MI5 are trying to recruit me

Serious

I signed up to Reed ( the job agency) ages ago, and just now completely out of the blue comes an email from them telling me that MI5 are recruiting!!!

Right, so this is a test, right? Do I apply to the ad looking for “researchers”? Or do I wait for them to get into contact via a hot double agent?

Right, so this is a test, right?

If it is, I think you might have just failed it 😉

You told everyone.

Failed before interview

Edit: 4 seconds too slow. 4 seconds.

Go for it but make sure they pay you loads of money …

Tell them you want a company Aston Martin (one of the special ones with all the gadgets) as part of the deal or you’re not interested.

Grey Squirrel, the package has been delivered….repeat, the package has been delivered….

Tell them you’ll work in the sofa department but you’re not doing beds.

Emsz Is red fox!

Are you good at locking yourself inside a small holdall?

Are you sure its not MFI?

{edit wwaswas beat me to it – pointless though as Emsz is too young to have any idea what we’re talking about.}

God, not an Aston Martin

Ex’s dad had one, literally wheeled it out **** over it for a bit washed it and then put it back

I’ll use my Clio, undercover 😉

*In MI5 headquarters*
‘Agent X?’
‘Yes Sir?’
‘Liquidate that prick with the moustache’
‘very good sir’

Grey Squirrel, the package has been delivered….repeat, the package has been delivered….

Um ?

They let anyone in these days, when I first joined it was really selective….

Aston Martins? Bond as a role model? Pfft! Aim high emsz…..

Plenty of jobs going

https://www.mi5.gov.uk/careers/

For an entry-job in central London, the opening salary is pretty low. Mainly looking for people who are good with analysing data and spotting patterns.

literally wheeled it out **** over it for a bit washed it and then put it back

The ultimate penis substitute 🙂

Did he drive it in and out of the garage for 20 minutes and then looked pleased with himself too?

I used to work for them 10 years ago and help in the fight against Al Quaeda.

I spent six weeks staking out Debenhams,
As I had heard they had bed linen on the top floor.
😀

An ex colleague quit “5” because it was so boring. He said he was just stagging on all the time. He’s since done modelling for gay mags (apparently). He was/is impressive; likeable bloke, ex SF, played junior rugby for his national team and senior for a well known AP team but nobody was especially surprised when he came out.

Here are jobs for the folks who dish out Astons

https://gs18.globalsuccessor.com/fe/tpl_lfdSSL.asp?KEY=8512035&C=624565698723&PAGESTAMP=dbkvjtpiqxlalkqpjy&nexts=INIT_JOBLISTSTART&nextss=&mode=1&newQuery=yes&searchdepartment=0&formsubmit4.x=39&formsubmit4.y=14

God, having spy fantasies 🙂

Trouble is I’d end up in the Middle East rather than some swanky party in Rome or Venice, right?

Cool job though, I wonder why they want to hire a fantastically talented beautiful materials designer with almost encyclopaedia music knowledge and great baking skills

Houns don’t spoil it!!!

They have specially sent that email to me

Have you ever tried to fit yourself in a large sports holdall?

do I wait for them to get into contact via a hot double agent?

what if you are to be the hot double agent?

not an Aston Martin

you could wear jeans in it though 😉

I bet it is a proper dull job tbh

Binbin no problemo, why would I need to? Smuggle me through customs?

Junky, serious cannot be more dull than watching the loom [points]

f I wonder why they want to hire a fantastically talented beautiful materials designer

because you’re good at spotting patterns

Remember a few years ago starting a questionnaire to find out if I was suitable for MI5. After finding a page of questions like “someone is using an office resource you need and won’t let you have a turn, do you: a) tell your boss. b) be more forceful…” and nothing about diving through windows with an uzi in each hand, I closed the browser.

MI5 are the policemen, MI6 are the ones with Aston Martins and things.

I would imagine most entry level jobs with MI5 are insanely dull and poorly paid.

If you do get through to interview, turn up in full black tie evening dress with a martini glass in hand.

Either that or false nose and glasses.

If it is, I think you might have just failed it

Way to crush her dreams, dude.

…although, maybe that’s another test?*

*It’s not.

Have you ever tried to fit yourself in a large sports holdall?

Binners fails the observation portion of the test.

I (allegedly perhaps) got to interview stage with MI5 some years back as a tech geek. Decided not to go through with it as the pay was crap.

MI5 are the policemen, MI6 are the ones with Aston Martins and things.

MI6 are the toffs. recruited mainly from Oxford and…erm…the other posh one. Good lineage and double barrelled names are useful for applications/recruitment.

I suspect it’s to read the billions of texts and emails they intercept everyday.
Can you imagine having to read a never ending stream of poorly informed opinion from a bunch of beardy blokes.

If you get accepted you’ll get paid for it instead of doing it in here for free;)

They seem to be permanently recruiting, and the salaries have always appeared dreadful on roles I’ve seen, I think they’re going on the basis that it’s an ‘exciting’ organisation to work for.

Head down to Fort Monckton, that’s where the fun starts.

Went to an interview for a IT tech role, took longer to get in and out of the building than the 30 minute interview.

Have you seen Spooks? it’s nothing like that, apprantly..

If you really wanna be a ‘double 0’ agent, here’s some reading to start.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/10/05/james_bond_007_career_path