what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?

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  • what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
  • Wrongun
    Member

    “Well I think we should all go out and do another lap”

    My mate at D2D this year…

    Rorschach
    Member

    Sat next to my bike on snowdon summit “how are you going to get back down?”

    sunnrider
    Member

    When I came out, I was asked what I was going to do with my bikes. Clearly they thought I would no longer use them???

    Rachel

    I actually had to think about that for a while, does that qualify me for membership of this thread?

    allthegear
    Member

    Well, how DID you get down???

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Well, how DID you get down???

    Same way as up, only backwards.

    Dancake
    Member

    “I think it’s amazing babies can breathe underwater”

    (Tomorrow’s world was just starting on the TV )

    derekrides
    Member

    ‘you sound like you’re 12’ some stroker called idave on an internet forum this very day..

    LOL@ rachel

    Premier Icon kayak23
    Subscriber

    On a trip to the alps, a female member of the group remarks “ain’t the clouds low around here”…..

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    Getting out of an ambulance with my left arm 5″ closer to the right one and quite a lot further forward than I normally like it and.

    Nurse to paramedic “Which one is dislocated?”

    allthegear
    Member

    I’m not joking TJ, both my mum and my brother asked the same question – was bizarre. Just goes to show how stereotypes are so ingrained. Apparently girls don’t ride bikes and get muddy…

    Come to think of it, she also got upset the following year when, upon asking what I wanted for my birthday, I said a torque wrench. I got some jewellery.

    Rachel

    Well you are confusing them – ladies don’t get torque wrenches for christmas 🙂

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    “An ex Vietnam vet” I said

    Talking of saying dumb things, you can’t be an ex-veteran, can you? You’re a Vietnam vet or you’re not. An ex-soldier perhaps.

    Anyway, the only time I openly chuckled at someone was when we were in Hyde park standing on one side of a fence watching the squirrels, standing near an Australian couple. We exchanged a few words about the squirrels, at which point one bounded over. The chap said ‘are they dangerous?’

    Bless 🙂

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    I said a torque wrench. I got some jewellery.

    Ladies like Hoovers. Everyone knows that. 😉

    allthegear
    Member

    ladies don’t get torque wrenches for christmas

    true – no-one will buy her one!!!! 😈

    ziggy
    Member

    My sister once asked for ‘a black and white printer cartridge’

    Surprisingly they didn’t have any in stock 😆

    This summer, from an old man having so much fun on a roundabout in town he had about 4 goes

    ‘Sorry young man, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to go round clockwise or anticlockwise’.

    ‘Ah right, well we go round them clockwise in this country. Where are you from?’.

    ‘Edinburgh’.

    I.
    Shit.
    You.
    Not.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    “I think it’s amazing babies can breathe underwater”

    I blame Nirvana.

    ladies don’t get torque wrenches for christmas

    If it’s any consolation, nor do boys. I’ve been asking for one since I was about 14.

    llama
    Member

    why doesn’t the sea just sink into the sand?

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    My sister once asked for ‘a black and white printer cartridge’

    I once took an escalated call from a customer whose printer didn’t print yellow. Replacement cartridges, hours on tech support, printer returned several times (no fault found).

    Turned out, she was printing on yellow paper.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    ‘Edinburgh’.

    This thread just keeps on giving.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    A good few years ago I had an informal lodger, a mate of mine called Steve.

    Dragging my carcass to the bathroom one morning, I had this hollered conversation:

    Steve (shouts from his bedroom): “Argh! I’m blind! I can’t see shit!”

    Me (in the bathroom): “What? What?! Erm, why?”

    Steve: “Aha!”

    Me: “WHAT??”

    Steve: “I had my eyes shut.”

    Argh.

    steve_b77
    Member

    I was talking at home about the new petrol pumps at the local filling station that talked when you picked them up “this is unleaded fuel”

    I mused as to why and my sister blurted out, well it’s for the blind drivers obviously!!

    I won £20 for that one from FHM’s “Out of the mouth of babes” feature :mrgreen:

    An otherwise very intelligent girl I used to go to school with once asked,
    ‘Do shetland ponies have to migrate home to Shetland to breed?’

    She also belived that thistles stopeed at the border with England for a time and that speed limits at roadworks didn’t apply on sundays as there was no-one working.

    iDave
    Member

    ‘you sound like you’re 12’ some stroker called idave on an internet forum this very day..

    I know, pretty dumb being out by at least 3 years. How’s half term going? Looking forward to Christmas?

    PeterPoddy
    Member

    Standing in the ice tunnel inside a glacier near chamonix, some american guy turned to me after touching the glacier and said “Oh wow, that’s ice.”
    I buckled instantly.

    That reminds me…..

    Walking down the Grand Canyon, we were following an American couple in their mid 20s. We heard the girl ask what the piles of grass clippings were along the trail. Her patient bloke explained that it was, basically, mule dung. To be fair it was mostly grass.

    A little later she asked why the bottom of the canyon (which was a long long way away) was covered in moss, but here there were only some bushes
    I could almost hear the big, long, silent sigh as he again, with the patience of a saint, basically explained that it was the bushes being so far away that they looked like moss.

    I could almost hear Father Ted: No Dougal, these are small and those are very far away…….

    It still cracks us up now, 6 years later! 😀

    16stonepig
    Member

    Two from a girl I used to work with (We’ll call her Princess):

    Princess: Can you catch a cold over the phone?
    Me: (Stunned, dumbfounded silence, then) Yes. Yes you can.
    Princess: I thought so – my mum’s got a cold and I was just talking to her – now I’ve got a bit of a sore throat…

    Princess: Where are the channel islands?
    Me: (Same stunned silence, then) Just off the north coast of France!
    Princess: Oh. Then, do Scottish people live there?

    Also, I was playing Need For Speed on the PC years ago, with my GF in the room half-watching. I crashed and rolled the car and she gasped and said “Oh my god, are you ok?!”

    TheBrick
    Member

    While watching the natural history BBC caveman series (caveman life reproduced with actors, make-up and computers) on T.V while at uni a house mate turned to me and said,

    “the thing I don’t get is, how come this footage is in colour?”.

    Guy at work announced:
    Wached a war program last night, there was a Kamikaze pilot in it, he’d flown over 40 missions…..
    Could be an urban myth but I did read about a kamikaze pilot who flew in several (unsuccessful) missions. Apparently at times they never found the Americans so had to go home. Obviously nobody flew two successful missions.

    Actually my grandfather was a kamikaze pilot, the common misconception is that they all went on suicicde missions, in fact the requirement, for honour, was to achieve one kill. If they had not / could not mange this, they were expected to die trying.

    A few that spring to mind from mostly work related face palming conversations
    ” When the sun goes down , the moon comes up…..”

    ” Did the dinosaurs come before, or after Jesus . . . . . “

    Me – Whats QED stand for in Latin ? Boss .- Quantitive ElecricalDynamic

    dan1980
    Member

    Ex: Do you want the laptop?
    Me: Yes please.
    Ex: Do you want a cusion, its hot on the bottom.
    Me: No its OK, it’ll be fine on my lap
    Long pause
    Ex: So that’s why they’re called laptops…..
    Me: !

    Premier Icon Alex
    Subscriber

    A few people have said to me “You can’t ride here”
    Plainly ridiculous 🙂

    Ex: Do you want a cusion, its hot on the bottom.

    How did she manage to type like that?

    Premier Icon richmtb
    Subscriber

    My brothers GF genuinely thought the moon was the night time version of the sun until he pointed out to her that sometimes you can see the moon during the day too!

    vorlich
    Member

    My sister [who has a PhD], thought I made up hovercrafts, and that no such thing exists.

    lesa
    Member

    Watching some ducks flying and said to my son look ducks he replied those are not ducks because ducks can’t fly.

    AlasdairMc
    Member

    My wife once asked me whether Google Earth was live…

    At a school year reunion last year

    “So, how old are you?”

    Premier Icon rickmeister
    Subscriber

    Out with a group on Scafell…

    “Whats that down there?” (Sellafield)
    “Its a cloud factory to clean clouds”
    “Really”
    “Yes really, they suck the dirty grey clouds in at night (through the cooling towers), clean them up, and shove them out again during the day”
    “Wow!”

    Kids eh…

    I had a panicked phone call from a friend (Emma) a few years ago: “Ron, I hope you don’t mind me ringing but I’m afraid to ring Adam (her bloke) because he’ll kill me.”

    Me: “Err, ok, go then. What’s happened?”

    Emma: “I’ve only gone and put Super Unleaded in the car”

    Me: “Shit. That’s not good! Hey, how come you’re driving Adam’s car anyway?”

    Emma: “No, I’m in my Ka.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you might just get slightly more miles this time before you have to fill up.”

    😆

    Adam’s never forgiven her not not calling him first!

    Zedsdead
    Member

    “cheese sandwich”

    “Dick!”

    An ex once asked if it was the white or yellow number plates that I had on my car.

    _tom_
    Member

    My mate upon trying to find some details about a film:

    “how do you spell IMDB?”

    😆

    to be fair this wasn’t long after a session on the bong.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    a girl I used to work with visiting her boyfriend in hospital. He was being seen to behind the curtains so she made small talk with the man in the next bed.

    Her: What are you in for?

    Him: MS

    Her: What, you had an accident in Marks and Spencers?

    Premier Icon Northwind
    Subscriber

    A few years back, a colleague crashed her car into 5 or 6 parked cars on the way to work, driving down a gentle but snowy slope towards the office. I thought it was a bit weird because I rode my motorbike down it about 5 minutes before. So how did it happen?

    Her:”The car just started sliding all by itself, I didn’t do anything”
    Me:”Wow, that must have been scary”
    Her:”It was! And no matter how hard I pressed the brake pedal, it just wouldn’t stop sliding!”

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