what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?

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  • what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
  • Boba Fatt
    Member

    Yeah, it’s a unit of distance.

    Like a parsec?

    I used to work as a tour guide in a distillery. We used to get some intersting questions. Generally though not exclusively from american buds parties.
    AFTER explaing how we make alcohol by brewing the wort and then distill th wash to make new spirit i have variously been asked:

    So… when do you add the alcohol?
    When do you put the shortbread in?

    And slightly bizarrely, when do you add the carrots, you know for colour?!

    andrewh
    Member

    “Can you see through a glass eye?”
    .
    (whilst walking along a beach, in the tufty grassy bits that grow near the dunes) “It’s like walking through a hairy person.”
    .
    And in a really excited voice “LOOK! Cows on a hill!”

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
    Subscriber

    Worse for wear in a cafe after a night on the sauce a friend reads aloud from the menu slowly “cheese and mushrooms on toast…..” then looks at me puzzled “what’s in that?”

    NZCol
    Member

    Standing outside Waverly station waiting for someone
    American tourist “Gee isn;t the castle amazing , such a shame they built it so close to the railway station”

    wtf

    Premier Icon thv3
    Subscriber

    Another tourist one,

    Again in Edinburgh, I was stopped and asked where all the “Scotch” people were?

    Turned out the tourist in question thought the only “Scotch” people, were the ones in kilts, preferably playing the bagpipes.

    A friend of mine’s OH went to the train station. The sign said “front two coaches”, so she went and stood outside and waited two hours for a bus… It never came of course… 😯

    Premier Icon crispo
    Subscriber

    Got a couple here:

    We saw a massive wood pigeon sat on a branch in the garden to which my girlfriend says “Look at the size of that pidgeon, it must be pregnant” – Dont birds lay eggs darling?

    Out walking in the winter when there was snow about same said girlfriend came out with “doesnt the snow make those sheep look really dark” – yes that would be because they are black sheep!

    She is actually really clever though……

    I know someone who wondered why the smallest hand on a watch was called the second hand, not the third hand…

    sambob
    Member

    “Wait. When you get stuff dry cleaned, does it get wet?”

    arrpee
    Member

    Driving along with a riding buddy who really ought not to be allowed out on his own. He’s picking my brains about running shoes, knowing that I buy mine from a shop called Achilles’ Heel:

    “Aye, you really rate that Athlete’s Foot shop, don’t you?”

    Same guy once referred to 10 at Kirroughtree as “10 Under the Tree”.

    “Wait. When you get stuff dry cleaned, does it get wet?”

    Yes they do get wet. They are immersed and cleaned in a liquid solvent solution. the term “Dry Cleaning” just means the absence of water.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Like a parsec?

    Exactly the opposite. Americans use units of time to indicate distance, Han Solo was using a unit of distance to indicate time.

    </geek>

    Premier Icon crazy-legs
    Subscriber

    When I was about 17 I had a job shelf stacking in Sainsbury’s.

    Walking through the fruit & veg section one day I was stopped by a rather posh woman who asked “Do these tomatoes have any genetics in them?”

    I knew that she meant “are they genetically modified tomatoes?” but the fact that she’d obviously read an article in the Daily Wail and completely failed to grasp any of the finer scientific points amused me no end.

    Stoner
    Member

    A favourite, probably, apocryphal one:

    American ‘phones the Tourist Office to ask if the Cotswolds are open on a Sunday.

    And one that did happen to me, an American walking down The Backs in Cambridge asking where “The University” was. I think she was just interested in King’s College Chapel.

    Premier Icon stevie750
    Subscriber

    in edinburgh heard an american berate the castle as not that good while looking at the scottish office building

    In supermarket one shelf stacker to another ” you know , there is actually no cheese in a cheese cake”

    Premier Icon cb
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    Abergavenny yesterday in a cafe – “Do you want milk with your black coffee”!!

    Premier Icon GrahamS
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    in edinburgh heard an american berate the castle as not that good while looking at the scottish office building

    Likewise I’ve seen, more than once, Americans stood on North Bridge talking about how lovely the castle is while taking photos of Calton Hill.

    iiiiiittt’s behiiind yoooou!

    don simon
    Member

    Abergavenny yesterday in a cafe – “Do you want milk with your black coffee”!!

    I was somewhere recently and asked for a black coffee, as a very thoughtful gesture the waiter/ress put a little milk carton (buggered if I know what they’re called) on the saucer, just in case I changed my mind, I imagine.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    Americans use units of time to indicate distance

    Still? I thought that was when they travelled by horse
    “It’s 2 days to the next town. Spit”

    don simon
    Member

    Americans use units of time to indicate distance

    And London bobbies at Christmas.
    Q: How far to Harrods?
    A: About 20 mins.
    Q: 20 mins?
    A. Yes, it’s only 200metres but will take about 20 mins to get there.

    Oh.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Still? I thought that was when they travelled by horse

    😀

    It really threw me when I was there.

    “How far is it to the mall?”

    “Oh, about 45 minutes.”

    “Yes, but how far is it?”

    *puzzled looks* “About 45 minutes!”

    Absolutely no concept of the actual distance, and utterly perplexed as to why anyone would ever want to know or care. Which makes some sort of sense I guess.

    1. My sister in law is a school teacher

    She had never heard of the dalai lama and said “are you saying Dilemma?”

    2. Me and the Mrs went looking for a new car and I always try as be informed as possible.

    Salesman: What type of car are you looking for?
    The mrs: a turbo-deedle

    I think we all did a little wee at tghe 2nd one

    Stoner
    Member

    turbo-deedle

    uncontrolled squeak of mirth just rang around the office.

    TimP
    Member

    Another Edinburgh Castle one

    Was asked by an American how long it took to put the castle up each year for the festival.

    Also when talking about Lou Ferrigno (the original Hulk) to a mate I said that the Hulk was huge. My ex then turned round and asked if he was real. Bless…obviously we told her it was a documentary and kept it going for about 5mins before having to admit that we were lying.

    Premier Icon richmtb
    Subscriber

    On honeymoon the the Dominican Republic, I wore a kilt one night (Scotsman abroad and all that)

    An American tourist says hello “Nice Kilt! are you Welsh?”

    “No Scottish”

    “But that’s a Welsh Kilt, Scottish Kilts are red” (I was wearing Douglas tartan – mainly green)

    “Alrighty then I’m Welsh”

    Talking about a particular route in the Lakes:-

    “…..just after where it steepens”

    Teacher in the group

    “There isn’t such a word as steepens”

    I over heard the following telephone conversation once whilst at the front counter in Fort William police station, in Winter.

    Policeman: Hello, Fort William police station.

    Policeman: Well, Ben Nevis is a mountain, but to answer your question, yes it is still open.

    Policeman: Yes, there is a footpath to the top of Ben Nevis.

    Policeman: No, there are no streetlights. Just a minute…Sorry, I was wrong before, it is now closed. Maybe try it in the summer.

    Policeman: Okay enjoy your holiday.

    GW
    Member

    I asked if I could get by on the right, she moved right across in front of me…I slammed on my brakes and skidded a little, she said “oops sorry, I don’t know my left or right” I did all I could not to laugh

    I have also known quite a few other women (friends, girlfriends) who are all fairly intelligent get confused with their lefts and rights It’s not just women (although I do have a fairly strong feminine side to me 😉 )I don’t know my left and right automatically, I genuinely have to stop and think about it and if I want to direct someone I have to point “this way” or “that way”

    don simon
    Member

    A combination of what they say and what they do, people who use gestures when talking on the telephone! 😈

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I asked if I could get by on the right, she moved right across in front of me…

    TBH, it’s an odd convention that takes some getting used to. If someone coming up fast behind be (stop it) yells “on the right!” I know that they mean they’re going to pass on the right, but instinctively I want to react by moving right cos that’s what they’ve shouted.

    GW
    Member

    I’m aware of what’s behind me as well as infront and always instinctively move over off the main line to let a faster rider through. I choose where, when and what side anyone passes me on.

    Premier Icon AndyRT
    Member

    A while back I was on a train from London to Rochester, in Kent. When the train comes towards Rochester, just before it goes over the River Medway, you get a great view of Rochester Castle…

    An American tourist says: “Wow, are we in Newcastle already?”

    don simon
    Member

    Flying into New York on a school trip, a large majority of the group got excited at the sight of the Golden Gate Bridge. 😆

    My mum reckons she understands technology but still needs to ask questions from time to time. So, when we were in Currys or Comet or someplace and I was looking for a cheap’ish mp3 player

    “Do I need an mp3 player?”
    “I don’t know, do you?”
    “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you”
    “Ok, why do you think you might need an mp3 player?”
    “I don’t know, I don’t know what they are”
    “So why would you need one then?”
    “So I can find out what it is and then I’ll know if I need one”

    MrsPoddy
    Member

    Some Americans have a sense of humour, when on a cruise around the Bahamas they did a top 10 of stupid questions…
    1 what do you do with the ice sculptures once they have melted?
    2 what time is the midnight buffet?
    3 is it fresh water or sea water in the toilets?
    4 where do the staff sleep?
    This was approx 20 years ago and it still makes me chuckle.

    WackoAK
    Member

    “A friend” once thought that “seconds out” when called at a boxing matched refered to the time…

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    Walking around the Schönbrun Palace in Vienna on a guided tour. We stopped in one of the salon and the guide described the exquisite objet d’art dotted around the room then gave a detailed description of the White Gold encased in crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling , a triumph of Habsburg craftsmanship. Speech concluded we prepared to move off to the next wonder.
    The American lady in front of us turned to her friend and said, “Gee and it’s not plastic”.
    A lot of muffled snorting from our portion of the tour followed.

    Premier Icon GrahamS
    Subscriber

    is it fresh water or sea water in the toilets?

    Why would this matter? Were they planning to drink it?

Viewing 40 posts - 201 through 240 (of 315 total)

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