[Closed] worst film ever .......

Moonrise Kingdom

I've watched a few of the films here, some strange suggestions for bad movies.

Shoot em up is one of only a handful of films I've sat down to watch and subsequently switched off.....the only one I can think of at the moment.

Titanic. End of thread.

I'm playing the trump card here...
Battlefield Earth

RED2 was pretty terrible as well. One of only 2 films I've walked out of. The other being Chocolat.

Warhorse

Yes there are worse films, but they generally aren't directed by A-list Hollywood directors with a budget of $100m

So many people and so much money to make a detestable piece of sentimental dross about a friggin horse with pretty eyes

So many, where to start? At least (insert a number over 70)% of all the stuff churned out of Hollywood is utterly unredeemable pulp that takes itself horribly seriously. We find ourselves having to enjoy it 'ironically'.

True - I dont' (and don't wish to) subsist wholly on a cinematic diet comprised of 'World Cinema' (you know, that 'special interest' sub-section of this American Globe) - but ye gods why can't Hollywood at least try and make characters and their dialog even slighly believable?

It's so customarily awful- yet they (Hollwood actors) are given pompous awards for even half-decent self-conscious attempts at appearing human before the camera - a big golden hurrah for grandstanding cheese - for doing 'gravitas' in such a way that makes you feel somewhat stupid for even viewing it. Wait, you paid for it?

Case in point - somebody mentioned Shawshank Redemption? I enjoyed this film a lot, it is a great Boy's Own type tale of hope and of the human spirit - yet the acting is execrable cheese of a high pong-factor and the characters have all the cardboard-cut-out complexity and depth of the Muppet Show. It could so easily have been 'high art', yet it was popcorn, sweet and salted. Maybe that's what we want? Who watches Shakespeare anyway?

So it's really difficult choosing 'the worst film' ever from the endless reel of 'worst films ever' that we are customarily enjoying - whether unthinkingly, ironically or semi-ironically. The big attraction each year is most often *not* a sumptuous feast for the eyes, ears, brain and heart - it's just more sugary, carb-loaded fast-food, albeit wrapped in this year's new, 'best-ever' wrapping.

As for 'World Cinema'? Even that also-ran backwater of the American Globe isn't safe from Hollywood producers. They lurk, they. watch, waiting to pounce on any 'Foreign' cinematic triumph. They then quickly remake it in the aforementioned style of self-conscious fast-food pseudo-gravitas.

Imagine if you can Claid Chabrol's 'L'Enfer' - except that it's now titled 'The Pain In Her Eyes' starring Sharon Stone.
Blurgh. Blarrrghy! Grumpyman.

Mortdecai

I have no idea what they were thinking, I'm guessing the source material was popular?

Oooh, I forgot Peter Jacksons remake of King Kong.

Jeeeezus wept, that was a real stinker. Think the DVD got turned off after about an hour.

Date Movie. I don't know what I expected,

Really? I've just looked at the promo poster and would have run a mile.

Malvern Rider +1. In the same spirit I will nominate any Hollywood film that involves the hero dying and then coming back to life because someone blubs over the body. Step forward ET and The Matrix.
The worst film I ever paid money to see was Independence Day.

Independence Day - cringeworthily awful

edit: damn you neil - searched to check nobody else had put that, and then you posted while I was typing - though at least it's not just me

If we go into that realm, I'd like to nominate JFK. It's the only film that I have fallen asleep in. This was at the cinema too, which is no mean feat as a 6' 5" tall person.

I was so soundly asleep I was snoring.

A mate did the same thing in Keanu Reeves' awesome masterpiece 'Speed'. But he had been drinking.

Ghost Rider - would have been sh*te but the added bonus of Nick Cage adds a whole new level crappiness
Judge Dredd - the Stallone version,

Oh! How about [url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0286106/ ]Signs[/url]?

An alien invasion mostly consists of the aliens making crop circles to annoy Mel Gibson. Then they invade Earth, but can be defeated using water. Also some stuff with an asthma inhaler, possibly to avoid alien "does this smell of chloroform to you?" kidnap attempts.

🙂

Lost in Translation - so much critical acclaim; so much dull dull DULL dross.

The worst film I ever paid money to see was Independence Day.

Lucky. I paid to see Stargate.

Someone mentioned the Wicker Man remake. Tbh I haven't laughed that hard at a film for many years. Real, rolling tears of mirth. Great success. So funny I find it difficult to choose the best scene. When Cage leaps off the pier into the water after the ghost girl - a desperate horizontal 180, only to return empty-handed. Then she re-appears in his arms. Then she disappears. Then he double-takes and says 'GODDAMMIT!'. Or was it the bees - ' NO, NOT the BEEEEES'!!!!? Or was it the 'maam, step AWAY from the bicycle!'? Or his being pursued through the woods wearing bear-slippers?

Absolutely anything recommended as film of the week, and given five stars, by the Guardian on a Friday. Invariably Icelandic, filmed in black and white, subtitled, and you'll have lost the will to live about half way through it.

I now read the Guardian film reviews, and make a note to go and watch anything it gives one star to, and pans as absolutely rubbish. The final straw was sitting through this tripe....

[img] [/img]

Battleship, massive pile of tosh.

lol anyone who actually went into Battleship expecting otherwise deserves what they got

A classic...

binners
Absolutely anything recommended as film of the week, and given five stars, by the Guardian on a Friday. Invariably Icelandic, filmed in black and white, subtitled, and you'll have lost the will to live about half way through it.

I now read the Guardian film reviews, and make a note to go and watch anything it gives one star to, and pans as absolutely rubbish. The final straw was sitting through this tripe....

binners - Member

I find the Guardian film reviews useful for this. If they give it 5 stars and go into raptures about it, then DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!. It will invariably be Swedish or Icelandic, with subtitles, possibly in black and white, feature people mumbling incoherently, long, lingering arty, yet pointless, camera shots, it will be spirit-crushingly depressing, and absolutely nothing at all will happen! Then it will end, and you'll turn to each other and say WTF was that all about?!

It took me about 3 films, each of which seemed about a fortnight long, to realise that they're just all like this

I'm getting the impression you don't like black and white films you have to read 😆

Absolutely anything recommended as film of the week, and given five stars, by the Guardian on a Friday. Invariably Icelandic, filmed in black and white, subtitled, and you'll have lost the will to live about half way through it.

Out of interest, what would you consider to be an outstanding piece of cinema?

Elephant is an American film, in colour, with no subtitles yet is absolutely bloody awful! Its about the Columbine high school massacre, which is interesting subject matter. Yet he's made a film with all these incredibly long camera shots, mainly of people walking down corridors (Dogma rules apparently) which spends 2 hours introducing a series of characters you couldn't give a **** about, who then all get shot, and you're actually glad, so that you can finally go to the pub

The Postman

It was on TV one evening, I got about 30 minutes in and was reaching for the remote to turn it off, when I foolishly decided to see it out, possibly as some sort of macho test of endurance.

Three hours of my life that I will never get back.

Elephant is an American film...

I've seen Elephant, though thanks for the review. I asked what you considered to be outstanding cinema, you know, something brilliant.

Well I'm just off to see Inside Out with the kids now. I expect it'll be more enjoyable than anything the Guardian have gone into raptures about recently, by a country mile!

I'll do you a review when I get back. It probably won't feature any comments about the length of the camera shots, though I'm reliably informed by the Guardian, that long camera shots are the very pinnacle of cinematic brilliance. Far, far more important than anything like... oh, I don't know... a plot!

Kermodes SATC2 rant is good 😆

more enjoyable than anything the Guardian have gone into raptures about recently

What, like oh I don't know, Inside Out?

The Brothers Grimm
[i]Grim being the key word here[/i]

It had Matt Damon and Heath Ledger in it,a 5 star rating from Netflix*
So I thought,"this should be ok".
Nope,what an absolute donkey.

* [i]I now know that the Netflix star ratings are posted by under 16s[/i]

Gotta be Open Water for me.

... is the correct answer.

A film where two hateful people float about in the sea for an hour. The dramatic high point is when one of them needs a wee. Dreadful, dreadful film with no saving graces whatsoever, unless you count the gratuitous boobies at the beginning.

Honourable mention goes to the Blurred Witch Project. Hyped up to the moon and back, five minutes in I was rooting for the serial killer.

* I now know that the Netflix star ratings are posted by under 16s

WALL-E - went to see it with a couple of my younger cousins, out of the 8 of us there half of us fell asleep some-point during the film

anyone else think Interstellar was a bit pap?

Highlander.

or Cake.

The only 2 films I've walked out of the cinema before the end

Interstellar? was up at the near perfect for me

How's about [url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338526/ ]Van Helsing[/url]?

A film that manages to make a total dog's breakfast out of a mix of Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale in a corset, Dracula, Frankenstein, werewolves, Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde, and every tired trope from every vampire film ever, for ages. A review on IMDB describes it as having a plot "almost pretextual for the special effects".

🙂

that 'Dancer in the Dark' thing with Bjork. Soooo boring. I don't know if it ever got good, cos I didn't make it past the first half hour. Even Bjork couldn't keep me watching . Something to do with the glasses she was wearing 😆

Highlander.

GTFO, Highlander is awesome.

[url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/ ]Battlefield Los Angeles[/url]?

In which some soldiers run around yelling, because: Aliens.

I don't know whether it was worse than Battleship. It's possible. 😉

Vroom - filmed in Lancashire around Nelson. Utter pap.

I remember thinking I was "lucky" to get free tickets to the premier at Unit 4 in Brierfield. I was very wrong. I suspect they struggled to give them away!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096405/?ref_=ttpl_pl_tt

[i]GTFO, Highlander is awesome.[/i]

I always get that kind of response (from geeks 😉 ) . It was the accents, I couldn't get past the accents. So annoying.

You have a Frenchman playing a Scotsman and a Scotsman playing an Egyptian. What could possibly be wrong there?

World's end . Simon pegg . I've lost an hour and a half I'll never get back. Disgustingly poor.

I didn't think it was that bad... some of the drunk conversations seemed to be accurate the the shit people come out with when pissed.

Not the worst film I've ever seen, which must be Robin Hood men in tights.......

Battle Los Angeles?

Mind you, I think Aaron Eckhart being cast is a pretty good indicator of a film that is going to suck.

I was genuinely perplexed by Battlefield Los Angles...why aliens? what were they for?

GTFO, Highlander is awesome.

WALL-E - went to see it with a couple of my younger cousins, out of the 8 of us there half of us fell asleep some-point during the film

I thought it was a wonderful film, tackling an interesting and timely topic with great humour and intelligence.

I think I'm the only person in the world who liked Open Water.

I shall balance that out with being (probably) the only person in the world who thinks Pulp Fiction is a bit 'meh'

Far, far more important than anything like... oh, I don't know... a plot!

It would appear from your inability to answer a simple question, or at least by the clumsy but slightly comical way in which you're avoiding it, that you just struggle with anything different from how you think films 'should' be. The 'plot' in Elephant is so stunningly obvious - it even gets repeated and cross-referenced, what, three, four times? - that one would would have to have been looking elsewhere to miss it.

If you don't like something, or don't understand it, then just say so. Saying it is awful just makes you look like a fool. Elephant, whilst no Citizen Kane, is a solid piece of cinema. It's an unconventional view and depiction of an incident that most people only ever saw from the distorted and glamorised perspective and prejudice of the mainstream media. I guess some folk struggle to get on with things when they aren't being told how to experience them.

Harlem Nights for me and also Lost in translation. Hard Candy deserves a mention.

You're all WRONG.

Thomas and the Magic Railroad is the worst.

It is a chopped-up, disjointed mess of a turd with a baffling cast all acting way below their abilities.

All the Alien films after Aliens.

They get special condemnation for the spectacular drop in standards.

As do all the Star Wars pish after Empire.

hels - Member

All the Alien films after Aliens.

They get special condemnation for the spectacular drop in standards.

David Fincher is a fantastic film maker and had a very clear vision of what he wanted. The studio and producers had very different ideas. It's amazing it's as good as it is.

I'd definitely agree with Warhorse, I'd forgotten that gem earlier. I was also made to sit through Michael Jacksons thriller as a child by an older cousin who thought he was wonderful. Talk about child abuse.

Oh yeah, Alien. My cinematic contrariness continues, as I was massively underwhelmed by that too.

Snake Eyes. Snake Shite more like.

Not Nicholas Cage's finest hour.

Not Nicholas Cage's finest hour.

Pink Panther remake was pish

Alien 3 is interesting.

I rewatched all the Alienses not so long ago. Whilst not a great film by any stretch, Resurrection wasn't half as bad as I remembered.

Try as I might though, I just can't muster any love for Alien Cubed. By [SPOILERS!] killing off Newt and Hicks in the opening crawl they rendered the entire previous film pointless, and it just went downhill from there.

I have high hopes for Neill Blomkamp's alternative sequel. Pleasebegood.

trying to remember if there is a fine hour

"put the bunny back in the box" shirley?

Anyway, 'Dude, where's my car?' is dreadful. Bad within it's genre.

Wayne's world.

You have a Frenchman playing a Scotsman and a Scotsman playing an Egyptian. What could possibly be wrong there?

With a Spanish name. Sounds reasonable.

Anyway my votes:

* Showgirls. Walked out halfway through, despite preparing carefully by drinking a bottle of red before the start. Not even drunkedness+boobies could save that turkey.

* Blair Witch Project. Only stayed because I thought my then GF was enjoying it. Discovered at the end she hadn't walked out for the same reason.

* Pulp Fiction. And pretty much any other Tarantino film. Irritating and self-indulgent crap. See also the Spanish director/writer, Alejandro Amenábar.

* Star Wars I. Please, please don't them mess up the new one!

Caher - Member

Wayne's world.

Sorry you're confused, if we're looking for the "worst film ever" Wayne's World cannot be the answer, firstly because it's actually (party time) excellent, and secondly because it has a sequel which is infinitely worse.

Second suggestion - Blues Brothers 2000, I wept when I saw what they'd done to the memory of one of the funniest, silliest films ever made.

That Indiana Jones skull nonsense is perplexing, it didn't need to be made, it tarnished a truly great brand and I've never met anyone who thought it anything other than hateful dross.

Bloody love Dog Soldiers, you can't take it seriously, it cost about £30 to make and the actors are having a great time hamming it up.

ladies and gentleman i give you:

[url= http://www.comedy.co.uk/guide/film/big_fat_gypsy_gangster/special/bfgg_review/ ]Big Fat Gypsy Gangster[/url]

now I like a bad film and have quite enjoyed many of those already listed on here but this is absolute and utter tosh.

The review linked above is more funny than the actual film.

(and can I just add that I'm glad we are referring to them all as films and not 'movies').

The Happening

Even Mark Wahlberg admits it was bad.

That Indiana Jones skull nonsense is perplexing, it didn't need to be made, it tarnished a truly great brand and I've never met anyone who thought it anything other than hateful dross.

I'd forgotten that one, another to add to the list.

[i]* Pulp Fiction. And pretty much any other Tarantino film. Irritating and self-indulgent crap.[/i]

I am not alone! Hallelujah!

(and can I just add that I'm glad we are referring to them all as films and not 'movies').

After years of Hollywood corruption I'm now making a conscious effort to re-train my brain into defaulting to English again.

[img] [/img]

The Netflix film selection resembles the DVD bargain bin in a pound shop. Anything with an actor in that you have heard of is probably going to get 4 stars plus.

Good call with Skyline ,that was utter bobbins.

God's Pocket took some effort.
I wanted it to be Seymour Hoffmantastic ,it wasn't.

Mood Indigo was hard work and just annoyed me all the way through.

I really must stop giving crap films a chance for redemption by watching them to the end. 🙄

oh shoot, this has just popped into my head. On a par with my previous submission and of the same genre is [url= http://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/jun/12/the-hooligan-factory-review-danny-dyer-nick-nevern ]The Hooligan Factory[/url]

a very, very bad film.

They killed off Hicks, Cougar ? I must have blocked that out.

The recent Lone Ranger re-make. Watched it on netflix whilst ill, it didn't help. Also, pretty much any horror movie, I just don't get them.

They killed off Hicks, Cougar ? I must have blocked that out.

Yep.

There were three (human) survivors on the Sulaco; Ripley, Hicks and Newt. Why on [s]Fiorina[/s] Earth they didn't run with an grown-up Newt as a character I have no idea.

Of those listed so far, Wing Commander and Batman and Robin are the two that have had me nodding and thinking "yes, that one was awful". I'd probably be doing the same about Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and Highlander 2 but I appear to have suppressed my memories about them. 🙂

It appears I've been quite fortunate in avoiding many of the other candidates listed here. I remember thinking that Dog Soldiers was a bit poor but not a contender for all-time-worst though.

Hawk the Slayer is rubbish.

The Happening

Good shout, lets face it most of M. Night Shangalangalans oeuvre is utter dross, film making as a cheap parlour trick with his reliance on "twists" you can often see a mile away. The Sixth Sense was just about bearable but the rest were all pretty crap.

That Indiana Jones skull nonsense is perplexing, it didn't need to be made, it tarnished a truly great brand and I've never met anyone who thought it anything other than hateful dross.

Just a lazy cash in by everyone involved that shat all over an excellent trilogy

Cougar - Moderator

They killed off Hicks, Cougar ? I must have blocked that out.

Yep.

There were three (human) survivors on the Sulaco; Ripley, Hicks and Newt. Why on Fiorina Earth they didn't run with an grown-up Newt as a character I have no idea.

Yeah Alien 3 bawlsed the whole franchise up, it literally killed the whole cast (bar the Aliens of course) meaning the whole clone element in the 4th one.

The new Alien film is said to be a direct sequel to Aliens, forgets 3 and 'Resurrection' or 'Aliens: Tokyo Drift' doesn't matter because however many sequels they make, it will always be the last one.

AI

12 hours of my life I will never get back (it may have been shorter but it felt that long).

Just die already...

All of the hundreds (thousands?) of 'blockbuster' films that are essentially summarised in this 2 min clip of Kurt Russell (or is it Duke Nukem?) giving some good old boy treatment to the evil Aliens/Foreigners/Folks With Foreign Ideas:

'Give my regards to King Tut, a**hole!'

M. Night Shangalangalan

Oh yes, 'The Village'. Ye gods.