I think I'm about to be diagnosed with cancer, and I'm fairly scared.

i've just come home after being in for three nights as the chemo knocked my immune system for six and i got a cold or something.
you have as much chance as anyone of beating it and coming out the other side. that's what i tell myself everyday and i work towards that. the strength and fitness will drop off but they can be worked on after the treatment and they will hold you in good stead initially as you'll be more resilient as you start your treatment.
it's sh*t, really sh*t, but every time i go to hospital there's someone worse off than me and usually they show amazing courage and humour. it's a humbling experience the love and best wishes you get from strangers is a strength and they do it without concious effort.
megan i can't imagine what you're going through as my wonderful wife is going through the same and being incredibly strong. but i'm sure there's hurt going on and an inner turmoil, like others have said it's almost easier being the patient.
i wish you all the luck that i've had so far and it's a sincere offer of getting in touch if you want. i understand if you don't. the blog for me has been excellent and very cathartic being able to down load my head. it also allows friends and family to see how you're doing.
best wishes
nick

I read the earlier update and was gutted for you, but your attitude is amazing and just what's needed to kick this thing into touch. I can imagine what a blow it was to be told – even when you're expecting it, it still comes as such a shock. In our experience once the diagnosis was given the treatment followed very quickly so you can really get on and attack it. Like so many others have said, if you (or Meg, moreso) need to talk or have any questions, please mail me – my address is in my profile. I don't have any big answers but I do know how much it helps to be able to get those words out of your head sometimes. Bon courage, my friends…

It's a horrible experience, Mrs P had a type of cancer a couple of years ago so I know where you're at and you have my deepest sympathy.

We found that it was a slow descent into hell up to the point that treatment started (chemo in her case), just one bad bit of news following another. Every time we thought we'd got the whole picture, something else cropped up, although oddly it never entered either of our minds that she might actually die. The nadir of this coincided with the doctors finally ascertaining the full extent of the disease, which I don't think is a coincidence at all: knowledge is power – in understanding what's happening and what to expect you retain some element of control and that's crucially important to your morale. Thereafter the treatment kicks in, results start to turn around and you dig in for the long haul.

We did a lot of research about both the cancer and the treatment which meant we could question the doctors, knew how to and where to go for second opinions, what was likely to happen next, recovery chances at various stages of treatment, etc. Never shy away from asking the difficult questions, or facing up to the unpleasant facts – better to know what to expect and prepare for it than to worry yourself silly for the want of a well-directed question.

Once we got past the "point of sale" NHS the cancer docs were without exception excellent but they're still fallible – they're busy people, certainly not bad people, and unfotunately busy people can and do make mistakes or sometimes miss things. You are effectively competing with many other patients for a scarce resource – unpleasant as it may sound it is nothing less than a battle for survival and a passive approach won't help. I was always questioning this that and the other, and I'm on none of their Xmas card lists as a consequence, but the ends justify the means – treatments that might have been postponed went ahead, scans that "couldn't be fitted in today" got done, etc. and she made a full recovery. We had a lot of support from our families and employers too, which was crucial.

We figured that it was all about tipping the odds in our favour – if the odds are 60:40, how do you make sure you're in the 60? What did the 60 do that the 40 didn't? It's not all down to luck although that's certainly a factor… to paraphrase Gary Player, the harder you work, the luckier you get. Believe that, and don't put off – or allow to be put off – until tomorrow what can be done today.

I like the idea, that others here have suggested, of writing stuff down. I never needed to because I've got a retentive memory, but I can see that it could really work for others. Also have a read of Lance Armstrong's book, it'll have you in floods of tears but if attitude has any bearing at all on the outcome then I reckon it's the blueprint for beating cancer.

I wish you the very best

You two stay strong and together, all my thoughts and love are with you,
Drillski

My daughter was three when she was diagnosed with agressive malignent wilms tumour. Her survival chances dipped to 5-10% when she developed secondarys and she endured some horrendous infections but she is now a bright bubbly happy go lucky 20 year old.
My theory for survival is; no self pity (she didnt know how to) and a positive support from those who are close, the power of positive thinking can never everbe under estimated, I was asked more than once 'Daddy will I die?' My answer was always without a hint of doubt in my mind 'No you wont I will not let you!' and a diet through a long year of treatment every day of one meal consisting of broccoli, chicken breast and boiled or mashed potatoes and carrotts with gravy. Alas some of the kids that were 'pampered' and given McDonlads as they wouldnt eat their proper food in my opinion seemed to be the ones that didnt pull through.
It is great to have such a great support network of people that you but also Meg can talk to and dont be afraid to use the people that have offered it. May I wish you a speedy recovery and many happy healthy years ahead, and I agree Lance's book is inspirational.

mark & meg, sorry to hear the diagnosis. as you will already know from the messages you are receiving on here that we are all watching this thread like hawks, everyone is rooting for you and hoping with the strength that you are showing that you get through the other side. By the sounds of your messages you are a real tough cookie and you will give this mofo a good scrap keep strong and all the best from, gazman and family.

Suggsey,

You're so right, PMA is so powerful. As per my previous post, my son was too young to contemplate anything negative – at one point when he was in a serious amount of pain he turned to me and said "…it's alright Daddy, all children hurt like this too, it will get better soon…" It nearly dropped me and even though my brain was saying "no Son actually they don't" in a self pittying way, I just smiled and agreed with him.

One day he will realise that he has been through something different, but at the time he could only think positively and combined with brilliant care from the NHS, an amazing Consultant, and us feeding him the healthiest food possible, he's as right as rain now.

Mark & Meg, it's not going to be easy, but you can 'do' it. Keep thinking of all the positive energy coming your way from here on STW. Keep us all informed and we'll all help you crack it.

Stu.

Only really read through this thread tonight.
All I can say is my thoughs go out to you and Meg. Your attitude to the diagnosis is truly great and I hope you do nail this mofo.

I remeber whem my dad was taken into hospital for tests and a biopsy on his kidney and the feeling was crap. He was lucky and given the all clear – I can't imagine what you guys must be feeling after the news

Stay strong and all the best

Tom

Sorry to here the bad news I wish you the best of luck in fighting it.

@Mark – you can beat it and you need to push to get referred to a unit that specialises in your particular cancer. My wife was diagnosed with CML (a chronic blood cancer) in 2005 and before Glivec the outcome was almost always poor, now there is an array of treatments which manage and possibly cure the condition. The same is happening with other cancers and the more you understand the better you can manage getting an effective treatment and access to advanced drug treatments.

Stamp your feet, shout and do whatever is needed as there is a cure out there waiting to be found.

@Meg – I know what you are going through – always remember that others are there to help you, provide information, support or just a hug. The internet is a powerful tool which can provide a lot of support and information – both my wife and I have gained a lot from being able to exchange information with the growing number of worldwide survivors of CML.

T

Really sorry to hear your news. Now you can stop worrying about the if's, buts and maybes and have a clear target to aim at. Your straightforward attitude, physical condition and family support network are going to help you beat it.

I have the Armstrong book here, mail in profile. If you want it I'll post it tomorrow.

All the best you two, from what I've heard you sound like you have the perfect attitude to get through this and I wish you the best of luck.

Keep Strong
🙂

Jeez – have been watching this post for a bit now. Stomach dropped when I read your recent updates. Bit lost for words.

It's pretty obvious that your situation is weighing heavily on STW minds.

Best wishes and keep us posted.

Best of luck to both of you. Have been through it with a couple of close family members and it really can get impossibly hard at times, but just keep positive and as already said, don't be scared about making a nuisance of yourself at the hospital. The staff are all generally amazing people who do I job I couldn't even begin to imagine doing, but they are invariably over stretched and under resourced so keep on at them.

Best wishes to you both, I know you can get through this and come out the other side.

Just briefly, one of our neighbours was diagnosed with (lymph?) cancer a couple of years ago. After the first few weeks she was given little chance of making it, and (I hate to say this) the way she looked at that time illustrated exactly that. However, over the next 3-6 months, with a lot of support, especially from her partner who was an absolute rock, she made a complete transformation. And by the summer she was pretty much her normal self. That was a year ago now, and she's looked the 'picture of perfect health' ever since. And I'd also say she's one of the happiest and most grounded people I know too.

Keep your chin up and you too will beat this.

SM

Mark and Meg

Just wanted to wish you both the best and Mark please beat this damn thing.
I wish my Dad had your attitude.
Stay strong and positive.

Andy

I'm so sorry to hear your news Mark.

I am in awe of your strength and that of your partner Megan, you have the will, you have the strength.
Please, never forget that.

petesgaff – Member

I intend to nail this mofo to the floor……..

Too right you will …… because now, apart from anything else ….. you owe it to STW to do just that ! 😉

I can't add much to what's already been said, other than to remind you that whilst it is of course always important to listen to what your doctors tell you, they are clearly not infallible nor able to predict the future. So whilst the prognosis might not sound good, none of us knows what the future holds.

As has already been pointed out (as if we didn't already know !) time and again the predictions of doctors have proved to be wrong – as indeed some of the examples others have given, shows.

In my case, I can give you the example of a close friend of mine who was diagnosed with very advanced breast cancer. After receiving pretty extensive treatment, she was told by her doctors that there was nothing much more that they could do for her. "My body is f*cked", was how she put it to me. It really did my head in to hear her say that, and in fact contributed to me descending into a bout of depression. That was about 15 years ago now ! And I understand that because if the period of time in which she was in remission, she is now officially 'cured'.

As I've said in a previous post Mark, concentrate on the present, live for today, none of us knows what the future holds – that's a bit of Buddhist philosophy taught to me by my Chinese friend/traditional doctor/martial arts teacher 🙂 And something which I remind my ageing mother as she worries about her own mortality. And btw, maybe it will help you during these difficult times to get more in touch with your 'spiritual side'. It's something which we all have – whatever our beliefs. Although it's also something which we often ignore as we rush around worrying, in this material world.

Good luck 8)

The only way to go………………….you're both in my thoughts.

Hi

hope you are both doing ok, got a good book for you if you want it?

On the subject of spirtualism I am usually pretty sceptical tbh, but I was given a really good book a couple of years ago, its by a buddhist philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh.

It might not be your cup of tea, (breaks up the stephen king on my book shelf nicely tho) but if you fancy it let me know your address and I'll stick it in the post.

laura.pell1@ntlworld.com

Have been following your updates for the last couple of days, but haven't posted as I felt a "best of luck" was really a bit on the lame side.

My thoughts are with both of you and although a lot of you don't believe in this stuff you're in my prayers.

@ Meg – I think what you're doing is fantastic, I have known people who in similar situations have thrown up their hands and walked away because they couldn't cope.

Again all the best for both of you, you seem like a really strong couple and will support each other. x

tink

Very best wishes, Mark & Megan. Can't add anything to what's been said above, just make sure you beat it.

You're right though, feeling guilty for being ill is irrational, but I reckon we would all do exactly the same.

Stay with it.

I felt really down when I saw your update OP – I'm so sorry this is happening. Then I read this:

I intend to nail this mofo to the floor, or at least go out kicking, screaming

God bless you mate; kick it's @rse!

Dude

I've been there (twice). But I'm not going to say I know what your going through cos its different for everyone. I had testicular when I was 21 and then a few years later they found aonther tumar in my left lung. No Chemo first time, but had it second time, nasty stuff. I trough up that hard one afternoon that I burst the blood vessel in my eye, looked like I was crying blood for months. Took me 2 years to eat tomatos again (no idea why).

Its a really tough time (understatement) for you and those around you (looking back it was probably harder on my family than it was on me). You sound like you have the right attidue (although sometime you feel like it).

All I want to say is I'm going to be 40 next year and have 3 wonderful children.

Good luck mate. If you ever need to talk to someone drop me a line.

I've managed to get the Radiographer to agree to let me out for a couple of hours, whilst they wait for the isotope to make its way around my bones so that they canlook at the full extent of the problem.

My old man came around yesterday and had what can only be described as a meltdown in a very short period of time. I tried to make him see that I need to be the primary focus (which feels both selfish and uncomfortable) during the whole thing, and rowed and he left and hasn't spoken to me since. At the moment I simply can't afford to be concerned with how other people feel, but that racks me with guilt. I think this is something I need to get over pretty soon, because I cannot let it detract from my working on the 'getting better'. Does this make sense?

Last night was the worst I've had in hospital. I couldn't sleep, and just kept thinking the worst, which is pretty unusual for me. Many of you have commented on my strength, and how amazingly I seem to be coping. Don't believe it – I'm a bloody chartlatan. My problem is that, if I don't believe that I'm going to get better, I'm not sure I will. I feel like a coward at the moment, hiding my real fears from those that are most important to me to stop them worrying.

I'm not even that likable a chap; really! I'm a surly, self-righteous, cocky difficult bastard. My other half is (quite frankly) the greatest person I've ever met, and she's the only one that knows what I can be like. There is no way I could even attempt this without her, full stop. So please, all praise should be directed at her, not me.

Hopefully they'll find something later on, and Meg will be able to update you all. I feel that I probably couldn't cope without you lot as well, so a humble thank you to all over you that have taken time out to read and comment.

Mark

you don't need to be nice Mark, you need to fight

be selfish, its you with the phuckin war on your hands

you can be nice when you're in remission

one day at a time, do everything you need to do that day, it sounds like you have an awesome support in Meg

My GF has had a nightmare fight with leukaemia, but she's still going, coma and all

good luck

Thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time. Stay strong both and 'nail that mofo' together!

Your in my thoughts and prayers Mark.

Stay strong and fight the fight.

God bless.

Mark – ~If ever there is a time to be selfish this is it. Dont worry about treading on people's toes or pissing folk off, you have very right to do that. The complements about strength are based on the openness and frankness with which you are dealing with this.

My thoughts are with you!

Wow! Loads of inspirational tales / people coming out in this thread. Just wanted to add my voice really.

Mark and Meg,
I can't even begin to start understanding how either of you are feeling.
All I can say is be brave and stick together. The best of wishes to you both.
Tom

Mike and Meg,

I know nothing about cancer personally but all I can say is good luck to you both. Be a stubborn git and don't be scared about upsetting anyone as they only really care that you get better – mike_p's post seems like the way to approach it:

We figured that it was all about tipping the odds in our favour – if the odds are 60:40, how do you make sure you're in the 60? What did the 60 do that the 40 didn't? It's not all down to luck although that's certainly a factor… to paraphrase Gary Player, the harder you work, the luckier you get. Believe that, and don't put off – or allow to be put off – until tomorrow what can be done today.

As Ernie says, Be Here Now.

Fight like ****, pal. Fingers crossed for you.

"I'm not even that likable a chap; really! I'm a surly, self-righteous, cocky difficult bastard."

Sounds perfectly normal for on here then.

Good luck you surly cocky bastard.

Mark

Sorry to hear that you had a row with your old man, to be honest mate he'll get over it. You need to be positive & concentrate all your thoughts & energy on beating this illness. You don't want/need to be worrying about an upset parent.

I know where you are coming from with fearing the worse at this stage. The journey you are now going through is full of highs & deep lows, exactly the same thing happened to me earlier this year during my fight with Cancer too. I always thought that I was a switched on level headed kind of bloke but when one minute I was happy as Larry & then breaking down & crying like a baby the next it was very scary. I was lucky in that I was able to talk to some guys off STW who had also been through this & they told me that this was 'normal' for the emotional roller-coaster you are now riding. It’s not an easy journey but it is one that you can win – you cocky surly b*stard 😉

As has already been said take it one day at a time, keep yourself occupied & don’t dwell on matters, don’t put off those things which you can do today, set yourself small but achieveable goals, don’t bottle things up, speak to people & share your hopes & fears, be strong, be positive & be focused on your future together with Meg.

Good luck mate & I hope to catch up someday on a ‘petesgaff/Mark & Meg STW ride’

You're Dad needs to realise you are in difficulty.

Don't worry, focus on getting better then you can help save the world 😆

Good luck and keep posting!

I'm sure your dad will come around, everybody deals with things differently. The most important thing is you and Meg being strong but honest and open with each other.

Good luck mate & I hope to catch up someday on a ‘petesgaff/Mark & Meg STW ride’

2nd that

the very very best to you

Good luck both of you, and as other people have said, don't worry about your dad's reaction.

I was Googling for wooden mudguards (!) the other day and came across this guy's blog. It details the highs and lows of his cancer treatment and he seems to have a similar attitude to you, maybe worth a read once things have calmed down a bit.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I'm hughely impressed with your attitude to it all. It reminds me of Dylan Thomas – Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And I think poetry is gay 🙂

I really want you to beat this one which means screwing everyone else and being seriously selfish.
Oh and do the lottery on Saturday.. karma monkeys owe you big time!