STW Agony Aunt Corner

So I just ended a relatively short term relationship (3+ months). It was all very nice, very easy, laid back, fun to be around. We had loads in common, she was totally into me, both secure in our jobs and content elsewhere in life so not bringing any excessive baggage, able to talk about anything with each other… But it just didn’t quite set my world on fire and I don’t know why.

And now I’m totally miserable (and I know she is too).

And as I’m now in my late 30’s with several failed relationships behind me, I’m starting to worry that my expectations are unreasonable… The only time I ever felt totally in love with someone turned into a disaster as she turned into a bit of a crazy, which made me doubt whether any of that was actually real anyway.

STW words of wisdom, humour or mocking welcome!

so you like crazy women– there’s plenty more out there 😉

People do have a tendency to always wanting ‘more’ , this applies to relationships,and so leads to dissatisfaction with what you have, seems like an endless loop–

It’s not you, it’s me

when you meet her you will know, quite possibly this latest one is the one, just not at this time.

Next year I marry my girlfriend whom I was with when I was 15 (now 32)we were out of each others lives for about 12 years! If its meant to be it will be.

Enjoy life the rest will follow.

Clearly to hastily upgrading to Woman iOS6, when you should have stuck with Woman iOS5…..

No idea what the answer is booboo500, but if you find out let me know.

You don’t always know when someone is the right one…..but you do always know when they are not

Don’t kid yourself she ‘may’ be right if, deep down, the relationship felt incomplete. If it isn’t full of fire at the start, then there isn’t a hope-in-hell when things return to normality.

Try men for a while?

Thats a bit hash binning her just cos she took your Strava KOM 😉

Try to find a slower one next time mate 🙂

You don’t always know when someone is the right one…..but you do always know when they are not

Well put.

Many years ago I had a brief… relationship is the wrong word, it never really progressed to that stage, ‘fling’ might be more appropriate. My only real experience of girls to date was a couple of longish-term relationships (in the order of a few years each) and so I was expecting this one to follow suit.

There was nothing I could put my finger on, we got on famously and had loads in common (and had superhappybedtimefun) but I just never really ‘fell’ for her in the way I had with the others. Took me by surprise and I didn’t understand it at the time, but, sometimes I guess it’s just not to be.

RSwank – LOL

What were you expecting when you say ” she didn’t set your world on fire”? I think sometimes there this un realistic expectation that we’ll meet someone gaze into their eyes and “know”. I’ve been in a relationship where I was sure where I went from “not interested in a relationship” to “omg you are so perfect” and she turned out to be a bit of a mare tbh, she cheated, dumped me ( twice) before I worked it out. ( and I’m still sort of ” there” for her)

Right now I’d settle for ” really into me” 😆

Met Mrs Pigface many years ago picking fruit in Australia. First saw her from about 100m away and it was like being hit by a bolt of lightening, I just knew this girl who I had never spoken to was going to be a huge part of my life. After 4 awesome months travelling in Australia it was time for her to go home, and that was it. lots of letters to Post Restante addresses but it just petered out she was in her country and I was all over the place. Fast forward to 10 years ago and I stuck her name into a search engine and got an e mail address for her name in the town in Sweden, sent an e mail and bingo here we are boosting the profits of Ryan Air and back full on 🙂

No idea what this tells the OP apart from you just dont know when it is going to happen.

DrRSwank – Member
Try men for a while?

Seems the way to spring nowadays, pink pound, lots of female mates, male mates to go out cycling with and frisky sex in the woods,then theres the ability to wear lycra, and not be laughed at, along with riding a road bike,or singlespeed.

If its meant to be it will be.

This is not true on a number of levels. There is no such thing as destiny. There is no such thing as ‘meant to be’ and even if there was, there is no force which makes sure that ‘it will be’.

emsz – I wasn’t expecting the “love at first sight” thing, but as littlegirlbunny put it, the relationship felt incomplete somehow, but I can’t put my finger on it…

I’ve never binned a “good” relationship before, which is why I’m having so many doubts and starting to question that maybe I do have unreasonable expectations… On paper, it was all there but it still didn’t feel right. But then there isn’t a scientific formula for love, so it’s not just box-ticking – it’s gotta come from somewhere deeper 😳

but I can’t put my finger on it…

yes, that often leads to frustration in relationships

Is she a bit.. erm.. lacking in the facial aesthetic department

“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”

? Tom Robbins

Booboo, it’s ok to just not fancy someone.

Nah, she was plenty fit enough and hitting the spot was never a problem…

I don’t know who Tom Robbins is, but I’ve been having similar thoughts myself lately. Ultimately I like being in a relationship and generally am with someone more than I’m single so I guess what I’m trying to figure out about myself is whether what I’m feeling just normal, nice-to-share-good-times-with-someone-special kinda emotions or is it more Tom Robbins “I MUST BE WITH SOMEONE OR MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE” weirdness??

emsz – Member

Right now I’d settle for ” really into me”

I assume you’re a girl? Whats your phone number? 😉

I don’t know who Tom Robbins is

He wrote this

and he was in this
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108122/

and I’m sure he was glad to be gay

Do you HAVE to be in a full on/in your face standard relationship?

You don’t HAVE to be. She (and/or) you might like your own space but the bolt-on of someone that you both call ‘yours’.

Not everyone can (or need) to live with someone, take up each others time etc. OP leave conventionalism beside, talk to her and see what elements you both like about each other. Alot of people nowadays live seperately but are a couple. Maybe you are an element of this but haven’t realised this (and why the last relationships all failed).

OP I wouldn’t giver yourself a hard time for being on a downer after a break up, even if instigated by you.

No harm in thinking about things after a bit of course.

Lol at Kryten, bit new are you?

Chill – it’ll happen when it is supposed to for you. I’m 41, been married 4 years, had the same concerns you do as a single 30-something, chilled, we found each other, no worries.

rOcKeTdOg – Member
Lol at Kryten, bit new are you?

Maybe, I can’t remember if Emz is gay, I know one of the girls here is. Not that it’d matter, I’d happily wear a wig and promise to have a shave.

Chill – it’ll happen when it is supposed to for you.

No, not true. There is no ‘supposed to’ in this context

“when it’s supposed to” = “when you are ready for it”

and even then it might not happen

Seems the way to spring nowadays, pink pound, lots of female mates, male mates to go out cycling with and frisky sex in the woods,then theres the ability to wear lycra, and not be laughed at, along with riding a road bike,or singlespeed.

Some potential downsides though. I’m not really a smoker of cigars and I have to be able to sit for long periods.

I don’t know who Tom Robbins is

I wouldn’t take “Tom Robbins” too seriously but it’s a thought provoking quote from the following book.

and even then it might not happen

So you’re saying I should just come to terms with the fact I’m going to grow old lonely and single 😯

So you’re saying I should just come to terms with the fact I’m going to grow old lonely and single

Oh, shut it, you. You just weren’t that into her. It’s no big deal, it happens every day all across the world, and I’m sure it’s happened to a lot of people your age who have gone on to have fulfilling relationships later on.
In my experience, love comes shortly after you’ve stopped looking for it. Good luck! 🙂

Kryton, tuck it between your legs and we’ll never mention it. 😆

Booboo I think we all do a bit of soul searching after a breakup, it’s normal to feel a bit shit for a while, sad songs and the whole “why me” thing are part of the process.

and even then it might not happen

So you’re saying I should just come to terms with the fact I’m going to grow old lonely and single

Women are like buses, my friend

The old Nuclear Family problem, old societies often lived communally,sharing the burdens of living, we are told that its normal to live as a couple and bring our offspring up on our own.

“It’ll happen when you are ready”

“you only fine someone when you stop looking”

Load of twee sentimental, not to mention logically fallacious, hogwash if you ask me. Will you grow old lonely and single? No-one knows. You might, then again you might not. Personally I am far more at peace with myself since I stopped beating myself up about being single and alone. That’s the real trick if you ask me.

It’s a bit like music…

As somebody who likes Hardcore Punk music

I listened to a few bands from the genre recently, but I didn’t like them, not sure why they just didn’t sound “right”.

Your trying to apply logic, to an illogical situation.

I would write down my expectations and then with them on paper – decide how unreasonable they are.

As for being single forever because you’re too old…

With that mentality yes you will be.

But if you get out there and meet people, then there is a damn fine chance you’ll find somebody. There are loads of people out there, you just need to think outside the box pub, when it comes to meeting them.