People with no kids – any regrets?

I think you live the life you think is best for you. If you are lucky you will manage to be happy for much of it. I don’t think there is any component* that guarantees you happiness or satisfaction. Do what feels right.

FWIW my wife always said no to children, then changed her mind because she knew I wanted them (there was no pressure from me). It worked out OK for us.

* Not children anyway. Possibly a carbon framed Lapierre Zesty.

There’s some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life’s incomplete without kids.

Its not meant to be patronising. And you should pity us. Its just that having kids turns you into a right soppy bloody girlchild! I don’t know whether its your mad paternal hormones, or what? But Its bloody embarrassing at times, believe me!!!

How on earth are you meant to keep any kind of decorum, when you inexplicably burst into tears watching Rolfs Animal Hospital. Awwwwwwwwwww… the puppy’s got a thorn in his paw…..

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 😥

I do notice the stuff I’ve given up. I gave up some stuff when I got married, and I’ve given up more with kids.

My wife like some light outdoor stuff but isn’t a hardcore biker, mountaineer, explorer or anything like that. So whilst she never prevented me from doing anything, I didn’t end up going on expeditions because I wanted to spend time with her and make her happy. She wouldn’t have stopped me going off to wherever for a week, but I would have missed her a lot.

Likewise with the kids. I’m reduced to snatching short training rides here and there when I can, but it’s all part of the project and that’ll ease up later in life. My aim is to make sure it does, at any rate.

what binners said. I blub at the drop of a hat now.

I don’t think it is meant to be patronising, it is just how being a parent makes people feel.

Being a parent makes people smug and patronising? I don’t need any help with that TBH. 🙂

I dunno, there is a bit of a hint here of some people thinking they are somehow superior to those who don’t have kids, or that having kids is somehow a noble higher calling free from base selfishness etc.

I don’t see it that way – if you want to be cynical people have kids to fulfil basic biological urges – nowt noble about that (not saying it’s wrong either).

Having kids is selfish – it’s saying ‘my dna is soooo good that it’s my duty to bequeath it to future generations.

For me I don’t feel like I don’t get to do what I want to anymore, more that it makes me experience things I wouldn’t have done before.

Like:

Go camping (with my wife rather than at a 24hr bike race)

Going to Disneyland

Softplay

Birthday Parties

Dens

Make-believe

Hugs

Making cakes and buns

Sunday morning pancakes

Watch childrens’ films such as Toy Story, Mary Poppins etc

And lots more besides…

EDIT: And I can’t wait for them to go to school (September) so I can hear about the things they have learned that day, see them in nativity plays, go to parent / teacher meetings…

binners – Member
But Its bloody embarrassing at times, believe me!!!

How on earth are you meant to keep any kind of decorum, when you inexplicably burst into tears watching Rolfs Animal Hospital. Awwwwwwwwwww… the puppy’s got a thorn in his paw…..

Binners thats just you 😆

I don’t decry anyone for not having kids, but for those comparing their thoughts, feelings and opinions of other people’s kids with how they would feel about their own, it is very very different. I don’t much like other people’s kids, whereas my own is the single greatest thing that has ever existed, ever.

Having kids is selfish – it’s saying ‘my dna is soooo good that it’s my duty to bequeath it to future generations.

What if your DNA really is that good though? 😉

I can’t believe people have them in this day and age. Species going extinct everywhere, rivers and oceans polluted, industrial levels of farming required to sustain the population, energy, water, and other resource wars in the future.

It’s pretty arrogant and selfish IMO. What’s the stats for nappies alone? 3000 in the landfill per child I think. Something ridiculous anyway. The friends I know who have them lead the most dull lives. Racing around in the SUV to pick up the little darlings from school so they can get to dance class etc. All that investment and when they reach teenage years they can’t stand you.

A mugs game IMO. Don’t let your genes con you into it.

s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren’t. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it’s difficult to describe.

@JCL then just when you need a bit of help in payback they shove you into a retirement home in Bulgaria, flog the house and disappear off to Miami

I am the eldest of five children (I’ve got four younger sisters – 😯 ), raised by a frankly incredible mother. Even now, I don’t know how she managed it.

I don’t want kids – I don’t feel especially qualified to bring anybody into this world and (biology aside, ha) I struggle to imagine the circumstances inwhich it would happen. I’m a single bloke in my mid-thirties, and (outside my job), I do whatever the fug I want. But there’s no point debating the merits of such a decision: it’s like being in Love – if you’re in it, it’s real. If you ain’t, so what?

A lack of Me time is showing to be a common theme amongst all you parents.

To be honest, people who end up losing all their “me time” tend to be the ones who whinge on about it most. I know plenty of parents who manage to do lots of fun stuff. And lots who don’t. They were roughly as shit or good at time management before having kids too.

I don’t much like other people’s kids, whereas my own is the single greatest thing that has ever existed, ever.

Hmmm – you do know that your kid isn’t actually anything special and you’re just blinded by a biological connection don’t you? Again, not sure I want to get so blinkered and obsessed with something based on primeval urges to procreate. 🙂

Grum – I am sure he knows that, I think irony was in his post.

We’re all special grum. Even you.

I know plenty of parents who manage to do lots of fun stuff. And lots who don’t. They were roughly as shit or good at time management before having kids too.

Worth quoting as possibly the only thing I’ll ever agree with Darcy about.

I reckon the cross-over age when you do more because you have kids to do things with rather than pass up things they can’t be involved with is about seven.

It’s pretty arrogant and selfish IMO

Would you call your parents that?

If you’re right, no-one should have kids and the human race would be extinct. Would the Earth be a better place without humans? It would simply be full of other species who would take over the world and mould it for themselves if only they knew how.

Life is selfish, and without life the Earth is a floating rock. So really, who cares if we live on it or not? Given our biological makeup it makes more sense to care about those close to you. And having kids is an excellent way to have people close to you.

Now I’m not saying that everyone needs kids, but it’s not particularly selfish to have two. Having 15 is a bit daft mind.

Hmmm – you do know that your kid isn’t actually anything special and you’re just blinded by a biological connection don’t you? Again, not sure I want to get so blinkered and obsessed with something based on primeval urges to procreate.

Hate to suggest this Grum – but perhaps most of your (and everybody’s!) behaviours have a fairly “primeval” basis…!

No kids, now in my mid-40’s and never had any regrets. I don’t dislike children, but I have never enjoyed playing etc with them. I don’t think I’m selfish, and life isn’t all one big snowboarding party 🙂 but I do enjoy having the freedom to go out onto the hills and wander for as long as I want to, or to have a quiet evening reading etc

One thing that never gets mentioned by people who are thinking of having children (or very annoyingly telling me “you’ll change your mind …”) is the possibility of having a child with disabilities. It can happen to anyone, and the impact will change your life, and that of everyone around you. My brother was born with severe disabilities, and 40 years on my mother is still caring for a “child” (including all those basic toilet functions you think you’ll only be doing for a couple of years). He needs 24 hour / 7 day a week care.

He is the most important person in my life, and I love him to bits, but I do think he has had a massive, and at times extremely difficult effect on all our family. And it never ends. Caring for my brother has dominated my mother’s entire life, and that responsibility is now transferring to us, his siblings.

My only advice to others is that having children is everyone’s personal decision, but never ever take it lightly, and be prepared for whatever the consequences might be – even when they can last for your entire lifetime.

I struggle with long sentences but just do what feels right for you. Kids are as huge a commitment as there is but if you want them then they are awesome. I can only imagine a much less fulfilled life for me if I hadn’t had mine but it’s different for everyone. Right now it seems they get less hard work as they grow up but increasingly expensive, esepcially under this Govt! I’d only have spent the money on toys, holidays and wimmin anyway…..

I can’t help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it’s just me?

I met my lady at 34 & married her at 37. Three weeks before we got married she dropped the bombshell that she wanted a kid.
This was inspite of her saying she didn’t want kids at all. I tried to want a child but no matter how much I tried it just forced me into a deeper funk. Eventually I resorted to a councillor to save my marriage and try and get things straight in my head.
I won’t bore you with details but at 39 I became a dad. And all those fears turned out to be stoopid. It may be frustrating at times but the rewards are way bigger than I could ever imagine. Nothing could prepare me for the amount of laughing I do and the pride that every little bit of progress brings.

Having said all that ‘what you’ve never had, you’ll never miss’.

The really wierd thing is that more often than you’d expect you don’t mind missing that bike ride. Especially when it involves taking the little bugger out on his balance bike 🙂

“It’s better to regret something you have done, than something you haven’t done”

Except when it comes to having kids! If you regret having them then that’s several lives messed up.

Great advice. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. Also, as someone mentioned not too far above, do bear in mind that if you do choose to have kids, there are no guarantees they will conform to your image of being a parent. We have two kids, one of which has had two bone marrow transplants which was a big old strain on my wife and I. Also, he has difficulty with his balance and mobility, so may never get to enjoy the many things that have brought joy to our life that we hoped to share with him. We simply don’t know what the future holds for him but it doesn’t look like what we had in mind when we entered parenthood.

Our kids are absolutely adorable and bring immense joy, but my advice to any prospective parent is to never ever underestimate how difficult it can be.

Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry.
Unbridled joy
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Great fulfilling proudness
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry
Anger & frustration
Worry, worry, worry, worry, worry

Pretty much sums it up for me,
Wouldn’t be without him now though!

If any of you (and I do mean any of you) are unsure whether you want kids, it’s your lucky day!

My children (5 and 8 ) have the next 20 or so weekends available on a first come first served “try before you buy” basis.

Don’t worry about references or CRB checks, you all seem very nice.

I can even deliver free of charge within 5 or 6 hundred miles.

Email in profile.
Ta

Friends of mine have admitted they deeply regret having kids. Everyone’s always scandalised when they say it but I always wonder how many people feel the same.

Based upon this thread, not many.

s, Biology innit. Looking at your own child floods you with dopamine, other kids, nothing -> you see them as the annoying odd looking things you KNOW yours aren’t. You can experience this after extended interaction with neices & nephews etc but it’s difficult to describe.

Know anything about adoption?

I’m in the Doug Stanhope camp

Have you ever considered registering as a sex offender, just so you have a legitimate excuse for why your friends can’t bring their stupid children over to your house?”

I had a spectacularly shit day at work today.

Got home to two bursting girls desperate to tell me about their day, homemade biscuits for me to eat.

Work doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m in my mid 40s, never wanted children and, despite that decision costing me at least one otherwise-perfect relationship, I appear to be perfectly happy and have no regrets at all.

I was firmly in the ‘screw that for a game of soldiers’ camp until I met my wife, who skillfully spent 5 years bringing me round to the idea.

Now we have our little wriggler, I usually get home a bit before my wife does with him and now he’s crawling she opens the door and puts him down so he can come and find me, the cackle of delight when he first catches sight of me is pure magic.

Yes it’s tiring, yes you don’t have as much ‘me time’ (but you certainly make the best of it!) but I can’t remember the last time I was actually bored.

Plenty of our fiends have no plans to be parents, that’s their call, each to their own. I know that had I decided to dig my heels in I would have regretted it, and probably lost a damn fine woman at the same time.

People with no kids – any regrets?

None what so ever, i love my selfish life.

I’ve never wanted them in the slightest which admitingly has caused a few break-ups of otherwise perfect relationships but i always made it clear from the outset that i do not want kids and this was usually met with a “you will someday” and a wry smile that seemed to say “I’ll change your mind”, i guess the biological tick-tocking of the girls/women i went out with got to them over time and we had to part ways, amicably i might add but part none the less.

In a funny kind of arrangement i am a legal guardian to a 4 1/2 yr old boy if anything happens to his dad or mum or both of them (god forbid). She’s an ex-girlfriend and her husband an old friend of mine, he’s a skipper and often out at sea for up to 10 days at a time fishing in all weathers and he’s fully aware of the dangers of his job as we’ve lost many folk we’ve all known and grown up with out at sea so it was agreed that if anything were to happen to either him or her then i’ve to bring him up or help bring him up. This is fine with me as i get on great wi him and love him to bits, and he loves me to bits and his parents are quite elderly and greek (they stay out there in greece) and her parents are also elderly and stay 400 miles away so all the legal papers were drawn up a few years ago for everyones piece of mind.

It’s quite a good arrangement as i get to do stuff like get him running about on a balance bike by the age of two and i got him an islabike beinn for his xmas, he’s already done the blue route at Kirroughtree (with a few stops i might add) and he loves his bike – i’ve already got ideas about a custom frame for him in a couple of years time so i get to do all the exciting stuff without any of the real “parenting” issues to deal with.

Have met plenty of people who regretted having kids. Never met anyone so far who regretted not having them. Mrs and I have four nephews and nieces between us. That’s plenty of sprogs thanks all the same. If you want to have kids, then go for it. If you’re not sure, buy a dog. They only last around 15 years, then they die and you can buy another! Simples..

I can’t help but wonder if the subject and timing of this thread might be a bit inappropriate. Maybe it’s just me?

Ouch…yes, what this chap said.

I just don’t get the affordability aspect that some people put up as an excuse/reason.

I’m from a single parent family when there was still a stigma around that situation. We went short on the materialistic things, we walked. cycled or caught a bus. Holidays mmmm

However we didn’t go short on the essentials love, stability and knowing right from wrong.

That said I appreciate its a different world and the commerciality of it makes me want to weep but with children comes responsibilities and on the flip side watching your children grow up is a magical. Each to their own . IMHO

Me and wor lass were on the same page from day 1, and now have two kids, 6 and 4. Love them to bits and love our life to bits – they both have bikes, love camping, the outdoors in general etc. And they get more fun and interesting as they get older. And we’d had plenty of adventures/travels before we had them.
However, we both said that if it never happened, then we’d be great aunts and uncles to our nieces and nephews, and just enjoy a more selfish life, more cash to burn, more travels etc.
My point is, is that as long as you and your good lady are on the same page, then you’ll be fine – there’s no right or wrong answer.
However, I’m gobsmacked at two pals who have just got/are just getting married, and this isn’t a resolved issue that they’ve bottomed out with their partners yet. I know of at least one pal where this has led to a fairly quick divorce.