People with no kids – any regrets?

Hmm sounds like the kind of smug condescending attitude only parents can fully achieve.

😆

most annoying is people who think because they’re a parent they’re somehow superior or more knowledgeable than those without kids…. the phrase “speaking as a mother” for example 👿

From my experience, the people I’ve met who have been adamantly anti-children have also been the most selfish/self-obsessed people I’ve known.

you don’t know enough people then.

i’m pretty certain there was a thread like this a while back and a STW member was very honest about her feelings about having kids, i might be wrong but i think regret played a part in it.

Thanks deadly seems like a good back handed compliment.

Mostly I’m just sick of being treat like a freak for not wanting to procreate.

when i was younger, say around 22-25, i could easily imagine myself having a child; teaching him/her how to throw a frisbee, ride a bike, taking them to school and checking out all the sexy young mums. but at 26 my best mate got his girlfriend pregnant. i saw how his life went from “me” to “gf – me” during pregnancy and to “baby – gf – me” once the little one arrived.

what scared me was that he has/had a very selfish character and that i’m very similar.

the thought that my life would be turned up-side-down wasn’t a nice one.
then i also began to think what the world will be like in 20, 30 or 50 years time. i don’t believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now. the thought of bringing a child into that doesn’t appeal to me.

the GF’s sister has a little one now and has another that will be ready to pop in 7 months. the way that the grandparents run around and talk about the little one pees me off no end.

the GF’s mate has a little one and they went through hell after the birth, in and out of hospital due to some strange complications. scary.

and then i think of the table that i recently restored and the ink and scratches on it after the sister-in-law visited and her little one was practising her drawing (actually seathing under the skin thinking about it! :evil:). if she ever gets near my leather sofa there will be hell to pay.

and why do parents think that you won’t mind if they change their sprogs nappy on your sofa? strangely i don’t want to run the risk of having a shit smeared sofa and i don’t appreciate the lingering smell of baby poo in my lounge, either.

I have always considered that it is kind of my debt to my parents to have kids.

They had me, raised me, dealt with my shit and have never asked for anything in return. The only way I could ever repay/atone is to have kids of my own and do the same for them.

Of course this is not the only factor in wanting kids but it does play some small part.

If it adds anything to this I achieve more personal goals now I’m a parent as I realise the time I wasted before, it’s sorted out my time management completely.

And just for the record

Not all kids are cute, not all kids are nice, not all kids grow up to be nice. Its a lottery.

If you think the way in which your children turn out is purely a function of chance, then you definitely shouldn’t have any.

We have two and I couldn’t imagine life without them. Was never that bothered all through 20s and early 30s – lots of traveling, boarding, biking, FUN. Now I have as much fun, just in different ways. I was looking through my snowboard bag for some gloves when it snowed and wondering if I’ll ever get to use all that kit again, I certainly hope so but I don’t miss it half as much as I thought I would.

People say children shouldn’t change your life, and perhaps they’re right, but mine changed enormously in that split second when the first was born. You might still do the same stuff – biking, work, etc etc, but everything else takes a seismic shift. You expect your priorities and all that stuff to change because people tell you they will, but it’s like flicking a switch (at least it was for me).

Now in the grand scheme of things nothing else matters, just that my family is safe and well. If money is tight, if we can’t go to the cinema at the drop of a hat, so what. Some days I can’t wait to get out of the house to get some peace and quiet, but 10 minutes after leaving I can’t wait to get back.

I know people say it a lot, and I don’t want to sound trite, but you really cannot understand what it’s like to be a parent until you become one. Teaching your own offspring the simplest thing like how to use a knife with your dinner is incredibly rewarding. My eldest is three and listening to him talk to my mum on the phone, having a proper conversation, brings me close to tears sometimes.

Whatever you decide to do the most important thing is that it’s the absolutely right decision for you and your wife. If that means not having kids then so what, if you decide to have them you don’t strike me as the kind of person that would regret it. The fact you’re even thinking it through speaks volumes.

thing is, no matter how amazing a parent you are, your kids can still turn out exactly the way you don’t want them to.

and why do parents think that you won’t mind if they change their sprogs nappy on your sofa? strangely i don’t want to run the risk of having a shit smeared sofa and i don’t appreciate the lingering smell of baby poo in my lounge, either.

Believe it or not when you’re changing 10+ nappies a day for years at a time you get quite good at not smearing shit everywhere! And if you don’t like the smell of poo in the lounge ask them not to come round 🙂

Never wanted kids at all until my **** buddy got pregnant last year.
I was totally gutted,she wanted to keep it so decided to give it a whirl
with her.
Moved in with her and two weeks ago today had a wonderful baby daughter!

Even though its very early days,it’s changed both me and her for the better!

thing is, no matter how amazing a parent you are, your kids can still turn out exactly the way you don’t want them to.

shut up Phil.

😯

then i also began to think what the world will be like in 20, 30 or 50 years time. i don’t believe the world will be a friendlier, better, more secure place than it is now. the thought of bringing a child into that doesn’t appeal to me.

I thought that, but:

When I was born, we were in the depths of he Cold War – the chances of being incinerated without warning in a fraction of a second were very real and present.

When my parents were born, we were fighting for our very existence against the Nazis, thousands were dying in bombing raids on cities.

When my grandparents were born, Europe was tooling up for the war to end all wars.

The world is always going to be an uncertain place – that’s not a good reason not to have kids I think.

No regrets so far

Thanks deadly seems like a good back handed compliment.
Mostly I’m just sick of being treat like a freak for not wanting to procreate.

No problems. I’m not treating you as a freak; as i said, it sounds as if you’ve made the right decision. From your sweeping generalisations so far, you appear to be strongly validifying your own choices and denigrating those of others. I don’t know why this is. Why is it you feel the need to tar everybody with the same brush?

saw a cracking bumper sticker yesterday

remember a kid is for life, not just for benefits….

I have the set, girl (5) and boy (3), hard work yep, costs lots, yep, independence gone, sort of, but boy they brighten up out lives. They make us laugh, have shown us what total unconditional love is, and have made our lives complete. We’re not adding to the world population, we’re just replacing ourselves and we are bringing them up to respect and love this ball we live on. In a weird way they have also helped us come to terms with our own mortality, we as animals have a job to do, pass on our genes, we’ve done that so as wiggo would say “job done”

(+ put the groundwork in now and hopefully when they are better off than we are, they’ll be paying for the cruises in our 60’s)

Four girls and a boy.. all in their twenties.. My god how I regret having them now hehehehe

I’m father of two, a three year old and an 18 month toddler. I regretted having the first (my son) for the first six months of his life.

I was pretty ambivalent about having kids, but my wife wanted them, and I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. We were financially (relatively) secure and had space in the house. The pregnancy was a nightmare, morning sickness etc… the birth was traumatic, operating theatre and that. I didn’t bond with my son for a long time (as above six months) I thought I’d spend my life bringing up a child I didn’t really want or understand. Pretty depressing time to be honest. Hence all the regret None of this I relayed to anyone, just got on with it, it was my duty after all I helped make him.

Not sure what changed, or when, but after six months or so I suddenly realised that I was starting to enjoy spending time with the family, rather than just my wife. There was no epiphany, nothing dramatic, just a gadual realisation over time. Two years later and I wouldn’t want for a different life.

Interestingly, my daughter was an accident, unplanned pregnancy. Again it was a traumatic time, my wife spent a few hours in theatre while I had my daughter stuffed up my t-shirt in a maternity ward (skin to skin contact and all that). Maybe it was this, but I’ve found it a lot easier the second time round, despite being unplanned there were no regrets that time.

Sorry, bit of a tangent there!

To have kids? To not have kids?

It’s all a progression through life though isn’t it. Some people do it as a family. Some people do it alone.

Yes – having kids means you DO have to give up certain luxuries and activities. If you’re not willing to change your life AT ALL, then kids aren’t for you.
But life is a place of change – one day you’ll get ill, lose a lung, and have to give up shark wrestling or whatever sport you chose as ‘yours’. Or not.
But, if you’re keen on adventure and entering into the unknown, with the true knowledge that (if you do it right) you’ll never lead the same life again, then crack on a pop out a sprog….
A different life needn’t be a bad life. The same life isn’t always a happy one….

Plus, you still get to explore fresh powder Grum…

DrP

Some interesting posts.
IMO parenthood is a pretty amazing adventure. Nothing I have ever done in my life has ever come close.
It can be as good or bad as you want it to be.

I struggle with long sentences but I regret having kids if that helps…

Seeing as DrP’s gone for pics.. we’ve got the weirdest, funniest, cheekiest 2yr old going..

He has to ‘read’ when on his potty. No idea where he got it from

and on only his third time on a balance bike (bike at all) he can balance with no help..

I think either is a valid choice, although I can’t really speak about the not having children stance I have friends who have chosen that option.

Luckily being the teenage tear away that I was I haven’t got any wistful sentimental thoughts about what it was like before children – as I was 16 when i fell pregnant. And i have no regrets about that either and am pleased i didn’t go through the bereavement process of lost freedom and funds that I see many of my friend go through when they have a child later on.

‘Children are brillilant’ – well no, children are just little people and there is no knowing whether you are going to produce a child you get on with, see eye to eye with or ever really share anything in common. They come fitted their own personalities and the trick is to try and bring the best out in them – and hopefully having fun in the process.

There will be times when it is excruciatingly hard – but they do generally bring more positives that negatives. Although only just getting to that point with one of my brood – who has been hard work since he was a week old,it’s slowly getting better 19 years later

As for the parent vs non-parent, i think there’s a saying it takes a village to raise a child,and i think a lot of parents and non-parents would be better if they considered that. I am single parent now – but that does not mean i credit myself with single handedly doing everything, there are many people in my childrens lives, with and without children and they all contribute to their upbringing.

‘Some people do, some people don’t’
I have 2 kids and both are made of what effort you want to put into them. One’s at Uni at 19 years old and one is nearly 10 yrs old. Personally, yes it was a very hard time bringing them up. Wife working part time, me doing 6 days a week. Sleepless night for a while and various other growing up issues. But now, its great, love every minute of it. Knowing they are both a part of me and the wife and are happy with their lives. Big holidays and big cars peter out of your lives in no time at all, but children become adults and I hope I can be their best friends for life. I do hate this ‘ NO, NEVER, HORRIBLE’ , who people proclaim towards children. Sometimes I think they are creating a denial for them. Personally i cannot think of any reason why i wouldnt have wanted kids, in fact we looked at adoption and wished we could, but the system was far too long winded and complex sadly.

question for the people with grown-up kids…. are you pleased with the person they’ve become? feel free to shut your computer down and go and have a cry if they’ve grown up to be a parking attendant, hipster or BNP member.

A lot of people say ‘I miss doing xxxxxx but I wouldn’t change it for the world etc’ – but you kind of have to say that don’t you? Not saying it necessarily applies to people here but it’s a big taboo to admit you regret having kids.

I miss skiing, diving, spontaneity, sleep, money and meals out. But it simply doesn’t compare with the sheer, unadulterated joy I get from spending time with my daughter.

question for the people with grown-up kids…. are you pleased with the person they’ve become?

Well yes, of course I’m pleased

Ha ha yes – but at 23 and 19 are my grown up ones grown up yet?

My 19 year old son who has been slightly trying to say the least did proclaim that he was my best creation to date the other day – at least it shows he has confidence and a fine sense of humour!

Very proud of all 4 of them, and I am sure they will be just fine. I have made an efforrt to let them mix with real people and the great outdoors more than tv and computer games and that seems to have helped

convinced me tbh.. The Duplo stage is dragging a bit though.

I don’t regret having kids, just some of the poor choices in who I pregnated.. Despite this they’ve all turned out great!

The other question is, “can you have kids”?

Its got to be the most frustrating thing in the world, to want kids and be unable to. All you see is horrible teeange chavs who got up the duff with a wink and feel.

6 years of treatment in total and I’ve got 2 lovely sons. Worth every second of stress, grief and heartache that it took to get there.

Just saying like, if you decide to go for it, some things take time so best get on with it!

Far too **** easily ^^

I miss skiing, diving, spontaneity, sleep, money and meals out. But it simply doesn’t compare with the sheer, unadulterated joy I get from spending time with my daughtersons.

This. I’ve no qualms in saying if I miss something and there are lots of things I do miss, I just miss them less than I thought I would and have much better things to replace them with.

I’ve never understood the people that claim their children are perfect and that they’ve never struggled at some point, especially when they’re babies. You should see the looks I’ve had from people (especially NCT earth mother types) when I’ve told them I considered smothering my eldest. I never would have done it of course, but 6 months of colic driven sleep deprivation and constant screaming can do funny things to you.

as with a few folk above, we don’t have kids. The decision was kind of made for us.
I have the odd, rare, moment of broodiness. That is soon offset by hearing nappy / illness / school / exams stories etc etc etc. On the occasion we ‘babysit’ we do take delight in going out, having fun and sending them home full of e-numbers 🙂

Seriously? I thought my wife and I were maybe a little weird for not wanting kids, but this thread is suggesting there are others out there too. Where do they hide whenever the conversation comes up again, and again, and again?

My wife is adamant that she never wants kids, I don’t really mind either way. We have it understood that if I change my mind, I will have to find another woman to have kids with.

We’re both 30, have been together 12 years, and have been completely open about our feelings the whole time, so no nasty surprises.

Have a 2 friends who are going through painful trying to have kids or IVF, which is not a nice situation for them – it sounds full of stress and pressure.
Also have a couple of friends who will being giving birth this year, and I’ll be interested to see how they get on. Quite happy to babysit occasionally.

Genuine Q, please.

Are children really that expensive ?.

We have it understood that if I change my mind, I will have to find another woman

woohoo, ticket to ride! 😛

Solo – Member
Genuine Q, please.

Are children really that expensive ?.

Childcare is, the wife taking a year off when first born is… The actual upkeep of a child, not too much… less than my hobbies of MTbs and motorbikes that’s for sure.

when I’ve told them I considered smothering my eldest. I never would have done it of course

Anyone who denies this is a liar…

i wish some of you babysitters lived near me…. Me and Mrs weeksy went out a couple of weeks ago on our own… for the first time in 15 months.

It’s crap not having family nearby.

In my opinion life is richer for having children. Imagine the pleasure you get from riding the best alpine flowing trail, on the perfect day, then multiplying that by a number so high, it hasnt yet been quantified! That is the feeling you get everytime you come in the door of your house, and your toddler comes running into your arms shouting daddyyyyyy.

After having this, I can’t understand why anyone would not want it! It’s damn hard work, but worth it 🙂