- what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
My ex enquired about a fly-drive holiday to the US and said she’d be looking forward to taking our car (a 2CV) on the plane to the states!Posted 6 years ago
The same turnip thought that gliders were remote controlled and didn’t have a pilot. To her they looked too small, not that they were far far away!
And finally remember the advert for an indigestion table which had the phrase “Suck em and See” at the end of the commercial? She thought it was a new type of vitamin, bit like vitamin C!
Oh and when introduced to the term inter-breed, she thought it was for people who were addicted to bread (they were” in to” bread).cbSubscriber
I have a new one to add, from 5 minutes ago in fact. “This bloody key doesn’t work!!” said the missus after having to walk home from the gym (don’t go there) because she couldn’t open the car. Having just walked down to retrieve it I’m sure the bloke who owned the car she was trying to get into would have been amused to see her clicking her key at his car!! Ours was 100 yards away in a different car park – where she had left it 2 hours earlier…Posted 6 years agomtb2020Member
My Mum used to work in a bank and would often have to interview people about their overdrafts. One not exactly with it couple came in to talk to her and were asked about their expenditure, assets etc. They both lived in a bungalow, not far from the sea, and were asked about other property they owned. They duly informed my Mum that they did have a holiday home, which was an absolute God send, where they could get away from it all … And guess where this holiday home was – 2 miles away from their own home.Posted 6 years agoJunkyardMember
I once tried to get in the wrong car and the person caught me – thankfully my identical car was parked behind his and i stopped as he shouted and looked confused as the seatcovers were differentPosted 6 years ago
I also once rang the police to report my car stolen from work and then staring at the only car in the car park realised I had come into work in my [ex] wifes carthegreatapeMember
Not said, but definitely the most stupid thing I’ve witnessed recently.
Last weekend we had a mountain rescue. RN Sea King repeatedly landing and taking off from a very small area right next to the main road taking MRT members up onto the mountain. So there we are, all cowering next to our vehicles as it’s coming in to land, when some old gimmer in his Rover stops on the main road for a better look. Stupid place to stop I think but not much I can do with the helicopter only 50 feet above. Not close enough for him evidently, as he then turned into the landing pad, past the No Entry signs, and drove under the Sea King as it came down! Then he looked all offended when he got some blunt and loud corrective advice and drove off in a huff.Posted 6 years agocannondalekingMember
In the pub in wells next to sea the pub is called the bowling green(best pub and grub in wells) there’s 5 of us off the survey boat sat there chatting and brazil nuts come up in conversation when Chris the quite surveyor says “brazil nuts are they the ones that come on a whalnut whip” needless to say we pissed are self’s laughing for over an hour priceless.Posted 6 years agograntwayMember
Had a trainee whom always even on the simplest of jobs couldn’t even set the simplest
of woodworking machinery and always made an excuse for not being able to set up correctly
and always started with the words But The Point Is !
I got so fed up with his uselessness I then stuck him behind the sanders placing sanding parts
on pallets. He came up to me and asked why I’ve put him there and replied
The Point Is I’ve put you where you where your best at.
The Point IsPosted 6 years agojonnyrobertsonSubscriber
The sister of an ex whilst watching an article on David Walliams swimming the channel at the point where he was being coated in lard, “Lard? That’s what Whales have got on them”. Driving through the countryside (I’m veg*n by the way, just for context), “Swamp-Boy, is the country vegan?” How do you answer that!?
Airport was on at work one day and animal handlers were called to deal with a very narky Ground Hornbill. Bloke goes “Is that a Kestrel?” Recently we’ve also managed to convince him that they’ve re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands, complete with the old chestnut about them having shorter legs on one side of the body to make it easier to run around the hills…Posted 6 years agoGrahamSSubscriber
all the American tourist ones. I’ve heard them all ages ago, yet people seem to be claiming them as original…
Sorry Elf but I can solemnly testify that the American tourists in Edinburgh ones are definitely true. The reason you’ve heard them before is most of them happen every day during tourist season.
Stand on the Royal Mile for ten minutes and you’ll see some biffa with a camera, complaining that they built the castle on a big hill. 🙄Posted 6 years agob rMember
Girl at work has her cup in the vending machine and is pressing/stabbing the ‘Jug’ button.
After a while I asked if everything was ok?
No, I can’t get any milk for my coffee.
But you’re pressing the ‘Jug’ button, says I.
Yes, she says, milk comes from a jug, but its not working…Posted 6 years agoThe Sanity AssassinSubscriber
I know a lass that can’t, despite numerous explanations, get her head round the fact that the moon she looked up at when on holiday in Spain is the same moon that she can see from her own home in Yorkshire.Posted 6 years ago
“But the one I saw in Spain was much bigger…”oliverd1981Member
Mum :- “The reason the Bacon isn’t very good here (Florida) is that the grass isn’t much good for sheep” (possibly a genuine slip up)
Random woman on the cycle line (to her small dog) : “We’ve had this conversation before”
Me : “Check it out! – a land speed record boat!”Posted 6 years agoemma82Member
we sat in front of three girls on a coach back to the airport from a tacky package holiday who were discussing their luggage. conversation went:
girl 1: I hope my suitcase isn’t over, I aint paying extra, I just chucked it all in, was a right mess an I aint messing around with it in front of everyone.
girl 2: babe if you’re worried it’s over you’re gonna have to get it out an fold it up, just to be sure.
Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded 🙂Posted 6 years ago4ndy BMember
on another forum some kid’s engine is running a bit hot…
I’ve allready got some flexi piping but i want it to look flushish at the front so was gonna cut a perfect hole in one of my vents or into my grill where the fiat badge is straight onto my radiator or whichever bit of my car it is that overheats….
i’m using a metal extractor fan pipe, no change of it melting? it’s like thin foil type s**t over metal rings
A few replies later…
…and how do i seem clueless? i wanna stick a f**king air hole in my car because i know for a fact that if i draw cold air into my engine bay it’ll help cool it.Posted 6 years ago
Recently we’ve also managed to convince him that they’ve re-introduced wild haggis to the Staffordshire Moorlands
You should take him to visit the treacle mines in Sabden.
I’ve been asked if the Thames that I live near is the same one as in London
“No, it’s the other one.”
Because obviously the weight of clothes changes dramatically when going from crumpled to neatly folded
I’ve been asked more than once whether hard disks full of data are heavier, and heard the explanation that PCs slow down when the disks get full because the the weight of data makes the platters spin more slowly.Posted 6 years ago
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