Things that you only do once

Get ripped off yr bike by a flat-bed (it was white)

Go swimming off an unfamilar beach to get sucked out of the bay by a rip current (not knowing how to get out of a rip current)

Partner a business with an NPD type

Cycle 260 miles with a 70l rucksack full of camping gear

Trust the NHS to identify a simple subluxated ankle joint in time to avoid 15 yrs of crippling inflammatory arthritis

Trust yr drunken friend to pilot yr wheelchair succesfully up a kerb downhill at running speed

Ride a horse without first checking that yr expert horsey friend ensures the saddle has been sufficiently tightened

Drink so much that you tuck into a plate of chips smothered in Blairs Sudden Death sauce yet are so drunk and hungry that you eat every last morsel through sobs and snot.

Attempt to turn and drop-kick an angry male alpaca when he is chasing you down at full tilt

Experiment with car battery points and screwdriver before you are old enough to know what flying acid is

Make a cup of tea using your mouth as a cup.

abseil off a bridge and refuse to lean till your upside down before you take your feet of the top of the arch.

Booby trap the last slice of pizza in your takeaway by lifting the topping off, smothering with dave’s insanity sauce then replacing the topping before leaving it on the side to see who is foolish enough to think five drunk students in the living room service didn’t manage to finish their pizza. In of its self hilarious, discovering the burning /shock is enough to set off your epileptic house mate, not so much.

Drunkenly assume that, because you saw it in a film, _you_ can stub a cigarette out on your hand.

Tip: You can, it just bloody hurts. I still have the scar.

I’d also add using petrol to light a bonfire on a hot, humid day. Lots of petrol. The eyebrows grew back thankfully.

Fall asleep in a meeting with Kim Jong Il.

Press your face against the kettle whilst looking at convex reflections (I was young).

Touch the red sand around the barbecue (I wasn’t).

Let a puppy off the lead within 2 miles of a football game.

take the wife camping.

or up a munro.

(funny, both incidents happened in glencoe on separate occasions)

lesson learnt now – never ever again.

+1 “stick foot in front wheel to remove a xxxxx from it “

In my case a stuck spokey-dokey.

^ That gave me a shivver just reading it.

+1.

As a kid I once tried to swim under one of those huge inflatable things they have on “activities day” at the sports centre. Unfortunately, I significantly overestimated my swimming prowess and didn’t plan on it drifting about.

I “came up for the third time” under it before squirting out from under the side more by luck than good management. Reasonably sure that incident left me with a drowning phobia. Ick ick ick.

I didn’t need a near death experience to gain a drowning phobia. Not sure anyone likes drowning.

Anyhoo. A ‘friend’ once put a match out on the back of my neck whilst waiting at a bus stop. He didn’t seem to realise that the bag I had slung over my shoulder contained a hockey stick. Not at first anyway. I know he certainly never did that to me again.

Ahhh the old ‘matches burn twice’ trick. Always good for a laugh :-/

Pay £150m for a Picasso

Madness. I paid £4k for ours. It must have had the rear parking sensors.

Sleep walk off a roof.

I really hope this is something I only do once, and since it was over 20 years ago I’m doing alright *tempts fate*

On the third/fourth day of a 3 week island hoping holiday around Greece with 4 mates I slept walked off the roof of a first floor apartment falling 6m to a concrete path… (and I wasn’t pissed and the full story of who found me etc is long)

Anyway, many bones and limbs broken. Lots of pain and blood.

Thankfully the Greek medical service only managed to spot the broken right arm and put it in plaster along with two bruised kidneys, due to pi$$ing blood, so I could carry on my holiday.

When back in the UK the rest of my injuries were discovered – both bones in left arm, both wrists, lots of bones in hands, pelvis in two places, cheek and eye socket.

My right hand still isn’t aligned with the arm…

jon1973 – Member
Pay £150m for a Picasso
Madness. I paid £4k for ours. It must have had the rear parking sensors.

Joke of the day…:)

One winters evening Arrived home busting for the loo already on borrowed time while suffering from a bad case of the squits.
Without even taking the time to close the front door or turn on any lights run straight up the pitch black stairs to the equally pitch black bathroom the whole time wrestling with my trousers.

Getting them down and turn to position myself over the loo just in time to release an unholy explosive torrent of semi liquid excrement before my arse hit the seat, only to realise on touch down that the lid of the toilet was actually down.

But by then it was too late as my bowels had already initiated full instant auto evacuation mode.

16yo and riding home on your moped at night on a road you’ve travelled hundreds of times and switching off your lights to see how far you can go in the dark.

Not as far as I thought…………

get my finger caught whilst unloading a truck.

[/url]DSC_0099 by sod_the_taxman[/url], on Flickr[/img]

Nice.

Unfortunately I can’t think of as anything from personal experience. Which is worrying… 😕

Forks booked for collection for the next day for service and you are tired and pissed off when you round a bolt..

jon1973 – Member
Pay £150m for a Picasso

Madness. I paid £4k for ours. It must have had the rear parking sensors.[/quote]
Joke of the day…:)[/quote]

+1, marvellous!

Hora – why didn’t you go from the back, and not destroy your stem? 😕

The stem was slammed and I couldn’t get a ‘grip’ on the bolt thread as it was pinched tight and I’d end up scratching the top tube area sadly.

I want the forks done/returned for the weekend so I took the executive decision to napalm the stem…

Why not just cut through the bolt, thus saving the stem?

Stem was slammed which makes it hard to get enough grip/angle in itself. Ontop of this the headtube is quite fat-lipped so it would have been impossible to get the hacksaw in without scoring/scratching the frame. Its going to happen even if its only one dropped-stroke in 20.

Plus the way the stem nipped up- it was too tight a gap to fit the blade in effectively.

…the way the stem nipped up…

And what do we learn from this?

And what do we learn from this?

See the title of the thread 😆

it was too tight a gap to fit the blade in effectively.

Blades are able to cut through stuff you know. 😉

I’m curious, hora, what are you taking away from it?

a black stem wouldn’t have caused a tear in time that caused the bolt head to implode its edges?

Bit late now but sometimes if you tighten the other bolt up it removes the pressure from the stuck bolt and allows it to be freed with e.g. a torx head of similar dimensions.

First thing I tried! I also used an imperial(?) Sized allen key, then angled in to give purchase, I even tried a torque headed one too.

The daft thing is I noted it was quite worn when I biult my new frame up a week ago…

Unscrew a part-used CO2 canister from its inflator/trigger.

Fail to recognise that the latest long, low, slack, wide-barred full suspension bikes have limitations when ridden on fast woodland singletrack.

I was pedalling fast through the twisty woodland track, cranked the bike over for a left hander and, out of the corner of my eye, noticed a few inches of hazel stump sticking out of the ground on the inside of the corner. Next second the pedal, sitting low to the ground on the trendy slack frame hit the stump.

I’ve never stopped so fast in my life. I careered over the bars and landed on my shoulder, my face ploughing a furrow through the soft loam that many a gardener would have been proud to have made using the finest selection of Spear and Jackson tools. All went quiet for a fraction of a second and then the bike caught up with me and the on-trend wide bars slammed into my rib cage.

After lying still for a while, I dragged myself upright, wiped the mud from my face and rode the couple of miles home wondering why I was struggling to clip in and why I didn’t seem to be able to steer the bike with my left arm. As the adrenaline subsided, the pain ramped up. Upshot: cracked rib and partially dislocated shoulder and the first time I’ve ever snapped an XTR SPD pedal.

I now coast through tight turns in the woods when riding this bike.

cranked the bike over for a left hander and, out of the corner of my eye, noticed a few inches of hazel stump sticking out of the ground on the inside of the corner. Next second the pedal, sitting low to the ground on the trendy slack frame hit the stump.

outside pedal down!

OOh fun thread

Make crater makers – one small empty co2 cartridge, lots of shotgun shells from your mates farm, pour in shotgun propelant, make fuse and take out to friends garden.

Blow a basketball sized crater in frozen garden.

Go home, slightly stoned, decide to set off last crater maker, fuse goes out, instead light paper, blow out and force in hole. one spark jumped out, and I lept backwards, a bit of metal stuck in my leg and hearing knackered for two days, but still had my hand.

Hang off side of gf jeep in winter on frozen roads skating at 70mph in 4wd, because it won’t all go wrong.

Close eyes riding bike to school down steep hill to see what happens.

For a bet, dear god I can’t remember how wasted I was to do this, put a drop of tobasco on the eye of your knob. It sobers you up quick.

While under the unfluence of mind altering things, climb up the outside of an old ruined church, out the window, and onto a ledge 1m below only to realise you are now ledge locked 4m up in the air or at least it looks like 4m, when you realise that in fact there is a 2m deep hole of nettles down there as well.

So many more,