Stupid things that are stupid….

surroundedbyhills – Member

In movies and TV EVERYTIME a character walks away having parked their car they press the button to lock it: and it goes “WOOK WOOK” from the alarm. FFS! cars stopped doing that around 1989.

In real life the incessant announcements on commuter trains about no smoking – we stopped smoking on trains oh I guess around 1989! Then the conductor just repeats everything the automated announcer says.

Edit: Just beaten to it by a Spider.

According to SIL who lives in the US, they’re still pretty common over there, people like them to find their cars in car parks. After-all, Americans still insisted on completely non-functional ariels on their mobile’s pre-iphone era.

People on forums that don’t read what others have said before posting a contribution.

Films or programs where they do a computer search and the computer displays all the possible search candidates as its checking through them. JUST DISPLAY THE DAMN FINAL RESULT.

TV programmes like NCIS/CSI etc. where they can seemingly do any search from any screen on any computer. They just type a few characters and the computer calculates the trajectory of a bullet/finds the current GPS location of a mobile phone/brings up the personnel file on a rogue agent/ex-military person.
Can I have one of those computers, please?

Ah, my favourite CSI quote!

“I’ll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic. See if I can track an IP address.”

It’s like that bit in The IT Crowd where Moss and Roy convince Jen that the Internet is in a box, but done with a straight face!

P-Jay – Member

Ah, the same Speed Triple that switches from almost slick road tyres to very knobbly off-road tyres and back again every other shot?

DAMN IT! I missed a bit of my rant out. Yep that’s the one.

Or films where there’s an outbreak of some disease and a random doctor who finds someone with immunity. With a bit of centrifuging and a big computer thing they manage to sequence the DNA, magically identify which piece of DNA confers the immunity and create a vaccine and deploy it to the whole world within about an hour.

Think that was last annoying me on x-files.

In films where they make a bank transfer and there is a progress bar showing the money being sent £ by £ to the recipient’s account….

People on forums that don’t read what others have said before posting a contribution.

whenever someone steps up to a previously working microphone and there’s a SCREEEEEEECHHHHH of feedback #shakesheadandtuts

Contributions on forums by people who have only read the title.

Contributions on forums by people who haven’t read the title.

Entitlement by people who have no contribution.

OMG that is glorious!!!!!

Films or programs where they do a computer search and the computer displays all the possible search candidates as its checking through them

And when someone transfers vast amounts of money to another account it shows a progress bar as the ill-gotten gains are moved, apparently one dollar at a time.
Whenever I log into my computer now I always announce over my shoulder “I’m in!”

And when someone transfers vast amounts of money to another account it shows a progress bar as the ill-gotten gains are moved, apparently one dollar at a time.

Chuckle

DrP

Oy I got there first.

In films where they make a bank transfer and there is a progress bar showing the money being sent £ by £ to the recipient’s account….

Or is this a wind up?

Right, so a serious one now.

Access to Waverly Station, Edinburgh. IT.IS.PISH. and it was really expensive too. A classic case of an attempt to sort out the access problems by spending huge sums of money and then making it worse.

People in my office who work longer than everyone else to try and show how “good” they are at their job, except it does the complete opposite.

No ones mentioned Women yet…. 🙄

Oy I got there first.

My mistake. Just upholding the great STW tradition of not bothering to read any previous posts.

When actors drive cars in action films, and they weave the steering wheel to show they’re driving hard (little lefts and rights)

They’re driving in a straight line, not a slalom!

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

People carrying obviously empty suitcases in films and on TV when they are travelling or going off on holiday etc.

Characters in films getting a REALLY SEVERE HAMMERING and then getting up with just a couple of scratches.

Mr Woppit – Member

Characters in films getting a REALLY SEVERE HAMMERING and then getting up with just a couple of scratches.

Aside; I really like it when it goes the other way. Like, say, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang where Robert Downie Jr spends the entire film getting panelled, and by the end is pretty much ruined. A leading man who fights like a normal person.

Or, weirdly, the first Fast and Furious- by film 17 or whatever it is now, Vin Diesel is some sort of superhero, impervious to all harm (if I got punched by the Rock, I’d disintegrate) but in the first film, stuff actually has consequences- people get hit once and fall down, they get shot once and die in a really unheroic way, fights are undignified and messy, the daft truck boarding scene turns out to actually be risky… And right at the end Vin Diesel crashes his car and gets out completely ****ed. it’s like some sort of documentary.

Except the driving obviously- in the biggest ongoing film irony ever, all the driving is shite.

Had a Skoda that made a plip noise when it was locked or unlocked!

No ones mentioned Women yet….

Alright then, my wife.

She watched me walk into the partially open tailgate of the car, nearly knocking myself out. “Oh mind your head” she says, why the F didn’t she say that before I walked into it……………..

Dinosaur films and TV programs where the T-rex roars like a lion on steroids.

Films or TV programs where someone drives off in a car which has supposidly been going for ages but there is water vapour coming out of the exhaust.

Top Gear any time they are doing something “spontaneously” whacky but you can see the tyre tracks where they have obviously required several takes to get the stunt right.

Hackers in films who manage to hack into things ridiculously quickly.

OMG that is glorious!!!!!

Yes, yes it is!

Also stupid – most depictions of video games in TV shows, whether it’s an appalling fake MMORPG or FPS that looks like it’s been dragged from kicking from the mid-90s being paraded as cutting edge, ANYTHING to do with Second Life, or somebody playing on a modern console yet the sound effects are like Space Invaders bleeps.

In one of the recent Bond films the good guys use all sorts of clever computing power to track the baddies through the Tube network but not once did any of them think to turn the power off to stop the train itself.

Hollywood blockbuster films that have lasers that go pew-pew, are green, and cause huge fires , in the endless vacuum of space, and the mighty roar of the explosion carries through the huge vacuum of space, where punctuation and sentances get longer and longer
and stretched tyres

In space, no-one can hear a pedant scream.

That Hollywood is barely 100yrs old and they seem to have run out of ideas. (I’m looking at you, billionth remake of spiderman).

people get hit once and fall down, they get shot once and die in a really unheroic way,

I’m always struck at how quickly and quietly non-leading actors die when you shoot them – as if its possible to shoot someone in the ‘off’ switch

We watched Fast & Furious 6 (I think) the other night, (the London one) and I was amazed at the length of the runway in the last scene!

Also, I fell off a ladder from a few feet once and winded myself. Falling 40 ft from a speeding truck will put you in ICU!

Road signs and road furniture. Acres and acres of garish metal signage stating and restating the sodding obvious or irrelevant. Caveat Auriga! Should be the mantra. That and hidden bear pits in the road.

And not forgetting “Cyclists Dismount”
No.
**** off.

“Cyclists Dismount”
No.
**** off.

That’s got to be worth a T-shirt.

slowoldman +1

And not forgetting “Cyclists Dismount”

If it’s the riverside footpath in York when I’m coming back after having a retina scan at the hospital so have limited vision and the [rude word removed] cyclist can’t be arsed dismounting on the short section of shared footpath – ride if you want but you’ll end up in the river 🙂

Two similar film things:

The one where any cop in any city instantly knows where some little cafe is.

Or the 2 second telephone call, and the person receiving the information has to remember a zillion things instantly, and does. Any normal person would listen, and go “what?”

The one where any cop in any city instantly knows where some little cafe is.

No, sorry, cops are like cyclists – they really do know where every café is!