There is nothing racist in repeating what someone said in order to get a better understanding of the person. In this instance there would be no obvious abbreviation that Ton could have used, so the example of using the N word is redundant.
Ton’s description gives us the impression that the person in question is not the caring sensitive type if that is how he would refer to his wife and that enables us to build up a better understanding of the character of the person we are talking about.
So you’d be more than accepting for me to use type the N word regarding my black wife, should say, her brother felt uncaring toward her to ensure you got the right impression of him?
You sir, are having a laugh. You are just blurring the lines, becuase YOU don’t find it offensive