Chatting up the ex under a different name!

You need to ask yourself why your wife is ‘stringing you along’ like this.

She has power over you by occasionally sleeping with you etc and it may suit her for you to be hanging around just waiting for a call from her (she clearly isn’t comfortable about you seeign other people).

I agree with the sensible posts above – keep the relationship with her ‘professional’ (i.e. just practical stuff about kids/money/etc).

Go to a club with the kids, take them for bike rides or whatever but you need to get out and leave your wife in the background – she’s clearly enjoying manipulating you and you’re playing straight into her hands.

What size is your lad? If you wish I can borrow a bike from work for him and we can ride at Thetford tomorrow. Good luck with resisting the ex. Get through today and hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.

TALK TO HER. Don’t deceive or trick, it can be seen as extremely insulting.

I didn’t sleep again last night. Have today off as I am working tomorrow so went for a walk up into town. Popped into the county court and dropped off my papers there for the repossesion hearing in a couple of weeks, then splashed a little cash on a pair of Vans for my daughter’s BMX racing! That felt a bit better but not as good as the look on her face will be when she gets them later.
Tried to ring the doctors but they were busy! Will try again later.
Your replies are very similar (well the honest ones anyway) and I will have to make a decision and man up as it were. Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!

Ian,

You need to stop listening to Slipknot.

Beware of Facebook.

How did you know I walked into town and back with Slipknot and Lamb of God on my Ipod?

Read all this this morning and didn’t really feel i could add to the good advice.

Hope you are going to stop letting her manipulate you and ditch all the facebook stuff. Hope you also realise you have more people to talk to than you thought.

Curly68 – Member

………. Everytime I try to talk to her about what she wants, she gets all narked and turns it around onto me!

Stop talking to her. Minimum contact for the sake of the kids and that is all. She doesn’t stay at your house, she gets nowhere near your bed, block her on msn and facebook

You have to take charge and this will be a liberating thing to do. She is manipulating you.

Lets not demonise the mother of your child/ren as in the long run you have to stay in contact with each other. Yes she may be manipulating you but most likely its probably not in a concious vindictive way, like you her self esteem is probably low, she feels alone so being able to control you and your libido makes her feel better about herself, however it will also ultimately make her respect you less and less. Why else would she be chatting to men on the internet if not to boost her self esteem?

You have to start making things more on your terms but not in an agressive way. She will probably go mad at you at first, just be the bigger man and be calm and assertive. After a while she will get her respect for you back and at that point you can seriously discuss how your relationship should continue. From experience you should either be together or apart as the situation you are in now just eventually leads to more pain and resentment. It is tough when you are lonely, something good always comes along eventually.

If you can’t get away in the evenings is there club/activity you can rope your son into at the weekends so you can meet mums?

I am fairly sure that this is actually illegal…

A quick scan through reveals TJ’s as being good advice…

If you are being made redundant and in danger off losing the house get some good money advice – in 99% of cases house repossession can be avoided if you take the right steps.

You sound possibly depressed to me – go get pro help. GP first port of call, counselling can really help as well

When you are redundant get out on your bike! Exercise is the best thing for what ails you

You either stop seeing her now, except for children matters, or you BOTH commit to some relationship councelling. If not then move on mate. Treat yourself to a healing period. Just you. Dont fret on finding a replacement. Do your thing for a while. Get your head straight. Get used to being you, & being happy with your lot. As for moving on, you need to be free of all this stuff first. No women is going to want some sob story. You dont sound thick, you’ve obviously got a lot to offer someone. But stalking her isnt going to get you there. Take advice & you’ll be in a far better place soon enough. Drag your ass up Cannock of you fancy a day out riding somewhere different.

Agree with the sensible comments. Stop all the extraneous chat. Play it cool and move on. At the moment she will be getting satisfaction from the idea that you will be there as a safety net for her. And you may even take some comfort from that. However, it sounds as though she is more ready to move on than and when that happens, you’ll be dropped rapidly. Better for you to tske control and chose the moment when that break occurs and to make that break yourself. No need for an announcement, just minimise your facebook and internet contact. Get online and flirt with other women, you obviously have the knack.

I think i have fell in to a Jeremy Kyle episode by mistake?

I haven’t read all of page 2 and 3, but this sounds gutt-wrenchingly awful. Stop torturing yourself man! Delete all the FB accounts, cancel the broadband for a month or two, and concentrate your energies on yourself and your own life (and the kids, obviously) for a little while. She’s playing you like a ball, by the sounds of it.

Sympathy, and good luck.

I almost hope this is just some cynical social experiment and that Curly68 is happily sat in a lab using us as test-specimens, but if not…get yourself to Shelter (the housing charity), it wont stop your issues with your ex but they may be able to remove the threat of repossession, the sooner you act the more they can do for you.

Your nearest appears to be:
Ground Floor Tudor House, 13 East Stockwell Street, Colchester, CO1 1SS.
Phone: 0344 515 1860, 0800 085 1798 freephone

Its not an experiment though I wish it was! Just phoned Shelter and someone will be calling back this afternoon, so thank you for that.

You need to seriously stop using Facebook, MSN, texting and the such as they are really not healthy. These things are really not good for talking to someone as feelings and what people really mean don’t always come across correctly. You also end up wondering why you haven’t got an instant reply and trying to work out the meanings in words. As you see her often I would just sit her down and say things aren’t working for you and are screwing you up. Lay down the law in nice way and say things have to change to keep you healthy. If she cares then she will be willing to change your setup. If she doesn’t care then she will kick of and refuse to change, but at least you will have an answer. Cool to hear that you are getting help as I have always found that talking to the professionals does always really help. Suddenly you realise you are not alone and things can change.

Good luck. Keep us in the picture. If one thing this has hopefully shown you’ve plenty of friends here if you need a chat 🙂

Saw this thread this morning, chin up lad and the very best of luck.

There is some good advise here from very well intentioned folk, just hope it all works out for you.

This is how it is mate; She doesn’t want you but she doesn’t want to lose her hold over you. The only reason you’re still getting a “sniff” is because she hasn’t found anyone else and it’s doing her ego good to think that someone wants her. Sorry buddy, you need to detatch yourself from this woman now. Then she’ll also be feeling the insecurities that you are.