Shite joke thread

A book just fell on my head.

I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

Dr dre / snoop joke is the best joke…. end ov.

Our milkman told me that he’d had every woman in our street bar one. Told my wife. She said, “Oh I bet it’s that stuck up cow at no 24!”….. 😯

The barman says “I’m sorry, we don’t serve time travellers”

A time traveller walks into a bar.

I bought a DVD the other day, on the back it said “3.142 stars out of 5.”

I’m worried that it might be pirated.

A midget in my town had his wallet stolen by a pickpocket.

How could anyone stoop so low?

Cougar you should be ashamed of that DVD one 😀

I’m really liking that one at the moment. (-:

Another geeky one,

I bought the missus a Klein bottle for Christmas. A right bugger to wrap, it was.

coolhandluke – Member

“What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.”

This is the greatest and best joke in the world.

You will never guess who I just saw at the petrol station – it was that human torch guy from the Fantastic 4 film.
I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around on the floor screaming.

What do you call a dog with 2 arseholes?
NDubz

Wow, that’s significantly cleaner that last time I heard it…

Mr Chang goes for a job interview in a factory. The interview goes well and he is offered the job. “You start tomorrow” the foreman tells “and you’ll be in charge of suplies.”
About midday the foreman realises that he hasn’t seen Mr Chang all day, so goes out onto the shopfloor to see how he’s getting on. He looks all over for him but can’t find him anywhere. As he is heading back to his office Mr Chang jumps out in front of him shouting “SURPLISE”

A man walked into a bar. Not a joke, he just didn’t see it.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? a Fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no idea.

Whats pink and flufffy? Pink fluff. Whats brown and fluffy? Pink fluff in disguise…

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookie dough? 10. 1 to make the cookie dough, the other 9 to peel the smarties.

Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn’t change them back?

They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as “comfortable”.