situation is quite difficult. Living back at home after Uni means major adjustments, on the part of the returnee obviously. 🙂

And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn’t met many people with severe dementia.

+1

My Nan died yesterday afternoon.. she was 96

After 15 years of severe Dementia she is now having a well deserved rest..