Well that was a beautiful day wasted.

So a day off work; beautiful weather; dry, dusty, deserted trails. What could go wrong?

Riding like a complete, utter f***ing cretin is what.

From the very start I was having massive confidence issues in the bike. Forks didn't feel right, tyres didn't seem to grip, didn't trust the brakes, couldn't stick to the pedals (despite the poncy 5:10s and the big spikes). It's exactly the same bike I ragged the absolute shite out of 5 days ago! Nothing has changed! Silly slips, loss of concentration, nerves, random brake dabbing, botched gear changes, all the things I don't usually do. The harder I tried, the more tense I got, the worse it got (funny, that!). Basically fighting the bike and the ground rather than flowing with them. New trails, stuff I've ridden hundreds of times before, all the damn same.

Every time I stopped I ended up staring at the bike for ages trying to work out what was wrong with it. We all KNOW the answer to that – the bike is fine it's the sack of crap sat on top of the damn thing that's the issue.

Several hissy fits, a few toys out of pram moments (isn't it dull having to pick the toys up yourself, just so you can throw them away again?), led up to the final embarrassment – getting bucked over the bars on the run in to a jump. Lying there with the bike on top of me screaming myself hoarse like a 3 year old who hasn't got a sweetie. That's clever. If someone had given me a gun, I really would have put the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger, just for the blessed relief of oblivion from myself. Not sure I still wouldn't actually.

Some of you will no doubt say "we all have days like this, take a chill pill and forget about it". No. I cannot allow that. I *HAVE* to ride well to maintain even the slightest semblance of mental stability. Every time I ride has to be at least as good as the last – otherwise what's the point? I can't even enjoy just being out in the countryside on a nice day unless I'm riding well. All I can think about is worrying why I'm not up to scratch.

I pity my poor girlfriend, who's going to be walking on eggshells until I next get a *good* ride to restore my self belief. I have 2 emotional outlets – riding my bike (well) and random violence (usually aginst inanimate objects; usually I come off worse). Funnily enough she's not keen on the latter. All because I couldn't take control of myself, and Just.Do.It.Right.

Well there you go. One day of my life which i'll never, ever, have again, completely f***ing pissed up the wall. It would have been more productive to stay at home and w@nk myself senseless to pron.

Bestiality is taking it too far. Leave those prawns alone!

Heh! Somebody's not a Happy Bunny! 😀

Gosh. Well, it's a beautiful day here and I have been sitting in an office, dividing my time between reading rubbish on the interent, making cups of tea and helping people avoid paying tax. I haven't exactly been setting the world on fire. 😉

I admire the sheer, unreasonable, unbridled craziness of what you have written, but I reckon there are little nuggets of "it could be worse" buried in there somewhere. If you changed the way you think about having a day to yourself in the fresh air on a glorious day, maybe you'd be happier. Or maybe you'd have lost your edge somehow. Don't know. Try not to be too vile to your girlfriend anyway, not strictly speaking all her fault. 🙂

Big Dummy +1

Life is way too short to get wound up over trivial stuff.

I find that if I've been drinking the night before my confidence goes down the pan.

Life is way too short to get wound up over trivial stuff.

Completely agree.

Anything connected with riding a bike though is simply NOT trivial in any way, shape or form. My entire life is geared to riding bikes – our house, my car, my job. As soon as I *can't* get what I need out of riding the bike, everything goes to shit.

You're tapped.

We all have bad days on the bike- get over it 😉 Don't take yourself so seriously 😉

Sounds like your GF is shit scared thinking she's about to get a slap because you had a bad day out on your bike? What a cock.

I pity your girlfriend too.

From what I recall though, Jon is pretty handy. I'm basically toss. Whether I have a good day or not is mainly down to whether the sun's shining and my legs are good.

Every time I ride has to be at least as good as the last – otherwise what's the point?, just doesn't compute for me. The "outlet" that I get from going for a ride is to do with letting stress leave my head in easy stages as my legs spin, like water going down the plug-hole. If that process goes wrong I can end up on a thought-loop recycling the same old crap in my head and get down and unhappy. But whether I'm riding well or not simply doesn't affect how I feel about myself or my day. If I'm screwing up everything I ride I stop and sit for a bit, and I'll happily spend a chunk of my "ride" asleep under a tree if it's warm.

I'm genuinely intrigued by what Jon's written. Like I say, I think it's bonkers. But if it's what produces really good riding maybe that's how it has to be. 🙂

You sound like a man on the edge to me.

The irony is that my life genuinely does depend on whether I ride or not.

Every time I ride has to be at least as good as the last – otherwise what's the point? … doesn't compute for me either, BUT everyone ticks differently I guess

Jon, FWIW, my life is very heavily geared to riding bikes too (was that SUPPOSED to be a pun?) but I think you're a tad harsh on yourself. You're a bloody good rider, anyone else here who's ridden with you will agree.

Next time, take a Cadbury's (Kraft's?) Caramel, think of the bunny girl and when it all goes wrong, relax.
You don't have to compete against yourself especially if you're going to lose: you're never going to be a world champion so you just cannot continue to improve forever.

Me: I'm fifty-plus, flabby, useless. But I enjoyed a 30-minute tootle this afternoon; riding up and down a few kerbs and steps is enough sometimes.

BenjiM – Member
I find that if I've been drinking the night before my confidence goes down the pan.

I find that if I've been drinking the hour or two before before my confidence goes through the roof 😉

Liked the OP though, made me laugh, we all have days like that and it does suck when you know you can ride better.

Every time I ride has to be at least as good as the last – otherwise what's the point?, just doesn't compute for me

What's the point in doing anything at less than the best of your capability? Every time you do something, you learn from it. So every time you do it again, you can use that extra knowledge to be better. Why wouldn't you? Staying the same (stagnating) is exactly the same as going backwards.

I'll happily spend a chunk of my "ride" asleep under a tree if it's warm.

How does that sort your riding out? To me that's running away from the problem. Sure I may be beating my head against a brick wall, but eventually the wall *should* collapse. If it doesn't, it's because I'm not hitting it hard enough.

How does that sort your riding out?

It doesn't. But it may sort my day out. Happily, I am wired to be able to have a good day even when I'm not riding well. My riding largely plateau'ed a while back. 🙂

Incidentally, have we done this before? Do you do entertainment management or something, workwise?

For me not all rides are about improving, some i'm just happy to be out riding, others i'll be trying to hit something I haven't before or take a corner faster and if that goes tits up its annoying but at least your trying. If you fall off pushing yourself you feel good because you know your pushing it. On the other hand if you make an arse of things you normally find no problem then its time to through the dummy out (or have a caramel).

What's the point in doing anything at less than the best of your capability? Every time you do something, you learn from it. So every time you do it again, you can use that extra knowledge to be better. Why wouldn't you? Staying the same (stagnating) is exactly the same as going backwards.

For me, riding is less about the person and more about being in awe at travelling at (relatively) high speed through nature on a narrow and often wild trail. Discovery and exhilaration. Nobody likes riding well below their ability, but other than that, I never measure my performance against my last.

Incidentally, have we done this before?

Probably. It happens periodically, and for no discernible reason.

Do you do entertainment management or something, workwise?

That kinda work – yep. Lighting side of it. Same thing though. You're onlyy as good as your last gig, and if you ain't going to do it to the best of your ability, then don't even bother thinking about doing it at all.

OK, I think I remember similar sentiments, about someone who'd **** up working for you.

You don't need us to tell you you sound pretty highly strung. It might be interesting to have a bit of a look at whether you could adjust how you think about these things to cut yourself and people around you a bit of slack. Anyhoo. Hope your day improves. 🙂

What's the point in doing anything at less than the best of your capability? Every time you do something, you learn from it. So every time you do it again, you can use that extra knowledge to be better. Why wouldn't you? Staying the same (stagnating) is exactly the same as going backwards.

Because you are not a computer. You are human and lots of things can affect you and your riding; sleep, diet, stress, hydration, fitness.

Wow.

I often do things less well than the previous time. Riding, sex, work, having a poo. I'm quite inconsistent.

I think it's good to aspire to doing things better, but I usually walk away from an "experience" (work/riding/sex/having a poo) hoping to have a "small element" of it be quite nice. Nothing more than that.

Even the most grimey "embrace the filth" ride I've slipped on my arse, even the downhill day where three runs in I knocked myself out and broke a collarbone I'm still, in someways, "glad" I did. I had my moments on them.

As a busy dad of many children, with a chaotic job I try to merely get through the day with most of my faculties and nearest and dearests intact. Today I've had a lovely time playing in the stream with my son for an hour, collecting wood. Yesterday I had a nice cup of coffee.

As Marge said in the Simpsons "Aim low. Aim so low that no one will even care if you succeed."

you have to accept that improvement comes in waves not straight lines. as long as you wiggle your way up the skill curve then all is good, but don't expect to straight line it to the top. if you want to get "training value" out of a bad day then instead of feeling bad just think through some of the moves that failed you, try and figure out why, and hit them again at the weekend with a focus on technique (ie things you can control) rather than frustration (which you cannot control, it seems!)
good luck, to you and her,
chris@cycleactive

Every day on a bike is like that for me 😳

What you gonna do when you get older, and cant ride as fast or survive the crashes as well? Kill yourself? No, you'll just accept it and enjoy it for what it is – a pass-time. So if your not riding for a living, or the possibility of that, just enjoy it- some days are better than others

sounds like you could do with a good sh*t 😀

Firstly, thanks for the complements on my ability. Rather overstated imo. I'm decent, but nothing special – hardly likely to keep Steve Peat or Julien Absalom awake at night. What skills I do have, I have because i've worked bloody hard to get them. I'm not a natural rider – I am natually driven to do stuff right.

I'm not saying I have to do everything perfect all the time, but there does have to be *something* done better, whether it's a few more miles, or a corner pinned a bit harder, or a stunt cleared for the first time, but I do have to be making a decent hash of the rest of it,not the complete bit of a mess of todays effort. As Brant says, you can learn/enjoy from even the most hardore, deathmarch, slopfest of a ride, even if you end up injured. As for laying cables, well, being quite so full of sh!te myself, I practise that quite regularly, and can sometimes manage something quite memorable… 😯

For me, riding is less about the person and more about being in awe at travelling at (relatively) high speed through nature on a narrow and often wild trail. Discovery and exhilaration

Absolutely. "The Flow" ™. But to be there, you need to be riding instinctively and naturally, which means learning the skills to do that first, and then being able sto switch straight in to being at the top of your game. Even then, the slightest mistake will yank you straight back down to earth.

Thing is – like all drugs, it's addictive, and the more you do it, the more immune you get to it, so the more you have to do it to get the same level of buzz. I'm a pretty hardcore junkie these days, so I NEED my fix, even if it means mugging grannies, or selling my ass round the back of The Woodbine to keep my "Flow" dealer happy.

What you gonna do when you get older, and cant ride as fast or survive the crashes as well?

That's something that I have no answer to. The idea terrifies me. I'm 35 now, so I've got between 10 and 15 years left at top form. The only thing I can think of, is that it's not about slowing down, it's about crashing less, and that involves being skillfull and consistent enough to *not* have days like today.

In all seriousness though, if this is genuine; mate, if you find yourself regularly getting wound up to the point of violence, then maybe you really should seek some sort of help. That really doesn't sound good, especially if it's having a negative destructive effect on your partner. She doesn't deserve that.

What you both deserve, is for you to be in control of things more. The anger spilling over into violent rages show there's definitely something not quite right. If you don't deal with this issue, things could get a lot worse. Believe me; I know what I'm talking about.

You say that biking is your life, but I wonder if that's just an outlet for other energies, that otherwise remain pent-up. Perhaps biking isn't actually the perfect outlet you want it to be, and you're placing far too much pressure on just one method of dealing with your energies.

I'd hazard a guess that there's a lot more than meets the eye here, even if you don't want to/can't see it, or admit it.

I can understand the obsessiveness completely; I am like that with my work and hobbies. I'm very competitive. But following years of on and off therapy of varying intensities, I've realised my biggest competitor is me. Sounds like you're quite similar, in some ways. But you need to recognise what drives your anger, as it's different for everyone.

I'm not going to pretend everything's going to be all right overnight; it's not. It's probably going to take a long time, maybe even years. And things are never going to be 'perfect'. But the sooner you start on the path to understanding, the better, whichever course of action you take.

There's some very insightful and helpful advice from people here. Have a read, maybe go and do other stuff, come back and have another read. There's some answers in here already; not many, but some. There's a good few thoughtful, caring and sensitive folk on here who you'd be well advised to listen to. Maybe not every bit of advice is going to be useful to you, but overall folk are well meaning and decent.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

And I apologise for my earlier flippant and insensitive comment.

Absolutely. "The Flow" ™. But to be there, you need to be riding instinctively and naturally, which means learning the skills to do that first, and then being able sto switch straight in to being at the top of your game.

Really? I'm not sure about that… I mean, I've always enjoyed mountain biking, since well before I got any good at it.

When I say "relatively high speed", I mean in relation to walking 🙂

The idea terrifies me. I'm 35 now, so I've got between 10 and 15 years left at top form. The only thing I can think of, is that it's not about slowing down, it's about crashing less, and that involves being skillfull and consistent enough to *not* have days like today

age = experience. and more of that will teach you when to hold back and when not to, staying smooth and in control is always faster than sketching out or crashing.

Do you know the one about the young Bull and the old Bull?

wow…

You've had a bad day on your bike and this is how you end up?

Really?

What are you going to be like when life really goes sour?

When the shit really hits the fan?

I'd sit down and count your blessings then get a life.

Probably nothing more than a triple critical biorhythm low.

You'll be fine in a couple of days and take note of Petesgaff posting to put things in perspective.

It's only a bike FFS 😉

This Sunday will be my first off road ride in about 6 months, maybe more I can't even remember. I'm sure I'll be completely rubbish but I'm pretty excited. Think yourself lucky.