Things that you only do once

fall asleep at the wheel…

Date a red head.
Mad as a bag of frogs.

Hmmm, maybe but as I found out…a fab shag!

On that note, ‘things that you do only once’ I once had sex with 3 different women in 24 hours, all of whom I knew & I didn’t pay a fee for any & none were on the game, or ever had been (just to clarify) The redhead wasn’t one of them.

Don’t think I’ll manage that again at my great age!

Strathpuffer

anotherdeadhero – Member
Deep Heat

Balls

First senior rugby away match initiation. Tied naked between the overhead luggage racks on the back seat of the bus. In full view of all the traffic on a Saturday morning on the M5. A whole tube of deep heat applied to the crack and sack by the captain.

Don’t try to cool the area down by applying liberal amounts of freeze spray.

Pull the cling film off a bowl of new potatoes fresh out of the microwave.

On a non injury theme – Indoor Skydiving.

With Injury – taking part in a non handed bike race with a buckled front wheel. It was always likely to end in tears and didn’t disappoint!

At age of 8 or 9, decide to see what happens when you disconnect the connectors from the transformer to your Hornby model railway and stick them up your nose (with transformer on).

The smell of burning nostril stays with one.

Cut chillies then read the Yellow Pages with the wife.

Even if I wanted to, she wouldn’t let me do it again….

read the Yellow Pages with the wife.

😆

Call in sick at 4am to the automated sickline.

Forget this happened and show up at work spectacularly drunk at 6am.

Good management in that day.

Arms crossed over riding a bike. Surprisingly difficult to do and surprisingly difficult to miss the nearest tree.

According to Amazon there are certain places a man shouldn’t put Veet, doesn’t matter how smooth you want to be

Pee anywhere near an electrical fence.

Close your zip on your foreskin.

When climbing – not tie in properly – done once checked 3 times on every climb since over 10 years ago and it wasn’t going to end at all well)
On bike try and straighten a twisted bar by grabbing the front wheel between your calves – in the alps with my first introduction to discs & branding
Plan to go climbing with a mate while your missus is at a conference then when it rains tour the most interesting bars of Barcelona drinking for 9 hrs before trying to have an important relationship discussion…

Fly through the Zambezi gorge with a very drunk cousin piloting his stunt plane whilst he holds an unwavering belief in his ability to focus on wtf is actually happening outside 3sq ft of plexiglass windscreen..

Ps – drunken bet that ensued from a very pissed up night in the Harare flying club.

I have no idea how he managed to fly a plane as it took 2 people to drag him from the bar and into the cockpit, I was only 22 at the time and thought I was immortal so didn’t worry too much till we eventually landed in zim falls and he admitted he kinda blacked out for a few seconds when we pulled out of the gorge, these days he flies Airbus A380’s, I’ll refrain from mentioning what company he flies for 8) ,

Pss – he went onto becoming a naval pilot before going commercial so I’m sure you’re quite safe 😉

Drive through the low emission zone in a T4… 😯
(£500 of penalty charge notices for driving in and out of London)

Clearing a load of dead leaves from the spokes of my front wheel.
Before the bike had stopped moving.

I now keep the Rapha (presents honest) chamois cream and winter embrocation apart.

Meant to grab the chamois before a ride, didn’t make it out the bathroom for hours. Deep heat or chilli hold no fear for my nethers now.

Do a 12 foot drop on to a north shore style bridge 6 feet above ground get it wrong and crush 3 vertabre. 🙄

Hold your mums hand while she slips from this world 😥

Chopping chillies for, er, a chilli; then

….take your contact lenses out. 😳

Stand on a rake to see if it really does smack you hard between the eyes.
It does if anyone is still wondering

Go metal detecting with your dad when he’s wearing his steel toe cap wellies.

(Not me)

Use the back of an axe as a hammer.

Go metal detecting with your dad when he’s wearing his steel toe cap wellies.

😆

Zorbing.
20seconds of rolling downhill while strapped into in a bouncy ball, in which the acoustics alone made me dizzy before we even set off; let alone the actual act of rolling down the hill.

No enjoyment factor at all, but hours of motion sickness afterwards.

We dug up most of Saltdean beach that morning wwaswas!

Try to kick a leaf out of your front wheel whilst riding down a hill

Take the key out of the ignition to unlock the glove box whilst driving! 😯

Fall asleep at a meeting with Kim Jong-Un,allegedly .

Mr Hyon was killed on 30 April by anti-aircraft fire in front of an audience of hundreds

Let the punishment fit the crime and all that 😯

Go on a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday

At age of 8 or 9, decide to see what happens when you disconnect the connectors from the transformer to your Hornby model railway and stick them up your nose (with transformer on).

The smell of burning nostril stays with one.

On a similar theme, at the age of 8 or so, make a “working robot” out of a 3 pin plug wrapped round the pins internally with about 15 rounds of fuse wire….and then plug it in.
That kick sent me across the room.

Drop 100 glowing red hot large gents signet rings into a vat of sulphuric acid.

Around 3 I discovered that not all round, brown things are biscuits…
some of them are cacti,
apparently getting the spines out of my mouth and lips was a nightmare

Convince your younger sister that the slug’em pellets (slug / snail poison) are lucky packet candies. Stomach pumps are not fun.

organise a 12 hour bike race.

Bungee jump … but rather than jump off, forward head first….

Jump backwards feet first… a world of trouble once the cord tightens.

Scoff one of the coffee flavored biscuits left in the office kitchen.

Turns out that they’re spent coffee bricks from the coffee machine.

Put a pair of binoculars to your eyes without noticing there was a wasp sat on the eyepiece.

Go snorkelling, spot a narrow rock arch underwater and think “I can swim underneath that” before realising that due to buoyancy, actually no you cant.
I got away with just a badly scraped back and a panic attack once I’d surfaced.

^ That gave me a shivver just reading it.

It does for me too, 17 years after the event.