- Shite joke thread
I wil kick off:
As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, that’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”Posted 7 years ago5thElefantMember
A penguin is taking a road trip when his car breaks down. He pushes his car to a garage and asks the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic tells him give him a few minutes to find the problem.
The penguin goes over to a supermarket, buys an ice cream. He then waddles back over to the mechanic.
Glancing up from for the car, the mechanic says ‘Looks like you’ve blown a seal.’
The penguin blushes, wipes his beak with his flipper and says, ‘No, it’s just ice cream.’Posted 7 years agotazzymtbMember
I’ve just been up in the loft to get the Christmas decorations down and found a present that I’d bought for the children last year – damn, I’m sure they would have loved that puppy
I saw a bloke let his dog walk straight out in front of a lorry this morning.
The cruel bugger didn’t even flinch when it was killed. He was too busy standing round, trying to look cool in his sunglasses.Posted 7 years agoracing_ralphMember
fatblokefromwarwick – Member
POSTED 16 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST
Mine is shite but yours is shite AND unpopular!!Posted 7 years agosamuriMember
I took a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes out last week. We had such a good time I phoned her last night to see if she fancied going out again but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
Too blokes walk into a pub and get served. While they’re waiting for their drinks one notices a strip of green tarmac sat in the corner staring at him.
“WTF are you looking at?” he demands.
“Oh Christ, don’t start on him” his mates pleads, “He’s a cyclepath.”
I went into a butchers the other day and bet the owner that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf.Posted 7 years ago
“I can’t take that bet” he said, “The steaks are too high.”
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