Just had a surprising celebrity lunch

Went on a bike ride with Martin Johnson (him off of the rugby) in the Peak District (with a few hundred others). Chatted to him until he was struggling for breath on the Strines, he lost my wheel.

Sat next to Zoe Ball on the way to NY a few years ago. Nice enough.

Jet from gladiators once smacked me in the gentleman’s area.

I unknowingly had lunch with Mick Fleetwood.

And remembering the others got quite drunk with Richie Porte, had lunch with Mike Tomalaris (oz tv presenter on cycling) beers with Sam hill, dinner with Cedric Gracia

I took Gordon Liddey for a curry. In Oxford.

Had lunch with Terry Wogan (and his wife) at my cousins wedding then later on in the evening me and Tezza belted out My Way on the karaoke. We were ace!

About 25 years ago I walked into the toilets at old Trafford cricket ground pavilion and Peter Schmeichel  Alex Higgins and George Best were at the urinals.

Piers Morgan came to our house when I was a teenager to interview my mum.

We lived in the countryside, we had a patio.

You always regret the things you don’t do.

My dad’s local pub is well used by lots of famous people and has been for years as it’s rather discreet about them visiting.  Back when I still lived at home I would pick him up on my way home at closing time and regularly find him talking away with the other regulars, plus a famous person hiding in there somewhere.  Off the top of my head he’s been found talking to James May about old cars, Clarkson about war stuff, Damon Hill about F1, JK (from Jamiroquai) about local driving roads, Christopher Biggins about theatre stuff and Mark Williams (of snooker fame) about his new mobility scooter!  He never seems to find the women though, despite people like Emma Watson and Katherine Jenkins being there a few times.

I once met a grown man who used the phrase “off of.”

I beat him to death with a stick.

Then I went and had my lunch.

….said Simon off of internet hard men

Fergal Sharkey (spelling?) was at a water efficiency conference yesterday.

One of my team ram was there and said it was quite surreal!

I used to walk Shane McGowan’s dentists Labrador

Shane McGowan’s dentist

Hardest working man in showbusiness.

I’ve got a picture of him

Driving back to base today, on the road between Blackburn (West Lothian) and Bathgate. A lady walking along the road on her own,  full Tesco carrier bags in each hand, Susan Boyle. She could probably buy Blackburn if she wanted but still stays in her ex council house and walks to Tesco’s. You can take the girl out of Blackburn but you can’t take the Blackburn out the girl.

I saw Supergrass at Asda in Brighton once. Got a look off Gaz.

I told Timothy Spall where our office was when he came to moor his narrowboat where I worked.

An ‘Expert’ off of Bargain Hunt stroked me dog recently. Don’t know his name.

I made 3 picture frames for Horace Panter out of the Specials.

Oliver Stone once gave me the remaining three Mr kiplings mini Battenburgs in the packet he’d bought from the garage, he said they were a bit sickly to scoff the lot

I saw Supergrass at Asda in Brighton once.

Ouch, times must be tough. Where did they have the stage set up?

Vincent Ebrahim (Mr Kumar) used to come down and camp at our farm every summer with a large group of friends.

I fixed the bale handler and fabricated a sheep handling trailer for Monty Don’s son.

I spent an evening chatting with Kate Humble at a local function and got her to write my phone number in her diary. She never called me 🙁

Went for Sunday lunch mid eighties in a swanky cafe bar in Aberdeen to find us seated next to ‘Dollar’.  Was bit frosty on their table due to his affair hitting the Sunday papers that day!

Few years ago but Tony hart. Finance company I was with nicked the theme tune from his tv programme for their ads. I may have drunkenly told him he was a fookin legend just before I slid off the leather sofa at the Celtic Manor and got wedged in a large plant pot.  Not my finest hour……

I walked into Steve Reich in a public toilet. We both apologised.

Had a curry with John Peel. Well, not actually “with” him but he was at the next table. The Manzil, Bradford, 1982ish

Had an Italian with Ed Balls MP (as was at the time).  Well, not actually “with” – you get the picture…

had a chat with Jon Pertwee at a Honda show at Donington Park… well actually my stepdad did, but I was at the next table…

I pulled alongside Nick Cave in a traffic jam on the M6 last year.

I’ve seen Roy (say what see) Walkers cock. he was towelling himself dry at a hotel swimming pool I was just arriving with kids.

I saw Aaron Eckhart in Salt Lake City Airport coming out of the gents.

Have worked with loads of modestly famous people due to job. Funniest is Derek Thomson from Channel 4 racing.  Properly professional but at the same time Alan Partridge on steroids.

Also worked with Vicky McClure last year on a short film. That was fairly nerve wracking.

A few years ago we did a piece with Ashley Cole and Rio Ferdinand, and I remember them having credit cards stuffed along the top of their sorts.

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I once stood behind big Ron Atkinson in the queue at the airport. He’s not all that big.

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I stood next to Rafa Benitez in an airport queue the day after “that” european cup win by Liverpool. He’s tiny and his wife is very tall.

I puked on Cliff Richard.

Had a conversation with Sigourney Weaver about “the important of being Ernest” at Pinewood Studios. I didn’t know it was her, as I had a prop chair on my head, and as we were both going the same way, she held doors open for me as we walked and chatted

I once saw Jonjo Shelvey in Poundland Swansea!

Oliver Stone once gave me the remaining three Mr kiplings mini Battenburgs in the packet he’d bought from the garage, he said they were a bit sickly to scoff the lol

This is winning for me so far, combination of level of fame + surrealness of the situation is going to be hard to beat…

Sally Webster asked me for my trolley as I was coming out of CostCo.

Spoken to Marc Riley and Eddie Fenn hundreds of times as they used to drink in my local. So did Sean Murphy occasionally. Oh, and Roger Palmer…

Oh yeah, I saw Nick Cave at a car boot sale in Brighton. He was browsing the tat just like a regular human!

I went to the theatre (Hairspray) in New York with Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes. Well, they were sitting about ten seats away. They got ushered in 5 minutes after it started so I didn’t clock them in the dark(though obviously I cursed their lateness) and they got ushered out as the curtain was going down and everyone cheered, and Tom waved. True story…

…and that dude off the show where they restore cars for people who used to be in Pop Will Eat Itself, was having a pint in the Shropshire pub I was at.

Often see Oliver Kahn the German goalie out with his missus running along the river….  I see him  but have to have it pointed out to me that it was Oliver Kahn. I don’t pay much attention to football.

His missus has a nice Harris

Oh, and was talking to a few “famous” bike faces over the last few months whilst in Finale.

Some of the Canyon team, Gehrig twins, some Commencal riders.

Years ago my boss took me to lunch to try to talk me in to taking a particular assignment – Kenny Everett and cleo rocos were sat at the table next to us.

Oh yeah, Big Ron Atkinson, I saw him walking into the Green Dragon pub (near Cirencester) at lunchtime a few years ago.

And I worked in a pub in Alderley Edge that was frequented by World Cup Winner and at the time Manchester City Manager Alan Ball. He drank a Carling top, and occasionally had a Famous Grouse.

I bump into Ray Davies so often I’m beginning to think he’s stalking me.

I  wonder if Feargal Sharkey is still as miserable as sin?