People with no kids – any regrets?

Genuine Q, please.
Are children really that expensive ?.

Yes but No, before child we had perhaps quarterly city breaks to Barcelona/Paris, We drank more wine, We smoked, We went to the theatre/cinema, bought CD’s and dined out far more than we do now.

So when you factor in the amount you actually save when having a child it has pretty much balanced itself out, I don’t earn a great deal being a self employed designer but we were able to afford the missus having a years maternitiy and she’s going back part time. and I’ve just about to spaff a load of money on a new plastic 29er so they can’t be that bad.

My first two were relatively cheap initially, then i went to uni and got a ‘proper’ job. took 11 months off after baby 3 and then 9 months after baby 4. tried to minimise childcare costs by doing 4 working days in 3 actual days, but when i totted up the total childcare bill when the nursery time was over it was about 60k!

Other than that they are generally reasonable until the wants for christmas’ and birthdays get more expensive and they realise what a label is, as much as you try to stop it it does happen.

Oh yes and when they hit the age where you stop worrying if they eat enough and start worrying they will actually eat the fridge – the food bill does shoot up

i don’t believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now

I do. I caught a bit of Location Location Location or some such whilst flicking through channels the other day, it featured a gay couple. I’m constantly reminded of how far we’ve progressed when you look back through history, even 20 o 30 years. Kids now don’t have the security of a local factory job for life (re the Buying British thread of yesterday) but they do have amazing opportunities to do stuff that would never have been possible in my parents’ generation, for most people.

I went to America for three weeks whilst at uni, on a shoestring. The River Taff has Salmon in it. I’m talking to you all over the internet whilst working at home. I’ve got a facebook window open with my overseas family telling me about their lives and people campaigning for things, publicising themselves and generally making something of life. There are six different nationalities in my immediate neighbours and we all get along well.

Childcare is, the wife taking a year off when first born is…

Hhmm. Now, although in my 40s, I may be up for a bit of parenthood. But financial struggle would be a hassle. However, I can’t help but wonder how people “cut their cloth” to suit their needs.
From your remark there, I can’t help but think that the year off was a year’s wage lost ? and that this was an issue.
I guess what I’m thinking is I’d probably accept spending less in other areas in order to finance the child, rather than rely on two strong incomes to have it all.

And I’m not criticizing anyone, I’m just wondering about the remarks made by a few, on how expensive children are / can be.
Is it a fact or more a choice on how much they cost you ?.

I have a nephew and he is now brand aware, but no matter how much he may protest, he only gets what his mother can afford.

when I’ve told them I considered smothering my eldest. I never would have done it of course

Anyone who denies this is a liar…

Absolutely – eldest son, during the screaming baby, tantrum throwing toddler and obnoxious teenager phases …

Solo: Kids are not expensive if you don’t need childcare. You buy a few hundred quid’s worth of gear up front, then you either get given second hand clothes or get them from ebay for buttons. Then it’s just a bit of extra food. The extra laundry is the biggest ballache.

You do need to accept second hand stuff though, and be wary of manufacturers taking you for a ride, which they will try to do.

Genuine Q, please.

Are children really that expensive ?.

In my case.. the older they get.. the more expensive they get !

Grum, it has to be a personal decision and something you both want. You will never know how you will feel if/when children arrive as it so personal and no one else can tell you how you feel. From my perspective, children are the most precious blessing that one can have, but I say that with care as it is not meant to be loaded with any sort of value-judgment, but can be easily interpreted as such.

Life does change – massively. Its up to you how you react to that. Yes, there are sacrifices but in my mind they are outweighed by the benefits. But our own habits change as we get older and it would be a pity to worry too much about current lifestyles when those will change with or without children.

To come back to you skiing/snowboarding passion. There is a lot of fun in teaching your kids, then skiing/boarding with them, then watching them leave you behind. As frustrating as the last bit might be at the time, its is a great pleasure in truth…

…good luck with your decision!

p.s. the cost, effort and sacrifices rise geometrically with each child. Ignore those who claim otherwise!! 😉

I get the idea that some people don’t want kids. Cool, don’t have ’em. What I think is a mistake is when people think they do want kids but not yet, because they’re still enjoying snowboarding holidays in term-time, they’re not where they want to be professionally / financially yet, whatever.

Thing is, there will always be a reason why now’s not yet the right time, there’s always another year of holidays, there’s always that promotion or new job to strive towards, there’s always going to be the desire to move to a better area or have a bigger house where you are now.

If you’re gonna do it, get on and do it, don’t wait until tomorrow / next year / the lottery numbers come in.

Solo – Member
Childcare is, the wife taking a year off when first born is…

Hhmm. Now, although in my 40s, I may be up for a bit of parenthood. But financial struggle would be a hassle. However, I can’t help but wonder how people “cut their cloth” to suit their needs.
From your remark there, I can’t help but think that the year off was a year’s wage lost ? and that this was an issue

Some was lost.. some was on maternity at a reduced rate.

We sold the wifes Ducati before he was born to fund it…. She now has a Yamaha R1 after a couple of years of shit bikes…

It wasn’t a mmajor issue.. but we are more fortunate than some i admit.

I always really wanted kids, but sadly have yet to find a person to have them with. Now in my early 40’s so it’s unlikely to happen now. No nieces or nephews either and all my old friends are now married with kids so they all do the family days out things together. Being single is OK, having no single friends when you are single sucks.

On the plus side I have a garage full of bikes and I get to do what I want when I want. But the grass is always greener etc. etc.

What I think is a mistake is when people think they do want kids but not yet, because they’re still enjoying snowboarding holidays in term-time, they’re not where they want to be professionally / financially yet, whatever.

Well, I think I probably don’t want kids – am I allowed to carry on enjoying my snowboarding holidays please? 🙂

To come back to you skiing/snowboarding passion. There is a lot of fun in teaching your kids, then skiing/boarding with them, then watching them leave you behind. As frustrating as the last bit might be at the time, its is a great pleasure in truth…

Yeah I can certainly imagine that. I suppose I am just wary of the idea of ‘living through your kids’ which is how it can sometimes appear to be (not saying this about you, just something I’ve observed generally).

Kids are great,you really can’t beat ’em…….which kind of takes the fun out of having them…………..

My kids never run into my arms when I get home from work 🙁

They are usually hiding and I have to go and ‘find’ them under a cushion or a table or behind a chair or something 🙂

The Duplo stage is dragging a bit though.

^ This. Bored of building Princess castles.

One other benefit of kids: when I’m out and about with my daughter, pretty women smile at me a lot.

Shallow, moi?

Shallow, moi?

I thought having kids was meant to stop you being shallow? 🙂

pretty women smile at me a lot.

No, they smile at your children.

I thought having kids was meant to stop you being shallow?

It hasn’t worked so far.

I don’t think anyone can answer this Q but the individual in question – and they may never know 100%

I suppose I am just wary of the idea of ‘living through your kids’ which is how it can sometimes appear to be

I can understand this, but recently I realised that I’m looking forward to living my life through them. Sounds cheesy I know, but my aim in life is no longer to get that next promotion, or go on that nice holiday, it’s to make sure that my kids are in the best position to live their lives as well as they can. By that I don’t necessarily mean financially (although that is part of it), more that they are better prepared for whatever life brings their way and that I can give them the best advice possible. By helping them to learn from my experiences I suppose I’ll be living my life through them to some degree as I’ll take pleasure in whatever they experience.

(I’m not naive enough to believe that they’ll necessary accept or heed my advice, but they’ll get it none the less!)

@op there must be a nagging doubt in your mind or you wouldn’t have posted

Our little one arrived when I was 44. We were never on a mission at all, but up she popped and it’s great having her here, she’s very welcome and she’s more fun than I or probably you could have imagined.

But you have to be ready in your head. If you’re not it would be the toughest thing in the world, and unfair on the child too.

I certainly wouldn’t recommend having one just to avoid the possibility you might regret it if you didn’t! That would be a fairly negative motivation.

Are children really that expensive ?.

Only when they’re still living with you in their 30s because the only house they can afford is one they built on Minecraft.

rise geometrically
THM.
Sir !, I salute you !. Oh, the times I read or hear people describe it as exponential !. Does my OCD reet in.

pretty women smile at me a lot.
Dude, that happens to me anyway.
Its been part of the reason I’m in my 40s and childless.
But thats probably for another thread.
😉

I certainly wouldn’t recommend having one just to avoid the possibility you might regret it if you didn’t! That would be a fairly negative motivation.

I’m not 100% sure I need to, but part of me feels as though I’m read now.
And, I feel that its just one of those things in life you have to do to know about it.

I think people think everything through too much…..Just have one & if you don’t get on with,sell it & have a nice holiday,bike or car with the money…….

I think people think everything through too much…..Just have one & if you don’t get on with,sell it & have a nice holiday,bike or car with the money…….send them to boarding school

I’ve got a couple of little boys and TBH my life before them seems like a total waste of time.

I totally respect people’s decisions not to, but I don’t really understand them.

Not having children seems like the safe option, barring medical reasons. I’m sure it’s not and someone will be along to correct me but it seems that way. Also the couples and individuals I know who don’t have them are at great pains to tell me how it’s a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

We never wanted kids. We were out on the razz most nights of the week, and would party all weekend long.

A contraception fail, and both us grew up sharpish.

Two kids now, and no regrets. In fact if not for the kids I think I might not be here. We certainly lost a couple of friends who never stopped partying.

tell me how it’s a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

Yeah I see that in my brother-in-law. Him and his wife made a huge fuss of their 5 nieces and nephews when we went to see them in LA over Christmas and I couldn’t help but notice when he said ‘well we couldn’t have them now if we wanted to’ (he has had the snip) and there certainly seemed to be a tone of regret in his voice.

One thing, having kids makes you wonder what the **** you did with all your time before you had them!

I didn’t think I would be able to have kids but it happened and wasn’t really too happy about it. I literally WTFU and threw my heart and soul into bringing up two kids.

It was an amazing experience, bloomin’ hard work having two close together though! I developed as a person and I guess it’s what has made me what I am now.

They’re grown up now, I have a good relationship with my son but my daughter hasn’t wanted anything to do with me for 3 years.

I do genuinely believe in choice, it’s just not right for everyone.

One thing, having kids makes you wonder what the **** you did with all your time before you had them!
😆

A lack of Me time is showing to be a common theme amongst all you parents.
🙂

Also the couples and individuals I know who don’t have them are at great pains to tell me how it’s a decision they are happy with and then make a huge fuss of my lads. I detect a lot of sadness in some, not all, of them.

It’s probably something to do with constantly being questioned by other people as to why they don’t have kids. Having to justify yourself over and over again is very wearing.

I do genuinely believe in choice, it’s just not right for everyone.

Possibly, but with the caveat that we’re never the same person all our lives. We change as we age (hopefully).

I feel as if I’d be a better parent now than when I was a younga Man.

No kids, never been interested in having them and life’s fine and complete and I have no regrets about it. There’s some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life’s incomplete without kids.

There’s some patronising rubbish on this thread about how life’s incomplete without kids.

I don’t think it is meant to be patronising, it is just how being a parent makes people feel.

I feel as if I’d be a better parent now than when I was a younga Man.

I think I am (tho a different parent would probably be more accurate really).

A lot of people on the “no or not decided” side of the fence talk a lot about restrictions, limitations, having to give things up.

It really doesn’t feel like that to me. I don’t even notice. Whether that’s really the case, or it’s just my brain tricking me (we’re evolved to do this) I don’t know, tho the result is the same.

I know couples who have kids who are happy and some who are not.

I know couples who don’t have kids and are unhappy and some who are not.

My advice would be to make you decision on your/your partner’s wants/feelings/whatevers and NOT on anyone else’s.

My advice would be to make you decision on your/your partner’s wants/feelings/whatevers and NOT on anyone else’s.

Fairly obvious, but its been a good thread, imo.

🙂