Have you ever been the victim of an 'unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance'

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  • Have you ever been the victim of an 'unwanted/inappropriate sexual advance'
  • Edukator
    Member

    I know my limits. 8)

    milky1980
    Member

    Nothing more than unwanted advances at work from quite a few female (and one male…) customers. One woman grabbed my hand and stuck it down her skirt!

    Makes me sound like a stud but in reality I’m an odd looking short Welshman and the ones I attract are almost exclusively not attractive at all. I’d make a good piece of bait for a Japanese ‘Scientific Survey’ fishing boat, let’s put it that way :mrgreen:

    I think they think they sense desperation in me as I’ve been single a while. I don’t have the heart to tell them the smell is chain lube and sealant 😆

    Gunz
    Member

    Last year during lunch time circuit training a girl in her twenties (I was 45) said I had a nice bum and pinched it. Luckily we operate under the Armed Forces Discipline Act so I was able to call her out on the spot and stop her weekend leave. I actually felt like I might be overreacting but then considered how I’d feel if someone did that to my daughter in public.

    Rohypnol’d by a Brazilian woman in a bar in new York in 2003. Thankfully my mate got me out of there

    A ridiculously persistent girl I used to work with who couldn’t understand why I was rejecting her. Got very uncomfortable.

    Having many gay friends, numerous propositions when I’ve been in gay bars or clubs with them and having to let the potential suitor down gently and explain my preferred tendency didn’t align with the current venue

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Meanwhile, in China,

    https://www.8shit.net/serious/mystical-chinese-man-claims-can-predict-womans-future-fondling-breasts/

    (Caveat, there’s little reliable commentary to explain what’s actually going on)

    mooman
    Member

    I saw a famous former page 3 model and reality tv star at a grocery store in Brighton. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
    She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
    I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
    The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
    When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
    I decided to use a different till to avoid the awkwardness. As I left the shop she was outside. She began throwing the Milky Ways at me as she sang “Follow me follow me, breathe me in, swallow me” … I hurried to my car and drove away as fast as I legally could!

    jambourgie
    Member

    Was that a joke?

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    It was definitely something. Maybe just

    Quote – “Last year during lunch time circuit training a girl in her twenties (I was 45) said I had a nice bum and pinched it. Luckily we operate under the Armed Forces Discipline Act so I was able to call her out on the spot and stop her weekend leave. I actually felt like I might be overreacting but then considered how I’d feel if someone did that to my daughter in public”

    FFS, it’s the end of the world as we know it.
    As a man in your mid 40’s,could you not just have been flattered that a young girl in her 20’s has even noticed you exist?

    Junkyard
    Member

    As a woman in your mid 40’s,could you not just have been flattered that a young man in his 20’s has even noticed you exist?

    Yes that works just as well 😕

    Premier Icon simmy
    Subscriber

    Once had a girl offer me a sexual service rather than pay me the money she owed me.

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    I work with young adults, so it’s kind of a threat/risk… Only had it once from work, I gave a student helper a lift home and got slightly jumped. So I pretty much booted her out of the car then phoned my boss at 11pm and went AAAARGH. Apparently it’s kind of a rite of passage… But it’s OK, I have this certificate that says that to the best of their knowledge, I am probably not a sexual wrongun.

    Other’n that it’s always been drunk dudes. Apparently I have a really nice arse.

    Gunz
    Member

    Quote – “Last year during lunch time circuit training a girl in her twenties (I was 45) said I had a nice bum and pinched it. Luckily we operate under the Armed Forces Discipline Act so I was able to call her out on the spot and stop her weekend leave. I actually felt like I might be overreacting but then considered how I’d feel if someone did that to my daughter in public”

    FFS, it’s the end of the world as we know it.
    As a man in your mid 40’s,could you not just have been flattered that a young girl in her 20’s has even noticed you exist?

    As Junkyard has pointed out, double standards don’t help anyone. On top of that it was in front of a lot of people and as we were markedly different ranks any sort of reciprocation by myself would have undoubtedly resulted in me catching a good dose of career-ending repercussions. In short no.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    Spot on, so many double standards all through this thread.

    Premier Icon senor j
    Subscriber

    Lots of times when I was young and fresh faced. Men usually.
    I remember a skin2 party in 91 that was particularly eyeopening.
    Not so much these days now I’m more potato faced.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    A few LOL’s in this thread!

    And that makes me ashamed.

    Unwanted sexual advances, once it goes beyond standard ‘old as time’ chatting up, not interested, move away – there is no acceptable:unacceptable boundary. If there’s a boundary it’s unacceptable:completely unacceptable.

    Whether man on woman advances, boss on worker, teacher on pupil, – any of them, they’re all unacceptable and a few of the ones described on here are horrific, I hope the victims are over them as best as they can be.

    Unfortunately, and it does shame me my first impulse on the ‘had my arse felt by a girl in a nightclub’ or ’26 year old teacher has sex with 15 year old schoolboy’ is to think lucky sod – that impulse is just plain wrong and I’m calling myself and everyone else that responds the same out on it. Yes, I’m male and nearly 50 and it’s somewhat ingrained, but we’re exactly the people that have to change it, not continue to laugh.

    Edukator
    Member

    I think the grouping of “unwanted” and “inappropriate” is inappropriate as the two are very different and distinct.

    Unwanted is a simple reaction, inappropriate puts it in a social context. If I suggest whatever to Madame then the suggestion may be unwanted, but within the context of a marriage it’s not inappropriate assuming the suggestion is within the realms of the Karma Sutra. However the same suggestion to a student would be both inappropriate and plain illegal.

    If you go into a gay bay in a gay resort then what is inappropriate is on a different level to the office. I dance rock and roll and some moves mean putting hands where you normally wouldn’t, as the names of the moves suggest, “la caresse” or “la chaise” for example. And even when it’s allowed there are different ways of doing them, a finger left in contact a fraction of second too long and you’ve sent a signal you shouldn’t have. The medical profession have do things that would be unacceptable in almost any context except treating injury or illness.

    We spend our lives seducing people at different levels, it’s a part of social acceptance and success. People like to be liked, like others to know they like them. The line between social seduction and sexual seduction is very fine. The art is to never over-step the mark, and some people are more skilled at the game than others.

    In some situations you have have to maintain a respectable distance, extreme even. As a teacher I avoided being alone with a student, never shut a door, asked colleagues to be around, adopted a gruffer more fatherly behaviour than normal. In others the atmosphere is more relaxed and the point at which banter becomes harrassment isn’t so clear.

    Most people know the rules and play by them. If you look at the uncomfortable situations in this thread, the normal limits weren’t respected. Not everyone is a perfect social animal. When an attempt at seduction included lifting a T-shirt I felt sorry for the woman in the moment because exposing yourself both physically and to possible social ridicule is high risk with little more chance of reward than more subtle and socially acceptable advances. I chose to deal with the situation tactfully and discretely but the answer was “no”. A few years later the woman was admitted to a psychiatric hospital and has spent the rest of her life in and out of the place. A delightful person but a social misfit.

    And what are the limits? They’re variable. They vary from country to country, town to town, distrct to ditrict, from working class to toff, from the factory floor to the boardroom. As many contexts as there are codes as to what is and is not acceptable.

    Including this forum which is about as reactionary and judgemental as any place I know.

    So go easy on people, apply your own high standards to yourself, acccept that others are different, try to understand the whys and wherefores and have a good think about whether the person is potentially a serious threat to society (do something) or just someone with slightly different values (do nothing but keep your eyes and ears open).

    giantalkali
    Member

    Unwanted, though not inappropriate experience.

    Wedding reception, several years ago. A very drunk and quite camp lad kept hanging about me. I chatted to him about normal stuff as you might, he kept touching my arm, slightly irritating. Unfortunately I knew no one at the party and so didn’t really have an easy escape route as he became increasingly annoying. Later he intercepted me on a sofa and advanced to knee touching. Somewhere around the oral sex part hair stroking I had to reiterate in very basic terms that I wasn’t gay and wasn’t interested and that he should stop wasting his time.

    He was a little put out by this and stomped off in a bit of a drunken huff. By now he was utterly hammered. I managed to find an entertaining bridesmaid and an hour or so later made it back to my room.

    Only to find him asleep in my bed!

    Dunno how he got in there, don’t think he even knew it was my room. I slept elsewhere, not because he was gay, but because he was a drunken sex pest.

    (I have shared rooms with gay friends who are not sex pests, no probs)

    teasel
    Member

    ‘s a good post, Edukator.

    Don’t take that to mean that I like you or anything, tho…

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    When I used to work behind the bar at the Hacienda, Bank Holiday weekends would host ‘Flesh’ all-nighters. It was the biggest gay night in the country. The level of debauchery was legendary even by the standards of Manchester’s early 90’s gay club scene. I have seen things that cannot be unseen

    Anyway, there’s this huge impeccably buffed man-mountain, sporting just a pair of Calvins – pretty standard outfit for Flesh. Every time he comes to the bar he makes sure it’s me that serves him, and as he passes me the cash, he kept stroking my arm and smiling. All harmless enough.

    Half way through the night I need a piss so nip to the bog. I’m stood there at the urinal, mid-stream, when I become aware of a large presence looming directly behind me. I look over my shoulder to see Mr Man-Mountain smiling down at me, and as I feel the mars-bar-in-the-back, his arms slide around my waist

    My reaction was literally…..

    To be honest, it didn’t feel threatening, I assumed it was just chemically-enhanced over-affection

    None the less it caused much hilarity as I came sprinting back behind the bar in a state of panic, not least with my then-girlfriend. I hid every time he came to the bar after that, and point blank refused to go out into the club for the rest of the night

    If he’d been pressing a sausage roll into your back it would have all ended very differently.

    nickhit3
    Member

    Greggs?

    sounds like he didn’t stop for a name

    Greggs are typically small, flaccid and pink.

    If you’re commited to voluntarily taking a shit backwards … then at least go big? 😯

    #brexitdiet

    Premier Icon vinnyeh
    Subscriber

    A medical graduate’s career is in ruins after he was convicted of indecently assaulting a woman he met on Tinder by grabbing her breasts during consensual sex.

    Philip Queree, 37, was taken to court for repeatedly grabbing the woman’s breasts hard and pulling her hair while the couple had intercourse.

    interesting reminder about the limitations of consent, and the serious ramifications.
    I’m a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    I’m a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

    Reading the details, I think it probably is TBH.

    P-Jay
    Member

    interesting reminder about the limitations of consent, and the serious ramifications.
    I’m a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

    Well as long as the punishment fits the crime…

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    I’m a bit uneasy as to whether the sex offenders register is appropriate.

    Why? She specifically asked him not to do something (of a sexual nature) and he went ahead and did it – hard enough to leave bruising.

    Merak
    Member

    I was out last weekend with some workmates. Later on in a noisy pub one of the party comes right up to me to say she finds herself attracted to me.
    I’m not going to lie, she’s very attractive and it was nice to hear. I explained that I appreciated what she was saying but that it was a bit inappropriate given her long term relationship and mine. Me being her manager and the fact that we were in full view of everyone it probably wasn’t for the best.
    I moved away but she wasn’t for giving up rubbing her tits up against me etc trying to hold my hand touching me.

    If I had done that to her I’d be in bother.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    If I had done that to her I’d be in bother.

    She could be if you went to HR, but of course if you’d done it there’d also be the issue of you being her boss.

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    If I had done that to her I’d be in bother.

    Did anyone witness her behaviour? I’d be hoping someone did.

    Premier Icon iainc
    Subscriber

    perchypanther – Member
    If he’d been pressing a sausage roll into your back it would have all ended very differently.

    POSTED 2 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
    giantalkali – Member
    Greggs?

    Greggs are typically small, flaccid and pink.

    really should be leaving nobeer out of it, he hasn’t contributed since leaving me face down on the top bunk a few pages back… 🙂

    Merak
    Member

    I’m handing my notice in this week, not because of last weekends antics but Id be lying if I said I wasn’t glad to be getting away from her. Its becoming difficult.

    Everyone saw how she was behaving, including my boss, a woman. She started by asking me if I would go to salsa dancing with her as her partner wasnt interested. I explained its not really appropriate. She touches my bum/back puts her arm in my arm on the way to the pub. I extricate myself, it continues in the pub..

    She was drunk and is unhappy with her lot and fancies a bit of excitement which is fine. Im not making out Im a victim here btw, Im a big boy. I just mean had the boot been on the other foot it could have ended very differently.

    Its just not seen or accepted the same way, when a woman makes unsolicted sexual advances towards a man.

    Junkyard
    Member

    In a written judgment, magistrate Bridget Shaw said: “I am sure that Miss X withdrew consent for Queree to grab her breasts.

    “Queree knew this but continued to do so forcefully[after she asked him to stop], causing the complainant considerable pain[ enough to make her cry]. This was an assault. Queree touched a sexual and intimate part of her body in a sexual manner without her consent.

    “Irrespective of her consent to other sexual conduct, I am sure that the touching was in circumstances of indecency and thus Queree is guilty of indecent assault.”

    The court heard that the woman made a complaint to police as a result of bruising she suffered to both breasts.

    I have no idea how anyone can think this is not sexual assault she clearly did not consent and he clearly did not stop.

    Edukator
    Member

    Merak, why you are going into the same pub as her I have no idea. Walking there with her is madness. Either you’re trolling or need to take control of your life and cut her out of it once you’re out of the office.

    emsz
    Member

    Have you ever been the victim of an inappropriate sexual advance

    it’s essentially how me and her got together. 😆

    Just read all four pages and one word keeps repeating in my head.

    “mott” LOL

    Yes
    But then everyone in the 80’s was a peado weren’t they.
    Never should have walked back from Scouts late at night in the dark on my own.
    Hey ho , shit happens.

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