Someone is trying to cop off with my wife, advice please.

As above really. A guy my wife works with has just taken good natured banter a bit too far and told her that he is ‘crazy’ about her, he thought she felt the same. Apparently he was waiting for the nod from her at which point he was going to leave his wife and four kids, my wife was going to leave me and our three kids and they were going to elope together to a life of blissful happiness!!

Mrs Sinatra is obviously quite disturbed by this, the nature of their work means that it is impossible for her to avoid him and she now feels downright uncomfortable.

At first I just smiled but, the more I think about this, the angrier I get.
I know they guy quite well, he has done some work for us around the house and I have shared a few beers with him. I think he has a bloody cheek

What to do? I have sent him a strongly worded text telling him to back off. Not in a position to wee in his shoes and don’t own any bombers but don’t feel I can just ignore it.

And before anyone asks, no, I’m not for a second thinking that the feelings are mutual! I don’t have any concerns about this going anywhere with Mrs S (she reassured me quite convincingly last night……..)

And no, no photos.

Kettle’s on if anyone wants a cuppa…

Why not go round and have a chat with his wife about it?

😈

sounds like a HR issue…

Casually mention that as you know about it, maybe his wife should know too?

Biscuits?

And no, no photos.

And for that reason, I’m out.

I will happily loan you some bombers.

Be livid if it were me…….

Sensible (boring) hat on …… HR grievance.

@Dave: do you have biscuits?

iDave, shall I bring the biscuits?? Chocolate Hob Nob perhaps??

Mrs P had this a few years back – she told HR and it turned out she wasn’t the first subject of Lothario’s attention, he had already been given a formal warning and that was the final straw. Sorted.

OK I’ll say it – are you sure your wife is telling the truth ?

If you are, then he needs to see a doctor about his delusions.

And your wife needs to lay a complaint with HR and get him moved to another job.

What does your wife want to do?

I’d be livid in your shoes.

From a HR point of view has he done anything wrong, he is not actually harassing her?

I’m most angry about the fact that he has upset her. I don’t have a problem with him ‘having a crush’ on her (I take that as a compliment) but to actually hope and expect that it will go further is where the line has been crossed

Must the “Works Christmas Party” season again then !!

Tell him to back off otherwise you will both be round together, for a chat with his wife.

Consensus on a recent thread along these lines was that headbutting’s the answer

The board was weak on the question of how to administer the headbutt, however

he has done some work for us around the house

Have you checked for hidden cameras?

I would introduce him to some of Mr Marzocchi’s finest (not the ’08 Chinese rubbish).

A guy my wife works with has just taken good natured banter a bit too far and told her that he is ‘crazy’ about her, he thought she felt the same. Apparently he was waiting for the nod from her at which point he was going to leave his wife and four kids, my wife was going to leave me and our three kids and they were going to elope together to a life of blissful happiness!!

Sorry to play devil’s advocate or whatever, but how was your wife behaving towards him that made him feel that this was on the cards? What is ‘good natured banter’?
You don’t just ‘leave your wife & kids’ because someone says hello to you at the water cooler?

Unless, perhaps, he is a bit emotionally insecure/has relationship issues?? You say you know him? How does he come across??

OK I’ll say it – are you sure your wife is telling the truth ?

Yep, 100%.

Sounds like you should take-stock for a minute and think about the positives from this. It sounds like your wife has told this guy to do one. That means that as far as your security is concerned you’re in a good position and should use this to get even closer to her. On the flip side it sounds like he has taken a massive gamble, its blown up in his face and he now has nowhere to go!

If I were you I would be doing what you’re doing and expressing your anger at what he has done, and also asking him to consider what his wife and kids will think when you tell them!?!

sensible – HR. If a small company with no HR etc etc then ACAS can help.

emotive (bithcy) – go and say hello to his missus and explain

emoptive (viscious) swift left knee to the right plum

jhw – Member
The board was weak on the question of how to administer the headbutt, however

Electronically over the internet via an IT sub-contractor, presumably?

Sorry to play devil’s advocate or whatever, but how was your wife behaving towards him that made him feel that this was on the cards? What is ‘good natured banter’?
You don’t just ‘leave your wife & kids’ because someone says hello to you at the water cooler?

Unless, perhaps, he is a bit emotionally insecure/has relationship issues?? You say you know him? How does he come across??

Maybe you are right, but if that was the case it would have been entirely unintentional.

I do know him, he comes accross as a bit of a wide boy. we know that he has had at least one affair.

Your name is Frank Sinatra, I believe you should know people who solve such problems.

Oooohhh fresh coffee..YumYum

Not wanting to belittle your situation but it’s quite simple.

Get wifie to tell him to “bergerowf” and tell her to chat in confidence to HR.

No, no sugar, single espresso only this time of day ta.

Has to go one of two ways, the most rational is to talk to HR, I would of thought that was crossing the line.

The second way is to threaten telling his wife. I’m getting angry just thinking about it god knows what you’re like. I’d of gone straight round for a chat though, no messing, he’s bang out of order especially if you know him relatively well.

What does your wife want you to do?

believe you should know people who solve such problems.

As a keyboard warrier, I do

But in real the real world, I avoid any sort of physical confrontation, it scares me…..

Strongly worded text message? I would call him up and tell him to f*ck off. If that didn’t get the message across, I would go and see him in person.

Switched the urn on for the lunchtime crowd.

As above, why would he think what he thought just because of banter?

Banter about what – “did you see Corrie last night” or “my husbands a moron, i wish he was more like you” kind of banter?

headbutt… administered by holding his shoulders and aiming for the bridge of his nose..

Can’t feel nice though dude. 🙁

A mate has done the dirty recently too, left his Mrs & 2 kids, to bunk up with a lady from work, she has left her hubby & 2 kids.

Quite messy breakup, police called one night after his new home was targeted with paint and nasty slogans scratched on his car….

& now he is moaning on the phone to me, that his new lady friend is a psyco, ‘why are you late, who phoned you, you having an afair, I dont trust you’

Wants to leave his job and new mrs now! only two weeks into the new relationship!

Guess the grass is not any greener on the other side of the fence, more a tin gloss white paint actually 😉

Sad, very sad for everyone involved, poor, poor kids!

Get your wife to tell the bloke that either he can arrange it himself that they won’t have to work together any more, or she can go to HR and tell them the whole sorry story.

I had similar with Mrs Lunge a while ago, a work guy had made a move and had been suitable rebuffed by her.

We decided the best course of action was when we all went out for a work gathering we made sure he knew how much great “bed time” we were having and what we were going to do when we got home. We then made sure everyone in thr group knew why he was looking so interested initially and then very uncomfortable.

We do realise this is not the most mature way of dealing with it but it seemed to do the trick on this occasion.

Editted to add that we are a pretty relaxed couple and both found the whole episode hilarious.

From a HR point of view has he done anything wrong, he is not actually harassing her?

I’m most angry about the fact that he has upset her. I don’t have a problem with him ‘having a crush’ on her (I take that as a compliment) but to actually hope and expect that it will go further is where the line has been crossed

It is harassment. If he’s upset her, he has clearly overstepped the line. It’s not a compliment, it’s **** creepy and you should have a problem with it. Don’t give this guy the benefit of any doubt, that’s not what you’re there for, support your wife.

Yep, 100%.

If that’s right, then you don’t need to do anything!

Your Mrs has come home and told you so I’m inclined to agree that she wasn’t planning on eloping.

The best way to settle this therefore is to post a picture of your wife on here.

Sounds like sexual harassment, if your wife wants rid of him.
some good advice here

I have sent him a strongly worded text telling him to back off

Made me laugh!

As a keyboard warrier, I do

But in real the real world, I avoid any sort of physical confrontation, it scares me…..

I’ve just read this. He obviously knows this, hence the reason for him taking the piss.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this is a case of MTFU. Someone is cracking onto your wife.

Given that…

I’m not for a second thinking that the feelings are mutual! I don’t have any concerns about this going anywhere with Mrs S (she reassured me quite convincingly last night……..)

Just forget about it. You obviously have an attractive wife that other men desire, that isn’t going to change by you going caveman on him. I assume she’s put him straight by telling him that he got the wrong end of the stick and whilst flattered she is very happily married and has no plans for any extra marital shenanigans. If he mentioned it even once more then she should get HR involved and have him spoken to but even then I don’t think you should get involved beyond supporting your wife in whatever course of action she decides to take. Any involvement from you beyond that just undermines your wife and her ability to deal with herself in her workplace.