[Closed] Celibacy..........

xherbivorex - first step is to like yourself. Spend time alone really really thinking about your life, what you want from it, your good points, your bad points. You either accept how you are or you refuse to be a victim and move forward. Take control of your situation.

Surround yourself with positive upbeat people and here is as good a place as any. Don't know if you've done any group rides but if you haven't, give them a go and enjoy the buzz and camaraderie.

Believe me, you can be married and still be lonely. Been there, done that, divorce papers coming through this month after two years separation.

The above is what I have been applying to my new life. Yes, it's bloomin' tough sometimes but you have to hang in there.

Another freak of nature here, being close to a decade since I last got jiggy with it. A few years recovering from an untimely end of marriage, and since then finding it both increasingly difficult to rejoin the dating game and increasingly more comfortable being single. To the extent that when I got a no-strings-attached offer not very long ago, I turned it down. I haven't really regretted that decision too much, time and time again, since.

xherbivorex - I'm going to disagree with you. I think you are actually coping really well, however you are being too hard on yourself.

Having see you after a big gap, a few weeks ago, I recognise a big change. Come riding with us whenever you fancy.

Time is a huge healer. In this world of everything happening now, we expect too much.

Surely you have to microwave it?

Some women are cold on the inside as well as the outside....

And i'l apply that to my own gender though not through experience.

BH- i just have a good mask that i wear when out of the house i think!
but seriously, thanks to you both. that slippy slidey lyme park ride last month was great. just what i needed.

Some women are cold on the inside as well as the outside....

but how would you ever find out ? Cold is OK for strangers but not relationships...

Simon get the sex out of way early on before you get emotionally attached to her/him, if not you maybe in for a big surprise when you do get that close....i've a friend that got too close too late and nearly couldn't sit down for a week, if you get my drift..... 😉

[i]Reading this makes me realise i'm a whore. [/i]

😆

I was celibate in my last relationship to the point where i can remember the last time we were 'intimate' - once in 4yrs.
To be honest we hadn't been doing it for the last five years of the relationship and it was sporadic before that!

Now i'm with a lady who really can't get enough and is EXTREMELY inventive 8O!

Extremely inventive at 80?!?

That is experienced, not inventive surely?

Buzz- if you're being really fenickey, teflon grease is more realistic.

You can, allegedly, use coffee to make it look like the Sultan of Brunai.

Now i'm with a lady who really can't get enough and is EXTREMELY inventive 8O!

LOL, i initailly mis read that as "Now i'm with a lady who really can't get enough and am an EXTREMELY inventive 😯 yr old!"

Does a ceased sex-life always mean the relationship will fail though? [Christ, wot is this, Cosmo?]

maybe we should start a STW dating page. South london single male, NS, GSH, 36, seeks girl to share bicycle rides and companionship....

A friend of mine reckons climbing walls should all have a dating ads section as all the men seem to think the women climbers are very attractive and I suspect a higher than average proportion of the men appear equally appealing to the girls (or each other) so surely it would be a huge success!

was supposed to be a 😯 face! (oops - if she finds out i called her 80yr old the inventiveness will soon stop!)

Does a ceased sex-life always mean the relationship will fail though? [Christ, wot is this, Cosmo?]

Yes, because it's the only part of a relationship i can get right. 😥

neilnevill - Member
maybe we should start a STW dating page.

Well most of the (all too few) lady cyclists i have seen have been very easy on the eye, maybe it is the sight of a nice, rounded bottom in lycra that does it?
Cyclists tend to be somewhat fitter than the average population so this (in theory) should make them slightly more attractive to the opposite sex?
(assuming they are practically human in most other respects!)

"Does a ceased sex-life always mean the relationship will fail though? [Christ, wot is this, Cosmo?]"

T'other way around isn't it? Your relationship fails and you end up having no sex life.

re a singles thread - tried that before and the lads took the p1ss!!

aleigh - Member

tried that before and the lads took the p1ss!!

not all of [s]us[/s] them did!

quite happy to but no one comes forward

Aleigh - i see a problem. We have a (very) small minority of single cycling females and a huge majority of ageing, balding, overweight, relationship-incompetent males........ 😛

Reading this makes me realise i'm a whore.

+1.

Even in Prison I'd still be a whore. Mind, I'd have to catch the bus the other way but I'd definitely be the Bus driver 😯

Binners- I'm currently in the eye of the storm...in a few months time. My sexlife will be dead calm 😥

As someone newly separated (3 weeks) after 21 years together. The apparent lack of any potential future partner is rather depressing.

Kiril - was in your position this time last year, by Feb i was needing a rest so don't lose hope!

Muddydwarf That's the sort of hope I need 🙂

Those that aren't interested/are otherwise engaged just chipped in with .....'encouragement from the touchline' did they? I'm not surprised. For a similar reason I strongly suspect an STW group ride would rarely lead to two people getting together....the bawdy banter, or even just the threat of it, would probably scare any interested party off unless they were supremely confident and if they were supremely confidnet they are probably not going to be single in the first place.

That's why a 'thread' probably wouldn't work, it might have more chance if it were a section of the site which was specifically set up for the purpose. I might even pay for premier user status to give it a go 🙂 [cough] mods? [/cough]

"a huge majority of ageing, balding, overweight, relationship-incompetent males"

To be fair, the women are aging too.

there are some single chaps out there - they're just embarrassed to come forward!

Why not just PM someone if you think they might be amenable?

Kiril - Xmas is a shite time to be breaking up with someone as i know all too well. It knocked me for six, it really did. I suffered really badly with depression to the point of attempting-to-attempt suicide and i still get down now, although that is more to do with the redundancy/unemployment.
If you want to chat PM me.

because it's very hit and miss - you can never be sure

I'm single but a self confessed whore, not sure if that will get me very far so...

Where do i sign?

Superstar Opponent - you just need to see sharki in his gold lame shorts and boots. That'll have you from 'Mr Flippy Floppy' to 'somewhere to hang a wet duffel coat' in no time at all.

Toot toot!

Kiril , I know female friends who were in the same position as you (so its girls too). I was angst-ridden for them. Top girls with no decent blokes for them. Seriously and worried that 'is this it for life'?

Took a while but each one has landed their fellas. 😀

kiril, i was in the same position as you last february.
nothing's changed for me though... 🙁

It's not that i'm short that puts women off - it's my sexual deviancies!!!

i'll get the contract emailed to you 😉

muddydwarf - Member
Aleigh - i see a problem. We have a (very) small minority of single cycling females and a huge majority of ageing, balding, overweight, relationship-incompetent males........

Gizzard Puke , I am the opposite. Hair on my head and balls and absolutely no where else. What the ****? 😐

Thanks Muddy dwarf I also arranged all of the details including notes but I'm in a better place now (just sad and lonely.

The good thing is apart from the ageing balding bit I've lost 8kg so I'm not overweight.

Aleigh - what contract???? (am i being targetted for assassination???) 😯

Well, if a grizzly, miserable little shit like me can find someone to put up with my inadequacies and deviations then there's hope for everyone!

of course not!

maybe there should be a section for singletons!

Single men are embarrassed to come forward???

I don't think so!

hmmm

Ageing, well no-one gets younger do they...
Balding, nope, more hair than I know what to do with on my head, so I just let it do what it wants
Overweight, 10.5st & 5'10ish, so nope
Relationship incompetent....well it's been a while so **** knows if I am or not.

Ok....from reading this thread I have the mental image of Hora's hairy balls and the fact he would be a busdriver.

Mods....kill this thread!

aleigh:

maybe there should be a section for singletons!

*registers singletontrackworld.com*

Let me throw this in to further (or stop) the debate. If a married couple are celibate but one of them is healthy enough to want/need rumpypumpy, would it be ok to seek it outside marriage? Seperation can't happen due to kids, so furthering Buzzlightyears question and superstar opponents.

Just want to clarify that I was not getting at parents in general for being to busy to bother with people. I do understand the ties of caring for children/dependents etc. I have had to keep to day in day out schedules myself for caring purposes, though not child related. I am fairly understanding about such ties and the restrictions and the tiredness they bring (I realise that has not come across in my earlier writing). For the 2 years I dated, I did not see my boyfriend for any weekends at all, or for bank holidays, family holidays, Christmas, New Year as for each of those he was helping to look after his child in another town (which I applauded him for, though leaving me out was bad behaviour on reflection, as I was open to both his child and its mother) I think that shows a lot of consideration for other peoples family commitments as I chose to sacrifice an awful lot to support his commitment to his child.

It was the attitude of a few parents I have met that I was commenting on who can be oddly smug and offensive in their perspectives.

Plenty are very nice people. I think parents just loose stuff in common with non parents, so find their company often less fulfilling. The effect is the same for some singles though, that they become more left out of the parent dominated social groups. Its an observation of social behaviour, I am not calling parents bad people. Sorry if it sounded as if I was.

midnighthour - where in the UK do you live?

We'll invite you on the next local STW ride. 🙂

Internet dating - someone said on here it was not a pleasant experience, but they are persevering. What are the downsides to it?

I think a dating site for cyclists might be a good idea. I wonder if the Ramblers have a version? 🙂

there is a site called fitness singles.....

I have not cycled for the last 6 months, other than my little xmas snow rides, which have made me look more positively at biking again. Hoping to get back into it during the spring if things go well, so might give people a shout when less physically dire! Very kind offer, thanks.

that site's rubbish!

I don't understand the concept of "open" relationships - jealousy is normal. So, the randy partner could not realistically engage in sex outside the celebate relationship IMO.

Unless you know otherwise?

that site's rubbish!

because it's full of shallow people

would anyone be up for a singletons ride then?

Is this time for that famous 70s feminist slogan?

"a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"

[img] [/img]

Yep, I'd be up for it! It could be the strangest bike ride I've been on. 🙂

This years STW quantocks march ride will be for singles only......

Now get dumping your partners for a good weekends riding..

BIKES!

'Open' surely relates to a 2-way relationship of openness? What if one half of the relationship doesn't want/can't do sex but understands that the OH needs it and can only get it elsewhere. Some people think that no sex means end of marriage/relationship.

I don't know otherwise personally btw, but come across unusual scenarios in line of duty.

aleigh - Member

because it's full of shallow people

the one woman i've been on a date with from that site said the same thing too.
i don't think she was including me in that statement though... i'm guilty of many things but i doubt being shallow is one of them!

teagirl - well I guess some relationships ca be open and work, but for me, no. If I were the guy in a relationship where I wanted sex but wasn't getting it I'd weigh up the pro's and con's and either make the sacrifice or end the relatinship.

midnight - the sites (or at least the one I'm using - MSF, and I suspect all) make the approach, the flirting and the dating very process driven and suck all the spontaneity, excitment and fun from it. They also make dating seem even more pressurised, you feel a need to rush if you see someone you like and you are very aware that everyone feels the same so everyone is 'layering'. Everyone is approaching dozens of people at once, talking on email/messaging with as many as they can, having first dates with several and second dates with a few all at the same time. It is very much a meat market. These are, for me (and many others?) the bits I dislike about 'natural' dating but the site amplifies it massively. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way, it is a common feeling for users. Oh and you WILL go on just the photos. The written profile descriptions are very formulaic and don't help to get a feeling for someone so you go on lust...the girls I've dated have said this to me so it's not just my own view.
On the plus side it is honest and open and gets you out there, plus there is no embarassment in taking that first step and sending a message to someone that catches your eye. Plus most people are normal and have some nice qualities so as long as you don't get too worked up about a first date (just keep it simple - a meet for one drink or a coffee) and play it by ear then the worst that happens is a polite but unexciting coffee and 20 minutes of slow conversation, the best is...well..you decide.

Happy to expand on my experiences if you want me too, but probably not in public.

Neil

I wonder if the Ramblers have a version?

They like being in the open. Like their relationships perhaps?

The freedom to roam? The right to "ramble" on someone else's land?

All dating websites are full of shallow people in a way. It is very difficult to get a 'feel' for someone without meeting, no matter how many messages you exchange (and you'll feel the pressure to keep chat's short and move to a meet fairly quickly - the sites encourage you to do that!) Therefore the majority go on the photos/looks. Sites know this - they all have search criteria such as 'only those with photos on their proile'

"What if one half of the relationship doesn't want/can't do sex but understands that..."

Will that understanding stop the non-sex partner feeling jealous or inadequate? No, people are not that rational! Playing away will rot what is left of their relationship surely?

Oh and aleigh. Yeah I'd be up for a singles ride. Using a dating website has hardened me ue up to that meat market feeling and if I liked someone on the ride I would as a result:
- be shy but over come it to say 'Hi, I think you're cute'
- be dissappointed but understanding if the chemistry wasn't their and she didn't feel the same
- be emabarassed but politely and gratiously decline any, 'Hey I think you're cute' advances I got if I didn't feel the same

The one thing that I'd find difficult though would be trying to get to know someone I might like at the same time as some other guy might be. Maybe if the ride were somehow broken up into pairs and swapped about every 5 minutes - a sort of cycle speed dating, then my problem scenario could be avoided. Logistical nightmare though?

Buzz - I'm with you so I'd make the choice - sacrifice or end.

Dating - Be yourself, and if that isn't producing the desired results, read 'The Game' by neil straus.

I'm off to register "cycle speed dating", it's got legs that.
Can shacked up people join the singletons ride, just to normalise things a bit but wear one arm warmer so everybody knows they are taken?

I think a STW ride/aleigh auction would be a hit..

With all the money spaffed on bikes that aren't ridden well.

They could spaff more money and ride her just as badly.

Everyones a winner and we all go to the pub happy.

Hey eth3er! That's MY idea! go get your own 😉

oh and I don't think the pressence of non-singles would help. If a singles ride was to happen then sure all the singles would be there with no big plans, just their to have fun naturally....but the fact that they are making an effort to go on a singles ride and put themselves out there means their is a little bit of hope or pressure. I can only see the pressence of non singles somehow adding to pressure - they would seem like an audience. The exception would be a few non-singles to organise any activities needed, any speed dating ride partner swapping etc.

ahem, mr sharki - i'm not up for auction!

a singletons ride (of sorts) would be ace. it's much nicer to meet people in the flesh than on those dating sites. you know straight away if you've clicked with someone, if you don't you can chat and 'ride along'! 😆

sharki, the march ride - perhaps you me and knottie need to get together to discuss?

i think i'd be up for that ride too aleigh.

One for the girlies:

There seems to be a new break-away Forum group [b]Real Men Ride 29ers[/b] and, to be honest, they terrify me.

For example, their most vocal supporter recently stated:

Everyone is now curious for some man-size bigness in their lives.

Seriously, what do you make of that??

Do you think it should be restricted it to 26ers and ban big wheel bikes? I really wouldn't feel comfortable around these larger chaps.

Your input would be welcomed.

yeh I look at fitness single and it's crap. The whole internet dating thing has that feeling of 'now I'm really scraping the barrel', it makes me cringe, I've tried, it's just not me. If I can't meet someone in an everyday life situation like the human race has been doing for thousands of years then I may as well be decapitated.

Kev

I love the way this topic has gone from celibacy to speed dating...

all part of life/STW's rich tapestry.... 😆

odannyboy:

all part of life/STW's rich [b]and horny[/b] tapestry....

Just fixed that for you.

there is a site called fitness singles.....

that site's rubbish!

It's not, I met a fantastic girl on there!
Was on it for a year or so, sometimes only glancing at it once a month, other times talking to 3 or 4 girls at a time. Met up with a few - some are still good friends, some I'll never see again (nor would they see me! 😉 ) but in the end it worked out for the best. 🙂