Have you ever been the victim of an 'unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance'

Yes
But then everyone in the 80’s was a peado weren’t they.
Never should have walked back from Scouts late at night in the dark on my own.

We had a scoutmaster who was a bit ‘funny’. Apparently, his thing was for tickling boys feet. In the end, he tried it with one lad who gave him a bloody nose and reported him. I think this was back when presumably working with kids was a little more relaxed when it came to background checks etc.

At my secondary school it was standard for teachers to be dating sixth formers (early 1980s). By the time I’d gone to university I think there were three male staff, and one female who’d been caught in various levels of abuse. The worst was the psychopatic swimming teacher who used to spray ice cold water up your back as you swam lengths. The music teacher was reknowned for having young boys sit on his lap to learn to play the piano. He also used to invite groups of teenagers around his house to drink.

Really sad to read some of the genuine assaults, and then in typical STW fashion also some genuine lol moments.

Played a lot of tennis as a kid. Playing a tournament at the Northumberland County Ground one year (I’d be about 15) one of my pals invited me to play real tennis at the nearby school grounds. Coach there was an obvious weirdo and started asking lots of ‘what’s your sexual experience’ questions and was way too touchy feely with my pal. Thought it all a bit weird and inappropriate but managed to ignore him or palm him off. Two years later and this is front page news in Newcastle and the guys a paedo / sexual predator and went down for a chunk of time for all sorts of weird sexual stuff with teenage kids.

First week at Dundee Uni and it’s Freshers Week and Gaudie Night where a girl from the year above takes you out on the piss. Long story short, the hot girl female tennis captain dropped me in it last minute and I got taken out on the piss by a ‘less bonny’ lass. Lots of booze and cocktails and the last thing I can remember is crawling up the steps to my room with her in tow with me absolutely paralytic. I wake up naked with her naked on top straddling me…trying to stuff my flaccid cock inside of her unsuccessfully. Definitely not consensual but obviously able to laugh it off as harmless.

Has JHJ resurfaced with a better explanation of his OP?

I spent a bit of time working on a dementia ward. On the upside it’s nice that there is somewhere I can go and still get called ‘young man’ On the downside those old ladies can be a bit handsy.

Got groped in a club once- I assume by a man. Someone grabbed my bolx and walked off quickly, I was so off my head I didnt see them!

Whilst Eurorailing an American girl got onto my top bunk with me and started trying to shag me- I was drunk/asleep and really didnt know what was going on! I said “what are you doing, get off” or something like and blocked her advances. I likely would have been up for it if she’d asked me nicely!

Back in the 90’s when I still worked in the music industry, Jimmy Somerville quite forcibly offered me a blow job when we were doing coke in the toilets – let’s just say he’s not a “small town boy”. Does that count? I refused, always wondered wether I should of said yes as a massive ex communards fan?

I work in a pub.
Always inappropriate, often unwanted.
And frequent.

You realise you have crossed the great divide from young and hot when you no longer get that sort of attention.

That’s when any flirtatious remark you make becomes an unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance.

I had an interesting reverse sexual harassment once. I was working in ITU where its either very busy or really boring. During one of the boring times I was asked by one of my female colleagues to walk across the room and turn around – I did then realised 4 of them where looking at my bum making lewd comments. I walked back over to them and told them very forcefully how inappropriate it was, asked how they would have felt if the roles and been reversed and threatening them with being reported. I went absolutely ballistic. The shock on their faces as they realised what they had done was actually quite funny.

I didn’t take it any further but all 4 of them would have been disciplined had I done so. However the look of shock and realisation on their faces was enough for me.

Has JHJ resurfaced with a better explanation of his OP?

I can’t go into too much detail, but suffice to say, everyone’s responses here highlight that it is something that happens with both genders, though for whatever reason, there does seem to be an inherent difference as to how it’s handled.

Now I’m no prude… I’ve had my gubbins groped in the street by a little bloke in Nicaragua (not a euphemism) a Ladyboy on Bangkok, and multiple drunken ladies back when I was a rickshaw rider; there was even one time when 3 pink PVC clad glamour models were trying to stick their fingers up my bum before getting their paps out for the paps when we pulled up to glitzy London nightspot China White. I think back on these situations and think it’s kinda funny; it doesn’t feel particularly abusive.

However, some of the situations that have developed as a result of the matters mentioned in the 1st post do feel highly abusive. I’ve tried time and again to remedy things and have been repeatedly fobbed off and scapegoated, when at the end of the day, it wasn’t even me who set these things in motion.

The best outcome would be to settle these matters amiably, as there’s far too much bad shit going on in the world as it is.

nope, none the wiser.

fatmax

“but managed to ignore him or palm him off.”

must… resist….

“but managed to ignore him or palm him off.”

Beyond the cheap gags, another spin on out of context quotes…

No doubt many victims in abusive situations are ignored, stonewalled, gaslighted and all the rest of it; perhaps it gives the abuser some kind of twisted power trip. Not that great for instilling trust or cohesion though…

when 3 pink PVC clad glamour models were trying to stick their fingers up my bum before getting their paps out for the paps when we pulled up to glitzy London nightspot China White.

I wake up naked with her naked on top straddling me…trying to stuff my flaccid cock inside of her unsuccessfully. Definitely not consensual but obviously able to laugh it off as harmless.

You have been the victim of attempted rape.

It’s interesting to contrast this thread with the #MeToo thread.

This is glaring evidence that the problem of harassment and abuse is neither gender specific nor equally treated.

To all the men on here who have been brave enough to post their experiences I salute you.

geetee1972 – Member
It’s interesting to contrast this thread with the #MeToo thread.

This is glaring evidence that the problem of harassment and abuse is neither gender specific nor equally treated.
As you are keen to use the stats, compare it to the mumsnet one the forum is full of blokes – I think even the womens saddles/clothes threads are mostly populated by blokes.

Nobody is denying that there is a problem with harassment and abuse of men at all. But to say the problems are equal is just untrue, the number of people who have posted #MeToo on social media shows how massive the problem is.
Given the number of times the words get used to it or learn to deal with it come from women it shows just how big the problem is. Also the way the world is still run by men, powerful positions are still mostly held by men and casual sexism is alive and well all over the place along with misogyny women face a huge up hill struggle still in what is supposed to be an enlightened time.

Blimey, I do hope Hannah of Singletrack towers isn’t tied up in this in some way or another… the pinkie pic on the front page makes me wonder mind.

Still, could be worse, the Michael Jackson doc, not to mention the Child Abuse Inquiry hearings into Westminster abuse this week make me realize how lucky I am.

Nice timing Jive.

When I think back on it, I think I was sexually interfered with by a school teacher. To this day I wonder whether I should do something about it (it happened some 37 years ago and I don’t know if he is still alive).

Holy thread resurrection batman.

1 lady who flashed her tits at me at Centre Parks when I was about 12. 1 blonde German teacher with huge tits who made a thing of bending right over to talk to us during lessons or detention. 1 shoulder rub by a female manager when I was doing part time supermarket work when I was 16. 1 groping in a club by a fat chick. 1 incident of a MILF trying to get me to go along to a club at someones party and rubbing her feet up and down my legs from the opposite side of the table when I was 17. 1 woman who dragged me away from another lady whilst dancing during freshers. Another one recently gave me a shoulder rub out of the blue in a bar.

Many years ago I was on holiday in a little village in south Devon, the folks had a touring caravan and the caravan site had static vans and a few touring and camping pitches, along with a small social ’club’ with a bar. I wasn’t old enough to use it, so I used to hang out in the conservatory area which had a jukebox with tables and chairs. One day I was sitting listening to the ‘box, and this girl comes in and sits nearby, and we get talking. Next I know she’s plonked herself on my lap with her arms round my neck!
We spent the rest of the holiday together, nearly two weeks, and things got, shall we say, fairly intimate.
It was a bit of a shock, in one of her letters, when she let slip she was three years younger than me…

Only a few times (beyond old paedos following me around the local park), wholly unpleasant.

Must be much worse for women.

Show me a women that hasn’t.

*trigger warning* Yes, on several occasions. I saw my first flasher when I was 8, the second was when I was 12. I really couldn’t recall all the the times someone’s made unsolicited advances, like the stranger who was stood behind me and decided to put his hand down my top.
I do remember the first time a guy attempted abduct me from a busy street, I presume it was to rape me and the time another guy was successful

Mmmmm, some of these posts have had me laughing, some have got me thinking…..and more to the point, remembering….

When I was teenager, i was pretty good on the road bike (and the track for that matter….MTB’s hadn’t been invented) and as a result I rode for a sponsored club and was quite well known around the area. I was encouraged to work with a coach…..and I guess you know already where this is going

Said coach was VERY well known, worked with pros, etc, etc

I have never told anyone about my experience and I would find it very hard to open up to anyone about it but let’s just say I have memories that I find disturbing….he didn’t actually do anything in terms of touching…but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was a paedophile and if it wasn’t for the fact that my dad was always in the room next door, he would have.

The thing is, he is still revered…and although he is now no longer with us, I still see stories about him and feel sick to the stomach; wanting to shout out to the people who hold him in such high regard and to be this wonderful person, that he wasn’t…but that’s so hard to do…

Both of you, aweeshoe and velocipede – I am so bloody sorry that you had to go through that. How utterly, utterly shit. 😥

Bangkok airport circa 1995. Arrived very early for my flight home – had hours to kill. After a while of sitting around a security guard came up and asked my if I wanted to check my rucksack in. Great thank you. After bag disappears he said ‘I’m finishing in half an hour and ten perhaps you come back to mine?’ Hmmmmm great! I say no and it’s 30 years in the Bangkok Hilton? Ok see you later. I was wearing a bright red tee shirt. So into shop – black tee shirt and hat. His in the bogs until flight. Never been so scared. Rucksack was fine but did wonder if something was going to be ‘found’ in it.

On holiday in Woolacoombe, Stood outside a shop waiting for Mrs cloudnine who was shopping (obviously).. Just standing around holding the dog.. some really fit lady walks up to me, grabs my bum and asks me to come to her house for sex. Nervously giggled and declined politely.

@wallop Thanks, you’ve expressed more compassion than my friend did at the time. The incidents were bad enough but it’s my friends reactions that scarred

There used to be a lab manager at work who used to fondle my bum and so on, a woman aged about 55. It was no more than an irritation so I mostly ignored it until the day she pinched my bum following me up the stairs and in annoyance I turned round and snapped at her. She never tried it again.

I’ve had two incidents in my lifetime, but, the scariest was the night before I started a new job, I’d hopped on the bus to go the 6 miles to meet a mate so we could go for a few quiet sherberts at his local, after a little while, a couple of girls wandered across and we started a conversation, I recognised one of them, but couldn’t think of where from or even her name. But we were getting in fine and a few minutes later, I went to out the back to “drain the tatties” while my mate continued to crack on to the girls. I arrived back and we carried on, about 30 minutes later, I started to feel ill, suddenly, I just puked up and can’t remember much after that. According to the barstaff, my mate did exactly the same, the wanted to call an ambulance, but one of the girls said, “I know where they live, so I’ll take them home.
Several hours later, I woke up and slowly became aware that I was naked and rather cool, it was dark, I had no idea of the time, as my watch had gone or where I was. I struggled to get to my feet and staggered about looking for my clothes and any clue as to where I was, after wandering for several minutes, I found my jeans, put them on and felt my pockets, empty. I kept wandering for a while, I’ve no idea of how long, but noted it was getting lighter, eventually, I started to realise that it was June and it gets light very early, I guessed it must be 3-4am, in the distance, I heard the sound of the odd vehicle, so tried to make my way in that direction. Eventually, I got to the road and tried to flag down a couple of cars, I succeeded at the third attempt, luckily, I was a guy who was going shooting and was heading to a farm. He gave me a hot coffee from his flask and the conversation on how I got to where I was started. It turned out, I was some 15 miles from home and somewhere I’d never been or a road I’d not been on. Instead of going shooting, he took me home, I put some clothes on and we had a coffee. We exchanged details, I thanked him, gave him, £20 for his help, which he refused and he went on his way. (we still communicate to this day and do go for a drink now and then).
I went for a shower, had another coffee, fell asleep, waking up and noticed it was 9.30am, I was supposed to be at work for 8am. I quickly called the boss, apologised and told him what I could remember from the previous night, luckily, he was very understanding, told me to take the full day off and start on the Tuesday morning. I called my mate, but his mother answered the phone and she went off on one with me as he hadn’t returned home, this made me panic and I started having flashbacks, I asked her to call me when he returned so we could put our heads together and try and work out what happened. I must have fallen asleep again and was woken by the phone ringing, it was just gone midday and my mate had just got home, wearing only his trousers. He’d been woken up by some cows nosing him and peeing near his head, he was naked and wandered about looking for his clothes like me. His wife had been very angry and suspicious, but agreed that as we’d both been through the same ordeal, we couldn’t have intended to do it or control what happened. My mate had been left in a field a couple of miles from me, it frightened him so much, that apart from going to work, he went nowhere else for several weeks.
I went back to the pub in the early evening to enquire as to what had happened, a couple of members of staff had been working when the incident had happened and informed me of what had occurred, what they told me really scared me and we all though that the girls had spiked our drinks. I apologised and thanked the staff, then went to see my mate, he was still in bed, but his mother woke him and after a shower, I informed him of what the pub staff had told me. Neither of us knew if we’d been sexually interfered with or what had gone on, but we were both just happy to be alive.
In those days, pubs didn’t have CCTV, so there was no footage to look at, therefore no evidence, it took us a while, but we managed to out it behind us. It’s over 30 years since it happened and I still have the occasional flashback when I’m asleep, but none of it makes sense.
Since then, I’ve been and still am very very careful of where I go for a drink and never go to the toilet, leaving a drink on the bar.
A word of warning to all, be careful.

Hope I haven’t bought back any bad memories with this thread… though I guess sometimes it’s better to get things off your chest and maybe, just maybe it’s a wakeup call for a problem that is all too often brushed aside.

@wallop Thanks, you’ve expressed more compassion than my friend did at the time. The incidents were bad enough but it’s my friends reactions that scarred

Can very much relate to that aweeshoe, reactions that may seem harmless enough to begin with can really grate over time.

@jivehoneyjive No worries, and like you say “it’s better to get things off your chest…” I’ve certainly learned from what I’ve read above

Many times. First by a teenage girl when I was four ‘comparing bits’, next when I was 14 I was a KP and regularly had the bosses mum run her hands up my legs and feel my bum. Then several occasions being felt up on bum and balls in pubs and clubs by women and men. The last one was outside a gig a few years ago when q stubbly fat dude tried to snog me.

I’m not that bothered. For a 6’6″ skinny dude I’ve got a really nice bum.

Can you please clear up a point about your mate @cyclingwilly

called my mate, but his mother answered the phone and she went off on one with me as he hadn’t returned home

His wife had been very angry and suspicious, but agreed that as we’d both been through the same ordeal

Was your mate unfortunate enough to live with his mother?

when I was 14 I was a KP

?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KP

when I was 14 I was a KP

That’s just nuts.

Kitchen Porter.