My bloody allotment is being taken over!

Have you kicked him square in the balls yet?

Stuff it, I have just re-read the whole post..

Sounds like this old guy has totally lost his marbles & needs your help in redesigning his plot.

Art! that's what he needs, a work of art on his plot.

Its best to keep your plans for his plot a secret, don't want him to get too excited, so working at night is your best option, I also would recommend making this a gift, so no need for him to know that you have done all this hard work for him.

You need to consider your planting carefully, select the best quality products & attention to detail it vital, to help you I have found a garden that I feel will look appropriate for such a character, please see the pic below:

Please note the scale of the statues, these can vary in size if needed, but I think if done correctly, he will love the final effect.

Midnight gardening, you cannot beat it 😉

Mr Nutt where are you? Surely if this guy has damaged property then it is criminal damage.
Clearly the guy is as mad as a cat in curlers.

BUT you need to stay on the right side of the law. To start trashing his shed / owning him with bombers will just feed his persecution complex further and things WILL get out of hand.

Not sure what you can do to remain on top here, its very difficult to deal with people who are intentionally spiteful etc. If you cant reason with him (and clearly you have tried) and the law / council wont help uphold the law / boundary.
My suggestion would be to put concrete in to a depth of 2' on your side of the boundary, then set 5' high concrete posts 1' apart.
OR
Get in touch with the local rag and get down there with your kids and give the greatest sob story ever told "how you feel closest to your grandad there and how you are scared to go down to this peaceful place now since this old git started throwing his weight about. Diarise EVERYTHING and photograph all damage / movement.
OR
Finish your social experiment.

You absolutely cannot allow this man to get away with his behaviour… By means fair or foul, you have to demonstrate to the guy who is boss.

The Police and Council are simply responding to your protest with a nod and a wink. As other posters have said, write to each authority asking for an explanation as to why they fail to act, providing notes, photographs and statements wherever possible. And copy your local MP in on the communications too.

If this fails, the best thing to do would be to grab him by the throat, hold the broken end of the hoe to his nose and threaten to ram it in between his eyeballs if he dares to provoke you again, reiterating that you know exactly where he lives.

Finish your social experiment.

oh ok then….

did none of you pick up on the:

Godwin St

reference in the initial thread? 😈

Scenario loosely based upon the Palestine/Israel conflict, cheers for playing folks, I thought the earlier mention of Hitler may have prompted folk to make the connection but nope, come on fellas, 6/10 must try harder!

😀

😀

😀

cheers all, its been emotional 😀

erm Is this trolling? 😉

TBH I thought the timescales that this was supposed to happen over was the biggest giveaway (as already pointed out) but who cares, it was a great thread! I like the Roundup in water butt idea – that has been filed away for future reference.

****…I was reading down throughthis to post "Good Troll". Too late 🙁

Top effort though. Can't believe how many fell for it.

Ooh ooh ooh Do i get a prize?

Seriously, it all happened a bit too fast from the border dispute escalating to the busting of hoes, are we in Ipswich?

Clearly the guy is as mad as a cat in curlers.

That is a great line, never heard that before.
Contrary to other posters perhaps escalating and encouraging his paranoia and persecution might make him do something utterly stupid that the council/police would have to take notice of.

hamas drawing up plans to own likud with bombers………

Hmmmm, so this is the answer is it.

The international peace delegation is here to discuss the conflict.

Tony what do you propose?…..

Well, I'm gonna rape a dog with some veg and take it from there…….

😀

Swine. It took six pages to sucker me in and I fell for it…

Nicely done. I read the last page first, and the rest is much funnier that way 🙂

The penis park in Korea. A strange place to go.

I don't care. It was fun!

And I wanted to suggest caustic soda sprayed over his plants, you joker!
Well done!

OK, I'm thick.. godwin st being a reference for what??

try here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law 😉

admittedly it was a subtle reference, but was there any need for me to mention the street it was on?

Godwins law

drat – cross post

Nice Troll… could have done with a few more hints though

did none of you pick up on the:

Godwin St
reference in the initial thread?

Scenario loosely based upon the Palestine/Israel conflict, cheers for playing folks, I thought the earlier mention of Hitler may have prompted folk to make the connection but nope, come on fellas, 6/10 must try harder!

Yeah you think you're clever, but what the farook has Naziism (hence the 'Godwin's Law' reference I suppose) got to do with Israel/Palestine situation?

I had thought about the parallels between Israel/Palestine and your fictitious allotment actually. Spose I should've said so, but couldn't be bothered really.

Troll FAIL.

I must say I had a lot of fun reading through this thread. Didn't get the references, but there's nothing new there. It was worth it for the 'mad as a cat in curlers' line. Makes me laugh each time I read it.

Haha sour grapes elfin ;D

I found MrNutt's effort today to be funnier and more engaging than anything that elfinsafety has ever posted, so that's good enough for me 🙂

Goblinelf – Member

Yeah you think you're clever, but what the farook has Naziism (hence the 'Godwin's Law' reference I suppose) got to do with Israel/Palestine situation?

Yeah, he is clever. And you're a daft dipstick of you can't figure out the connection between the Nazis and the Israel/Palestine situation.

.

Alfinstargob – Member

I had thought about the parallels between Israel/Palestine and your fictitious allotment actually. Spose I should've said so, but couldn't be bothered really.

'Cause you did…….and no, you couldn't be bothered.

But you managed to make the effort to post that comment

.

Effinfairy – Member

Troll FAIL.

TROLL SUCCESS !

👿

send kaersae / stormwind round to flog him some bearings
He'll soon be dead (well one of them anyway) win win

whats that Im too late it was all a troll?
Oh well send him round anyway

Contact the local press. Corruption in the council would make a great story for a hungry journalist.

Every journalist going through journalism school dreams of cracking Allotmentgate!

he's rollered your allotment where you have seeds planted – does this cause you material loss? if so, get him into the small claims court

Every lawyer going through law school dreams of delivering the verdict in the allotment conspiracy!

Chapeau to MrNutt!

*clap….. clap….. clap*

Chapeau indeed.
Never heard of Godwin's law before. But I do know about territorial aggrandizement.

Damn you!

MrNutt,

i bow to your awesome to the power of rad trolling skills, if i had a bridge, i'd offer an open invitation for you to live under it.

i actually upset the other-half last night by reading this in bed and laughing whilst she was telling me something i couldn't care less about 'cos its about people i've never met and have no impact on my life something important.

if i was having a party, i'd invite you.

😆 Nice 1! T**t!

Scenario loosely based upon the Palestine/Israel conflict, cheers for playing folks, I thought the earlier mention of Hitler may have prompted folk to make the connection but nope, come on fellas, 6/10 must try harder!

Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I was going to jokingly suggest that you get Banksy to do some interesting stencils on your side of the fence yesterday, then I come back to the thread and find that you gave up on it before entering the 6 day war. Most disappointing!

(Nice trolling BTW)

To be fair, a lot of the suggestions on here if adopted as part of the peace process would work.

Especially the Cock Garden

So, from this thead we can conclude that if Hamas had MTFU'd earlier (as per stw advice), there would be no Middle Eastern issues?

STW, better than the UN. Fact.

What's next? My neighbour just took delivery of some catapults from that bloke on the other side of town that I don't like?

STW, better than the UN. Fact.

Or very similar really, I used to work for the UN.

Lots of quasi liberal people all with their own opinion, which of course is the most valid, very little agreement, lots of posturing and sod all gets done.

They also waste a lot of money of stuff that isn't needed, but they think they need it.

STW & UN = Same!

We should all paint our helmets blue*

*helmet for cycling before we get obvious jokes

How about North Korea?

There’s quite a nice guy (he loves dogs, so he’s alright in my book) who lives at the end of our street but I suspect one day his crazy next door neighbour is going to stab him. Nobody really understands the next door neighbour but he has some mates who live on the estate over the road who’ve got 100,000 tanks and some nukes an air gun.

this redefines Trolling
Gardening related should it be 'Gnoming'?

“Gnoming” was the reason given by the local council for bricking up all of the toilets in the park.

I didn't think it was quite MrNutt's style to be an allotment gardener, but you never know on STW do you? I also thought it a little odd he mentioned a street but no town.. but ultimately I suppose I'm not suspicious enough to spot these things.

Will keep my eyes open next time tho. And never believe anything MrNutt posts 🙂

Well done for trying to drag up STW's intellectual content tho 🙂