This would never have happened if you were a real man and didn’t need to invite “wideboy” round to your house to deal with the issues you were incapable of.

More constructively, whilst your wife feels awkward, I can only assume he feels even more so (unless he is mentally not all together or still hasn’t got the message). In which case the problem should sort itself out when either (a) he leaves to work elsewhere (or goes off with “stress”) or (b) he tops himself.

What’s his wife look like?

..double post..

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this is a case of MTFU. Someone is cracking onto your wife

I have to say I agree with this……

If it makes any difference, she works out of hours shifts and he is a driver. He therefore has to drive her around in the middle of the night, not a great environment to be in when somebody has been trying to crack on to you…

Yep go crazy – your wife will be watching

Definitely don’t just let this go…

A person where I work had a similar problem with his wife. His solution was one morning whilst this man was at work to have a skip dropped off on his driveway then in the afternoon have someone fill it with concrete. He then sent a short back off text to the Romeo, job done wife had no more problems.

Coffeequeen gets hit on at work from time to time, though not from anyone I know more than to nod at. Down to the point where she’s felt a bit threatened at times. I’ve offered to return the feeling of threat once or twice but she generally doesn’t want the fuss and generally it’s not been an issue as her work is fairly short term durations and she gets to move on. If in your situation I’d be seriously miffed but also mildly concerned about how anyone can get that sort of misleading info from someone who is apparently happily married. I’d not be overly happy with my other half if she were giving out those signals (banter or not) to that sort of extent (I can cope with banter!), but if it’s been totally misinterpreted then all you can do is be glad she’s not interested and has told you!

Not much you can do, life’s full of weirdos and sometimes it’s awkward.

If it makes any difference, she works out of hours shifts and he is a driver. He therefore has to drive her around in the middle of the night, not a great environment to be in when somebody has been trying to crack on to you…

In that situation I’d be reporting it to a more senior staff member to ensure someone knows what’s going on, maybe another driver is available.

You could ask your wife what she would like you to do. This is assuming she’s all growed up and might be able to handle this herself

Your wife clearly loves and trusts you so no issues there. He has a stupid crush on her that is his problem . Unless you go out with a repellent sociopath some one else somewhere will fancy them as well.

the real problem is if he makes your wife uncomfortable in which case this :-
“Get your wife to tell the bloke that either he can arrange it himself that they won’t have to work together any more, or she can go to HR and tell them the whole sorry story.”

You have done enough with the text he now knows you know and has no doubt needed a change of underwear .

why is this an HR issue? if he genuinely thought that the sentiment was reciprocated, how is it harrassment?
.
I’d offer to have a chat with him in a neutral place, along with your wife so that he knows where the land lies – coming from the both of you it will show that you and your wife are solid and quash any delusions that he has. keep it calm, but firm – he needs to feel bad and intimidated without you getting angry.

why is this an HR issue? if he genuinely thought that the sentiment was reciprocated, how is it harrassment?

It’s not. But the continued workplace discomfort is I guess.

Wow. This thread went from “neanderthal” to “all grown up” in only two pages.

I’d assume that the guy feels mortified by the whole situation. Best course of action would be for your wife to suggest that they come to some arrangement whereby they are not working together. That might mean he has to broach it with HR. She should threaten to do that if he doesn’t.

Personally I dont think there’s much you can do some blokes are just like this little things just start to mount up to big things in their head.

Ie small smile = she likes me
big smile = she loves me
etc etc

He’s obviously not happy with his wife so I feel a bit sorry for him.

I’d say your wife has two choices

1 official route ie report to HR etc.
2 be very unfriendly to him and I mean very almost every word would need to be rude or passive aggressive.

I dont think there’s anything you can do, because if he has got to the stage where he think your wife might be considering running off with him he is not thinking straight.

Ie you meet up tell him to lay off threateningly, in his mind will = you stopping wife and him eloping through violence your probably an abuse husband etc etc.

Im guess route 1 would be the best option. Or maybe route 2 with you being present but not saying much.

Given the extra information about their work patterns I would be advising her to mention the situation to HR and make sure they have a word and let him know that the subject is absolutely off limits from now on at the very least. Ideally try and rearrange drivers/shift patterns so that their paths do not cross any more than is absolutely necessary.

I dont think there’s anything you can do, because if he has got to the stage where he think your wife might be considering running off with him he is not thinking straight.

Depends what his wife has been saying, then backed off when she realised it has gone too far…

Z-11. You’ve missed a bit. Mrs Sinatra has to be running along behind him, shouting “LEAVE IT FRANK, EEES NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!“

Ultimately though, not of that is going to have the same bone-chilling effect as a strongly worded text. 😀

She needs to handle this. She firmly tells him ‘no’.

If he continues she puts in a complaint with HR. As the firm no then pressing the matter IS harassment.

Its unwanted attention.

PLEASE don’t read anything undue into this OP but is/was there a fling involved? Its an enormous leap to suddenly go to ‘I want to ditch my own wife and 3kids for you’ from office friendship isn’t it? Your wife needs to be totally honest and upfront and you need to calm down alittle. IF there was something (and it was harmless) HR wont be too happy.

Hmmmm Try and sort this out without violence and without work being involved.

😆 @ Zulu-Eleven

Its not big or clever but I would follow Zulu-Elevens advice.

+1 for, is his wife a looker?

I am sorry but I would find it difficult to believe that my wife didnt do at least something to bring this about.

Z11’s advice win’s it for me too.

Please tell me she the bloke she works with is FatSimon?

am sorry but I would find it difficult to believe that my wife didnt do at least something to bring this about.

Sorry that you feel like that about your wife. I trust mine.

Thanks for all the advice so far, quite liking the Z11 suggestion.

Everyone here assumes that the predatory man is mentally well and acting rationally. If he isn’t, all rational thought processes may no longer apply…….

I am sorry but I would find it difficult to believe that my wife didnt do at least something to bring this about.

I can. Sometimes, people just read things wrong. It’s actually very easy to see how it happens – you can have a well-adjusted person who’s very comfortable in having friendships/friendly banter with people of the opposite sex, who just sees the other person as a person, then you have the slightly more awkward people who always see someone of the opposite sex as a potential mate or sexual object, who completely misread the most innocent of interactions as flirting and are incapable of having friends of the opposite sex because of that.

I’d recommend that Mrs Sinatra tells HR informally of the situation and that she’s not entirely comfortable with working with him, and to investigate whether there’s any possibility of having his or her hours changed so they don’t come into contact. If he persists in being a weirdo, take it to HR formally.

franksinatra it wasn’t for a rise, accusation or ‘internet fun’. I queried why a bloke would suddenly jump to that page. It could very well be that he also has children/great connection on a work level etc and hes just misread signals. However thats a big leap.

Possibly hes going through a crisis and behaving erratically. Your wife is goodlooking/lovely person and hes doing that American Beauty/Kevin Spacey character.

IF he approaches your wife again, give him a call and reason saying ‘look you are effecting our homelife, how would you feel if your wife was to find out the same? It wouldn’t be fair would it but do you see what you are putting us through here’? (Its a subtle threat but the threat is there).

How would I react if it was me? You’ve shown commendable restrain so far. I’d like to think I would be the same.

On another level, you’ve got a looker for a missus

Is this how you ended up with all the restraining orders Hora?

I’d recommend that Mrs Sinatra tells HR informally of the situation

Might be a good idea. And make sure she videos it so we can see the blood drain from the poor HR person’s face as she explains the situation.

…but I guess at least they would be primed incase something was to suddenly blow up or the fella became vindictive and made accusations about work/complained about her quality of work.

At least they could see a pattern/where it came from.

If it makes any difference, she works out of hours shifts and he is a driver. He therefore has to drive her around in the middle of the night, not a great environment to be in when somebody has been trying to crack on to you…

After this piece of additional info, Immagonna call troll.

Your wife needs to talk to HR, NOT get the other man to request a move.
HR will give more credence to the first party to speak to them, and her version of what has happened must be reported first. Do not trust this scumbag to admit to anything, he will lie to protect himself at work as he does at home and work will become (at best) a lot more complicated for her.
From what has been said, these comments and suggestions were unwanted and unwarranted, and constitute harrassement. Your wife must complain strongly and ensure she is not being driven about after dark by a delusional pervert who thinks she would give up everything to be with him. He has previous and can not be trusted.
She has nothing to lose by making a formal complaint but everything if she does not. After what has happened, if your wife does not do this then you need to question whether there is some part of the story you do not yet know about.

you need to engineer a situation where he has to explain to HIS wife what has happened…recently saw this happen with a guy i know (not me) who got very drunk on a night out and tried to feel up one of the other female staff.

Monday morning she makes a formal complaint and it turns out its not his first strike, guy gets dismissed for Gross mis-conduct and then has to go home and explain to his wife why he doesnt have a job any more

so you need to sort something that his wife will notice and then she will start asking questions

This thread means nothing without pictures!!!

loum, well put and good call.

Can I ask what your wife does for a living and why she is being driven around, after dark, by a man?

Wow. This thread went from “neanderthal” to “all grown up” in only two pages.

I’d assume that the guy feels mortified by the whole situation. Best course of action would be for your wife to suggest that they come to some arrangement whereby they are not working together. That might mean he has to broach it with HR. She should threaten to do that if he doesn’t.

Or maybe you could think of how you could come to some amicable arrangement for all involved. Perhaps offer you wife the opportunity of a spit roast for her birthday or Christmas

I can. Sometimes, people just read things wrong. It’s actually very easy to see how it happens – you can have a well-adjusted person who’s very comfortable in having friendships/friendly banter with people of the opposite sex, who just sees the other person as a person, then you have the slightly more awkward people who always see someone of the opposite sex as a potential mate or sexual object, who completely misread the most innocent of interactions as flirting and are incapable of having friends of the opposite sex because of that

Pretty harsh accessment that. I basically agree with you but for different reasons. This is more how I’d see it

You can have a well-adjusted person who always see someone of the opposite sex as a potential mate but because of their good social skills its not obvious and they are good at reading signals so they quickly realise its better to just be friends.

Then you have the slightly more awkward people who always see someone of the opposite sex as a potential mate, who completely misread the most innocent of interactions as flirting and just wish the other person would make it clear they are not interested so they can just be friends.

Then again any type of person can occasionally fall in lust/love/obsession and act totally un-rationally and out of character for a period of time.

Perhaps offer you wife the opportunity of a spit roast for her birthday or Christmas

😯

Is that what you would like to “receive” as a gift?
If so, you have gone into orbit in my estimation.

Can I ask what your wife does for a living and why she is being driven around, after dark, by a man?

Works for NHS, has to go out and see patients