- what is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you?
I used to work as a tour guide in a distillery. We used to get some intersting questions. Generally though not exclusively from american buds parties.
AFTER explaing how we make alcohol by brewing the wort and then distill th wash to make new spirit i have variously been asked:
So… when do you add the alcohol?
When do you put the shortbread in?
And slightly bizarrely, when do you add the carrots, you know for colour?!Posted 7 years agocrispoSubscriber
Got a couple here:
We saw a massive wood pigeon sat on a branch in the garden to which my girlfriend says “Look at the size of that pidgeon, it must be pregnant” – Dont birds lay eggs darling?
Out walking in the winter when there was snow about same said girlfriend came out with “doesnt the snow make those sheep look really dark” – yes that would be because they are black sheep!
She is actually really clever though……Posted 7 years agoarrpeeMember
Driving along with a riding buddy who really ought not to be allowed out on his own. He’s picking my brains about running shoes, knowing that I buy mine from a shop called Achilles’ Heel:
“Aye, you really rate that Athlete’s Foot shop, don’t you?”
Same guy once referred to 10 at Kirroughtree as “10 Under the Tree”.Posted 7 years agocrazy-legsSubscriber
When I was about 17 I had a job shelf stacking in Sainsbury’s.
Walking through the fruit & veg section one day I was stopped by a rather posh woman who asked “Do these tomatoes have any genetics in them?”
I knew that she meant “are they genetically modified tomatoes?” but the fact that she’d obviously read an article in the Daily Wail and completely failed to grasp any of the finer scientific points amused me no end.Posted 7 years agoStonerMember
A favourite, probably, apocryphal one:
American ‘phones the Tourist Office to ask if the Cotswolds are open on a Sunday.
And one that did happen to me, an American walking down The Backs in Cambridge asking where “The University” was. I think she was just interested in King’s College Chapel.Posted 7 years agoGrahamSSubscriber
in edinburgh heard an american berate the castle as not that good while looking at the scottish office building
Likewise I’ve seen, more than once, Americans stood on North Bridge talking about how lovely the castle is while taking photos of Calton Hill.
iiiiiittt’s behiiind yoooou!Posted 7 years ago
Abergavenny yesterday in a cafe – “Do you want milk with your black coffee”!!
I was somewhere recently and asked for a black coffee, as a very thoughtful gesture the waiter/ress put a little milk carton (buggered if I know what they’re called) on the saucer, just in case I changed my mind, I imagine.Posted 7 years ago
Still? I thought that was when they travelled by horse
It really threw me when I was there.
“How far is it to the mall?”
“Oh, about 45 minutes.”
“Yes, but how far is it?”
*puzzled looks* “About 45 minutes!”
Absolutely no concept of the actual distance, and utterly perplexed as to why anyone would ever want to know or care. Which makes some sort of sense I guess.Posted 7 years agoPapa_LazarouMember
1. My sister in law is a school teacher
She had never heard of the dalai lama and said “are you saying Dilemma?”
2. Me and the Mrs went looking for a new car and I always try as be informed as possible.
Salesman: What type of car are you looking for?
The mrs: a turbo-deedle
I think we all did a little wee at tghe 2nd onePosted 7 years agoTimPMember
Another Edinburgh Castle one
Was asked by an American how long it took to put the castle up each year for the festival.
Also when talking about Lou Ferrigno (the original Hulk) to a mate I said that the Hulk was huge. My ex then turned round and asked if he was real. Bless…obviously we told her it was a documentary and kept it going for about 5mins before having to admit that we were lying.Posted 7 years agorichmtbSubscriber
On honeymoon the the Dominican Republic, I wore a kilt one night (Scotsman abroad and all that)
An American tourist says hello “Nice Kilt! are you Welsh?”
“But that’s a Welsh Kilt, Scottish Kilts are red” (I was wearing Douglas tartan – mainly green)
“Alrighty then I’m Welsh”Posted 7 years agoKenny SeniorMember
I over heard the following telephone conversation once whilst at the front counter in Fort William police station, in Winter.
Policeman: Hello, Fort William police station.Posted 7 years ago
Policeman: Well, Ben Nevis is a mountain, but to answer your question, yes it is still open.
Policeman: Yes, there is a footpath to the top of Ben Nevis.
Policeman: No, there are no streetlights. Just a minute…Sorry, I was wrong before, it is now closed. Maybe try it in the summer.
Policeman: Okay enjoy your holiday.GWMember
I asked if I could get by on the right, she moved right across in front of me…I slammed on my brakes and skidded a little, she said “oops sorry, I don’t know my left or right” I did all I could not to laugh
I have also known quite a few other women (friends, girlfriends) who are all fairly intelligent get confused with their lefts and rights It’s not just women (although I do have a fairly strong feminine side to me 😉 )I don’t know my left and right automatically, I genuinely have to stop and think about it and if I want to direct someone I have to point “this way” or “that way”Posted 7 years ago
I asked if I could get by on the right, she moved right across in front of me…
TBH, it’s an odd convention that takes some getting used to. If someone coming up fast behind be (stop it) yells “on the right!” I know that they mean they’re going to pass on the right, but instinctively I want to react by moving right cos that’s what they’ve shouted.Posted 7 years agoBigButSlimmerBlokeMember
My mum reckons she understands technology but still needs to ask questions from time to time. So, when we were in Currys or Comet or someplace and I was looking for a cheap’ish mp3 player
“Do I need an mp3 player?”Posted 7 years ago
“I don’t know, do you?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you”
“Ok, why do you think you might need an mp3 player?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know what they are”
“So why would you need one then?”
“So I can find out what it is and then I’ll know if I need one”MrsPoddyMember
Some Americans have a sense of humour, when on a cruise around the Bahamas they did a top 10 of stupid questions…Posted 7 years ago
1 what do you do with the ice sculptures once they have melted?
2 what time is the midnight buffet?
3 is it fresh water or sea water in the toilets?
4 where do the staff sleep?
This was approx 20 years ago and it still makes me chuckle.SandwichSubscriber
Walking around the Schönbrun Palace in Vienna on a guided tour. We stopped in one of the salon and the guide described the exquisite objet d’art dotted around the room then gave a detailed description of the White Gold encased in crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling , a triumph of Habsburg craftsmanship. Speech concluded we prepared to move off to the next wonder.Posted 7 years ago
The American lady in front of us turned to her friend and said, “Gee and it’s not plastic”.
A lot of muffled snorting from our portion of the tour followed.
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