Something I had never thought about until yesterday (bum wiping content)

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  • Something I had never thought about until yesterday (bum wiping content)
  • F2B, so you have a clear run out.

    Depends on which side you attack from surely?

    A back to front wipe would be more comfortable for an underarmer, whereas a front to back wipe would suit an overarm wiper better. I would have thought.

    TuckerUK
    Member

    Damn.

    So side to side is definately a no no then? 😳

    bassspine
    Member

    surely B to F is less hygenic for either sex. All those little crevices….

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    I don’t think it matters tbh. You’re not scooping big lumps of poo off, are you? If you have klingons then you need carefully to dab them off in a separate motion anyway otherwise you’ve just smeared it everywhere and made the situation far worse.

    tang
    Member

    Having lived in India water+left hand is the only way. Bog roll for a dry wipe after.

    MrK mkII
    Member

    front to back. unless you want bits of poo in your pubes (I’d have thought) 😐

    docrobster
    Member

    It’s more important for girls, as B2F wiping can lead to urinary tract infections. For lads it doesn’t really matter does it?
    If it’s any consolation my youngest is 10 in about 2 weeks and still asks for help when he’s done a particularly sloppy one- enjoy!

    Having lived in India water+left hand is the only way. Bog roll for a dry wipe after.

    Excellent thinking. I imagine that’s why there so few cases of people getting tummy upsets there then!

    Torminalis
    Member

    I always do a cautionary B2F and then follow up with a couple of F2B’s to ensure a nice shiny fresh ring-piece that you could eat your dinner off.

    HTH

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Back to front when sitting to catch the larger debris, front to back when standing for a final buff.

    Do you ever wonder if we share too much on here?

    samuri
    Member

    F2B first followed by a secondary F2B<->B2F polish.

    You never know when you’re going to get visitors.

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    Debris…. brilliant word for the occasion.

    front to back. unless you want bits of poo in your pubes (I’d have thought)

    What if your pubes continue up your back?

    Premier Icon jimmy
    Subscriber

    Also, I’ve taken to using a wet wipe for a shiny finish. But ALWAYS F2B, no question.

    tonyd
    Member

    Front to back, although it does make it harder to inspect the paper before discarding it.

    If there is potential for lumps I usually hold the paper loose and use a type of pincer movement to ensure capture and avoid smearing, then finish with a F2B or two.

    tang
    Member

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    Clag gone by tangwyn, on Flickr[/img]

    freddyg
    Member

    f2b here too….

    I’m surprised that the question of paper quantity and foldage/scrunch has not been brought up yet. Along with some of our species insistence on emptying, almost, an entire roll into the bog; leaving it for the inspection of subsequent users.

    Premier Icon pedalhead
    Subscriber

    Classic STW awesomeness at it’s best.

    yossarian
    Member

    i use the back to front, arm between legs method

    i also roll my sleeves up

    Maybe the clue here is in who taught you.

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    When using the knees bent, elbows out, head between legs B2F method with an action similar to that employed whilst starting a petrol mower I would suggest wearing a pair of these…

    …and keeping your mouth closed.

    I am not a doctor. Or a supplier of safety glasses.

    Moistened toilet tissues (aka bum wipes in our house) are the most important invention since MRI scanners.

    I don’t know how I ever lived without theme.

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    Reach through with an underarm B2F motion while remaining seated to ensure adequate cheek separation is maintained at all times.

    Could just be my fat ass, but I can’t manage a F2B overarm reach-around while remaining sat down – there simply isn’t room.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    When using the knees bent, elbows out, head between legs B2F method with an action similar to that employed whilst starting a petrol mower

    I think if I tried to wipe like that, I’d have an involuntary secondary poo.

    Premier Icon alfabus
    Subscriber

    tang… is he back pedalling in that picture, must be fixed gear, although he seems to have a cassette and mech. puzzling.

    fbk
    Member

    I think if I tried to wipe like that, I’d have an involuntary secondary poo.

    😆 Classic

    M6TTF
    Member

    funniest threads always involve poo – i’m 5 years old again 🙂

    Premier Icon Woody
    Subscriber

    I’m surprised that there hasn’t been any mention of bidets yet?

    Nothing quite beats the post vindaloo well aimed soothing woosh.

    GrahamS. Exactly. To both paragraphs.

    tang
    Member

    Alfabus – ‘3 speed cling on removal at the flick of a switch’

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    is he back pedalling in that picture, must be fixed gear,

    If he is he’ll need to be careful what gets caught up there…

    (what tyres for…)

    Nothing quite beats the post vindaloo well aimed soothing woosh.

    And then afterwards you can use the bidet.

    coffeeking
    Member

    Does he really need teaching which way to do it? I’m 100% certain I was never told which way to wipe as a child.

    emsz
    Member

    I think I preferred it when you were making lists of your cars

    My wife was teaching my youngest son how to wipe his arse yesterday and told him to wipe it front to back. I heard this and something just didnt seem right about that method.

    I can understand why a woman would do it that way, but my son is not female so surely doesnt have that problem.

    So – what is the consensus on arse wiping direction for males?

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    Does he really need teaching which way to do it? I’m 100% certain I was never told which way to wipe as a child.

    We’re doing the same thing with our little lad at the moment. He does have to be told because he only thinks to wipe the bits he can see. After thrutching out a big ‘un his instinct is to have a good look at it then clean his knees. 🙄

    I use an outside to inside spiral motion centred on the bullethole.

    I then insert a papered fingertip (just the tip mind, I’m no perv) just to make sure it’s all gone, I can then fart confident in the knowledge that no errant little pellet is going to pop out.

    snakebite
    Member

    One of our group (particularly hairy) has to shower after every poo, its a right pain when everyones had breakfast and ready to ride and he suddenly says he needs a crap….

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    Does he really need teaching which way to do it?

    Probably a good idea. I think mine just screws up the bog roll and presses.

    +1 for the poisonspider method sans papered finger.

    Followed by Andrex bum wipe.

    Spotless, like a Sunday morning alter and no chance of an errant malteser.

    How old is he if you don’t mind me asking? A classmate of my youngest (who’s 5) still can’t do it himself and his last attempt at our house had it up his back, over both hands and just about every surface in our downstairs bog. 🙄

    Both of mine can do it themselves now, even if it is using 29 sheets of bog paper per wipe!

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