Unexpected consequences of aging

Floaty bits before your eyes – thought it was just me, didn’t realise its a thing 🙁

Over the age of 50 you start getting vitreous detachment, if you start getting an usual amount of floaters and/or flashers (ie you see flashes of lights when you move your eyes) it is important to get it checked out as soon as possible, it could signal issues with your retina, which can be quickly and easily resolved if caught early.

needing a Numan subscription, brought on by 13 years of heart trouble. ace.

The acquisition and use of a long shoehorn.

Yeh sitting down for a pee in the night was a revelation, don’t even need to put the light on!

And yeh, at other times at home too. You’d think after 53 years with the thing controlling it would be getting better not worse!

Much of the rest of my body has given up the ghost with one bionic knee already and looking at wrist fusions too in the future. The ticker is a bit dodgy at times, and I’m needing reading glasses too, but managing with cheapo ones from the chemist.

I do seem to be avoiding sprouting hair from every orifice, but that’s about it 😂

Talking of flashes in your eyes. I’ve started getting bright flashes of white light when I get up in the night for the loo! Only relatively recently. At first I thought it was some sort of static, but it’s not, my eyes are closed and it’s like a white flash of lightning in my eye.

The acquisition and use of a long shoehorn.

Genuine lolz 😆
It’s the only way I can get my Northwave Artic boots on without dislocating my dodgy ankles.

We were doing one particular pairs exercise and on one repetition I managed to catch it just on a tiny squeaker….but I knew at the next rep immediately following; yep, whole class had to stop and nearly died from laughing as I made a sound like someone tearing a velvet curtain in half.

Curse you. Laughing so much reading your past at that I involuntarily let a squeaky one out. No control over it whatsoever.

And now thinking I need to acquire and use a long shoehorn – my winter boots are a nightmare to put on, especially in early morning when my back’s yet to loosen up.

eyes are closed and it’s like a white flash of lightning in my eye.

The flashers are caused by tension on the retina due to the normal aging process of vitreous detachment. It is worth getting checked out though at a specialist high street optician, it’s a free NHS service they provide.

I had it checked when I had flashers and a tear in one of my retinas was discovered. It was 100% fixed with laser.

Time is absolutely crucial when it comes to retinas, as after a few hours of detachment and loss of blood supply any blindness cannot be reversed.

I’d better get to Specsavers then 😣

I was supposed to be going ages ago for a hearing test, but I cancelled as I thought I’m not going to wear hearing aids anyway unless my hearing gets a lot worse than it is 😂 According to family it is 😂

I hit 40 last year.

Don’t feel much older than I did at 24.

However…

It seems like injuries take an age to heal.

For instance, I flew my kite on a Belgium beach mid November. Took a tumble and dug my knee into the sand. Thought the next day it was just bruised. Fast forward two months and it’s still not right. Probably should have seen a physio…. 🤔

I’ve got what I think is the on set of a corn on my little toe. WTF.

sitting down for a pee in the night was a revelation, don’t even need to put the light on!

I found similar results when using the bath tub. The important thing is to get up before your misses sees the yellow splashes and remove the evidence.

In hindsight sitting would have been easier.

Sharting.
I live alone, always have, so no excuse not go full trumpet. Till, at 52 i followed through and, in a moment of realisation lept out the chair, knocked over a mug of tea, pulled the laptop off the table and still required clean pants.

take the weight off and start sitting down to pee

Done that. Unfortunately our window vents channel the prevailing wind onto the bog seat, so the 3am pee becomes even more of an awakening event after the shock of the now chilled under thigh support.

At 61 you go upstairs, can’t remember why though but you’re near the toilet now so you might as well pee. You go straight back downstairs and immediately remember why the hell you went upstairs in the first place.

On a brighter note I have become much more accepting.

Shitting myself due to an unfortunate reaction to some meds – oh well, hope I don’t meet anyone I know as I waddle from the car to the front door.*

Driving the cat back from the vets, he wasn’t happy, so I let him curl up on my lap. After 5 minutes he sits up, lets go a tsunami of piss, sniffs my now wet crotch and vacates to the back seat – thanks Scroobs, hope I don’t meet anyone I know as I waddle from the car to the front door.**

More frequently Neptune’s Kiss – hello sailor!

*Thankfully the jeans saved the car upholstery.

**Unfortunately the jeans did not save the car upholstery.

My arms are getting shorter as I get older. Or at least that’s what I thought was happening until I tried varifocals….

immodium instant

Ooh, straight off to find that, thanks

Having to stand closer to the pan…,

Sink for the win.

And on the same standards slipping theme – taking your empty water bottle into a tent with you cos you know you’ll need a piss but getting out of your tent is all too much and…….your water bottle will be fine for its intended use after a rinse out.

I disgust even myself!

Forgetting how to spell simple words when typing.

Honestly, I blame the Internet for this rather than age. For instance, I have never in my life had a problem with affect / effect. They’re totally different words. Now I find myself pausing to check that I’ve got it right because I’ve read them used incorrectly so often.

reading about any sort of ‘complimentary medicine’ and thinking, mmm, sounds interesting.

That’s a neti pot. I was deeply sceptical but I have a slightly less new-age version and it’s brilliant.

Realising you were mostly right all along.

⬛🟧🟧🟧⬛
🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧

Unfortunately our window vents channel the prevailing wind onto the bog seat, so the 3am pee becomes even more of an awakening event after the shock of the now chilled under thigh support.

YOu need one of those fluffy toilet seat covers like your Nan used to in the 80s!

taking your empty water bottle into a tent with you cos you know you’ll need a piss but getting out of your tent is all too much

Fabric softener bottles are perfectly suited (well the wide necked ones are), when i started sleeping in the van overnight i needed an alternative to emptying the bladded at the road side.
Bit of disinfectant in the bottle befor helps.

Forgetting how to spell simple words when typing. Like effect/affect

I find myself getting more pedantic and likely to correct people for this. I don’t mean to be condescending, it’s meant to be educational – don’t people want to learn new things?

reading about any sort of ‘complimentary medicine’ and thinking, mmm, sounds interesting.

It’s complementary. Complimentary medicine would be “here’s two aspirin, and can I just say, your necklace goes really well with your blouse”

Getting SAGA car insurance as it is 1/2 the price of the nearest quote!

PLUS ALL OF THE ABOVE

Piles….now I have to slow down my farts…push too hard well…..I won’t be riding that week

er… my ‘gentlemans’ area… I’m steadily moving down the browns on the B&Q colour selector: I’m at ‘Rusted earth’ from a previously satisfying ‘Brushed gold’.

all the rest I get – but this one has got me thinking WTF!

Can someone explain , I dont get this one – is your cock changing colour? I dont think thats due to aging……

^^^ I’m glad you asked.  That one had me scratching my head and thinking “see a doc mate, that’s galloping knobrot not age”!

also I have finally perfected the one drink hangover

This! I go out to buy a 4pack on a Friday evening, with a feeling that I’d like to get a bit tipsy – then half way down the 2nd tinny I’m ready for bed and wake up in the morning feeling rather heady.

Plus general aches and pains take ages to disappear – and don’t get me started on my Tennis Elbow..

(I’m 50 in a few months)

Deciding I’m not going to ride at Llandegla today because the ambulances are on strike – just in case. Instead I’ll take myself off to the fireroads of Delamere on the gravel bike and hope for the best.

I’m about to marry a man who is older than many of you lot! As far as I’m aware he doesn’t own an extra long shoe horn, or shart regularly. In fact, he seems pretty spritely. Are you all just massively deficient in Vitamin D and he is going to join your frailty club once he moves to this benighted land? Should I be ordering handrails and nightlights for the loo now?

He’s not married yet then? Ergo, not given up on life completely……

You aren’t married yet Hannah. He’s still making an effort. Just you wait.

You start looking back at the G.W. Bush and Tony Blair administrations and thinking that they may have been stupid and incompetent, but you could do much worse.

My job applications for ‘astronaut’ keep being rejected

Most of the above but most of all there’s rarely a day goes by whereby I don’t astound myself at my own stupidity, for example cutting my thumb on the sharp knife I’ve just put into the washing up to soak and instantly forgetting about it, reaching around to my left to turn the reading lamp on knowing full well it’s going to hurt my frozen shoulder but figuring this time it’ll be okay, almost losing the tip of my finger straightening out a rotating disc and the most frustrating thing is taking two days to build a bike that should have taken an afternoon due to carpal tunnel hand droppsy

Mark, that’s cruel 😉

I’m about to marry a man who is older than many of you lot!

For his money? Theres always someone like you in any murder mystery  novel. Your undoing will be the discovery on a hastily scrawled note ‘it was Hann-aaaaaargh’

As far as I’m aware he doesn’t own an extra long shoe horn, or shart regularly.

… as far as you’re aware.

… as far as you’re aware.

Would make for an unforgettable honeymoon

I logged in to say something on this thread but I’ve forgotten what.

Mid 50s I haven’t noticed a whole lot. I’m getting a bit slower physically, take a bit longer to heal, a bit more creaky getting out of bed in the morning. Eyesight very gradually deteriorating, have started wearing specs for driving. I’m not shitting or even pissing myself yet though.

Anyway, it’s better than the alternative, that’s for sure.