Why don't parents say 'no'?

I was in the pub on Saturday afternoon and on the table next to us was a family with 4 kids. All 4 spent the entire time on their electronic devices and didn’t communicate with each other or their parents – ‘cept maybe electronically?!

… back in my day we’d be left outside with a Vimto and a bag of crisps fending off Paedo’s for ourselves with no form of communication other than shouting….

telling their offspring to bloody behave, and stop being annoying, selfish little brats

Parent: Behave and stop being annoying and selfish!
Kid: Okay.

Fact or fiction? You decide.

eft outside with a Vimto and a bag of crisps fending off Paedo’s for ourselves with no form of communication other than shouting

ahhhh the good old days 😀

now tell me that fending of paedos wouldn’t have been easier with a rifle!

Well it must be really really difficult, as some people seem to have completely abandoned the idea of having a child who doesn’t just do exactly what they like, whenever they like

Just for Hora ‘Yorkshires finest tracking device’

I’m sure you will figure it out.

It is really quite difficult, in many cases. If you think it’s easy then you’re quite lucky and should count your blessings 🙂

I think one of the big reasons that my parents said ‘no’ to me when I wanted stuff far more than I have ever said it to my kids is because they couldn’t afford to say ‘yes’.

If you get to the point where they are of an age to require

telling to bloody behave, and stop being annoying, selfish little brats

The boat may have already sailed and be steaming towards the horizon.

@Philconsequence – as a family of veggies, I shall be arming mine with a set of these:

rogerthecat… you’ve adopted and adapted the idea well, one improvement would be longer handles on the tools, distance my friend… make sure your kids reach the veg first!

It’s a question of logic..
Even at 4, yunki jr is a clear and singing instrument of crisp irrefutable logic..
There is no logic in laying down rules that have there basis in angst or stubbornness and materialism..
Your child will see straight through these constructs of the insecure adult mind and will pull you up on it..

Which makes an awkward dynamic

Slightly off-topic, but I brought my kids up to be (mostly) polite, well behaved and respect authority.

They miss out on a lot of stuff because they don’t argue the point/push to the front etc. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing

Ditto. Saw my little ‘un waiting patiently bless her, at a party when they were giving out balloons only to find in the ensuing scrum she didn’t get one. Life lesson but she got a better treat from me and the missus when we went to town later for being so polite.

@Philconsequence – local garden centre seem to be stock piling these;

My kids can have pretty much whatever they want really, its not a question of yes or no… IMO its more about teaching them value, bargaining and negotiation than saying no for the sake of it. They arent spoilt though and they dont always get what they want, because, hey, that s the way life is. I second the comment above, too many adults are missing out in life because they have been “taught” to be passive by their parents by accepting no for an answer.

No…? What! Wait a minute, why not?

Edit; Not that I teach them to barge to the front of balloon parties though. :0)

There’s a difference between educating your children not to be fobbed off with a standard answer of any kind and just accepting things, and being a PITA whining for something they want.

My kids can have pretty much whatever they want really

So you’re the one ! you’re the one responsible, by arming your children with all and sundry, forcing all the other children in the village to pester their parents to allow them to keep up with your children.
I knew it !
😉

Just saying no is being bloody-minded. Saying no and explaining why is much better.

It’s a question of logic..
Even at 4, yunki jr is a clear and singing instrument of crisp irrefutable logic..
There is no logic in laying down rules that have there basis in angst or stubbornness and materialism..
Your child will see straight through these constructs of the insecure adult mind and will pull you up on it..

Which makes an awkward dynamic
yunki you must have been listening to Lexicon Stephen Fry on Radio 4 🙂

I’ve got a clear view on what’s worthwhile and what’s not. If it’s a tool to enable you to do something good, then it’s alright. That includes computers, something for playing the odd game, bikes, sporting equippment, etc. Phones are good for keeping in touch with your friends, that’s a good thing to be doing imo.

But everything is to be used responsibly. We already have a no phones at the table rule, even though it’s just me and Mrs G who have them. Our 4 year old pulls us up on it.

A good American father spending some quality time with his daughter

To sum-up. Its to take the path of least-resistance/hassle. A child who doesnt learn ‘no’ becomes selfish.

ransos – Member

things are a little bit differant to when folk on here were kids.

How?

in the 70’s if a girl was being attacked in the street, people would intervene regardless.
if a girl was being attacked in the street nowadays, how many folk would intervene?

Ton when I witnessed a motorcyclist being side-swiped at c40mph. Only me and a bus driver helped. Everyone on the bus gawped and drivers rushing to Man Utd scarcely slowed. I had to stand over the biker in the dual carriageway trying to slow the drivers.

Plenty of younger blokes there. Guess it wasnt their problem. A match takes precedent?

One thing I’d like to look into is a tracking device (not a phone) – if they ever make one small enough to fit into the lining of clothing etc.

Well, the higher-end smartphones have that, certainly iPhones do, and I think there’s a similar feature for Android phones. You just install the appropriate app, and then you can see where the phone is at any time.
Mine even shows my Mac Mini, which came as a bit of a surprise!

My brother in law bought his three kids a Nintendo 3DS each last Christmas.

The eldest (8 yrs old) has just told him it is rubbish and he wants a tablet.

So my brother in law is selling it and buying him one!!!!

*Then* he recommends to us that we buy our 4 yr old twins a tablet each because they are better.

F*&^ that.

Too right jondoh.

Our old neighbours, the then 16 year old flew into a rage over something and threw his PS3 (that they’d bought him) down the stairs. They then bought him another, despite being very hard up.

FFS.

Most people don’t want others in their peer group to think they’re hard up.
I couldn’t give a rats stuff if my son doesn’t have a PS3 / DS3D / whatever. Its not important and he doesn’t want one. I don’t subscribe to this bullshit that a child needs the latest electronic gizmo just because his friends have. We have a PS2 and a Wii and lego, guess which gets which gets used the most?
I see 7 yo’s with iPods and it just makes me wince. Since when did we become so obsessed with all this unnecessary technology?

I see 7 yo’s with iPods

I had JVC and a succession of Sony Walkmans. What WILL make me wince is the damage it will be doing their ears. I’m sure my ears would be sharper if it wasn’t for cranking up the volume to cope with traffic noise…..

things are a little bit differant to when folk on here were kids.
How?

Thatchter innit destroyed society and all that 😉
Its different in lots of way clearly.

There are two issues.
Firstly we all want our kids to be in touch and up to date to some degree. Mine have a DS, Wii and a tablet [ grandparents bought mind]. They may ask to use them about twice a week but that is it. I asked the eldest about a phone due to this thread- aged 8 and he looked confused and asked why he would want one.
Secondly you cannot say yes to everything as they wont learnt the value of anything and few of us have pockets deep enough to do this.

All things with parenting are a compromise and teaching the kids responsibility

As for tracking your kids – the aim is to always know where they are anyway and this seems both overly intrusive and paranoid tbh

in the 70’s if a girl was being attacked in the street, people would intervene regardless.
if a girl was being attacked in the street nowadays, how many folk would intervene?

Is there any evidence that’s true? I really couldn’t say one way or the other.

One thing that’s changed is victims of child abuse are more likely to be believed.

We said ‘No’ to our son a lot.

of course, he hates us now.

Why don’t parents say ‘no’?

Why don’t fatties say no to more food?
Why don’t drinkers say no to booze?
Why don’t unfit people say no to the couch?
Why don’t STWers say no to bickering?

My biggest parenting annoyance is people telling their kids that “the man will tell you off”, when “the man” will clearly do nothing of the sort.

My daughter (who’s 7) has an iPad mainly because they have to use them at school, an iPod that she sometimes listens to on the bus (with volume limited headphones :wink:) and she has a cheap phone that she keeps in her school bag in case she misses the bus, school would ring us anyway but it makes her feel better.

I guess compared to when I was her age she has lots of other things that I didn’t, TV in her room, loads of toys, a fairly expensive bike etc.

But all that being said I don’t think she is particularly spoilt, she knows that no means no and it is very rare that she gets a treat without earning it through chores or as a reward. When we go on holiday or out on a trip she has a certain amount of pocket money and she can use that to buy whatever she wants, once it’s gone it’s gone.

She would barge her way to the front for a balloon at parties though, she learned pretty quickly that Dutch kids don’t queue!

don’t get me started on children with telly’s in their bedroom, in all of our family and all close friends bar one, it is a no no. the one with the telly is a lazy, spoiled, pushy type with no manners.

a child with its own telly is less lightly to get up early for school, will have less concentration at school and is less likely to walk to school.

edit ; a bedroom is for sleeping and getting rest to set you up for the day a head. imo, they should be gadget free, even for adults.

My daughter (who’s 7) has an iPad mainly because they have to use them at school

Wtf?!

don’t get me started on children with telly’s in their bedroom, in all of our family and all close friends bar one, it is a no no. the one with the telly is a lazy, spoiled, pushy type with no manners.

a child with its own telly is less lightly to get up early for school, will have less concentration at school and is less likely to walk to school.

I had a TV in my (shared with my brother) bedroom when I was a kid. Can’t remember when I got it, but certainly had it right through secondary.

a bedroom is for sleeping and getting rest to set you up for the day a head. imo, they should be gadget free, even for adults.

But, I do agree with this now.

Wtf?!

It’s 2014. Quite a lot of schools have technology in them now.

Some do some don’t I guess, plenty of people have different opinions about what’s acceptable.

Bunnyhop, why are you so judgemental about other peoples choices?