No kids at 35.

I’m 44 (45 this year) with an 11-month-old and a two and half-year-old..

It’s hard work! It’s one of life’s other adventures.

Younger wives are good 😀

I am counting down the last 3 years or so of maintenance. Imagine having kids late and possibly paying that from a pension !!

Was happy before but happy now in more ways

This – just back from four nights camping by the seaside. Freezing cold all weekend but we made sand castles, when rock-pooling, watched a mock sea battle (Peasholm Park, Scarborough), went Go Ape-esque climbing, had BBQs, went to a theme park. Great fun – and I wouldn’t have done any of that without having kids to take, I would have just been in bed all weekend nursing hangovers and pestering for s3x LOL!

Imagine having kids late and possibly paying that from a pension !!

Yeah but if you have them young you could have other tough costs – mortgage. So the game is have them young then be free at 50 or late and be paying for their Uni places in your 60s?!

Two here, born when I was 30 and 32. I’m 41 now they’re 11 and 9.

The only thing I would say is that as dinkies, we had no real comprehension of the way our lives and psychologies would change and it’s difficult to describe in meaningful ways to people that don’t have kids.

I never really wanted kids, and only really agreed to keep my wife happy, but I was so unprepared for the most rewarding (and toughest) thing I’ve ever done.

I’m kind of glad that I had them a touch earlier than some, I have the prospect of being in my late 40s when my kids become able enough to ride with me properly. and do a bunch of active and outdoors stuff with them, without being quite burnt out.

I totally regret missing that with my own dad, who was actually waaaaaayy younger than me at the same stage, but was a sedentary smoker.

Hopefully my youngest will find a career that doesn’t need a degree and a 30k debt.Or if he chooses a degree I hope it`s not pointless and has value in the job market

I hope it`s not pointless and has value in the job market

‘cos that’s what education’s for folks 🙄

A lot of this seems to be ‘I didn’t really want kids, had them late and now my life is fantastic’, which is fair enough, I’m genuinely happy for you.

I guess I am a little like the OP. I’ve always been fairly ambivalent, always assumed it would kind of happen in its own time, and now approaching my mid 30s I am wondering if I am missing out on something, if I will have cause for regret later in life.

Mrs ADH and I approached the topic very early on in our relationship, if anything Mrs ADH is less than keen to have kids. Of course you both wonder if you are missing out on something, if you will have cause for regret later in life. Especially when you see friends have very happy families.

However, neither of us seem to have a burning biological imperative to breed. If you start to consider exactly what a commitment (in time, money, lifestyle, education, healthcare etc etc) it is to do the job of being a parent well (and I am the kind of person who tries to do something well if I am going to do it), then if you’re really not driven to do it, why would you?

People say that kids ‘add meaning to you life’, on a philosophical level I’m not really looking for any ‘meaning’ in my life. I’m pretty happy with how things are rolling along really, I am more than content with my lot. Mrs ADH feels much the same way.

What is a real bind, for me, is the guilt I feel in that both sets of parents obviously really want grandchildren. They would not try to get us to do something we don’t want to do, but their disappointment is palpable, and I intensely dislike having to disappoint my parents. Especially given they made such sacrifices for me. That guilt is something you have to deal with.

We may get to 60 and realise we made a mistake; you can only try to live without regrets and enjoy the life you have built together, whatever your choices were along the way.

Better get your crystal ball out then!

Edric 64 – Member
Hopefully my youngest will find a career that doesn’t need a degree and a 30k debt.

speaking as someone with a ‘degree-debt’*, don’t worry about it. The monthly repayments are tiny, i pay more for my broadband. The new system is even cheaper.

(*i don’t owe £30k, but it’s not far off)

just remember if you have kids they could become a big hitter in here

Surely only people who live on frightful council estates, live on benefits, and spend their days drinking, smoking and watching Jeremy Kyle, have kids before they’re 30 nowadays anyway?

If you do struggle fertility-wise, I’d advise moving to a frightful council estate, live on benefits, and spend your days drinking, smoking and watching Jeremy Kyle. Contrary to perceived medical wisdom, it seems to sort out any issues with conceiving pretty sharpish

Never mind the rolling eyes I appreciate education but some degrees don’t seem to offer much and are very Mickey Mouse

What is a real bind, for me, is the guilt I feel in that both sets of parents obviously really want grandchildren. They would not try to get us to do something we don’t want to do, but their disappointment is palpable, and I intensely dislike having to disappoint my parents

Are you both without siblings? Hardly fair for you to have that responsibility forced on you alone, even if just by the power of guilt. Any critical system should have redundancy and backups.

If you’re gonna do it, get it done ASAP.

If not, no worries – but make sure you make the most of all those glorious child-free hours you have, you bastard.

Going to Uni is so much more than course content.

36 with one on the way, the wife is only 28 though. TBH I was the one pushing as I was worried about bringing up a baby in my 40’s!

Nothing is easy though …Mrs Frodo’s waters broke at 19 weeks and were currently taking one day at a time trying to get to at least 24!

It’s great.. You’ll just end up way more tired, skint and have little spare time. There’ll be times when you could just cry when they won’t sleep /eat / be quiet for 2 minutes. And there’s the proud magic moments which give you goose bumps of love / pride… All very much a rollercoaster of being a parent. Some people make it look easy but I’m sure inside they are screaming. 39.. And 3 girls under 6.

Are you both without siblings? Hardly fair for you to have that responsibility forced on you alone, even if just by the power of guilt. Any critical system should have redundancy and backups.

We do, but it isn’t looking much more hopeful in that direction either. We may yet be surprised.

I don’t see it as being unfair, its just the way it is. Our parents want grandkids, we are unlikely to produce any.

So I’m 41 and the wife is 42 and neither one of us have ever wanted kids

For those whose wives don’t want kids, keep them away from smelling a newborns head….it was like a switch flicking my other halves hormones on!

We do, but it isn’t looking much more hopeful in that direction either.
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Backup failure. I’d sack the managers.

Almost Managed to reach 38 with no kids … Now at 39 I have a 15 month old and a 3 month pregnant wife.
Squeezing it all in before I’m 40 🙂

We are near bang on the target age, no kids here & currently no intentions to.

Thankfully on my wife’s side there already grandchildren, and also thankfully on my side despite being an only child my parents are fairly ambivalent to grand children. Doesn’t stop people feeling like they have the right to stick their noses in and force their opinions onto us though.

We’re not having kids just because ‘that’s what people do, isn’t it’.

Doesn’t stop people feeling like they have the right to stick their noses in and force their opinions onto us though.

its because they want you to suffer like they have.

We may get to 60 and realise we made a mistake; you can only try to live without regrets and enjoy the life you have built together, whatever your choices were along the way.

It’ll more likely happen when one of you loses the other and suddenly you’ve nobody who really cares for you nor anyone to care for.

And/or, no one to rely on to help you out when you’ve a problem that you either can’t cope with nor fathom out. This is something that becomes apparent as your parents age, and suddenly you realise they rely on you like you did of them.

Having kids because you need them to look after you or because you’re scared you might regret not doing – these don’t seem like great reasons.

As per some of the above posts, I got together with Mrs Deviant because I want to be with her not because she can have children (or not, who knows?!)…our attitude has always been that we’re happy without but if it happens later on we’d probably have children….we’re 37 (me) and 32 (her) and don’t use contraception, if it happens it happens….she loves her horse, I love anything with two wheels and we both love dogs!

We’ve had one proper termination a few years ago and called upon the morning after pill a few times, irresponsible?…maybe, been together 7 years and known each other since she was 18….there is no pussy-footing around in our relationship, we’re about as cold and clinical as two people get!

Our chats about children are not emotional, they tend to revolve around money, spare time, the hideousness of childbirth, child care and work etc etc….realistically I suppose we’re just not very nice people and we know we’re incredibly selfish…at least we have insight and have made the appropriate decisions so far unlike some of my friends and colleagues who shouldn’t be allowed pets let alone children.

Overpaid the mortgage for 15 years whilst we were trying for kids that never arrived. Now 42 and only working 3 days a week due to a really small mortgage. Would I have preferred to have had kids when we were trying? Yes. Would I choose to have some now? No.

As for getting looked after we’ve got pleny of younger cousins, neices and nephews and by the time we need it 2 houses to give away when we die.

Mrs CD has just had her 20 week scan and we’re having a baby girl. I’m 39, she’s 36, later than all our friends but it took longer to find each other and it took a while to conceive.
I never wanted kids until recently, others may feel different.

We may get to 60 and realise we made a mistake; you can only try to live without regrets and enjoy the life you have built together, whatever your choices were along the way.

A friend recently said to me that regret is not a reason to have kids.

Mrs CD has just had her 20 week scan and we’re having a baby girl. I’m 39, she’s 36, later than all our friends but it took longer to find each other and it took a while to conceive.
I never wanted kids until recently, others may feel different.

Aaaaah huge congrats mate! Didn’t realise you were that old! 😀

I wouldn’t say there is any right age to have kids, but one issue I see with having kids later in life is that the grand parents are less likely to be able to help out with looking after the kids & in fact might be needing your help to look after themselves at the same time you are having kids yourself. This is coming from the vantage point of having had kids relatively young (3 boys before I hit 30) & also them only having one grandparent left alive before my oldest son turned 11 🙁

I’m 38 and have been single that long I don’t even know how to approach a women. People seem surprised that I’m 38, single and no kids.

I actually backed away from my oldest mate as everytime I went round, his wife was always saying ” oh you will be left on the shelf…..” Did my head in and I’ve not spoke to him in over a year now.

Will I regret not having kids later ? Doubt it. I’ve 2 Godaughters who are awesome but my mates ( their dads ) are always telling me off for being too soft with them.

Leaving aside the “no one to take care of us” argument as that seems a bit silly and pretty selfish, the regret one is interesting…if you hate kids or have that disparaging attitude towards parents and families of the usual suspects from the STW Childhaters’ Brigade (who curiously enough, seem irresistibly drawn to these threads), then you probably won’t be asking yourself if you should or shouldn’t. And that’s fair enough. It’s probably best for everyone involved, you’d probably make an arse of the job anyway.

If you’re undecided, I reckon go for it – it’s more than likely that you’re going to love the child unconditionally. Anecdotally, it seems that most people who were a bit ambivalent towards parenthood beforehand do end up loving their kid(s) and enjoy the experience. The feelings of resentment at missing that snowboarding holiday, impromptu piss-ups and other stuff that seems to happen less after the little one arrives for a few years are more than compensated by the other stuff that new parents gush about all the time. Weighed up against the chances of a (half-ish) lifetime of regret should you decide you’d have liked some after all but now it’s either biologically impossible or requiring hugely expensive medical intervention, might be best to just have one or two. You probably won’t regret it.

I confess to being a bit trolly on these threads cos some people’s attitudes wind me up a little. I’m still not convinced by the argument of ‘you might as well because it will probably be great’, even though I think it’s mostly true. I reckon if I had kids it would be great, but I reckon not having kids could be just as great, in a different way.

I guess the thing that grates on me a bit is some people seem to be suggesting that they think they are a ‘better person’ for having kids – I’m sure most will deny this but it sort of implies ‘I’m a better person than people who don’t have kids’. I’m sure parenting can bring out some great things in people, but it can also bring out some not so nice stuff too.

Sure it’s a natural instinct to some extent but when people get all ‘the only thing in the world that matters is my child/children’ I don’t think it’s particularly healthy or admirable. I know that doesn’t happen with everyone but I’ve seen it with a few people, to varying degrees.

it’s the ‘little miracle’ idolisation clouding peoples judgement that sometimes irks, hormones are obviously quite powerful to muddle peoples thinking so much.
lets face it shagging is a basic reflex action that requires little thought and giving birth is not a miracle or there wouldn’t be 2500 births per hour worldwide.

Leaving aside the “no one to take care of us” argument as that seems a bit silly and pretty selfish,

Maybe, but it has been the main driver for the human race since the beginning of time – except maybe in the first world for the last century or so…

I’m still not convinced by the argument

I’m not arguing, nor am I trying to convince. More applying some thought (though there’s probably a better term) to a “should we, shouldn’t we” type question one may be asking oneself. Just trying to look at it from a quirkier perspective other than the two dimensional arguments for and against to which these threads typically descend.

I guess the thing that grates on me a bit is some people seem to be suggesting that they think they are a ‘better person’ for having kids – I’m sure most will deny this but it sort of implies ‘I’m a better person than people who don’t have kids’.

I disagree…and I suspect you’re arriving at that conclusion because of the attitude that you demonstrate in parenting threads whenever they crop up. I think most people (when they say that) perhaps mean they feel they’re a better person than they were before, not necessarily better than anybody else – to give them the benefit of the doubt. Look, I’m not proscribing any particular choice – and I don’t feel I’m a better person for having become a parent – I’m different for sure, some good, perhaps some not so good (though I’m so overcome with my own amazeballsness, I haven’t got round to working those out yet. 😀 ).

Sure it’s a natural instinct to some extent but when people get all ‘the only thing in the world that matters is my child/children’ I don’t think it’s particularly healthy or admirable. I know that doesn’t happen with everyone but I’ve seen it with a few people, to varying degrees.

Again, apply some latitude to what people mean when they say this. I’ve seen it to varying degrees too, but to very very few people, and to be honest, the ones I can think of were bloody boring about other stuff beforehand.

hormones are obviously quite powerful to muddle peoples thinking so much.

I know what you mean. It’s like the desire to post trollish remarks on threads just to wind people up and get an erection at the same time – that muddles peoples’ minds too and makes otherwise normal people seem like massive bell-ends…unless of course that person really is a bell-end, which I suspect is true in lots of cases.

Couple with baby really overdoing talk of how great it is