- what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
Out with a group on Scafell…
“Whats that down there?” (Sellafield)
“Its a cloud factory to clean clouds”
“Yes really, they suck the dirty grey clouds in at night (through the cooling towers), clean them up, and shove them out again during the day”
Kids eh…Posted 7 years agodeadlydarcyMember
I had a panicked phone call from a friend (Emma) a few years ago: “Ron, I hope you don’t mind me ringing but I’m afraid to ring Adam (her bloke) because he’ll kill me.”
Me: “Err, ok, go then. What’s happened?”
Emma: “I’ve only gone and put Super Unleaded in the car”
Me: “Shit. That’s not good! Hey, how come you’re driving Adam’s car anyway?”
Emma: “No, I’m in my Ka.”
Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you might just get slightly more miles this time before you have to fill up.”
Adam’s never forgiven her not not calling him first!Posted 7 years agoNorthwindSubscriber
A few years back, a colleague crashed her car into 5 or 6 parked cars on the way to work, driving down a gentle but snowy slope towards the office. I thought it was a bit weird because I rode my motorbike down it about 5 minutes before. So how did it happen?
Her:”The car just started sliding all by itself, I didn’t do anything”Posted 7 years ago
Me:”Wow, that must have been scary”
Her:”It was! And no matter how hard I pressed the brake pedal, it just wouldn’t stop sliding!”emszMember
sara’s mum found out that I was more than just a friend when she stumbled in on us in a ‘comprimsing’ situation, this prompted a conversation with her mum in the kitchen.
I could hear sara “Mum, I’m gay”
then I heard her mum mumble something, but couldn’t make it out, I heard sara sigh and say “Yes mum, emsz is as well”
😆Posted 7 years agoUnderhillMember
On a guided tour of Marble Arch caves in Fermanagh. At the end, they turn out the lights to show you what a total absence of light is like, an American just in front of us whispered to his family “Wow just think how dark it would be if you came at night!”
Incredulous would have described our faces, if you could have seen them.Posted 7 years agoSawyerMember
While watching the natural history BBC caveman series (caveman life reproduced with actors, make-up and computers) on T.V while at uni a house mate turned to me and said,
“the thing I don’t get is, how come this footage is in colour?”.
Also, from now on I have to call ducks ‘water chickens’.Posted 7 years agotrickydiscoMember
Quite a few years ago a mate of mines girlfriend asked what the yellow strips across the road (the one’s that make the car rumble) before you approach roundabouts were for. To which my mate said “they’re for blind people so they know they are approaching a roundabout”.. she didn’t question it 🙂Posted 7 years agoChrisLSubscriber
Northwind’s winter story reminds me of mine. Offering advice to a woman in the car park at work whose car’s wheels were spinning on the snowy ground I suggested that she try moving off in second gear. “Where’s second gear?” she asked.
On another occasion, in Greggs I heard a mother tell her 5 year old son that he couldn’t have a doughnut with pink icing because “you’re a lad, you’re no’ a poof”.
I’m no longer working in Craigmillar and for that I’m glad. 🙂Posted 7 years agolawrenceMember
A few years back arrived for work to find big BBC van blocking entrance to car park this was a Thursday morning it was there filming songs of praise at adjoining church. It was bit of hassle to drive round block to the other entrance. I settled into work ten minutes later colleague arrived cursring and chuntering on that some big van had blocked car park entrance .I explained to him that it was BBC filming songs of praise his reply ” I thought songs of praise was on Sunday” what a plankPosted 7 years ago4ndy BMember
I have worked with a couple of right special cases, a couple of dumb things they said that sticks in my mind
no1: “I don’t eat Tuna ‘cos it’s got Dolphins in it and it says so on the tin” pointing at the Dolphin friendly logo
no2: “Sweetcorn is magnetic, it reforms in your body, that’s how come it comes out the other end the looking the same as it went in”Posted 7 years agoclubberMember
Rachel’s the winner so far for me…
I think one of the best stupid conversations I had was with a mate, talking about how long our drive to Nottingham would take. We were leaving at 1 and expected to be there around 4 – eg a 3hr drive. My mate was convinced it was 4 hours. “1, 2, 3, 4” he kept counting on his fingers. “That’s FOUR hours”. It took most of the trip up to convince him otherwise.
Mind you, we also convinced him that the race were were driving up there for was on an uphill lake…Posted 7 years agonamastebuzzMember
On a RTW motorcycle trip astonished locals who’d never seen a gigantic 1100cc BMW always asked a load of questions.
My favourites were:
“What is the maximum speed of you bike please?”
“And what is the minimum speed?”
“Does you bike have air conditioning?”Posted 7 years agoRusty MacSubscriber
Whilst sitting in the sixth form common room a good few years back one of the guys put some music on the stereo. Third song in and another guy shouts accross the room
MATE I FRICKING LOVE THIS SONG YOU GOT IT ON CD OR COMPACT DISK? ANY CHANCE OF A COPY?
This was then followed by a short silence and then pretty much the entire sixth form rolling arround laughing there asses off.Posted 7 years agoWozzaMember
Walked into a lettings agents on Deansgate, “i’m looking for a three bedroom flat”, “we’ve got a two and a one bed you could rent”. Nice one, cheers.
Ex GF, trained Architect. While watching the F1 the safety car comes out on lap 20ish, “is that to show them the way around?”. Brilliant.Posted 7 years agogiant_scumMember
My SO while de-seeding a bell pepper said to mePosted 7 years ago
‘If I was stuck on a desert island I would use this as a cup!’
After a small chuckle I pointed out to her the chances of bell peppers growing wild on such an island would be slim.
Now whenever I am de-seeding a pepper I hold it up and look at it and say ‘you know what if I was stuck…’ childish I know.
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