My bloody allotment is being taken over!

So the council won't do anything, the police won't do anything.

I farking hate people like this, why everything is going to pot, nobody will bloody well stand up to scum and stop them.

Man up and do soemthing about it and stop posting on here until you have some photo evidence.

If the police are refusing to do anything, file a complaint. Call the local papers and get him in them.

MAN UP

MAN UP

MAN UP

"The other allotment owners have threatened to burn down his shed!"

Burn his shed down then, they'll get the blame. 😉

That he is a known crank does mean the chances of repurcussions if you were to give him a slap are greatly diminished. Everyone is trying to avoid a fuss and as long as you have some evidence of being forced to take the law into your own hands, a good slap is probably now your best bet.

That said, I am only 50/50 on whether this rapidly escalating problem is real.

I'd roundup all the weeds on the actual perimeter of your plot (ie, as allocated, not as he thinks). Really thouroughly. On a windy day.

Then plead ignorance when all his shit dies.

I think you're being very clever – this could never happen in real life!! Mother T would have chinned such a character by now. You should send this to Viz, you'll get published…

err.. why are you satisfied with the police's response not to investigate criminal behaviour. Ask for a crime reference number, if they dont provide one, escalate.

with people like this petty tit-for-tat is useless, time wasting and everlasting. you kill his plants, he kills yours. wow, great way to live. you either ignore them or destroy them (figuratively)

so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?

Yes.

weed killer your plot, when he complains about the lebensraum to the council get them out to measure – play it cool and confused. then they will have to investigate HIS complaint but rule against him.

Are you 100% certain of your "rights"? I.e. Exactly where the boundary is? Would you win if it got physical but not too easily? If yes to both wait until a busy day down the allotment (a statement I never thought I would write!) and he is there then tell him you are going to take down his fence as he has incorrectly positioned it. Do it loudly. Then start quietly and efficiently do it, politely asking where he wants the bits put. He will either get physical giving you the right to defend yourself with witnesses or you will have belittled him in front of the allotment posse and the balance of power will have shifted. This only works if you remain totally calm and maintain the moral highground. If you drop to his level it will degenerate into 2 mad allotment nutters as bad as each other and no one is going to be on your side.

This thread badly needs photo evidence!

"so it looks like I'm reduced to terrorism, am I justified? you think?"

No but do it anyway. But make sure it can't be traced back to you, especially as you'll be the first suspect if the police gets involved. The roundup in the water butt is a nice idea (providing you don't leave the empty container in your shed etc.)

Now, I can understand you are in a difficult situation as you kinda need to keep the peace, but this bloke seems to have power over the entire council, police and the rest of the allotmenters. FFS someone must have a pair amongst that lot. The guy is either seriously deranged, or a grade A***. Either way he needs help/sorting out

Police refuse to do anything? Maybe he's the Masonic Grandmaster Flash.

Cannot be bothered reading this thread, but do you have the measurements to the size of your plot that your entitled to, if so and it proves this twit is taking the michael then mark out your border with some stakes, give him the opportunity to remove his rope and anything he's planted, if he does not cooperate then unleash hell. Dig up his prize marrows and shove em where the sun don't shine, and apply weed killer :evil:.

Rape his dog in front of him

This thread is a funny read after a boring day.

Love it when the keyboard warriors come out, 99% of the people on here telling you to clock him one or burn his shed down wouldn't have the balls to do it themselves, I bet they're all sitting there in their bib lycra shorts tending to their comb overs.

Anyway, I was going to write a bunch of stuff here about what I think you should do but no one has picked up on the fact that all this stuff (calls to council and police, ripping up of plants, dumping of rocks, building of a fence etc.) has supposed to have all happened in the last 11 hours?! Fishy

If this does happen to be a true but quite frankly unbelievable story then in short you need to make sure you KNOW you are right and then make him look like a fool. Report to the press, get his face in the paper. Start a blog on the internet telling it as an entertaining story with photo evidence. Play with him without breaking any rules, sounds like a good crack.

Rape his dog in front of him

or his veg when he's not looking

You saying i wouldn't rape his dog? 😡

Great thread. Mr Nutt is it real? Where are you? I want to come and be an allotment guard at your place when I'm next on holiday, it'll be worth the time off! How much do you value your allotment? If not too much just go over and TRASH EVERYTHING in your, then in his, ideally whilst he's watching

rape his dog with his veg

or his veg when he's not looking

Yeah teach his Aubergines a lesson 😡

Dig up all of his veg and then in a 'Forest of the Impaled' style mount it all on spikes in his allotment. If he has any prize marrows, hollow one out and put it on your head, then just sit there rocking back and forth, grinning when he tips up.

Only on STW will people worry over a patch of borrowed land that they aren't even that bothered about tending. FFS. 😆

Hire a rotivator and accidentally lose control taking out his shed in the process.

http://www.rotavator-hire.co.uk/

EDIT: Bugger! 49 seconds too late!

OK actually I re-read the first post, lots of stuff has happened previously but that's still an action packed day in the life of an allotment owner!

The way I see it is that your allotment is a bit scruffy and you don't have many plants to worry about (true, or am I assuming this?) so you having nothing to lose. You can irritate the hell out of him without breaking any allotment rules and all he'll be able to do is break your broken hoe, move the fence he's already built or shout at you a bit.

MrNutt – only speed read this post, so sorry if you this has been mentioned, have you tried talking face to face with the site rep(if you have one)?

Contacting the council direcetly is a waste of time, as you have found out, but your site rep will normally have more leverage.

Also start talking to other plot holders about what is going on, you never know there might be other problems he is causing to others & that could help your case.

Last one – Don't rely on the council plot plans either, as these, over the years can get fudged.

My plot is aparently a pond! 😉

Good luck btw.

KICK HIM IN HIS SAGGY BALLS!

+ we need some pics posting too

A weekly photo update on how its going?

Plant some cannabis in his allotment then call the drug squad!

The International Military Tribunal at Nuremberg, which followed World War II, called the waging of aggressive war "essentially an evil thing…to initiate a war of aggression…is not only an international crime; it is the supreme international crime, differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole."[1] Article 39 of the United Nations Charter provides that the UN Security Council shall determine the existence of any act of aggression and "shall make recommendations, or decide what measures shall be taken in accordance with Articles 41 and 42, to maintain or restore international peace and security".

Trenches. You need trenches!

Sounds like a police job to me. :/

Sounds like a "Going Postal" job to me. Be careful, if this doesn't really matter to you, the outcome might be something you regret.

One guy I lived with said he'd shag a dog for £10k in front of his own family.

Oh and burn him

Nuke his plot from orbit.
Its the only way to be sure.. 😉

Set up one of these:

Ring the police from a payphone saying you've seen him burying a body in his field. They'll come and dig it all up for you.

I think a Daisycutter would be appropriate given the circumstances

EDIT: Yay! 200!