Movie clichés

Kessel run? Is that on Strava?

Not in movies, but cliché answers to cliché questions posted in STW forums……….
Ducks head and runs.

“we’re not so different you and I” – Villain to Hero

drunk tramp sees something amazing – looks at the bottle of cheap booze in his hand and throws it away

Last day on the job = dead by the end of act 1 “Mendozaaaaaa!”

Car chase through an “ethnic” location – a fruit cart will be overturned

A car containing our heros crashes and comes to a halt.

If our heros leap from the car and start runnning >>>>> the car will explode
If our heros remain seated >>>>>> the car will not explode

Isn’t that basically a summary of all Moore era James Bond?

Also,

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage

You’re welcome.

If you want to watch something where the ending is a little more unpredictable:

Bizarre arbitrary deadlines 24 and 48 hours and such. I mean you do get these in real life for mundane reports, but if someones life or career is at stake I think you would probably agree to see it through for as long as it takes.

Kessel run? Is that on Strava?

It will be by 11:00pm on Monday!

Tarantino films…some good looking actors, an actor used to be uncool in a career reviving cool role, snappy dialogue, violence, some snappy dialogue during violence, some violence during snappy dialogue. Add some cool retro music and get the critics to herald it as a return to form….repeat until you become the cinematic equivalent of Oasis.

You’re riding 40 light years over the weekend Harry?

In the movies everyone can go for days without visiting the lav unless its to have a fight/sex/some drugs.

Anyone bald = likely to die
Anyone with English accent = bad guy
Anyone bald with English accent so likely to do both the opposite happens and they get to control things.

bencooper – Member

Aliens who are smart enough to build massive interstellar spacecraft and death rays, yet are outfoxed by strategies not much more sophisticated than “Hey, look over there!”

And also, these vastly technologically advanced races have managed to become so vastly technologically advanced despite having hands slightly lacking dexterity…

Yeah buddy, try putting the circlip back on an avid caliper/wallpapering the spare room/warming up the wife with those things.

On the other hand(*), we’re not particularly equipped to tear someone’s spine out at the throat.

(* – please yourself.)

No matter what the threat, Tom Cruise’s plan to save the world will involve a little rock climbing, a little abseiling and some ripping around on a motorbike.

BigButSlimmerBloke – Member

and a parsec is a unit of distance not speed, it’s the distance at which the orbit of the earth subtends 1 angular second, about 3.3 light years, so no Han Solo you did not do any runs in 12 parsecs you bullshitting bullshitter.

Except he WAS bullshitting about distance

the Kessel Run was normally an 18-parsec route. A popular travel route for smuggling operations, the Kessel Run went around the Maw, a cluster of black holes.

Han’s claim to have made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs was therefore not just a boast about his ship’s speed, but also his skills and daring as a pilot. Han shaved a third of the distance — and precious time — off the normal route by flying dangerous close to the black holes.

Edit – to slow 🙁

A nice person that’s dying can always be brought back to life by cardiac massage.

Shermer: excellent film, and an ending that’s just…. awesome. Left me sitting there blankly for a while afterwards.

I get annoyed by the (generally bare knuckle) fights. If someone kicked you that hard in the stomach, you’d be rolling around on the floor gasping for breath, not up and jabbing him in the face. And the fighters would have broken fists.

A “generic European” in a film will always speak excellent English except for the basic phrases which will clearly state his/her nationality

Eg “si señor”, “oui Monsieur”

Time bombs – countdown always stopped in the last second.

Computer screens going beep beep beep whenever stuff appears on the monitor.. Have you EVER heard a real computer do that??

The broken laws of physics.
The fragile glass windows and matchwood bannisters or railings.
The musicians playing the incidental music that must be nearby but you never see.
The monsters that refuse to die; even when killed many times over.
And the lack of urination or defaecation.

Car chases where half way through it cuts to close up of the accelerator, and that’s when the driver puts his foot down……

“Lasers” which appear to be some kind of neon tube projectiles flying through space. What makes this even more annoying is how the plucky good guys tend to be able to dodge these “lasers” ❓

Hacking in films tends to involve someone connecting their laptop/tablet/mobile phone to any electrical device whatsoever with a pair of crocodile clips 🙄

And the lack of urination or defaecation.

You’re not watching the right films.

There’s always a parking space right outside the destination

All motorbikes are 4-cylinder 4-strokes

Computer screens always use massive fonts

Wrong’uns alwaysdrive a Jaaag.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_CG4GA2pqc

What makes this even more annoying is how the plucky good guys tend to be able to dodge these “lasers”

Yeah laser guns that shoot really slow lasers that can be dodged or easily deflected.

Have you tried just using actual lead bullets?

Have you tried just using actual lead bullets?

We return to this picture from earlier:

Never use a simple gun to kill someone when a hugely convoluted and drawn out method is available instead.

Pointless sex scene but the woman always keeps just her bra on. Wtf?

Just watched The Mist thanks to the earlier recommendations – blimey that was good! To think I’ve been confusing it with The Fog and thinking I’d already seen it, good job STW!

That Mr King’s a sick puppy isn’t he?. Nice seeing some regulars from other adaptations of his novels too. Was there his normal cameo though, I didn’t notice him.

Update:

The Kessel Run.

http://app.strava.com/segments/7427092

I did it in 1:06:33 which is considerably less than 12 parsecs.

“Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own[/url]”

Fuel that’s ignited with a cigarette.

Bullet proof car doors, non bullet proof fuel tanks.

A wheelieing motorbike is bullet proof.

A rolling car will explode

No one eats, goes to the toilet or wears a condom. Bond could be riddled

The English bloke is always the bad guy.
Unless the bad guy is Russian/North Korean.

And the lack of urination or defaecation.

Well, there’s the scene in The Long Kiss Goodnight, when the once mumsy teacher turned ultra-sexy assassin, takes the fag off the fat kid sneaking a smoke out the back, who promptly pisses his pants…

Medical conditions that require antidotes or cures or they’ll die within 12 hours…
11 hours and 59 minutes later …. organs failing, blood coming from nose, eyes rolled back.
Tap tap on the needle – injection

12 hours and 1 minute sitting up in bed saying phew that was close, drinking a nice cup of tea.

The quiet dowdy female best friend is always the hottest girl in school by the time it comes to the prom.

Not really a cliché, but the Wilhelm Scream is in more Hollywood films than one might realise:

Baddies that don’t just shoot the goodies in the head.

They talk with an English accent …
Then they are the baddies ….
Nobody has a crap 1st shag …

Most Helicopter audio is a “huey” even if its not and they start really quickly.

The good guy and the bad guy inexplicably fail to be able to kill one another with all their hi-tec and/or heavy duty weaponry, and it will inevitably come down to long drawn out and cathartic unarmed fight between the two, in which the good guy will be beaten to within an inch of his life but then miraculously rally round and win.

When one actor says to another

“so, what you mean is…”

explanation of plot for the thickies in the audience… 😆