MyHermes: Divide by Zero

I have a problem with the MyHermes driver for my area. He never delivers parcels or leaves a card, even when I’m in. MyHermes won’t let you pick up from their depot so every time someone sends me a parcel with them, they end up getting it back and one or other of us ends up paying for a different company to send it to me.

I’ve tried complaining a few times – you can log in to their site and see your complaint history. “The field manager will speak to the driver and make sure it never happens again.”

After a recent, sadly familiar interaction with them I have come up with a cunning plan.

The one thing I did notice about MyHermes is that they always manage to get the parcel back to the sender. (I’m assuming the senders’ drivers aren’t as rubbish as mine).

So I’ve just sent a parcel to myself.

What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won’t buy it and I tell the company that I will pay a bit more for an effective service but won’t buy if they use one of these 3 companies

Schrodingers parcel. You won’t be able to tell if it’s being delivered or returned until they open the van. I like it.

Yup – the OP may just dissolve into a fog of probabilities

It’s a cunning plan, but if he wont deliver, will he not collect either?
Keep us posted!
It does seem that you are at the mercy of the end courier for MyHermes.
The lady that does the round in my area is excellent so I have no problems with using them. It seems I’m one of the lucky ones.

I’m dropping it off at the parcel shop.

I generally offer to pay a little extra to people to send things by a different courier, but sometimes I forget.

What’s the plan when you get the parcel?
I mean, how will the courier know they’ve been subjected to this cunning and dastardly masterplan?

Will you tell them or just do a big Mwa ha ha haaaa in their face?

Well, I won’t get the parcel. Just like that last 5 that have had “delivery attempts”. Then Hermes will automagically return it to the sender. Which is me. So the same guy will have to deliver it.

And if he does show up then I get to give him a bollocking for all his previous **** ups.

I’m assuming they will also fail to redeliver it.

That parcel is a GONER

I get £20 of insurance for free. Not bad for an empty cardboard box. I did write that it had my soul in it though.

They have to go somewhere, how much would it cost to fill his van?

Crowdfunded piss take anyone?

inspired. Send an insured parcel of souls every hour and retire on an acceptable hourly wage!

I did write that it had my soul our souls in it

FTFY

What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won’t buy it

I do the same, haven’t got the time to waste finding out where my parcels have gone.

alanf – Member
Keep us posted!

No don’t! We’ll all end up in the upside down.

I can’t practically use any other couriers but MyHermes and I’ve never had a problem. I’ve got one on their system that says it’s “Active”, but it was delivered months ago. Must be just mgh’s driver.

Reason I can’t use any others is because they’re all shut when I finish work, except the MyHermes shop, which is very convenient. Location of my work and the fact that I ride to work mean it’s the only option.

This is a genius idea! Bookmarked!

I get £20 of insurance for free.

If you try to claim that you will need evidence of the value of the contents, have you got evidence of the cost of your soul?

If you try to claim that you will need evidence of the value of the contents, have you got evidence of the cost of your soul?

You would have to play guitar and find the equivalent cost in lessons required to read your standard

I’ve got an image in my head of Schrodinger’s parcel being driven along a Möbius strip in a 15 year old Astra estate now…

I’ve got an image in my head of Schrodinger’s parcel being driven along a Möbius strip in a 15 year old Astra estate now…

😆

I am liking this plan a lot. In fact I might try it myself.

Oh and Kerley and TJ +1.

tjagain – Member
What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won’t buy it and I tell the company that I will pay a bit more for an effective service but won’t buy if they use one of these 3 companies

Good luck with that, I have the same policy and recently paid extra for DPD to deliver something. Well they did, straight to the MyHermes depot who delivered it to me. 😆 Cheeky sods.

OP – did you upset the delivery driver one time or is your address just an arse to get to? Can’t see myhermes putting up with such a driver if they did that to everyone.

It’s odd the MH driver that delivers to my house has long since realised is quicker to put down the parcel outside my door and mark as delivered than to post the card through. Works for me.

… driven along a Möbius strip

What tyres for…

I expect the OP will get a card saying “we tried to deliver your parcel” before it gets picked up.

Anybody watching ‘Ghosted’ on ITV2? These sort of shenanigans could open up some kind of rift and end the universes as we know them, or it might just work…

What tyres for…

😆

Will I be ok on a 150mm travel FS bike?

I am willing to send an empty parcel to OP to see if it arrives.

It won’t.
That has been established.
But what happens when they return to the sender they won’t deliver to?

I reckon the driver will cotton on that sender and receiver are the same and deliver *only* this one parcel to you, ever.

i bet the box won’t be empty either…

It won’t.
That has been established.

I don’t care about that, I just want to make work for someone – that’s worth the £2.99 it would cost me 😆

Is it just that that think the per item price doesn’t justify the extra driving to your remote location?

In the centre of a capital city?
Not particularly remote. Though I guess their “Edinburgh depot” is closer to Glasgow

what about posting a GPS tracker to yourself?

Requires a little more investment but could be interesting.

At least if this one goes missing you can call the police as you are now the sender.

At least if this one goes missing you can call the police as you are now the sender.

I’ve just had a moment’s sympathy for the call centre staff when he calls to complain he’s not received his parcel…

it used to be quite a common way of establishing ownership of ideas and similar things

Hermes are able to deliver to my house, often before I leave for work.
They are completely incapable of delivering to my work yard, just the other side of the town between the two places.

You should have posted yourself a ripe camembert – give the driver an incentive to deliver it…