'smacking children'…what's the STW opinion?

I’m sure this has been covered here before but I’m rather intrigued as to the general STW opinion on the topic of smacking. I’ve no intension of this thread turning into something controversial, although it probably will!

We recently had a family gathering with all my uncles, aunts & cousins and the conversation got round to this topic. We were all raised in the Highlands and mostly in small towns or villages. Generally speaking we were all raised similarly in that we all knew that bad behaviour had consequences. In the most extreme cases, when all other avenues of discipline were exhausted, we were smacked. In reality this was very seldom and only when we had ‘really’ stepped over the mark i.e. setting fire to my uncles shed…again! 😳

I can’t speak for the rest of my cousins and family but IME I can’t really say that when I was smacked it did me any harm. In fact, now that I’m a little older (and wiser!) the knowledge that my misdemeanours had potentially ‘unpleasant’ consequences made me think twice. I never set fire another shed, although I’m still a total pyromaniac!

Would I be right in saying that the ‘general’ populous believes smacking is a horrific things that shouldn’t ever be considered, regardless of the circumstances?

Discuss….!

‘smacking children’…what’s the STW opinion?

your own, possibly. other peoples definitely not.

Nope. Violence is not the answer.

Kids need to know why what they have done is wrong, and what its implications are for other people; not just to be afraid of punishment. There are plenty of ways to punish kids that are far more effective than simply hitting them.

There isn’t neceassarily a right answer, is there though I’m sure that won’t stop people claiming the one true way (TM).

I was much the same as the OP – smacked occassionally as a kid. I don’t think it harmed me. Pre-kids, I’ve have said that I would probably do the same and smack if necessary.

Now that I have kids though, it doesn’t seem to have been necessary so I never have. It could just be that my kids have personalities that work that way. Quite possibly other kids are different.

Most of the time, definitely not, but there are occasions where nothing else will work. Throwing a tantrum half-way across a zebra crossing and stomping off sideways, playing with electric sockets, that sort of thing, perhaps once a year.

I only smack other people’s children

Give them a belt

And

Won’t someone think of the children

That’s basically the replies you’ll get on here

I sit in the give them a belt camp

They don’t need belts when they’re young. Most of their troons are elasticated.

Just half a gram now and then, if they can’t get to sleep.

I say take them to McDonald’s or such like.

They won’t realise it but you’re actually setting them up for a lifetime of health and emotional issues.

In principle I don’t think a light smack on a young child is wrong in certain circumstances (eg child running into road) but, like clubber, with my two it’s never been necessary. Whether that’s down to luck in having two fairly “good” kids I don’t know.

Discipline not punishment.

I was smacked and worse as a kid.

I have no issue with it personally.

I never interact with kids so its of no concern to me

I was smacked as a kid and I think it did do me some harm -when it happened I feel like my mum had lost control of herself, and that things other than my behaviour at the time led to this happening

Because of this I think it’s much better to have a clear “no smacking” policy – what you (as a parent) think of as “justified” smacking at the time may with hindsight not be

I was smacked and worse as a kid.

I was royally beaten for no reason as a child. As a weird bi-product I have a very high tolerance to pain.

I have absolutely no issue with ‘smacking’ in the right context.

If you are tempted to smack your children I think it’s time to improve your parenting skills. I would never ever lay a finger on my children. I think it’s absolutely disgusting.

I’m not against it… although my lad has remarkably made it to 5 years old without it happening.

What *really* pees me off is parents who constantly threaten to smack but never actually do.

“If you do that again I’ll give you such a smack!”

Kid does it again.

“If you do that again I’ll give you such a smack!”

kid does it again

“If you do that again I’ll give you such a smack!”

etc etc.

Either do it or don’t do it but if both you and the kid know it’s never going to happen you’ve lost already.

I was smacked as a kid (it would have to be exceptionally bad) and I don’t think I’ve anything against it in principle. Luckily, I’ve managed to raise a 17-year old without having to resort to it myself. Maybe that’s good parenting or maybe some kids just don’t need it. I certainly wouldn’t pass judgement on someone who did as I wouldn’t have the necessary background information.

If you are tempted to smack your children I think it’s time to improve your parenting skills. I would never ever lay a finger on my children. I think it’s absolutely disg

So why is it legal?

I train teachers and children and young people’s services employees in difficult and dangerous behaviour management and the use of reasonable force. My opinion is that smacking almost certainly wont be as effective as other options you might have because you are punishing behaviour that has already happened with an action that is completely unrelated to it. You are essentially saying “If you do this again I will hurt you again”. The best way to alter a child’s behaviour is to work out what is causing it (what need they are trying to meet through it) and fix that. The idea being that consistently doing this will stop all future incidents. So the message becomes; “I have fixed/explained the problem so there is no need for you to do this again.” Or possibly “Here is a better response to this problem.”
The other side of this issue is that as adults we should be role modelling the behaviour we want from our children, so by smacking them we are saying that violence can be the answer.

I do agree that there will occasionally be times when some kind of force is necessary however, as described by slowoldgit. Not sure if smacking is that force, but that’s another discussion.

Just half a gram now and then, if they can’t get to sleep.

Is that you dad?

Like a lot of the other replies, I’m not against a light smack in certain circumstances, but have never smacked either of my two children.

I’ve only smacked my kids a couple of times, once was to stop her biting me which was more of a natural reaction than a distinct decision, the other occasions were down to them putting themselves in danger and a rapid response which had to be be understood by the child. Other than that i’d rather not and dont and to be honest those things dont happen any more. I cant honestly say that i would never do it again though.

Just because it isn’t illegal doesn’t mean it is right.

@Hora: It’s legal because otherwise parents would be afraid to pull children out of the way of a bus or break up a fight, not because it’s the best way to discipline a child.

Re the safety issues like electric sockets or running into roads: I don’t think most kids run into roads to deliberately be naughty – they just don’t realise it’s dangerous. So you should be able to train them as soon as they can walk to look out for dangerous stuff.

“Car comm!” was one of my youngest’s first phrases, and I think “careful!” actually was my eldest’s first word, which she said herself when she realised she was in danger of falling off something.

IF you’re going to smack (although I’d prefer to grab, shout and explain) do it when they are being deliberately wilfully naughty. I think shouting and grabing is fine for danger situations – they can tell the difference between anger, danger, sadness and happiness pretty early on.

maybe some kids just don’t need it

We had a discussion about smacking on another forum and ^ this came up alot.

Some kids are (I know you’ll argue over this) better, calmer naturally.

Our friends daughter is a joy, lovely. Soo nice. Whereas our son pushed the boundaries of everything imaginable since he could walk. Both attend the same nursery and have known each other since 6months+ (in the same nursery).

re the road/safety issues. Here you go:

Our lad would ride towards a road on purpose, turn and grin. I quickly figured out he loved the reaction it gave. So I adjusted my reaction, calm, talked to him. Again he did the samething this time it was bloody dangerous. Before he could blink I had whipped his pants down and clipped him round the leg- that was a real shock. Guess what? Hes good as gold around roads now. Same with plugs- he went through the same situation/set up with them.

So AVOID ALL ROADS then huh? No. Why. Ridiculous.

You nip bad behaviour in the bud. Some kids are naturally better than others. Don’t apply your wonderful ‘technique’ where talking to and getting around the need for smacking as ‘good parenting’.

Not all children are the same.

It just seems like you’ve lost the argument if you have to resort to violence – I’ve never felt the inclination to smack my daughter.

I did once, when she was in a mood and hit me, hit her back with the same force* to demonstrate that hitting people hurts – she just looked surprised and agreed that it did hurt.

*she’s 3 – so very little force indeed.

Again, good parenting will circumvent any need to hit a child.

Again, good parenting will circumvent any need to hit a child.

and what percentage of the population would fall into the ‘good parent’ category 100% of the time.

Some people fail to be good parents ever.

Most of us would accept we’ve made mistakes as parents (and have hopefully learned from them).

Maybe smacking a child (and there’s a a difference between being gentle and leaving the weals of a hand print) is a demonstration that the parent has failed on that occasion but it’s not the end of the world.

Again, good parenting will circumvent any need to hit a child.

No thats your experiences in your situation with a different child.

Some kids lack the empathy required to see that you shouting and looking upset is a bad thing. That’s hard to deal with, for sure. Still not convinced hitting them is a good idea though.

Our youngest is a bit like that – she laughs as you try and tell her off for some things. But she knows to look out for cars coming and to get out of the way or she might get squashed. I don’t know why – maybe it’s because as soon as she could walk she was out walking with us and was trained on this before she was old enough for silly buggers.

Depends on your own morals I guess. I am pretty shite at most things, but I know I’m a great parent. I barely work and don’t care about it when I do work, im prob not a very good employee as it just gets in the way of the rest of my life. Being a great dad is the only thing I put loads of time into and when I look back should I live to be old, I won’t have accomplished much in a career, but I know that I’ll have spent far more time than most dads with their kids and enjoyed it immensely. The thought of laying even the slightest finger on my two girls has never ever occurred. Maybe I’m lucky to have always ‘been there’ for them, but I’ve no doubt that why they are the best behaved kids I’ve ever come across, and it wasn’t accomplished through fear…

So why is it legal?

More interesting questions are
1. Why is it illegal to smack an adult but niot a child?
2. Why is it ONLY legal for me to smack my children?

I’ll always strive to be a better parent loddrik but my son will know risk, will grow up robust, fall alot, get hurt. Get back up.

A neighbour asked me if it was wise letting our son ride the national cycle centre bmx track at just 2. I said ‘why not’? They’ll be more to come. Hes going to live his life.

Agree with wwaswas..

@ loddrik: *bites tongue*

Discipline not punishment.

I’d love to know what happens when the 1st part fails, & looking out there at lots of people (& where I work) It’s blatantly obvious the discipline part has failed miserably.

A lot of prisoners I work with have violent tendencies because they were beaten as kids, others are totally undisciplined because they never had a smack, & there’s a massive difference between a beating & a smack.

More interesting questions are
1. Why is it illegal to smack an adult but niot a child?
2. Why is it ONLY legal for me to smack my children?

Because if someone punched you in the street you’d rightfully feel aggrieved?

Its NOT legal to smack a child. Please make the right distinction. Smack is an emotive word that shouldn’t be applied to this situation unless you are passively-trolling on such a subject.