'smacking children'…what's the STW opinion?

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  • 'smacking children'…what's the STW opinion?
  • loddrik
    Member

    Is it..? I can’t think of any other reason why anyone wold want to hit (or assault, as it would legally be classed as) their children.

    Premier Icon rosscopeco
    Subscriber

    I’m sure this has been covered here before but I’m rather intrigued as to the general STW opinion on the topic of smacking. I’ve no intension of this thread turning into something controversial, although it probably will!

    We recently had a family gathering with all my uncles, aunts & cousins and the conversation got round to this topic. We were all raised in the Highlands and mostly in small towns or villages. Generally speaking we were all raised similarly in that we all knew that bad behaviour had consequences. In the most extreme cases, when all other avenues of discipline were exhausted, we were smacked. In reality this was very seldom and only when we had ‘really’ stepped over the mark i.e. setting fire to my uncles shed…again! 😳

    I can’t speak for the rest of my cousins and family but IME I can’t really say that when I was smacked it did me any harm. In fact, now that I’m a little older (and wiser!) the knowledge that my misdemeanours had potentially ‘unpleasant’ consequences made me think twice. I never set fire another shed, although I’m still a total pyromaniac!

    Would I be right in saying that the ‘general’ populous believes smacking is a horrific things that shouldn’t ever be considered, regardless of the circumstances?

    Discuss….!

    marcus
    Member

    I dont believe the occasional smack on the legs / bum does any long term harm if appropriately balanced by lots of love and affection if other areas of their life.

    loddrik
    Member

    I’d say that sends out mixed messages. Why would someone who appears to love me want to hit me…

    warton
    Member

    I got put over my dads lap a couple of times and smacked. hated it, but I don’t think it’s affected me.

    That said, we’ve never smacked William, who’s coming up to 4, but we’ve never needed to, he’s a great little lad. he has his tantrums, as all toddlers / young kids do, but we tend to have a chat about it after it’s happened.

    I don’t think he’s ever been willfully ‘naughty’ tbh.

    clubber
    Member

    Why would someone who appears to love me tell me that I can’t have X, Y or Z or do A, B or C?

    hora
    Member

    I dont believe the occasional smack on the legs / bum does any long term harm if appropriately balanced by lots of love and affection if other areas of their life.

    I’d add to that that you explain very quickly WHY the chastisement was delivered.

    I’ve only needed to do this TWICE. Once with plugs (wanted to plug the tv in as I’d turned it off) and a bike on the roads.

    Oh I was one of the last people to receive the cane BTW. Jesus wept I changed my ways after receiving that.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Discipline not punishment.

    I’d love to know what happens when the 1st part fails

    Keep trying to do it better.

    Why would someone who appears to love me tell me that I can’t have X, Y or Z or do A, B or C?

    That’s where you need to explain. Even if they are too young to understand what you are saying, it diffuses the situation, it shows them love and care, and in trying to get them to listen you’ll learn about how to get them to listen in the future. Even if it fails for the first couple of years.

    I’ve only needed to do this TWICE. Once with plugs (wanted to plug the tv in as I’d turned it off) and a bike on the roads.

    So, does he not do these things now because he knows it’s dangerous, or because he thinks Dad might smack him? (serious question)

    hora
    Member

    Keep trying to do it better.

    How? Seriously. I know what happens the parents lose the battle of the wills and shrink into themselves. The child becomes what he/she wants (and becomes a madam etc).

    Either that or it goes chemical with a trip to the Psych/Doc’s.

    Some children really are more of a handful than others. WHAT do you do then?

    pondo
    Member

    I don’t remember ever actually being smacked as a child, but I’m sure it must have happened from time to time, as I know if I had been REALLY naughty, I would have had a slap around the back of the legs – and my parents were great, I remember them with nothng but love. I kind of see the point of view of people saying “if you smack, you’ve lost control/the argument”, but I also think, say I’d seen my own hypothetical child wanting to do something I knew was really dangerous, and I needed to head that behaviour off at the pass quicksharp, then I don’t see physical chastisement as an option to be avoided.

    As JY said, if you smack another adult, you’ll end up being arrested etc. So the idea that its fine for a parent to smack a child; the smallest, must vulnerable human beings, is ludicrous.

    I can’t fathom why anyone would want to hit a child. I’m sure that most right minded people would spend a long time questioning and soul searching if they hit (assaulted) another adult, but hitting a kid…. No problem.

    loddrik
    Member

    Keep trying to do it better.
    How? Seriously. I know what happens the parents lose the battle of the wills and shrink into themselves. The child becomes what he/she wants (and becomes a madam etc).

    That’s your problem right there.

    Premier Icon scotroutes
    Subscriber

    Why is it illegal for children to buy cigarettes and alcohol, to drive, to have sex, to get married? After all they are all people – right?

    pondo
    Member

    Ooo – just to add to the ineffectual parents thing, I’ve seen a couple of instances (once at a dentist, once on a boat ride) where the parents have tried (and failed) to control their children with “if you don’t behave, the dentist/boat captain will be really angry with you!!” Not advocating slapping in those instances, but there’s definitely folks out there who don’t know how to drive their kids.

    hora
    Member

    That’s your problem right there.

    Have any of your children been feisty or difficult (will not listen)?

    marcus
    Member

    Fervour – Likewise, if I starting kissing a stranger on the tummy and tickleing in them till they cried i would also be arrested.

    loddrik
    Member

    Of course, they are children. But I am very patient with them and don’t often lose my temper with them. I love them more than anything in the world, how could I possibly want to hit them. Me staying calm helps them react in a similar way.

    marcus
    Member

    You dont need to lose you temper to place a well timed smack. And likewise i would never hit them

    +1 Loddrik – Why would you want to inflict violence on a child, it teaches them nothing other than you are hurting them.

    We have managed to get ours to 14 & 16 without ever lifting a finger to them and they have had their moments like all kids, from what others say about them they seem to have turned out decent human beings.

    Haven’t ever had to smack any of my three yet.

    Presently, one of the following seems to do the trick.

    ‘Stop doing that or I’ll wash your hair at bath time’

    ‘Stop doing that or you won’t go to Beavers/swimming/the swing park’

    and

    ‘Lose the attitude or I will pick you up in my pyjamas, and I will get out of the car’

    clubber
    Member

    Indeed but and this I always wonder… If it was shown that smacking (in a controlled way) was effective and lead to well balanced kids/adults, would it be ok then?

    hora
    Member

    loddrik what will you do if in 3-5yrs one of your children starts getting into trouble/goes off the rails?

    Pour them a cup of Chamomile tea and suggest Yoga?

    yunki
    Member

    I have exactly the same outlook as you Loddrick, except I have two hard fighting boys with clashing personalities..
    I wonder if our reactions would be different if our circumstances were reversed?

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Keep trying to do it better.
    How? Seriously.

    Good question. You really have to understand your kids and what’s going through their minds when they act up – and if it’s worth making a fuss over. Maybe some parents can’t do this, in which case it’s going to be difficult

    My sister has a fairly hyper 6yo. When we were camping the other weekend, we had a raised fire basket thing. He had been told not to mess about whilst sitting around it, but there was another kid there and of course his mind wandered and there was a bit of very mild pushing and playing. My BiL told him off once and that he was being dangerous, then the second time shortly afterwards he was made to go and have a time out for punishment.

    The thing is, he’s really a good kid, but he’s been punished far too much for things he doens’t understand, he always has been. If they do try and explain to him what he’s doing wrong, he thinks he’s being punished so he shuts down and can’t listen. He’s also incredibly sensitive and can’t handle his feelings of hurt when they are telling him off or punishing him. So he goes from fun to misery without really understanding why. I don’t think it makes for a particularly secure environment.

    They don’t really understand how he works and how they need to deal with him, but they hand out (non physical) punishment when it’s doing more harm than good.

    I think the comparison between assaulting an adult and smacking a child is a bit irrelevant? The kind of force you’d use when smacking (open hand) a child would be laughable to an adult (obviously if you are using the same force that you’d hit an adult with than that is majorly wrong – and you need help!).

    I don’t remember being smacked but I did get the odd flick around the ear which provided a suitable short, sharp pain that was unpleasant enough to act as a deterrent without being mentally scarring and strangely I was still able to tell my dad loved me!

    It is also perhaps a valuable a life lesson that if you wind some people up enough they will react violently (wrong as this may be).

    All that said I don’t have kids yet and not sure how I’d feel about if and when I do.

    Fervour – Likewise, if I starting kissing a stranger on the tummy and tickleing in them till they cried i would also be arrested.

    So, in other words hitting strangers bad, hitting people you know fine?

    I think the comparison between assaulting an adult and smacking a child is a bit irrelevant? The kind of force you’d use when smacking (open hand) a child would be laughable to an adult (obviously if you are using the same force that you’d hit an adult with than that is majorly wrong – and you need help!).

    Of course but its all relative isn’t it. What is an acceptable amount of physical pain to inflict on a child then relative to the amount of physical pain you’d inflict on an adult?

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Imagine how you’d feel if one of your colleages started pushing you in the chest whilst looking angry?

    loddrik
    Member

    loddrik what will you do if in 3-5yrs one of your children starts getting into trouble/goes off the rails?
    Pour them a cup of Chamomile tea and suggest Yoga?

    I certainly won’t be assaulting them.

    TuckerUK
    Member

    I was brought up with, and (therefore not surprisingly) of the opinion that it’s a good option to have as a last resort.

    However, my routine brings me into contact with some mental health and paediatrics people, and their opinion is it isn’t ever required. Now, that could be political correctness talking (the same phenomenon that gives us infant genital mutilation, as long as they are male), who knows, but I’d be extremely silly to completely dismiss their views.

    marcus
    Member

    Mol – if I’lld just scrapped a set of car keys down his car, I’ll have said he has a good point ??

    loddrik what will you do if in 3-5yrs one of your children starts getting into trouble/goes off the rails?
    Pour them a cup of Chamomile tea and suggest Yoga?

    Hora – tell me you are kidding, would hitting the kid help develop the rapport needed to get them back “on the rails”?

    I would suggest it is more likely to cause them to step further away and be even more unruly.

    I think it all boils down to circumstance… if a child is biting you and inflicting pain, then it is reasonable to give them an inclination of the pain they are causing, so they understand that it’s not nice.

    loddrik
    Member

    I’m quite confident that in the years between them being born leading up to the time of them biting, they’d have been educated to understand that biting anyone was completely unacceptable and therefore no biting would have occurred.

    My kids know what is acceptable and what isn’t. They know that hitting and telling anyone to shut up is not acceptable. They’ve known this from a very young age. I don’t need to use violence to instil such boundaries.

    Clong
    Member

    Theres been a couple of knee jerk moments, one time when the daughter was very angry about being put in the car. When i picked her up she, lunged for my eyes and managed to hook her finger in. Purely on instinct, i “swatted” her arm away. One other time she was having a tantrum about leaving the swimming pool and then punched me in the knackers, again my arm was in motion before i’d thought about it. In neither case was the smack hard, but it was more of a shock for both her and me.

    I’d not smack her in a premeditated way though, i think there are better ways myself.

    fasthaggis
    Member

    If you see a badly behaved child,ignore them and smack the parent.
    It is after all ,completely their fault < smiley and wink emoticons removed >

    Premier Icon cb
    Subscriber

    I’d love to live in Loddrik’s perfect world (which I doubt exists beyond his grey matter). I agree with ‘some’ of his views but delivering them in such a sanctimonious fashion is laughable.

    Parents have legal and moral responsibilities to do their best for their kids – trying to argue that one way to raise a child is better than another is pompous and arrogant. Common sense dictates what is right and wrong and will differ in each case. No one here is advocating ‘assault’!!

    DrP
    Member

    I’ve taken a slightly different approach…
    I pretty much constantly smack my son, day in day out, only slowing down the frequency and velocity when he’s well behaved…..

    DrP

    loddrik
    Member

    I’d love to live in Loddrik’s perfect world (which I doubt exists beyond his grey matter). I agree with ‘some’ of his views but delivering them in such a sanctimonious fashion is laughable

    We don’t want you here, its fine just as it is.

    Junkyard
    Member

    The kind of force you’d use when smacking (open hand) a child would be laughable to an adult

    It would still be assault as you dont actually have to harm them to assault them- perhaps I should demonstrate by slapping you across the face 😉

    trying to argue that one way to raise a child is better than another is pompous and arrogant.

    Tell that to the wests

    No one here is advocating ‘assault’!!

    yet that is what it would be if you did it to an adult

    Keep trying to do it better.

    For how long? Can you give me a timeframe?

    marcus7
    Member

    Sorry Loddrik but my parenting skills not being as awesome as yours meant that at 18 months id failed in my education of my daughter about the rights and wrongs of biting objects including me. mind you i blame her too for not paying attention… MY reaction was instinctive as the sudden pain in my chest from the bite was unexpected and i would like it to have stopped… still shes five now and never bites anyone1 who knew??. I’m not a bad parent by the way and spend as much time with my kids as i possibly can (much nore than most dads i know) and i very rarely loose my temper, but being human i cant say never.

    loddrik
    Member

    Good for you…

    richpips
    Member

    Disappointed. I thought this was about smoking children.

    yunki
    Member

    Like kippers or in a rizla?

Viewing 45 posts - 46 through 90 (of 148 total)

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