Sort of pathetic jokes

Drac’s comment about porn causing a stroke on the ‘Old people and technology’ thread reminded me of a pathetic joke I once heard that still makes me laugh to myself.

Three nuns were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by and opened his coat in front of them. The first nun had a stroke. The second nun had a stroke. The third nun couldn’t reach.

Any other nonsense that still, inexplicably, makes you self-consciously laugh?

I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent that other people usually don’t get.

Example :

Ten cows in a field, which one is on holiday?

The wan wi’ the wee calf.

Terror wrists.

And Vicious circle.

Two nuns riding their bikes through the old town one day.

I’ve never come this way before… says one.

It’s the cobbles.

**

Others that make me giggle despite being centuries old – I can’t be arsed to type out so here’s the punchlines

– Well I can’t make Wednesdays

– He’s come in despair and I’m ****ing disgusted

and

– My Beyonce Knowles poster.

Two nuns in the bath.

https://www.facebook.com/DadJokeOfTheDay/?fref=ts

Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.

I have to make every second count

😆

Nice tits love, where do you want the blinds?

“…. right lads, tea break’s over. Back on your heads!”

Oh cheers! 😥

I need help, I stole a truck load of swimming pool inflatables last night and I gotta lilo.

Knock knock……..

David the door bell, that’s why I’m knocking!!

Which kind of bees can you get milk from?

Boo Bees.

😆 Every single time.

perchypanther – Member
I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent

Man walks into Derbyshire vet.
Man “My cat’s making a lot of strange noises at night”
Vet “Is it a tom?”
Man “No it’s outside in the car. Shall I bring it in?”

Dogs being surprised by their own farts.

Comedy gold.

I’m a sucker for regional jokes that only work in the local accent

Noddy Holder buys a load of suits and shirts at a tailors

Tailor: “and would sir like a kipper tie with those?”
Noddy: “Oooh, yes please. Milk two sugars.”

Was on holiday with the wife last week, lying on this lovely remote beach in the glorious sunshine, relaxing with a book and a beer.

Well, the wife passes me the suncream, “Do you mind doing my back?” she asked.

“Let’s pretend I’m your butler,” I winked. “My name’s Dawes.”

“Ok!” she giggled, “Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?”

And that gentlemen is why I’m still sleeping in the spare room…

Bloke takes a rottweiler to the vet with a dicky eye.

Vet picks it up has a look at it’s eye, “i’ll have to put him down” the vet says.

“what because he has a dodgy eye?”

“no, he’s bloody heavy”…..

“wears the soap”

Gets me every time!

My 4 year old with either “pull my finger Mammy,” or, after a silent fart “can anyone smell popcorn?”

Terror wrists.

And Vicious circle.

And my lively hood.

Regional ones

Brummie/Black Country – Why does the queen have so many kids? ‘coz she’s got ER written on her knickers.
Geordie – Is that a cake or a meringue? Naw, ye’re reet, it’s a cake…

Bobby Sands has eaten all the sandwiches.

Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.
I have to make every second count

That’s ace.

Bobby Sands has eaten all the sandwiches.

Ah, but can you remember his phone number?

Which kind of bees can you get milk from?

Boo Bees.

😀 Every single time.

Me too!

How did mr cheese paint his wife? He double glossed her.

Lol @ Ninfan – very STW!

482 fish in a tank. One fish says, ‘salmon must know how to drive this thing’

I’m a prawn again, Christian!

“Ssssssssh, fanny”

Ken Dodd out for a meal…
Waiter asks, “would you like a starter, Sir?’

Daddy replies, “Do you think I could have a large aperitif?”

Waiter pauses, looks closely and says “No Sir, I doubt it very much:.

I’m not allowed to post on joke threads 🙁

I only have one joke and it gets me banned every time. Inbox me for details 😉

Paddy goes for an interview with a black smith

Blacksmith, “So Paddy have you ever shoed a horse?”

Paddy, No…..But I did tell a Donkey to F£&K off once?

Still brings a smile to my face…..and being a “Paddy” I’m not a fan of these jokes as a rule!!

A Pork Pie walks into a pub and orders two pints, two sandwiches and a packet of crisps.

Landlord says “Sorry, we don’t serve food” 🙄

How do you make a hormone?

Kick her in the crutch.

(Disclaimer : just a joke, not real life)

Why would you kick a disabled woman even if she is a prostitute? 🙂

Only two of us work on a production line for Dracula figures.
I have to make every second count

That’s a genuinely amazing joke.

Whoever came up with that should be given some sort of award.

One for jhj

Where does the Queen keep her armies?

What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can’t hear a vitamin …

“What are they called?”
“The Aristocrats”.

“The Aristocrats”.

😀