"You can't polish a turd" and other sayings

No, that would be stupid. I would not however say that my floor is a tree. 🙂

lol

So when someone asks you what kind of wood your floor is you'd say "Floor, it's no longer wood it's made of floor!"

I just spat my tea out thanks.

'I could care less' is a bit of an odd thing to say that I hear more and more.

Saying something is 'quite nice' seems a bit of an insult to me.

"it's made of floor", brilliant. Now how to get someone to ask me what my floor is made of, although my floor's laminate, but i do have a table made of table.

Quite hard to set up, isn't it? 🙂

You can't put a sheen on a s**t

'I could care less' is a bit of an odd thing to say that I hear more and more

That's because it should be "I couldn't care less" which makes a little more sense.

Indeed – but why do people say it?

I often say "I could care less".

For example, if someone says "Peter Mandelson's memoirs are out on Friday", I don't care very much at all. My give-a-f***-o-meter is barely bleeping. But I could care much less. About Wayne Rooney's opinions on fiscal policy for example. Or who wins Strictly Come Dancing. Or that millions of peole are starving while I feast on caviar. So I'd say "I could care less". But I'd say it quite ironically, so it'd be fine. 🙂

I thought Zulu's [wasn't he on star trek 😕 ]used dried dung as fuel for cooking,and the floor is made of just plain old dirt pounded hard.

seems unlikely,average cow dropping a few a day,you'd be waiting months to get the room floored 😆 😆

'quite nice'

'Quite' can either amplify or diminish. It's not always clear which is intended.

[that's not a saying BTW]

'its a bit of a nip and tuck game'

Just heard that on TMS commentary AUS v PAK, nip and tuck???

Cricket, football, plastic surgery…whats the nip and whats the tucking involved??

"as much use as a handbrake on a canoe "

Point of order – the flooring is not pure turd, but a mixture of bovine faeces and ant hill soil that has subsequently been dried – therefore the initial saying is correct, since although you can polish a mixture of faecal matter and selected soil that has been through a secondary process, you cannot polish a turd, which by definition would be pure and in its original unadulterated form.

You can't have your cake and eat it.

Thats just a phrase thats become too abreviated over time, it means you can't keep it as a pretty object as well as eat it and enjoy how nice it tastes. However you could just buy two cakes. Or take a photo.

The 'can't polish a turd' is about futility, you can polish a turd, given time, and then its just shiny turd, but its not improved by being shiny. But the phrase again is over abreviated, it should be 'no matter how much you polish a turd, its still a turd'.

However the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" …. I think many stroke victims would disagree

We have the point of view of an actual Zulu. Case closed I think. 🙂

I thought Zulus were the bogs at Regent's Park.

I once heard a furniture salesman, enthusing at a fine oak bookcase say "Wood like this doesn't grow on trees, you know".

I'll get my euphemism.

it's just common sense (if it was common there wouldn't be a name for it)
cheap at half the price
speed kills

I used to work as a contractor at a number of MoD sites.
At one naval base, in the PO's mess, there was a polished turd in a glass case.

It was a shiny, plated, dried turd that had once passed through the beloved bowels of HRH Elizabeth the Queen Mother. As you know, Royalty cannot pass motions in the same facilities as the rest of us, so they require specially installed ones when they make official visits to the haunts of their subjects.

So our inventive Petty Officers had installed a Royal Poo Trap in the loo supplied for HRH's use, and had extracted and dried and mounted and POLISHED the royal turd.

It was still a turd, however.

So there.

Thanks bakes

you can't polish a turd…
but you can roll it in glitter

, I very nearly choked on my post-ride Soreen!

At one naval base, in the PO's mess, there was a polished turd in a glass case.

Must be the best-travelled turd in the world, because I've heard this story twenty times and I've never been on a Brit military base…

Rarer than horses teeth

That should be hens teeth 😆

go out for a bike ride – you don't actually kick anything in per se, and no household repairs are required.

seems unlikely,average cow dropping a few a day,you'd be waiting months to get the room floored seems unlikely,average cow dropping a few a day,you'd be waiting months to get the room floored

Cows drop loads of turds, they had huge herds of them that would produce tonnes of the stuff. My Dad is/was a fanatic on Zulu history.

If I had a floor made from cow dung (polished or otherwise) I would say I had a shit floor…

IGMC

"i was shit faced" – no you weren't, you just drank to much!

"i couldn't get me hat off" – i'm sure you could really!

"if you save your pennies, the pounds will look after themselves" – stop talking shit mom!

EDIT; oops… two sayings there!

"the best things in life are free" – er… no they're not!

moses, I'm assured that the "poo-trap" was clingfilm 😀

"Killing two birds with one stone" Have you ever tried even hitting one bird with a stone? The chances of fatally hitting one moving bird and then following on with a fatal ricochet to another has got to be a lot harder than just bloody doing the two jobs in the first place surely?

I reckon you'd have to brick tens of thousands of birds before you got lucky.

"built like a brick shithouse" ?

"Killing two birds with one stone" Have you ever tried even hitting one bird with a stone?

It would be a useful skill if stones were for some reason rare and expensive. The trick is in these circumstances is to sellotape the birds to a plank then bludgeon them with the stone.

"never cry two tears in a bucket, f*ck it"??

'Shit Happens'

Sometimes.. 😉

You can beat an egg…but can't beat a w4nk 😯

"I'd forget me balls if they weren't in a bag."

Timeless.

"If it ain't Raining it ain't Training"
"If your going to hoot with the owls in the night, be sure you can soar with the eagles in the morning"

Hes "Tighter than Rambo's headband" that mon.