so there's this girl…

The beauty of the ‘thing’ in my story is that we don’t know their gender until the wedding day?

😆

It’s poetic really isn’t it?

Our lovelorn young buck starts the story obsessed with the physical form, as he falls into dispair he grows and matures, becoming better if slightly more pathetic throughout the novel, coming to teh conclusion that beauty runs so much deeper.

Our hero pops the question and the object of desire accepts gracefully despite having been quietly praying for such a proposal ever since the akward meeting in the corridor weeks before.
They meet outside the pictures and he treats her to many stories of his prowess on a bicycle but she’s only half listening as she finds his spindly bikers legs and acne are making her tingle in her special places. They eat a decent enough meal at a chain Italian, she offers to go dutch but he pays and after a few jars in the local and more half heard conversation she invites him back for coffee. After a short fumble and much panting he realises that a simple question has led him to nirvana.

my version, with the genius addition of the ‘thing’ marriage sounds much more likely/realistic

jools – careful with the ‘she’… this is not known in the early stages 😡

That is true I’m just old fashioned, apologies.

But what about Barry? Have some empathy Yeti. He’s going to be awfully upset.

Following his rejection in the showers, Barry goes the other way and get’s together with ‘the girl’… they are happy together and have beautiful babies.

Brycerw : “I’ve been thinking, you should see my Cock”
girl “I’m sorry”
Brycerw “Yeah, we should, y’know, get it together.”
girl “I wouldn’t **** you if you were the MD of this dump”
Brycrw “why are you fighting it, you want it, I want it, lets get together and feel alright”
girl “You couldn’t make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer”

8)

I’m banned, aren’t I?

Good work emsz… Brycerw…. just bowl on up to her and ask her…

“do you want to play the rape game?”

I hope not emsz – excellent work and gives a bit of balance to the ‘laddishness’ of the thread 8)

“no!”

“That’s the spirit!”

Dawn raiders – That’s where I smash your back door in.

Phil you’re good at this, keep playing like that and you might win! 🙂

“You couldn’t make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer”

PMSL – genius, sheer genius

<EDIT> OP, you could approach you beloved, smiling sweetly, stapler in hand and tell her the internet suggested…

“I’ve been thinking, you should see my Cock – sweet-cheeks.”

A little compliment makes such a big difference to the ladies. 😉

i find a simple straight forward approach works… something along the lines of:

“you is well fit bruv, wanna ride in my corsa down to the Maccy-D’s carpark?”

or

“excuse me young lady, i wasnt aware its bring your sexy daughter to work day, what department does your mum work in?” (they like to feel young and attractive these wimminz)

or

“i bet i can weigh your boobies”

*grab boobs, give them a jiggle and shout “waheyy!”*

or rent a private jet and tell her to suck your tongue.

Phil – you is like well cool innit bruv! You must be beating them off with a shitty stick fella!!

my only experience with asking women out biking is that you end up traveling miles to do a ride that is a 3rd of your normal distanceand you feel cheated that you didnt break a sweat and you end up cleaner their bike for them.

apologies to all women who ride long distances and clean their own bike

with lines like that do you really think i’d ever be turned down? 😆

more suggestions:

walk up, stick a post-stick note on her head with ‘mine’ written on it.

start a rumour you had to have your penis shortened as the weight was causing you lower back problems

invent sexually suggestive nicknames for yourself around the office:

“hi, i’m phil, but people around here call me ‘the pork swordsman'” for example.

bring a kitten/puppy/someones baby to work, ladies love that stuff.

so now he’ll be arrested on suspicion of sexual harassment for parading a tiny fluffy pussy around the office and asking strange women out for a ride!

Genius!

STW proves itself again as the purveyor of wisdom and common sense solutions to the worlds hardest problems

bring a kitten/puppy/someones baby stapler and a tumble drier to work, ladies love that stuff.

tried a chest wig?

tried a chest wig?

Or some Carlos Fandango Super Wide Wheels on your Corsa?

a corsa?! you think i own a corsa?! i’m not made of money like deadlydarcy you know 😯

Tell her your PhilConsequence off of the internet?

Make sure you don’t say you’re Jamie by accident.

Jamie? Owner of the huge worldwide egg empire?!!

*swoons*

Carlos Fandango Super Wide Wheels

I don’t think anyone under the age of 40 will have any idea what these are but whoever thought up that name was a genius.

well you know, i live my life a quarter mile at a time.

girl “You couldn’t make me feel alright even if you stapled your toungue to my clit and sat on a tumble dryer”

*Applauds loudly*

Sheer genius, I’ll be using a variation of that quote in future.

It’s been a while since I read through this thread, I’m assuming that he hasn’t sailed the skin boat to tuna town yet?

sailed the skin boat to tuna town yet

also worth applauding!

i’m going to start whacking this at the end of some of my posts so hopefully i wont need to keep bumping the thread swinley forum ride <—

Be king of the road, showing your age there chap!

I expect he is reciting a mantra in the gents lavatories before he chances his arm with our heroine. Chances are she is frothing at the gash but he is blind to it.

I’m assuming that he hasn’t sailed the skin boat to tuna town yet?

*spits tea*

😆 😆

To be fair, he’d need eyes mounted on stalks on his feet to veryify that, joolsburger.

Or excellent hearing.

So can someone summarise for me, has the gentleman in question invited the lucky lady out for a coffee and pastry or not?

I don’t think so PJM, I think though brycerw might be regreting asking on here for advice, I don’t think we’ve been that useful. LOL

I beg to differ! This is a public service!

Agreed Andy. Not only that but I think he’s helped with a potential best seller.

I can’t remember if I asked for pictures or not, but… if brycerw would be so kind as to post up a picture of himself and the girl then we’ll be able to tell him whether to pursure his dreams or just lock it up in ‘the bank’?

OP earlier this morning 8)