Ass-sponge.
I had the displeasure of working with an American called Dave.
Dave was 300+ pounds of Kentucy man, used to be 450+ but lost some weight. He was a vile creature, letching and not unknown for making passes at students at the uni he worked at.
His diet was appalling, once during a cooked breakfast, he over microwaved the butter turning it into a bowl of liquid. Dave proceeded to dunk his bread in the butter, soak it up and eat it.
A whole bar of butter was consumed.
Ass-spongery – Dave used to carry a damp spongle with him, the sort you use for washing dishes with. Because we lived and worked in a tropical country, which used different toilets, bum washing facilities etc, Dave was always paranoid that he hadn’t cleaned properly. And being 300+ pounds he had some spare cracks to keep clean.
Dave carried his ass-sponge as he called it in his back pocket, so that when he had to crap, he had a sponge to wipe himself down with to make sure he was clean. He would then return it to his pocket for the next use.
He claims to have been given this advice by another expat, but I never met any expat who carried an ass-sponge with them.
When I was back, I saw him in the local supermarket, he was back to his 400+ size, so big his arms looked small and deformed.
