Kicked the GF out for going to the movies with another guy. Unreasonable?

Had a verbal fight with the gf of 15 years.

While out on business I find she has talked to an older guy who lives down the road on the phone for 2 hours at a time.

Then she went to the movies with him and then a restaurant. She tells me all about his gold extraction business.

I feel replaced she’s confiding him in and that she was having an emotional affair after I’ve been there for her. She tells me she is lonely without friends and it’s my fault. I’ve taken her out, introduced her to my friends and friends wives – it was me who moved cities to be with her and I didn’t know anyone either!

Ironically telling all my female friends not to talk to me as she felt insecure when we were engaged.

She doesn’t see it as a problem as he’s old…

Well he bought her chocolates yesterday. I told her this was taking it past our boundaries.

Last straw and I told her if she wanted male friends I should be able to talk to my female friends without her worrying but that’s not right…

I don’t trust the guy. We should be relying on one another, not someone else to confide. She was telling me she can be friends with anyone. Sure, me too.

Told to pack and leave. Don’t come back.

I’m feeling awful, I miss her but also pretty fuming and relieved she’s gone.

Sorry for ranting. Wasted a decade of my life. New bike?

Lucky git

How?

You did the right thing.
Move on. Keep busy.Make new plans. As for a new bike…most definately!

Which bike are you going to get (hope you got your keys back)

Where has she gone? Not the old guys I hope, he was definitely trying it on.

She’s gone to her Mother’s place.

I have the keys.

She’s either naive or incredibly stupid, which I know she isn’t.

Thanks for the support fellas.

Well I would suggest taking some time to breath and clear your head.
There seem to be a lot of things going on and not just the cinema, perhaps you both need some time and then sit down and talk some stuff through.
Don’t do anything stupid in the mean time, also if you have been together for 10 years there will be a bunch of sorting out of stuff to do if you have split, in reality it’s just the same as a divorce in terms of assets and the rest (hell it’s longer than some people are married for). Find a good mate to talk to who knows you both, they may have some perspective on things you don’t at this point and help you focus on what you want to do next.

Wasted a decade of my life.

It seems to be worthwhile to avoid thinking about it like this. Big chunks of the decade have presumably been alright. The relationship’s come to an end, but it wasn’t taking up time that you’d automatically have been spending completely differently.

I don’t know, you don’t get many decades. It’s got to be worth trying to see the positives in as many of them as possible.

🙂

It sounds like you have every reason to be upset.

However, it might be an idea to go talk to her.

A decade is a long time. You only get given a few of them, best not to waste them.

Don’t think only about how you feel now (which is important) but also about how you will feel in one/two/ten years.

Is it what you want? Were you looking to get out of the relationship? Had it broken down?

It reads to me like you both have a communications and trust issues. Up to you whether you do anything about it. It shouldn’t make a difference what sex your friends are,

Ironically telling all my female friends not to talk to me as she felt insecure when we were engaged.

However you just done the same thing…

You’ll probably both experience a range of emotions over the next few weeks and months, all of which are entirely natural for a personal loss; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and you’ll come out the other side to acceptance
Ask for help if you need to, it will get better

As for assets ^^, legally it’s not the same as divorce, ask for advice

As for assets ^^, legally it’s not the same as divorce, ask for advice

Not legally but morally and the right thing to do.

Never go back

Depends on the film…

Even if it was 100% innocent on her part she’s an adult, she would understand context/emphasise and what it’s doing to you. It sounds to me there is more under the surface I.E shes not happy and this bloke is just lucked in. Don’t approach him. With abit of space she might realise what she’s done and approach you although space may say something to both of you.

Did she take the chocolates ?

I think there is a big difference nickc, there is a difference with talking to some one and taking them out to the cinema and a restaurant, I have no problem with my partner having male friends, but I would not be happy with her going out to the cinema and to a restaurant, chatting for 2 hours on the phone, maybe im insecure but I know my partner would not tolerate it,
I think OP has done the right thing, give it a few days to calm down, see how he feels and then maybe think about having a talk with her

She took the chocolate but doesn’t eat chocolate.

Underlying problem is that she is lonely and bored since she started a home project.
She see’s it as friendship and being happy.

I saw it as a date and one of set of rules for her and me.
Sharing with another guy just leads full out affairs. She craves new attention.

She blamed me after I have been pushing for her to make friends and join clubs to meet more people.
I have been working flat out but always made time for her everyday.

Thing is she has done this in the past with her other relationships and had affairs before she met me.
I found out about her past when were 2 years into our relationship and promised not to judge her but told her to talk to me unlike her other partners who treated her badly.

Claims that she doesn’t need anyone but me but now she said she doesn’t need me anymore.

I’m angry and hurt but I’m not waiting for full out affair to begin.

Right. She craves attention- sounds like my ex. I ditched her because of that. ‘Look he just wants to be my friend ok’?

Waiting for a full blown affair? I heard somewhere ‘girls are like monkeys, they don’t let go of one branch until they have hold of another’. I thought this was a tad sexist but I’ve heard a few situations where it did happen..

Nice bit of trying it on by the other guy. Has her seeing that your being unreasonable, when it’s his actions that are, then when you mention it suddenly she “sees it”.
He’s playing her and you.

Wasted a decade of my life.

totally wrong way of looking at it. you spent 10 years with someone you wanted to be with, sharing holidays, experiences, laughs and love. totally worth it. FWIW i dont believe that youve only had a successful life if you stay with one person for the duration. theres just the right person at the right time, and if that happens to be for ever then thats a bonus, but if it breaks down cos of differences of opinions at any particular time then so be it. move on to the next person whos right for you at this time of your life. certainly not a waste tho, those 10 years have shaped you to be the person you are now.

personally i think youve done the right thing. i wouldnt be happy with this situation either and if she thinks its ok to act like this then maybe its better to move on now.

Agree and thanks for the advice everyone.

Just have to man up and move on (no matter how much it hurts).

She won’t contact me as she’s stubborn and I don’t think she cares anymore TBH but sent me a text saying I was looking for a way out and trapping her. I’m in no way controlling, ironically it was her who decided who my friends are.

I was booking a holiday for us both. Cancelled.

Dreading work today but it might help me clear my mind.

I hate 2016 already but it could be a new start too.

Jesus she sounds emotionally immature to a degree. Is she a male STWer? 😆

Agree with most replies, chill out and forget about booty for a while. Your now ex was defo testing and pushing, and investing emotions with someone else. Skank!

Shes probably just got fed up of that bolt through your neck ! 😆

I don’t think it’s okay to insult OP’s (ex-)partner like that (and suspect you’re really abusing someone else…)

I think it’s definitely okay to hit the roof. It does otoh sound like you have structural issues in your life that you’d probably want to be changed so you could both be happier – you’re working too much with other people, she’s not working enough with other people etc. Maybe changing those things could fix problems.

What do you mean “when you were engaged”? You were but you aren’t any more?

I was booking a holiday for us both. Cancelled.

Makes way for a new bike…or just take the holiday and give your head some time away to breathe, while also shopping for a new bike?

Very reasonable behaviour OP. Probably feels awful now but you’ve done exactly the right thing IMO.

Can’t add anything to the wise words posted by sadexpunk.

Makes way for a new bike…or just take the holiday and give your head some time away to breathe, while also shopping for a new bike?

Or a holiday with a new bike, of course.

I think you did the right thing, in the short term

Let the dust settle for a couple of days and talk to each other. Maybe counselling. It will help you make sense of what has happened and why, and either show you how to get back together, or help ease the split.

Had a couple of “make or break” moments in my relationships over the years, including with MrsMC. When feeling isolated and taken for granted I have done dumb things, but we got through it.

wahheyyy you get the whole bed to yourself!
turn that joint holiday into some solo mtbing stuff somewhere very nice. Good luck Op. Don’t take her back, even for one night.

So, XC whippet, Trail ripper, Enduro gnarpoon or downhill monster?
Personally I think a nice trail ripper. Expensive one. Maybe a Yeti SB5C or a new SC 5010?

Give a fatty a go. You might like it.

Maybe eyepic will introduce you to his friend ?

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/attractive-48-year-old-woman-seeks-fella

Almost half the population is female.
Life is short, don’t waste it.

So time for a new bike I’d say.

Hope you had your

when you kicked her out…

Sounds like you did her a favour…try talking before you jump to conclusions and trusting her, perhaps the other guy is actually listening to her rather than barking at her – your language is quite aggressive- is this how you are with her ? if you really miss her etc – tell her not a bunch of weirdo’s on a forum…

try

Give a fatty a go. You might like it.

….and if you don’t, ditch her too and buy a bike.

The two rules thing would do it for me. Ad a gf like that once, albeit to the extreme, an did still winds me up if I let myself think about it 15 years on.

It’d nit a decade wasted, as above, but potentially a waste if you didn’t end it. Move on, he fun, you’ll find someone right.

You’ve not got mixed up here and this ‘other guy’ isn’t her dad?
Might be worth double checking.
RM.

You did the right thing. She was either complicit in the wooing, or daft as a brush. You don’t want that in a partner. Also ten points for being as cool as you are about it, I would have turned my back at the two hour phone call.
I just got a new bike, I’d recommend that, it takes my mind off the boring non-bike real life crap.