MyHermes: Divide by Zero

hah – I had a “delivery” from Yodel which, according to their tracking website, was delivered to my address and signed for. There was no-one in, and when I got home no delivery or note. Called the depot, got to speak to the driver. where’s the parcel? don’t know. what was the number of the house you left it at? don’t know. what colour was the door? don’t know. and the best bits – who signed for it? don’t know were they male or female? want to guess the answer?
If I’m buying on line, I ask who the courier ids and if it’s Yodel, I tell them not to bother.

Hermes deliveries are odd. Around here, larger items are delivered by a bloke in a van during office hours. He just flings the item somewhere near the house and legs it. He doesn’t even bother with a card through the door so unless you happen to look in a flower bed or behind the bin, the parcel could sit there for a week.

Smaller stuff or stuff sent via parcelshop seems to be delivered by a lady in a car, she works around her kids school run times so often delivers the parcels early in the morning or early evening when we are actually at home. If we aren’t home, she always leaves it with a neighbour or somewhere sensible with a card through the door.

Yodel on the other hand! If I see an email to say dispatched via Yodel, I know it will take a week, involve 3 phone calls and more than likely a walk around the neighbourhood in the hope of finding the parcel.

The Hermes driver for our area insists on leaving the parcels In out recycling bin that lives outside our front door, the problem being we have very good local binmen who come come and get said bin on collection day, it;s only a matter of time before the inevitable happens…

OP, I do hope it was a really really big empty box?

Awesome idea. Assuming you manage to collect on the insurance I would definitely do it again, repeatedly.

I use Collect Plus as items are delivered to a store rather than dumped somewhere in the neighbourhood.

DezB – Member

I’ve got one on their system that says it’s “Active”, but it was delivered months ago. Must be just mgh’s driver

I’ve got a bunch of those, I’ve raised it a few times with the helpdesk and always get an answer along the lines of “that’s not right is it? Weird!”

Just had a look and I’m up to 1300 delivered and 3 real fails- 2 lost parcels and one damaged when the courier threw it over a fence. So I reckon the solution is for me to post something to Yourguitarhero, unstoppable parcel meets undeliverable object

Northwind, it would end up in parcel purgatory

*nosey bastid* what do you sell?

I don’t have any problem with them. Could you try drop off to drop off, they
shoudln’t have any trouble finding the drop off shop.

Boring reply, but I thought that myherpes had teamed up with ‘doddle’, so that you’ve got the option of collecting from your local supermarket, etc.

I bet they just return it to the parcel shop rather than your address. You should pay for collection, or camp out at the shop and tackle the driver!

As above though, cunning plan…you are now the paying customer now so are more likely to be listened to rather than fobbed off as a pesky member of the public.

I write the dimensions on muyhermes parcels now after they blatantly tried to rip me off for a nearly oversized parcel.

Drop off to drop off is pointless. Would need me to buy the service and I’d never use Hermes to send something to myself. It’s only when an eBayer or someone uses the the problem appears.

Have thought about the GPS thing – old phone with a battery pack might do it.

Haven’t had a chance to drop it off at parcelshop yet. Will add tracking link once I do

Excellent, bookmarking this for giggles.

Are we taking bets yet?

bruneep – Member

*nosey bastid* what do you sell?

Refurbished/collectible toys mostly. Though a pretty good proportion of that is me selling bike bits too 😳

Refurbished/collectible toys mostly. Though a pretty good proportion of that is me selling bike bits too

Barring maybe the refurbished bit, aren’t these the same thing?

Refurbished/collectible toys mostly..?

If you try to claim that you will need evidence of the value of the contents, have you got evidence of the cost of your soul?

I’ll provide you a receipt. Mr L Cypher.

*update?*

If you try to claim that you will need evidence of the value of the contents, have you got evidence of the cost of your soul?

I’ll give you twenty quid for it.

*update?*

There must be some kind of Universal feedback loop instigated by opening a box containing one’s own soul. The OP is probably now eternally staring back into himself on his own doorstep.

If a shop is only using Hermes, I move along, swiftly. I’ve had stuff off them before, well, should have, but as I couldn’t arrange collection or a redelivery, it never got delivered. I still don’t know what it was or who from.

Only ones I’m happy to use are Collect +, dpd, click and collect at argos at a push are the only ones I’d consider.

I found a parcel under my van the other day, how fn stupid is that… Only spotted it by chance. And no card either, Royal Mail. Generally no issues with my hermes in Stirlingshire area but I admire your ingenuity.

I must be getting everyone’s Yodel parcels then. Delivery driver dropped off two great big sack fulls at our new house. Guessing the previous owner was a last mile delivery type and had forgot to change his address!

Bought an item a couple of weeks ago and it was sent via myhermes. With a 10day delivery time. How does that happen? I could have walked there and back in that time. Do they hold it in a special cage and release it after a week.

There must be some kind of Universal feedback loop instigated by opening a box containing one’s own soul. The OP is probably now eternally staring back into himself on his own doorstep.

Staring into a box full of our souls sounds suspiciously like reading the EU referendum thread currently. It certainly feels like some sort of Sisyphean purgatory.

I’ve been checking this post regularly:

have you received the parcel yet or was it returned to the sender? 8)

I get the impression it’s not even been sent yet 🙁

I think the Hermes driver has killed the OP or he’s created some sort of vortex he’s stuck in.

No, the OP is only injured, the Hermes driver was unable to deliver the knockout blow.

the Hermes driver was unable to deliver the knockout blow

Actually he did.

The OP’s neighbour needed 3 stitches on a nasty cut above his eye.

This is the best thread ever.. only hope it delivers!

Here is the tracking webpage:
https://www.hermesworld.com/en/our_services/distribution/uk_distribution/parcel_tracking/parcel-tracking.html?trackingNumber=5733372246516680&Postcode=EH8%20%209EH:_noquery_

No knocks at the door or cards left so far

Will be home all day tomorrow.

I must be getting everyone’s Yodel parcels then. Delivery driver dropped off two great big sack fulls at our new house. Guessing the previous owner was a last mile delivery type and had forgot to change his address!

Oh is that why you’re selling so much on Ebay all of a sudden?

Will Hermes call shenanigans when the tracking page is visited by all and sundry?

This is a good one – I hope OP finds out what happens.

I’ve used Hermes quite a bit recently for eBay sales of bulky items but this is off putting 👿

Well?!

According to the tracking there has been a delay… He’s opened a hole in the space time continuum.

And the driver did try and deliver it yesterday, apparently.

Just checked the tracking – that looks rotten. Only 1 claimed attempt to deliver so far….it really does look like sending a parcel to yourself by Hermes is causing a disturbance !

Keep us informed OP !

(And pass it on to Watchdog or whatever as well !)

Well, it seems they gave it to the courier today but he never bothered trying to deliver (noone buzzed or left a card – been at home doing uni work all day).

Seems they give it to the courier, but he… as suspected…. just drives around with it in his van.

…also worthy of note is that the delivery notifications are only coming in to my sender’s email address (I used different ones for sender and receiver).
So, with the guy not leaving a card any where… as a receiver I would have no idea they are trying to deliver.

Not that it matters, as the receiver can’t arrange for it to go to a different address, pick up shop or collect from the depot

I was going to speculate as to what you may have done to offend said delivery chap, but we know; nothing, as you have never met.

Is your Castle at then end of an annoyingly long drive? Do you have a velociraptor instead of a guard dog?

The fact that the undelivered parcel will have to be returned to you by the chap who is, even now, home early faking the delivery attempts, has a logical symmetry I find extremely satisfying.

I cannot wait to find out what his excuse is, I suspect that they (Hermes), tolerate a certain percentage of returns and he plays the system (as you do), but he could at least vary those addresses he does not deliver too.